Okay, this is a completely off-the-wall idea I randomly had while surfing through some of the amazing VA fanfics out there. It occurred to me that lots of people think that the bond breaking would also stop Rose being Shadowkissed, but I don't think it would (and don't think it ever said so).
So, with the assumption that Rose would still have the abilities and strangenesses of being Shadowkissed, I wondered what would happen if she became Strigoi. What would be different, and how she would cope with things both old and new from her changed species status.
NOTE: This story happens sometime after Bloodlines starts, but nothing specific. However, I am writing this having not read much of the Bloodlines series (as I can't get hold of them just now), so if I'm going a bit AU I'm sorry.
PS: I know, tenses are probably everywhere, and I know I suck at them, really sorry!
How did this even happen? I think miserably to myself as I observe my non-reflection in the mirror.
Of course, I know how this happened, it is Lissa's fault, if she'd just listened to me and ran when I told her to… No, I am not going to blame Queen Vasilisa for this, I signed up to protect her no matter the consequences to myself – but I never thought this would happen… I didn't think the world could be so cruel as to keep fucking with my life.
And my life has definitely been fucked up, says my missing reflection as I stare slightly at the blur in the mirror that should show my face.
It's just not fair! I had sorted everything out: Jill was safe with Sydney, my name was cleared, there were no threats left – except the immortal Strigoi problem that would never really disappear, and was now— No, I cannot continue that thought.
I stare at what I can see of myself and would cry if I could, but I cannot conjure tears. My eyes are hazy on the shiny surface, but they are quite clearly glowing, not red-ringed, but glowing nonetheless.
What the hell am I?
I am Strigoi, I must be, but why then does that make me sad? I shouldn't be saddened by it… Strigoi don't feel sadness, only anger, bloodlust and hate – and yes, I feel those, towards Lissa mostly – but I am consumed by misery.
Still, surely the melancholy will fade, maybe it will take time for me to completely change over… Oh God, I hope I turn fully soon, I cannot stand feeling like this.
I had been so happy two days ago…
… (FLASHBACK THINGY)
It had been the start of Lissa's summer holiday, so we were finally going back to Court, and I would see Dimitri after so long apart. I was ecstatic, and so was Lissa, she was going to get to see Christian again, and focus solely on her duties as Queen, without having college in the way.
I had been standing vigilantly at her door as she packed, watching alertly for any sign of danger and tensing for any attack. If there was going to be one, now would be the time, any Guardian knew that travel was dangerous, and even more so for the Queen of the Moroi – she was a prime target for Strigoi and Moroi alike, a fearmongering kill for the former, and a statement for the latter.
I had had a sick feeling in my stomach all day, I tried to put it down to nervousness and excitement over returning to Court (and of course, Dimitri) but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Despite the break of the bond, I am still Shadowkissed, and can still sense Strigoi, so I feared that that was why I felt nauseous…
"Rose? I think I'm ready." Lissa said uncertainly, she had still not got used to officially thinking of me as her bodyguard, not just her over-protective friend.
I observed the room critically, she had left it spotlessly clean, as always. I nodded to her "Yes, I will report in that you are awaiting pickup." and I did, speaking into my high-tech earpiece, the reply was that Queen Vasilisa's car was situated but three feet from the accomodation's entrance doors. "Lissa, they're in front of the lobby, shall we go?"
"Yeah," Liss attempted to lift her suitcase, groaning at the weight of it, until I took it from her – to me it was next to weightless – and preceded her into the corridor. From there, Lissa took the lead, since it was a clear walkway from there to the stairs, and it was not so obviously clear in the other direction.
We took the four flights down without incident, and the lobby was also bodyguard-friendly in how empty it was – but this had been arranged deliberately by Lissa leaving a few days early, during learning hours, and during the lobby attendant's break. I opened the exit door slowly, cautiously looking through the gap as I widened it, ready for anything.
