Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... it's all so sad. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own it all.
A Deeper Darkness-by Cari Kinz
The box slid silently into the dark depths of the ocean. He watched the water close over it as it disappeared.
"You did the right thing." Came the hesitant voice from close behind him.
Not too close though. She was afraid of him, a little.
More than a little actually. He could smell it.
A vampire's sense of smell. Only one of several things he'd inherited from Angel.
"My Father." Connor said softly, still staring at the place where the box had disappeared.
"Holtz was a great man." Justine said. "That thing deserved what it got."
"My Father," he said again, turning to look at her. "You cared about him."
Justine nodded quickly. "He was…"
"A great man." Connor said. "You said that."
He remembered being tied to the Quor'toth's spiny equivalent of a tree. Small stinging insects swarmed up his legs but he didn't dare cry out.
He had wanted his Father to come back to him, to untie him, but he'd learned very quickly not to beg or plead.
That was weak and he was not weak.
Being tied to the tree, and left to get out by himself, was a good thing.
It was good to be strong.
It would help him when he was older and could hunt the terrible thing that had killed his Father's family.
He was a weapon.
He was a tool to be used in the fight against evil.
He was five-years-old when he learned this.
"A great man." Connor said again and he felt his stomach clench as he heard Angel's words in his head again.
Listen to me--I love you! Never forget that! Connor! Connor...never forget that I'm your father and that I love you!
Why did that make him hurt inside? Why did those simple words make his chest feel so tight?
A vampire, that is what Angel is. A vampire. A beast that slaughtered and showed no mercy to anyone. He isn't my father!
And yet… the vampire had treated him with kindness. Had come after him when he was lost. Saved him from being killed.
Kept him from hurting others in this strange world.
Angel had friends.
Human friends, that he seemed to cared about and who cared about him.
He cared about Cordelia and it was his need to tell her that, that helped Connor trick him.
He fought demons and monsters. He killed vampires like himself.
Not the same. He has a soul. A voice in his mind insisted on pointing out. Connor shook his head but the train of thoughts continued.
He has a soul and he fights for good and…
Weakness. Lies.
Connor heard Holtz' voice in his head now, saw with his mind's eye their home in the Quor'toth. Saw himself as a small boy; sitting on the dirt floor, head bowed in shame as his Father lectured him.
"Weakness! You could not get lose of your bonds! Do you think that Angelus would show you mercy for your weakness, Stephen?"
"No Father." He had whispered. He didn't cry of course; that would have just proven his weakness more.
"You are my only hope to avenge myself on him." Holtz said softly. "A child, an impossible child, born of two vampires. You were sent by God to help me!"
The child known as Stephen looked up at Holtz. He seemed so big to the small boy.
"Yes Father." He said and almost smiled.
Holtz shook his head. "But maybe you are too much like him. Maybe you pretend not to be able to do things. Angelus is cunning. Maybe there is too much of him in you."
"No!" the child shook his head quickly. "No, I will destroy him for you! I swear it Father!"
Holtz held his gaze with his own. "Do you? Do you swear it? We will get out of this place some day. I know that. I feel it. I did not sleep the years away to be thwarted. This," he said gesturing around them. "This was part of the plan. I see that now. This place was the only place I could teach you properly. God works in mysterious ways."
"Yes Father." Stephen said. It always made him nervous when his Father spoke of "God". The light in his eyes seem brighter and his smile was strange.
Probably because it was the only time he did smile.
"Yes." Holtz said softly. "You will be my vengeance Stephen. I took you as he took mine. He thinks he knows pain now, but when we return, he will truly understand."
"We're almost to shore." Justine said. Connor tore his eyes from the wake behind them and his mind from the past.
"I have a place that you can stay… if you want." She said without meeting his gaze.
She doesn't want me. Connor thought. No one does anymore.
That's not true. The voice in his head said. And he realized it was right.
"I'm going to my… the hotel." He told her.
Justine looked at him then and he could see her relief. "Yeh, ok." She said.
Connor stared at her for a moment. The words from the letter came into his head. He heard them in his Father's voice as clearly as if he had said them.
Your destiny lies with Angel, I know that now. You will have a better life with him. I am comforted by that certainty and in the knowledge that with him, you will discover your true purpose and come to know who it is, you were meant to be.
"I never saw a vampire bite before." Connor said abruptly and wondered what made him say it at all.
Justine flinched.
"Well… now you have." She said and he could smell her fear again.
Something wasn't right.
Connor continued to stare at her. "It looked different than what I thought it would."
"So… what?" she snapped at him.
The hair on the nape of Connor's neck rose. He looked back over the water.
"My Father told Angel he wanted me to stay here with him." Connor said slowly. "Told me that my place was with Angel. That Angel could teach me what I am. He gave me back. Why would Angel kill him?"
"Because that's what vampires do!" Justine ran a shaking hand through her hair. "God! Don't you get that? How could you have been with Holtz for so long and not know that? Angelus took his revenge on Daniel!"
The voice in Connor's head was whispering again.
"I don't know… I mean, I know and you're right but he seemed… different. And Holtz, my Father, he wanted me to…"
"Yeh, and then that thing killed him!" Justine took a step toward him and then stopped. Her eyes were wide and fear radiated out from her in waves. "It killed him. You know that." She pointed back out to sea, where they had left Angel. "That thing killed him. You took your revenge and Holtz'. Are you having second thoughts now? Daniel is dead! You chopped his head off and burned him to make sure that thing hadn't defiled him! Did you forget that? You were supposed to be his soldier. His weapon!"
Justine's words shook him.
His weapon.
Not his son, not really.
No, not true.
His Father might have felt that way- once. But he really had loved him. The letter he'd written, it proved that… didn't it? He'd tried to do what he thought was right. It was Angelus who had destroyed everything.
Now Holtz was gone.
And Angel's gone too. The voice in his mind said then grew silent.
The boat docked and Connor jumped to the deck.
Without a word to Justine, he started toward the hotel where Angel's friends were, waiting for his return.
He realized then that whether or not Angel was a fraud in the fight against evil, his presence would be missed. And not only by his friends.
Angel had a reputation in the city. Although Connor thought that it was all just part of Angelus' evil plan, whatever that might be, the fact was the other evil things in the city feared him.
When they figured out he was gone, their activities would increase and the result would be terrible.
But just as quickly, he realized that it didn't have to be so terrible.
After all, he possessed the same strengths that Angel did.
He had learned, a little, from Angel.
He could take his place… and keep Angel's mis-guided friends from finding out what had happened to him.
Connor nodded to himself. It was a good plan and it was the right thing to do.
His Father had been right: Angel had shown him what he was, what his place was.
This was a world full of lies and evil. Angelus had been trying to keep it safe for his own purposes but it needed a real champion.
He was it's protector now.
Without a backward glance, Connor set off toward The Hyperion.
