Being spaced isn't what you expect. As I felt the Normandy fall apart beneath me, I expected fear and sorrow. Fear at being sucked out into space, sorrow at watching my home destroyed. I was a little correct, I did feel fear. Especially as I felt the oxygen slip through the holes of my punctured suit. I struggled to keep myself alive the only way I could, by keeping the oxygen IN. But there came a moment when I gave up. Fearless Jane Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, who chased Saren across the galaxy, who stared down a reaper….gave up.
I let my hands fall to my sides and that's when I felt that unexpected feeling…peace and acceptance. I spent my last few moments admiring the beauty and vastness of SPACE. For a space explorer I really took such little time looking at the miracles around me. It really was perfection. And that's exactly how I passed. With a burning in my lungs as my brain shut down from lack of oxygen. With my suit slowly melting as I entered some mystery plant's atmosphere. With peace, as I became a pointless part of such a beautiful universe.
At least, so I thought.
Garrus Vakarian, spectre in training. If that didn't get the ladies, nothing would. Garrus chuckled and started typing that up in a message to send to Shepard. She would get a kick out of that one. He could see her cocky smirk now, "Garrus, you don't need a fancy title, not with that voice….It's a panty dropper."
God he missed her.
But he was born to be a leader. He needed to at least try to make a name for his family before he followed her to the ends of the universe. Being back on the Citadel was killing him. He missed the exertion, the fear, the constant thumping of his heart while he took down the Geth. But mostly he missed her goddamned smirk. Laughing he leaned back in his chair, nostalgia taking him back, but it was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Come in," he said, and watched as Joker hobbled in. He looked like shit. There were dark circles under his eyes, he obviously hadn't slept in days. His face was covered in dried blood and filth, but there were clear tear tracks running down his face.
"What happened?" Garrus said softly as fear filled his core.
Joker just looked at him with despair. Garrus felt himself start to panic. "Joker! What happened?"
"The Normandy…she's gone," he whispered.
"How many? How many casualties?"
"Not many. Shepard got almost everyone out. But…"
"Where is she?" Garrus was starting to get angry. Joker wasn't answering the only question he NEEDED an answer to, and he was refusing to look him in the eyes.
"She's…s-she's gone…" He finally stammered.
Garrus felt everything inside him go cold. "How?"
"She saved me. I wouldn't…couldn't leave the Normandy. She was all I had. She dragged me out of there, and shoved me into an escape pod. But…everything just…just fell apart before she could escape…She got spaced. I'm sorry Garrus…It's my fault she's dead." Joker said, fresh tears running down his face.
"Get out."
Rage. That was all he felt. Deep down he knew that this wasn't really Joker's fault. But regret, sorrow, and RAGE made thinking impossible. He grabbed everything on his desk and threw it against the wall.
"GET OUT!" Joker ran as fast as he could out the door as Garrus lost all of his self-control.
Garrus continued to destroy the room. When everything was in pieces, he sat down in the middle of it all and wept. After everything they had been through, she had to die from asphyxiation. Everything they worked for was gone. His best friend and commander was gone. He felt his world fall apart and as he left the building he realized that he was never coming back.
Looking around he said goodbye to his old life. It was time to be better, if not for him then for HER. The sorrow and desperation slowly faded away to be replaced by a chill that ran deep inside him.
Damn, he really fucking hated the cold.
