A/N: This being my first fanfic I think I posted it too soon...I read it over probably 100 times and finally think I got it right. I got rid of a few things and added a few. Overall I think it reads better...thats my hope anyway. Oh, and I took Chapter 1 off because I'm reworking it...Sorry..should be up later today.


Prologue:

All around are the familiar faces I've seen almost every day for the past 3 years of my once happy and blessed life. If only I could feel nothing; not have to look into the eyes of those around me. The pity, pain, and sympathy in the eyes I meet, only brings me back to day when I lost my love. The flashback hits full force, never any less detailed than the last, bringing me to my knee's; my mind wracked with pain, misery, and despair. The salt ridden tears streaming steadily down my face…

"Jacob swim back to me!" "Come back!"

"This way…I'm here!" yelling as I ran into the freezing water my heart literally taking what felt like a million extra beats to compensate for the extreme cold of the black rigid water. I searched for him in the quelling waves the winds were creating…if I could only reach him…I knew I wouldn't make it out myself…but if I could just touch his skin I knew I could handle dying with him. The wind and water whipped my face as I plunged my full body in the water. With each stroke my mind became more confused. The wind was wreaking havoc on my progress to reach him…my arms couldn't move well enough push through the rough waters I could barely see Jacob struggling above the water now. My mind continued to feel the effects of the water. Jacob had been in serveral minutes more than I had...

"Jacob turn around….I'm Here!!"

"Swim to me damnit!!" My voice screaming, giving all my vocal cords would allow.

He was not going to quit and turn around, he just wasn't a quitter, I knew this. I could see his skin turning brighter shades of red with each passing minute from the water... I knew the signs of hypothermia…my mind telling me it was too late…my heart pushing my body further out into the rough icy water to reach him…

"Jacob please" I was pleading now...please just swim to me...please... please just turn around...just look at me..." I love you!"

Something must have sparked in him; I could see his face turn my way for a brief second "I love you" I saw his mouth say but the words didn't reach my ears.

Charlie's voice brought me out of my dreadful memories of that day.

"Bella"

Nothing. Is that so much to ask for?

"Please God?" I begged and pleaded.

I just wanted to feel nothing. Yet with each passing day it became harder to endure in this life…I can't do this.

I could hear the muffled voice again "Bella"

No. I couldn't find it in myself to acknowledge anyone, not today. I just can't do this.

"Isabella"

I unwillingly looked up with my swollen red eyes when Charlies hand softly brushed my tears away. I could read his eyes with an undiluted clarity.

"Bella, honey, our ride is here" Charlie voiced very quietly, barely loud enough for my ears to hear.

My father's hand was held out for me…Charlie had done everything he knew how to help me; but it is near impossible to start a doused wet fire that my heart had become. My heart feels dead...or rather like there is absolutely nothing left in me but the awful heart wrenching pain.

With all the strength I had I took hold of his warm hand and stood up. I followed his lead down the stairs and into our living room. Billy's face was the first for me to see. He knew. He knew what I felt.

"I'm sorry for losing Jacob" It's all I could get my mind and mouth to say. "I'm so sorry". I couldn't hold myself together any longer.

I felt responsible for his drowning. If I had just begged him to stay on the shore...not go in. I fell to the floor in front of Billy, my body shaking with sobs.

"Bella" Billy's glossy black eyes met mine...


A/N...Have more chapters...will post them if anyone is interested in reading how this story will play out...If it's so not worth reading let me know in a review!!