TAKING CHANCES

I don't know what to do. I couldn't help it . I just couldn't help myself. She was just so damn sexy and my longing for her just kept on building up that I went for it. I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. As if I was in automatic.

I was leaning by her bedroom wall, unable to take my eyes off Catherine sitting half naked in her bed, looking at me with her sexy, sultry smile making my knees weak. I had to hold on to the door knob to steady myself. I think it amused her watching me looking at her with a forgotten-how-to-blink expression. I guess I did refuse to blink as I might miss a millisecond of her. I wanted to touch her , feel her body next to mine. I gave out a whisper, "Catherine…you're so beautiful…." I tell myself to breathe.

"Inhale, exhale, Sara. Inhale, exhale. Breathe, for crying out loud. Breathe, Sara!" All these thoughts come rushing to me. Around me everything was going fast foreward. Spinning fast. Everything, except Catherine. Sitting there, half clothed. So beautiful. I feel the blood drain out of me. "Breathe, Sara, breathe." Its amazing I'm still alive.

"Come closer, Sara, Sara…" She says, and I obey walking slowly, my legs feel like steel, I've forgotten how to walk. I kneel infront of her like a servant in front of a goddess waiting for another command. I am a fool, still at awe at this beauty before me. Can I touch her to see if she's real?

I see her everyday at work. She gets on my nerves a lot with her high and mighty attitude but yet she makes my head spin like crazy. Half the time she catches me staring at her , she smirks and says "what now, Sara?" And now after six torturous years I have her in front of me. Half naked for crying out loud! A dream I had for so many nights is now slowly becoming a reality. All the while my mind was screaming "get out, Sara, while you still can!" Its funny because you rarely listen to that small voice. You want to but you cant. You want to know what's going to happen next. Curiosity getting the better of us. Thank goodness for ignoring the small voice!

She bends close to my face, Her lips nearing mine, waiting. I kissed her soft lips gently, and in seconds passionately. Her lips pressed hard against mine. Her arms went around my neck pulling me from my kneeling position to being on top of her. I pushed my tongue into her mouth. Catherine responded by doing the same. My hands go to her breast and I slowly work my way down kissing them, taking into my mouth her hardened nipple, sucking it gently. while my other hand playedwith her other nipple.

"Oh, Sara, don't stop" she whispered.

I don't plan to. I want to make love with you all night long.

Love? Yes, I have been in love with her for some time now. Okay, years. Its crazy, I know. I started to become attracted to her a few weeks after I started working in Vegas. I don't know how, I don't know why. Maybe we've been assigned with too many cases together, maybe slowly getting to know her more and more just made her adorable to me. Maybe her hard ass attitude. Maybe it was the challenge of making her like me instead of despising me. Yes, she can be a bitch. As long as she was mine, I don't care.

I couldn't get her out of my mind. Actually, I don't want her out of my mind. I have become obsessed. I have pictured her naked beside me for so many times now. Me and Catherine making love.

But dreaming doesn't beat reality. If only she felt the same way toward me. But Catherine? I always saw her as a straight arrow. Dating all these losers, having one night stands. But then again tonight she's drunk. A happy drunk. No, a happy , horny, strawberry blond drunk. I like it and I'm taking advantage of it.

Right at that moment it crossed my mind of finding ways of getting her drunk every night and me taking her home to make love to her.

Happy thoughts.

I continue to kiss her . My tongue tracing her breasts. She's breathing heavily now. It gets me excited.

She suddenly holds my face in her hands and tells me, "take your clothes off slowly, Sara, Sara baby. I want to see you. "

I get up and undress slowly, my eyes never leaving her. She takes off her jeans. Now even wearing underwear! I wonder if she goes to work without one. I need to find out. That would be my next agenda when we come to work. I'll be ass watching her, just like all the guys at work.

She watches me and I see her smile. She reaches a hand toward me and I take it. Pulling me closer. Both hands now exploring my body. Her touch is warm, like a pro. It feels good and I felt like exploding. "Concentrate, Sara.." I kept saying to my self. Concentrate!

I had to have her. Feel her, make her mine. I want her to say my name as she comes. I want to look into her eyes and see the passion and lust. I want her NOW.

