It's easy, isn't it? Being in love, idolizing your crush, finding no fault. It's hard, isn't it? Unrequited love, keeping your secrets, hating yourself. This is what it's like being in love with Kuroo Tetsurou. I didn't think love was really something for me. Not that I couldn't be in love, I just never imagined it happening. It makes sense that it was with someone I trusted, my best friend no less. I don't think he ever realized.
It started in middle school. Kuroo would bug me endlessly. Let's hang out, let's practice volleyball, let's join a team, what are you playing, you should go out more. The endless bickering from him became comfortable after a while. However, the inevitable was approaching. Kuroo would be leaving to start high school. I went to the middle school graduation ceremony for him. That's when I first realized that he was more important to me than I thought. My last year of middle school was a dark haze. Sure I saw him after school, but he was experiencing things without me, making friends, making connections, maturing. It was hard.
High school wasn't a breeze either. I joined the volleyball team to keep Kuroo happy, and to be around him again. I didn't have the same drive as the other students though. It sparked… conflict. Before I knew it, I was being bullied by the 3rd years. Kuroo was my rock through it. "Just wait for the year to be over, they won't even be here anymore. Surely you can handle it." He said. I would, I did. It didn't exactly help my introvertedness. The second year.. It was nice. Kuroo was captain, and I got along with most of the team now, better than before. I tried to lose myself in my games or practice, ignoring the nagging feelings of love.
Kuroo was popular. He was attractive and funny, and a bit dorky, but that added to his charm. Surely some girl with long pretty hair and a sweet face would fall in love with him soon. The nights Kuroo spent with me would come to an end. I just knew it. No more laying next to him in bed, no more constant nagging that was a bit heartwarming, no more attention. It really did scare me. How do you tell your best friend that you have always been in love with him? I nagged my brain for an answer.
It became something that festered at the back of my mind for the year. I knew Kuroo was going to be graduating soon, and the fear of middle school was flooding back. This time, I had distractions. That distraction was named Hinata Shoyo. I met him first when I got lost, and he ended up lost too. Something about a running match with Kageyama Tobio, someone he considered his rival although they were teammates? It was confusing, but Shoyo gushed about it all the time. Anyway, he noticed my volley shoes and ended up exploding with all sorts of questions. It was aggravating, I just wanted to be left alone. I was waiting for Kuroo to find me and save me, like he always did. It was a selfish habit of mine.
The second time meeting him was at our practice match. Somehow, Shoyo hadn't noticed my uniform, however I noticed his. I was prepared to see him again, but I wasn't prepared for this dazzling quick and he and Kageyama had debuted. How.. How did he move so quickly? He jumped so high… He really did fly. Maybe I was a bit more enamoured with him than I first thought. We exchanged numbers after the match, and suddenly Shoyo was always on my mind. How could he not be when he texted me so much? I guess I didn't mind, I always responded.
It was a bit of a shift for me, like Shoyo had caused a change. I wanted to get better, I wanted to be a bit stronger, I wanted to win. Against him, and maybe against life too? That might be an exaggeration, but I definitely felt more hopeful than before. When the end of the year came around, and it was time for Kuroo's graduation, I had to do it. It was now or never, or that's what it felt like. If I got this off my chest… Maybe I could move on. I didn't want to hear Kuroo talk about pretty girls and hurt anymore.
I brought over flowers to his house, flowers my mom had gotten for his graduation, not me. Flowers were a bit too cheesy for something like this. I definitely wouldn't be able to handle something so bold at a time like this. We sat outside and stared at the night sky, a gentle breeze blew right through me. I hated the cold. Well, I didn't mind it. I liked to be warm, and the cold let me bundle up, but I forgot my scarf.
Kuroo noticed, he always had a way of worrying about me. He pulled me close, "You dummy. Forgot your scarf again? What are you going to do without me?" It was a light soft tone, something I was used to. Like a parent scolding their child. I am not a child anymore, stop worrying about me. It only makes it harder.
"Kuro…" I leaned against his shoulder, absorbing his warmth. I didn't look up at his, instead I kept focusing on the grass moving in the breeze. "I really liked you…" I said, almost in a whisper.
Kuroo was quiet. I could tell he was looking at me, but I just couldn't. Finally I felt him shift. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Say something. Please. My eyes flickered up at him, he was looking at the sky again. "I know… I noticed a bit. I am sorry Kenma."
I felt relieved. It's over, it's over and over and over and I never have to worry about it again. Even if he didn't like me, I know now. And he knows I like him, and he has known, and he didn't hate me for it. I started to cry a little bit. We sat like that for a bit, until it got really late, and I had stopped crying, and he was growing tired. I rubbed my eyes and shifted away, "It's late now…"
Kuroo pushed my chin up so I looked at him, "I care about you okay? Just not like that. We'll still be friends, and I will tell you all about college, and I will try to bug you in the mornings so you get up. Don't forget about me, okay?" He winked and flicked my nose.
I couldn't help but smile. Everything is okay. Kuroo will still be my best friend, we'll still hang out maybe and talk. This isn't goodbye forever, and actually, it's a fresh start for me. "Maybe I should just forget about you." I teased and stood, facing Kuroo straight on, "Good luck, Tetsuro."
"Good luck, Kozume."
