He quietly closed the loft's door and headed to his office. Castle did not notice Alexis, who was preoccupied with her phone texting someone at the kitchen counter, until the redhead muttered incoherently: "Hi Dad". He glanced at her and quickly realized that her eyes had barely moved away from the screen of her phone. He smiled. "Have a good night sweetie. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Martha was at a spa retreat and he was glad that his mother was not home tonight. He needed all the space he could get. He needed the silence of his bedroom and the burning sensation of his Scotch. He needed to forget everything that happened today.


Castle could barely lift his head when he was woken up by the smell of pancakes and bacon coming from the kitchen. A half-full glass of the shiny brown liquor was still in his hand and at the corner of his eye, he could see the two empty bottles of Scotch lying mockingly at the edge of his desk. The writer was still in yesterday's clothes, a red shirt and black blazer, only now there was a blanket wrapped around him. He did not remember having it when he passed out last night.

"How are you feeling darling?" Martha walked in with a cup of coffee. She was in her pajamas, which meant she had spent the night. She also had a glass of half-finished green smoothie in her other hand. The sight of it made Castle shivered. The thought of blended vegetables nauseated him and his empty stomach.

The diva carefully put the handle of the coffee mug into the palm of her son's hand.

"Mother?" Castle thought the hangover was getting better of him. "What are you doing here?"

"Alexis called late last night. She said she heard sounds of broken glasses in your room and didn't know what to do." Martha took a sip from her smoothie. "She thought I should come home, so I asked Chad's son to pick me up from the retreat and drop me off here."

Castle did not say anything. The gut-wrenching feeling went through his body, one so painful that almost made him forget about his hangover. He knew that he had worried his daughter. For sixteen years, he had tried hard to be a "cool" dad. Sixteen years and two failed marriages, not once did his daughter have to see her father drown himself in bottles of Scotch.

He took a quick look around the room. "I don't see any broken glass."

"Broken bottle, actually. I cleaned it up when I got to the loft because I didn't want you to step on them when you….you know…go to the bathroom in the middle of the night" She was hesitated to say "drunk". She then pointed to the two bottles on his desk. "Both of those bottles over there still had quite a lot in them when I left. But clearly you gave yourself a little treat when you woke up in the middle of the night."

Last night was a blur to Castle. He took off his blanket, neatly folded it, and put it on his desk. "Thanks for the blanket, Mother".

"Oh no, that wasn't me. Alexis came in this morning to see if you were awake."

"How was your retreat?" He tried to change the subject, only to realize that he just walked into another wall. "Well, part of it..."

"Relaxing." Martha looked at him. "Alexis doesn't know what she missed out by not going."

"No…no, she doesn't." Castle's words sounded no louder than a grown man's whispers. He wished that Alexis had gone with his mother. Martha nodded. "You should take a day off from the precinct today." She suggested.

Castle did not answer. He slowly stood up from his leather swivel chair, only to feel the sharp pain in the lower part of his back. "Is Alexis making breakfast?" Both knew it was a rhetorical question.

"Brunch, actually." Martha answered it anyway and walked out with him to the living room. "It's almost noon, kiddo."

"Oh…Right."


Castle was glad that Alexis had gone to the study group at her friend's place. He had always shared everything with his daughter, but he knew that on occasions like this, there were still things that better be left untold.

"You want to talk about it?" Martha interrupted.

"I'm sorry mother. I shouldn't have let Alexis see that….see me like that"

"Something happened at the Precinct?"

"It's just…." Castle was at lost for words. "It's just….I don't know."

There was only a momentary pause, but for Castle, it felt like hours. He did not know what to say. He had not drunk that much since the day he said goodbye to Kyra Blaine twenty years ago at Grand Central. There…they danced their last dance; there…Kyra…she was the one that got away. He went home and drank till dusk to ease the pain of his broken heart. He drank because he wanted to wake up and have no recollection of anything that had happened. He needed to forget everything so that he could continue living his life.

For two years Castle had taken his partnership with Beckett for granted. Every day he worked with her thinking that he was one of the very few men who was lucky enough to be a part of her life. Jim Beckett was her father. Roy Montgomery was her captain. Ryan and Esposito were her partners. I was her…her…partner. He ignored the fact that Beckett was free to go on dates with other men, the fact that she had a personal life that he was not even close to be a part of. Until Tom Demming walked in.

Castle was jealous. They had worked countless of cases together; yet the moment Detective Demming showed up in the 12th's break room to get morning coffee with Beckett, the writer became nothing more than an expendable civilian consultant. He was replaced in the interrogation room, brushed aside so that Beckett could make room for the handsome detective from Robbery.

He knew about their date in the precinct under the candle light. He saw her kissing her new boyfriend outside of the evidence room. He heard them discussing their get-away weekend right next to the murder board, right in front of him. Because of the appearance of Demming and all of his charms, the professional, compartmentalized Beckett was replaced by an eighteen years old high school girl who just got asked out to prom by the captain of the football team.

Then there was Josh. Josh the Motorcycle Boy. Unlike Ryan, who waited forever to finally introduce Jenny to his cop family, Beckett took little time to show off her new romance to the rest of her team. Just when Castle thought he was given another chance, Josh waltzed in with his slicked hair and leather jacket and took everything away. After two years, Castle finally understood Beckett's message loud and clear.

He remembered seeing Beckett walking out of the 12th, Josh's arm over her shoulders, and then…and then either Ryan or Esposito asked if he was ok.

"What do you mean?" He turned and look at his partners, pushing for a sincere smile.

"Nothing. It was just a tough case, that's all." Esposito shook his head and headed back to his desk. "Have a good weekend, Castle."

Not "bro". Just… "Castle". Apologetic.

"Yeah. Night, Castle." Ryan tried to linger for a few seconds. He looked like a little kid wanting to hug his father after a rough day at work, but after seeing the sadness in the eyes of the man whom he adored, he wasn't sure if it was an appropriate thing to do. Finally, he reluctantly turned away and went for the elevator.

"Night…" It was all that Castle could say.

Hands in his pockets, he stared blankly at the murder board, saw nothing but meaningless words and headshots of suspects and witnesses. Only then did his eyes meet the lifeless face of the mathematician who was shot by the bartender of an underground steampunk club. They just solved the case together like they had been doing for the past two years. He helped Beckett brought justice to a city that was corrupted by the glamourous lights and lifestyles.

The writer finally turned and made his way to the elevator. I'm here for the story. Castle told Beckett that when she asked him about his intentions. For the story. He wanted to come back Monday and be ready to solve another murder, to keep on living his life. To do that, he knew he had to forget everything that had happened today.

For the first time in twenty years, he decided to drink more, a lot more, than his usual two fingers of Scotch.