I lay at her side with my hand slowly going down making little circles with my fingers on her stomach. Her back arches, so sexy!

With my free hand, I bring her arms over her head one by one and hold it.

My other hand continues to make its journey down., caressing her inner thighs making her moan. I slowly make my way trailing my tongue down, taking special interest sucking her inner thighs. Her legs lifts up and rests on top of my back.

"Sara, honey, please now. Please," she whimpers. I want her now too. I want her forever.

I slowly go up and start kissing her lips, my tongue flicking in and out, as she desperately tries to suck it. My hand finally stops to play with her curls. I can feel her wetness. She spreads her legs a little wider waiting for entrance. She is so aroused now. I start rubbing her folds.

I slowly enter one finger thrusting in and out. She closes her eyes, and breathes in slowly. Then I added another finger moving deeper into her.

"Ohhh, Sara….Sarrraaa…." It was a perfect moan. Music in my ears. I've always imagined it, but this is better actually coming from her.

My thrusting became faster and faster, her moanings becoming louder and loader. My hand is full of her juices now, damn, it feels good!

I whisper in her ear to say it.

She obliges by saying it louder "don't stop, Sara. Don't stop, god , it feels so good! Sarraaaaa"

Her breathing is more erratic, her neck arches upward, hands grabbing the sheets from above, strangling it.

She's almost there.

A few more thrusts and with my thumb rubbing her clitoris, Catherine came.

"Sarrraaaa, Saaarraaa baby…. That was soooooo gooood. Ahhhhh..."

I collapsed on top of her, both of us breathing heavily. She wraps her arms around me, kissing me and I felt I was in heaven.

I put my arms around her nuzzling my forehead near on her neck . I felt good, I felt secure and wanted. I didn't want to move.

And she drifted into a deep sleep. I lay with her of an hour, just looking at her, watching her breathe. Her chest rising up and down. And I still could not believe I was lying next to her. I slowly caress her arm and even while asleep she moans.

I know I have to go. In a couple of hours she's going to wake up and wonder what I'm doing lying naked next to her. I slowly got up and dressed. I stood at the foot of the bed for minutes which seemed an eternal moment just watching her, memorizing her, loving her.

I have to go.

I kissed her lips gently not wanting to wake her up and whispered in her ear, "Catherine, I've always loved you. Please understand. I love you. Hate me tomorrow, but I will always love you."

Quietly I walked out of her bedroom, taking one more glance at her. Tears coming down my eyes, knowing when she wakes up she would know what has happened, and would hate me forever. I took advantage. Its a chance I was willing to take for a night of making love with Catherine Willows.

-----oOo----

Hours before we were at Greg's. Warrick and Nick brought the booze. Catherine brought pretzels. And I at first didn't want to come but Catherine, god, Catherine put an arm around me in the break room whispering in my ear, "its gonna be fun!" Feeling her breath near my neck made me have goose bumps. I couldn't say no even if I wanted to. I am left powerless every time she touches me. Whether it's a pat on the back or a touch on my shoulder when she wanted to get my attention. Sometimes I pretend I don't hear her calling me so she would come closer and rest her hand of my shoulder saying "Sara, didn't you hear me?" Of course I did, I just like hearing you say my name and you coming close to me.

We've been to Greg's several times. Its either Catherine's or his for our day off get togethers. It usually starts early as sometimes some of us have to work the night shift. This time it was me and Catherine who were both off that night. So the drinks were for us ladies. I told the guys I didn'tfeel likedrinking and Catherine pipes in saying, "good, 'coz I wanna drink and you can drive me home. Lindsay is still at her summer camp and when I get home I just want tosleep and not think that I'm gonna be home alone." Sounds like a plan to me. Anything to be near her again.

Three hours after guys had to go for their shift. By then Catherine was now tipsy. Smiling and giggling, laughing at the corniest joke. Yeah, she was drunk.

Nicky kissed Catherine's forehead as he helped me get her intomyTahoe and said, "now don't be a wild cat, Cat!"

