Potter Puppet Pals: The Twilight Problem
OMG! It's another PPP fanfic!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the puppets, or Twilight. Duh.
Also, Twilight fans, please do take offense.
(Hermione is reading a book at the library when Harry and Ron walk over...slide…however it is puppets move)
Ron: What are you doing, Hermione?
Harry: She's reading, you git. What does it look like she's doing?
Ron: Well…what is she reading?
Harry: Probably some Potions book. Hey, that reminds me. Let's go bother Snape.
Ron: Well all righ—
Hermione: Cullllllllllennnnnn.
Harry: Um…what?
Hermione: EDWARD CULLEN!
Ron: Who in Merlin's name is Edward Cullen?
Hermione: HE'S SPARKLEEEEEEEE!
Harry: I think Hermione's gone insane.
Ron: It must be all that reading. I tell you, reading does things to your head.
Hermione: Yes…good things…
Ron: Just what the hell are you reading, Hermione?
Hermione: The most amazing book ever…Twilight…
Harry: Oh sh!
Ron: Quarantine the area! We've got a Twilight addict in here!
(They (insert puppet mode of transportation here) away from the library)
Harry: Librarius Protegus!
(A giant shield covers the library)
Snape: What is this rumpus?
Ron: Oh thank goodness you're here, Snape!
Snape: If this is going to lead to botheration I'm leaving.
Ron: No it's not for once!
Harry: Not now at least…
Ron: Hermione has become…
Snape: What is it, Weasley?
Ron: Be…come…
Snape: Potter, has Weaseley succumbed to pansy disease again?
Harry: No, but Hermione has become addicted to Twilight!
Snape: Nonsense. Though she is an irritating little know-it-all, Granger would never be so foolish as to open that unholy tome. Let me see.
(Snape…whatever, walks over to the shield)
Snape: I don't see anything wrong—
Hermione: CULLLLLENNNNNN!
(Snape staggers back against the wall)
Snape: Oh dear. This is worse than I thought.
Ron: Is there a cure?
Snape: I am not certain even a bezoar could solve that sort of dread affliction.
Ron: Oh no…(starts sobbing)
Harry: It's okay, Ron…
Ron: Damn you, Stephanie Myers!
(Ginny appears)
Ginny: What's wrong? Did Ron get himself dumped again?
Harry: Sort of.
Ron: Hermione went and read Twilight.
Ginny: Oh. Enough said.
Harry: What is that book about, anyway?
Ginny: Oh, it's about this girl…who meets a vampire...And he's extremely handsome…and they fall in love…and some say it's an even better series than Harry Po—
(Harry slaps Ginny)
Ginny: What the f was that for?
Ron: Ginny, watch your language!
Ginny: F off!
Harry: I'm sorry, I couldn't control myself. I thought you almost said…(shudders) I can't even think about it.
Ginny: What? That Edward Cullen is the sexiest book hero ever?
(Harry and Ron look mortified)
Ginny: I'm only joking. Holy sh, you guys are gullible.
Ron: Watch your language!
Ginny: Shut the f up!
Harry: I love you.
Ginny: I love you too.
Ron:…Where the hell did that come from?
Snape: I am afraid that if you all don't shut up soon, you'll start sounding like one of those pointless Harry/Ginny ships…
(notices everyone staring at him)
Snape: What?
Ron: You read stories about Harry and Ginny on a boat?
Snape: That question was stupid, so I shall ignore it.
Harry: You read romantic fanfics?
Snape:….Doesn't everybody?
Ginny: If this gets any more off-topic I'll leave.
Harry: All right. Is there any way we can save Hermione?
Ron: How about we grab Draco Malfoy, dress him up like Edward Cullen, and then kill him?
Ginny: Right, that'll definitely work.
Ron: She might stop thinking about him.
Snape: She'll more likely turn emo.
Harry: That would be even worse!
Ron: We don't want any more Dobbys!
Hermione: CULLLLENNNNN!!
Ron: Shut up!
Harry: Snape, are you absolutely sure there is no way to cure Hermione?
Snape: Well, I suppose there is one…
Ron: Really? Tell us!
Snape: It's extremely dangerous, and will probably cause excruciatingly painful deaths. Wait, I'm sending you people to do it. I'll tell you.
Five minutes later, in the Chamber of Secrets…
Fred the Basilisk: You guys again?? Oh, this cannot be good.
To be continued….
