All Our Masks
Rating: PG:13-R
Author Note: I have not seen all of the series, most of it, yes and I have a decent understanding of what I have not seen. I have also not yet gotten around to reading the manga.
Pairing: Mikan/Hotaru
Prologue
Contrary to the popular belief that Mikan was a sickeningly innocent and naïve girl, the girl merely allowed those assumptions of her to continue. The truth of it was that she was a nice person and many people twisted her kindness into naïveté.
At the age of sixteen, the young girl had grown from a child to a gangly teen. Her once pigtailed hair now rested at her shoulders. She wouldn't be described as the average beauty. Her appearance, some would say, held an almost androgynous air to it.
She was well aware of how others viewed her. They looked at her and saw a young, naïve, clumsy teenager. They didn't look at her and see a young woman. They didn't see the person who missed her grandfather.
The truth was that she had grown very lonely. She couldn't talk to her friends. She didn't know how to explain it in words. Ruka-san was still kind; Natsume-kun had mellowed out some, though she now had the suspicion that he wanted to ask her out, something she did not think she'd be able to refuse. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. Besides, it wasn't like she was going to have any chance with those she truly liked.
She had had a childish crush on Hotaru. It was something that everyone assumed she'd grow out of, that she'd somehow fall for Natsume. It was easier then. Once puberty hit she became aware of how different she was from others. The girls began their giggling about boys and she found herself unable to join in. She'd eye the boys trying to figure out what it was that she was supposed to like. Sure they were fun, but she had no desire to do any date-like-things with any of them. She'd tried to have the feelings expected of her. She really did.
She felt what she assumed should have been felt for the boys, only it was directed at the girls. She'd stand there in the changing room fearing that she'd somehow broadcast her desires. She heard nothing of girls liking girls or even of boys liking boys. She wished to see her grandfather but he had passed away some time ago and there was no one for her to confide in.
There was also the issue of her Alice. Rarely, if ever, did it ever work. She stayed at her lowly one-star, desperately trying to keep up with the others. People treated her as though she was intentionally weak. She tried her hardest though sometimes…sometimes she felt as though she could reach out and take control of her nearly nonexistent abilities. Most of the time she wondered if they had made a mistake, that maybe she really didn't have an Alice, that it was all some sort of fluke.
So was it so bad that no one knew the real her? No. It protected her.