I was helping buckle her seatbelt when she turned to the window and said to the guys "Bye Nicky baby. Greg, the party was great, your hair is so spiky, War, you got good booze tonight!" Warrick laughed and said "sleep well tonight, Cath. Sara, make sure she hit's the bed without her boots this time."

"I'll take care of her. Bye, guys. See ya tomorrow!", as I waved and drove off. Yeah, I'll take care of her for the rest of my breathing days if she'll let me.

"I'm drunk, Sara, Sara, right?" she says as she slowly leans over. "Sara, Sara. You're good to me, Sara, Sara, even when I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad," giggling like a school girl.

In my mind I was wondering what's with the double Sara's? She sure is drunk.

"Cath, lean back before you hit the dashboard, and I cant see the side mirror."

"Sara, Sara Sidle. Good thing it's not saddle or paddle!" she says laughing. She touches my arm and squeezes it lightly, "Sara, Sara you're soooooooo strong! Bet you can lift me with one finger!"

"Cath, you're a happy drunk. Behave, lets have no accidents. Were almost there now."

I stopped in her driveway and helped her out of the Tahoe. Her arm was around my shoulder for support and my arm was around her waist so she wouldn't loose her balance. She is so firm! I turn toward her and take a deep breath smelling her hair.

"You're my hero, Sara, Sara" she smiled at me as I leaned her against the wall opening the main door.

"In we go, Cath." leading her inside. She started humming a tune I wasn't quite sure what it was but even while drunk, she can carry it well.

We slowly go upstairs, and in my mind I didn't want this night to end. We went to her bedroom and I sat her at the edge of the bed. I slowly started unlacing her boots. And when I looked up she took her top and bra off dangling it in front of me. She was smiling! I stood up suddenly needing air, my eyes transfixed on her. I walked backwards stopping when I hit wall.

That's when she whispered ,"Come closer, Sara, Sara."

---------oOo--------

I drove to my apartment wishing I was back to her bedroom. I still feel her under me. Her warm skin, the taste of her lips. The glow in her eyes. The torture she's giving me right now.

I cant believe I made love to her. It felt good. And I wanted more. I miss her.

I open the fridge but I'm not hungry, Catherine made me full. I am full of Catherine. I am a fool for Catherine.

I have been in love before, many times, both with men and women. And they have loved me back. Yes, I've also been hurt, many times. But I get over it and move on to the next.

But loving Catherine was different. She different from them all. Loving her was something totally new for me. I never expected to fall for her. Not in a million years. She's my superior, an older woman in her mid 40's, whose husband died, a case I could not solve. She has daughter, Lindsey, who is just like her. Hard headed with an iron will. They clash so often. Now I know how Catherine was growing up.

What I feel for her is different. It's a deeper, more meaningful love. Even if it's a one way street. And that's where it hurts. She doesn't know. She cannot know. And it hurts to love someone so much and they cant know about it. It tears me inside and out.

But I go to work every night to see her, to be near her, to hear her. And to be tortured by her.

I 've been attracted to Grissom, but that was it. An attraction. Warrick is sexy, with his soulful eyes. But that's it. Nicky will always be the Texan gentleman. Greg, well, what else can I say? He's Greg.

But Catherine, she sure did capture my heart.

In a couple of hours I will be going to work. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think of what's going to happened. I'm so exhausted physically. Emotionally. I lay on the couch, and in minutes I fall asleep.

---------oOo------------

The ringing of the phone woke me up. It was a good thing because I forgot to set my alarm.

I check the caller ID, "Damn, it's her!" it made me sit up straight in the couch. I can feel my heart pounding, ready to explode. I'm going to have a heart attack here and now! "DEATH BY PHONE CALL," the headlines would scream!

"Hello?" I answered in a almost hoarse voice. I was shaking so bad I almost dropped the phone. This is it!

"Hey, Sara. Did I wake you up? My truck is at Greg's and I need a ride there to pick it up. Could you swing by and drop me off?" Her voice sounded so normal, like nothing happened. Maybe she's pretending. Maybe she doesn't remember.

Wait a minute. She doesn't remember? Did she notice she woke up naked? Maybe she does sleep in the nude. Hell, the woman didnt even an wear underwear.