There was no danger, only the sight of a tinted limo – that was actually a very stylish and well-disguised equivalent of an armoured tank – surrounded by eight Guardians in the royal protection garb, Lissa's personal army.
Jakob grinned at me as he took Lissa's luggage and stowed it seemingly casually in the trunk, whilst keeping subtly alert at all times – a skill all dhampir learnt before they could go anywhere in the real human world, we were undercover bodyguards after all. "No problems?" he asked upon noting my apprehensiveness.
"Nope, I'm just paranoid, you know that." and he did, they all knew how seriously I took protecting Lissa, but Jakob had been one of the few who'd seen me take several shots for her. Turning my attention to Lissa as she got into the car, I noticed she was rummaging through her handbag frantically "Your Highness," I addressed her, now in the presence of professionals "Is something wrong?"
"I can't find my diary, I must've left it in the room somewhere…" she started to get back out of the car, so I blocked her path, standing in the doorway
"Majesty, with the greatest respect, we must put your life above your appointment-book, it is replaceable, you are not."
"No!" Lissa exclaimed, pushing at me until I let her out "It's my personal diary!"
I realised what she meant, and knew that is must not be found: for safety reasons, for the secrecy of the Moroi, for the privacy of the Queen from both her political enemies and Strigoi alike.
"All right, I'll go and find it for you. Please remain here your Royal Highness."
"No, I'm coming with you Rose, you won't know where to look."
"I'm sure I can find it eventually, and cannot afford the risk to your person."
"Guardian Rose." Lissa whispered warningly "Obey your Queen, I said, I am coming with you."
"Yes your Majesty." I murmured in reply, turning back to the building, ready to escort her to the exact same place we started.
The journey back to Lissa's floor was uneventful, but the continuing luck was just unnerving, I would almost have preferred some attack, just to justify my nerves. I put my head around the door of her room, scanned it meticulously, looked back at her and gave the okay.
Liss walked in and began to search underneath her mattress – okay, admittedly that is not somewhere I would've looked unless I got desperate – rooting around quite noisily for someone so dainty, but that may have been the problem.
"Need some help?" I smirked, pulling the mattress off the frame, which still revealed no diary.
Lissa blanched, "Oh, no… What if somebody already found it? Or I left it somewhere or… Rose! We cannot let anyone see that book! It's all about being the Queen of the Moroi! I've talked about all the safety procedures and everythin—"
"VASILISA DRAGOMIR!" I yelled into her panicked babbles "Don't talk, search." I ordered her as I went to search the rest of her bedding. And she did, rummaging through half-emptied drawers and her still-full bookshelves.
"It's green, with gold swirls and a yellow ribbon. Christian bought it for me ages ago, saying it might help to stop spirit bugging me so much, if I wrote everything down so I'd spot the difference between…" I tuned out her chatter when something glittery flashed in the corner of my eye. I turned my head to find out what it was, but Lissa blocked my view by walking to her chest of drawers beside the door. Once she was talkatively searching through them, I approached the sparkle with a sigh as the sick-feeling spiked again.
"You found it!" Lissa yelped excitedly as I gestured her over, pointing to the book beneath her bed, in such plain sight neither of us had noticed it.
I handed the book to her then froze as the bile rose in my throat and a crash broke the silence, and a window. "Lissa! Door! Now!" I barked while relaying a call for backup into my earpiece. I pulled out my stake, and took a breath as I watched three Strigoi approach from her en suite bathroom.
I didn't let them attack first, I leapt for the biggest one – probably a dhampir before being turned – shrieking wildly at the top of my lungs. I yelled as I had once discovered that their brilliant senses can be used to my advantage, loud noises hurt their ears. My strategdy was rash enough that I was able to stab him in the stomach with my stake, I hadn't had enough height in my jump for the heart.
