Title: Raw and Awake
Summary: Just what happened to John and Teyla in the later seasons?
Pairing: John/Teyla
Rating: T
Notes: Short, angsty one-shots. Prod me if I don't update regularly. For yappichick

It's not the first time they've left one another and he has no doubt it won't be the last. They tell themselves that it's not worth it, that other things are more important: the team; her people; his command; appearances.

He tells himself he's not in love with her; that such a notion is ridiculous because how can he possibly be in love with her when he keeps pushing her away? And each time he almost believes it, until it comes to that point when one of them is walking away and he feels a little part of himself chip away and litter the floor.

Fragmented dust particles catch the cold moonlight that streams in through the half shut curtains and he flips onto his front, digging his arms under the pillow that no longer smells like her. She's on New Athos, helping with the harvest and he's already been to deliver supplies twice and he can't justify going again. He tells himself he's not desperate to see her, not desperate to drag her back to Atlantis and have her explain to him why it is that they can't be together this time.

But he won't beg for her.