"Ummm. Yeah, sure, Cath," I say, I'll be there about in an hour. Let me just take a shower to wake up."

"Jeez, Sara! It's was your night off! Don't tell me you didn't sleep!" she says with a laugh.

"Ummm. Uh, how was your sleep? You were a bit drunk last night when I got you to your house…" I was testing waters now.

"Oh, I slept like a baby. Lindsay coming home in a day, the house seems so quiet without her!"

Great. She doesn't remember me making love to her. Loving her, holding her, making her moan. That stings.

But for the better. I can go on loving her without her knowing it. I can continue to feel the torture and the pain with an increased level.

"Lemme just get ready, Cath. I see you in an hour."

"Thaanks!"

----oOo--------

I drove to her place and knocked.

She opened the door with a huge smile. "Hey! Thanks, Sara, for picking me up. I guess I was pretty wasted last night to have you drive me home. I guess the liquor the boys brought was really good!"

Oh, yeah, way too good you don't remember me doing you.

I'm angry she doesn't remember and I'm relieved she doesn't remember. Lesser of the two evils, huh.

The shift went by smoothly. We only had one case tonight, a B and E we had to process. It was nice and quick.

I try to avoid her at all costs, even taking the long way going through the labs. If I hear her voice down the hall, I duck into a lab room, pretending to look for an imaginary pen I dropped. I even had one of the lab techs on his knees looking for a pen.

Occasionally I'd bump into Catherine. She'd smile as she walks on saying, "Hey, Sara!" Twice she tapped my shoulder while I was looking into the microscope saying, "Boy, Sara. You really got to have your ears checked," after calling me from a distance.

Sure. I will as long as you get your memory checked. What am I saying? I want her to remember me making love to her?

I want her to because it felt right. Then again she would hate me. And would change everything.

Shifts almost over. I did all my paper work. Actually I was done hours before. But I hid in the lab pretending to be doing something. Occasionally looking into the microscope for special effects every time someone comes in, like I was in deep thought and didn't want to be bothered. Sure, I play it well. I finally took a sheet of paper and started to write backwards, keeping myself busy. Leonardo da Vinci wrote backwards, it worked for him. It kept me busy for an hour, I realized that I was writing "enirehtac" over and over again till it was readable. I smiled at myself saying I'm getting good at this!

"What's funny, Sara?" I looked up and it was her, popping her head halfway in the door. Damn, she looked cute.

"Ummm, nothing. Shift's almost over and I thought this night would never end. The hours were dragging by.See Greg's hair?" I'm rambling nonsense. Get a grip, Sara. I say to myself. I folded up the paper and put it in my pocket.

"Writing a love letter, huh.", she says coming closer.

"Nah, just doodling. Well, I guess I'll head to the locker and change." I said getting up.

I was passing her when she turns around stopping me, "Sara, could I ask you something?"

Here it comes…

"Sure, Cath, anything." Anything you want, you can have. Ask for me and you got me, babe. I take a deep breath.

"About last night, ummm, what happened? Exactly?"

You were naked Iand was at awe at your beauty and body. You wanted me, I wanted you. I took you, and made loveto you. I love hearing you moan, kissing and touching you. Loving you. There.

I wanted to say that, but I blurted, "nothing, I took your boots off, a promise I made to Warrick and put you to bed. Why?" Why do I have to include boots?

She looks at me with a quizzical look and says, "Nothing. I just slept good. I woke up feeling so relaxed."

"oh, that's good. Well, you were a bit wasted. Hmmmm. You don't remember giving me money then?" I said with a smile.

"What? I gave you money?" asked Catherine in her wide eye expression.

"Yup. You offered me the key to the city too." Her city that is, and it was great exploring her.

"I guess I was drunk beyond words," sighed Catherine.

'Yeah, you were," I said after a short pause. "well, I'm heading out now, see you tomorrow, Cath."

"Yeah, okay. Ummm, see ya, Sara."

I headed slowly out the door, knowing Catherine was watching me leave. I tried to walk casually but making my feet move was difficult. Left, right, Sara. Left, right. Keep moving. Stop walking lke a soldier!

"Hey, Sara, wait up. I'll walk with you. I need to get going too," she say as she catches up.