He howled and stumbled backwards to recuperate, leaving two smaller female previously-Moroi Strigoi still perfectly capable of fighting. They were smart, and both came for me at once, from both my left and right – but not smart enough, I jerked backwards in the hopes that they'd hit each other, which they did, but neither was fazed in any way except to hiss at the other.
"Get the Moroi, fools!" the injured male scowled, lurching back at me in perfect timing with one the women.
I dodged, Lissa was the one in danger, as the second woman was creeping toward her, hoping to evade my attention – not easily done – I spotted this and used the momentum of my dodge to crash into her, sending us both sprawling to the floor, and my stake into her heart.
"LISS!" I yelled as the other two came screeching at me, herding me away from my charge "RUN!" I silenced myself and focussed on keeping this duo away from her. I hopped onto the discarded mattress, faltering a little as the springy material bucked beneath my feet.
"Hey! Big scary Strigoi! Over here!" Liss shouted, waving her arms and running towards me.
The woman broke away to go for Liss – I had to stop her!
"LISS GET OUT OF HERE!" I screamed, using the bed to aid my leap toward Liss and the Strigoi.
When the Strigoi got within ten feet of Lissa – it was a huge room BTW – my friend started to realise what she'd done and begun to back away, only to hit the wall. I pounded towards them, the man followed and got hold of my shirt, but I continued, letting it be torn from my body so as to reach Liss.
I actually reached the female Strigoi by falling against her, having tripped on the diary Liss had dropped, thankfully I'd fallen stake first, but again, not hit her heart – argh! "LISSA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" I cried, wrestling against the male who was trying to pry the stake from my hands, and the female who was giving me an uncoordinated yet still painful beating for the hole in her left shoulder.
I screamed with pain, not at the punches or claws of the woman, they were nothing. At first I didn't realise what was happening, even though I could feel the pure agony of it, and could sense to source, and see the look on Lissa's face.
The female Strigoi grinned as she turned back to Lissa, grabbing the Queen of the Moroi by her hair, only to be blasted back by a wave of spirit telekenesis, which threw her to the other side of the room – giving Liss enough time to fly for the door, into the approaching forms of my fellow Guardians.
Who were too late to save me…
The last thing I heard as my body mutated into something beyond death and below life, was Lissa yelling my name. This was not the peaceful death Tasha had given me, this one continued to burn throughout my body, scoring remembered evil and new taints into a soul that was on fire with loss already.
I love you Lissa, and tell Dimitri I'm sorry. Was my last thought before love faded from my understanding.
This is all your fault. Was my last thought before I died.
… (END FLASHBACK)
And here I am, dead, who knows how long later. I am still in Lissa's dorm-room, in her en suite, staring into the perfectly clear mirror, at my distinctly not clear reflection.
Again I think, What have I become? It hurts to know I am not a dhampir anymore, but even more to not be able to label myself, because I do not look Strigoi, and I do not feel it.
I wish I did, because I don't want to feel like this anymore.
No-one has come and found me, which occurs to me to be strange, because there are still three Strigoi bodies in Liss' bedroom – but then again, the Guardians would be focussing on getting Queen Vasilisa home safe, it was the Alchemists job to clean up… so where were they?
I realise that I must not be here when they arrive, I'll be killed, or worse, I'll kill them. Though I don't want to believe it, I can feel it, I am hungry. Hungry in a way that I know a hundred brownies or pizzas could not sate. I want lives. Warm, juicy, ripe life, which tastes even better with a side of fear and screams—
No. If I am not completely Strigoi, I am not going to behave like one, I am not going to hurt anyone!
Surely, if I keep thinking it, I can ensure that it is true. I am Rose Hathaway… But I can't say that anymore, Strigoi don't have identities, they are just things which need which need to die.
And I am one of them. So I must leave, and never see anyone I love again, or they will suffer the same fate.
So, maybe tell me what you think of the idea? Then I'll know whether or not I'm wasting my time writing this. Love thoughts of any kind, though constructive is always useful, and compliments are appreciated! :)
