I did not expect to have so many strong feelings about GX ten years after I first watched it, but coming back to this show after going through your own mental hell really does something to ya. Dub names because 13 year old me is still attached to them.
It's dark. Recently, darkness hasn't been an upsetting concept; it's soft, comforting, gentle. Light has been the one that's cold and harsh, the one that made everyone suffer. Not anymore, Jaden thinks. Here, in this bleak, lifeless dimension, they'd be happy to see a sliver of sunlight peek over the hills of dull gray sand. But the sun never comes, so they trudge along, having long forgotten how much time has passed since they arrived.
Maybe that's why they follow him. There's no sun or moon or guiding stars, so his friends cling to the next closest thing. Their best friend, their rival, the kid who sleeps through class and still beats the teachers. Jaden's all of those things, but he's not the sun, no.
Jesse is.
Jesse Andersen is the sun. It didn't take long for Jaden to realize that after meeting him. Jesse lights up the life of every person he meets with his contagious smile and unrelenting kindness. Jesse jokes and laughs when he's at ease and gets serious when something or someone threatens to ruin that happiness. Jesse puts the wellbeing of everyone else before his own, and is more than willing to sacrifice himself if necessary. Jesse Andersen is a hero, and he saved them all from a mess that really, truly, was Jaden's fault, no matter what comforts they tell him.
Jesse Andersen is the person they think Jaden Yuki is. Jesse Andersen is the person Jaden Yuki wishes he could be. But Jaden Yuki is not Jesse Andersen, and he never will be.
"We have to find Jesse," Jaden repeats, muttering to himself more than the others. He's afraid to stop saying it. If he does, will they think he's forgotten? Will they think Jaden no longer cares? They can't, because Jaden won't let them – won't let Jesse – think that he isn't important, that he isn't worth saving. Jaden isn't Jesse, but he can try to be – and he knows this is what Jesse would do. Even if the only person stuck here was some faceless student he didn't even know, Jesse would care.
Jaden's not sure if he would care, if that were the case, and the thought lingers in his mind together with the guilt that his friends would jump off a bridge if he did it first. Because they believe in him, because he's better at dueling than a maniac or two who tried to nuke the Earth. That's a stupid reason to believe in someone, Jaden thinks, because Jesse Andersen lost his last game but he's a hundred times the hero Jaden could hope to be. But Jaden's the only one who believes in Jesse.
Jesse doesn't resent having to overcome difficulties to save lives. Jesse doesn't run away from his problems by sending them off into space. Jaden Yuki does, though, and when his friends ask him to stop for a while to rest their aching bodies, he finally gives in. He isolates himself from them, turning his head so his hair blocks their view, and he cries.