Darn. I cant think of anything to say.

We walked to the locker room without talking. Just me and her walking side by side, occasionally our arms would brush against each other. She moaned last night when I touched her arms. Will she moan again?

I hear a sound and I realize it was me.

Catherine stops, holds my arm looking at me, "you okay, Sara?"

I could feel the goose bumps tingling my skin, rising to my brain.I know my face is flushed. Imagine her power over me!

"Yeah, yeah, I got this thing on my throat," I lied while pretending to make feeble, little, patheticcoughs.

"Okay, hope you'll feel better then," she says patting my back.

Will she quit touching me? She's burning me inside out!

We reach the locker room. I head out and open mine. At the corner of my eye I see her open her locker and starts taking off her shirt.

I am standing there with my hand on my opened locker door holding myself up. Watching her from the corner of my eye. I have seen her countless of time undress in the locker room.

But this time its different.

Last night I have seen her naked. I have touched her body. Felt the warmth of her embrace. I cannot stand here, see her undress and not feel my whole body on fire for her again.

She sees me with my death grip on my locker door, knuckles turn white. Starring straight into my locker.

""Sara, you okay?" she asks walking slowly toward me with just jeans, boots and a black lacy, silky bra on. I'm guessing Victoria Secret's. Is she wearing underwear?

I open my mouth but no words come out. Breathe, Sara, breathe! I say to myself.

Finally, I say, "air, need air…"

She is invading my space now, so close, I can feel her body heat. The same warmth emitting from her body last night.

She releases my death grip from the locker door. Slowly stands in front of me. My mind goes blank.

"Air," she whispers, "okay, I'll give you air."

She takes her hand and gently cups my face, slowly pulling me down till I feel her breathing.

Looking into my eyes she slowly puts her lips against mine, kissing me. I closed my eyes, and everything felt like home. She flicks her tongue in trying to gain entrance and I open my mouth till I feel her tongue dancing around inside. I slowly put my arms around her waist, pulling her close. She lets out a small moan as our bodies touch.

We are still kissing, passionately this time. My breathing becomes deeper, trying to catch up with her.

Then we release, catching our breaths. It was seconds, but it seemed so long.

I finally opened my eyes.

"Did you get enough air?" she murmur, smiling, looking at me with an intent gaze.

Confusion hit me. Am I awake? Is this another dream of mine?

She smiles and asks, "need more air?"

I nod slowly and she kisses me again. This time hungrily and passionately. Her hand goes under my shirt touching my back. I pulled her tighter, never wanting to let go. I nibbled on her bottom lip. I go back into her mouth our tongues dancing with each other. I slowly kiss her neck, lightly nibblng on her pulse area. She turns her head sideways to give me more room.

"Sara, Sara…" she purrs.

Wait.

Istop mykiss. I look into her eyes, and I am confused. She called my Sara Sara like she did last night, same tone.

She has this huge grin and says, "I may be drunk last night, but I knew exactly what I was doing."

I look at her, I couldn't find anything to say. I was surprised, dumbfounded. My mouth was actually hanging open.

"Need more air?" she teases.

I still haven't uttered a single word.

Stroking my hair now she says softly , "I cant hate you ,Sara. You get on my nerves, but I can never hate you. I try to but you're like a magnet pulling me. Last night I didn't want you to leave, I had to think of something fast. I wasn't so sure if you felt the same way, but last night, made me sure that you were feeling something too."

"So when you called me this morning you were pretending?" I asked , finally finding my voice.

"Yup! Watching you avoiding me, ducking in rooms, catching you stare at me was priceless," she was laughing now.

"I'll get you for this, Cath! You owe me big time!" I started kissing her neck. My hand going under her bra touching her breast. My other hand going halfway down from the back of her pants. Yup, no underwear.

"I do owe you big time, Sara honey, I need to pay you back for last night, if you know what I mean. its my turn now."

Oh, I sure do like the way the woman talks.

I let her get dressed trying to keep my hands to myself, and we head out to our cars, she looks at me and says, "my place, Sara, Sara Sidle. Now."

I hope I wont get a speeding ticket.