Love, Actually
Prologue
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Haruno Sakura tried her best to maintain a neutral expression in spite of the turmoil she really felt inside.
It simply wouldn't do for her to yell out her confusion and behave in such an unprofessional manner even though she really wanted to. But no. She was one of the best doctors in Konoha now and she would damn well act like it. So with that thought in mind she took a deep breath and looked at her patient, who was seated in the chair across from her desk.
"Kagome…" Sakura began in a gentle tone. Said woman looked at the doctor straight in the eye.
"I'm pregnant, aren't I Sakura?" she interrupted calmly.
Kagome was a friend of hers through Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke, so Sakura had been rather surprised when the woman turned up in her office a few days ago asking her to conduct some tests. Sakura had done what she had been asked, and seeing the results of those tests had thrown her for a loop. She was stunned. Shocked. Stupefied.
Before, she had never thought of Kagome as the type of woman to do this kind of thing. But now…
Higurashi Kagome was roughly 5 years her senior. She was slender in build and slightly taller than the average woman in Konoha. But Sakura knew that most men wouldn't care about a woman's height if she were pretty.
Kagome wasn't just pretty. She was beautiful, with her long raven-coloured hair, pale, creamy skin and devastating blue eyes.
Sakura had been rather envious of Kagome in the past, but all those insecure feelings had disappeared now. After all, Sakura had single-handedly managed to make the Uchiha Sasuke fall in love with her enough to ask for her hand in marriage.
Only just recently, Haruno Sakura became Uchiha Sakura.
She was a happily married woman at the age of 20 while Kagome was still single and without any significant relationships. Or at least, Sakura used to think so until… Her eyes flickered over to the report lying innocently on her desk. The results for a pregnancy test. Sakura had checked, double-checked, triple-checked and quadruple-checked the tests for good measure but they all shared the same answer.
Positive.
Kagome was pregnant. Expecting. With child. Knocked up. Riding the baby train. Packing a bun in her oven.
Sakura's mind whirled at the very thought of it…. Higurashi Kagome. Pregnant. Her mind struggled to come up with a reason for this situation. Maybe... maybe Kagome had been in a relationship and just didn't tell anyone about it…
Or maybe, a small part of her brain supplied, maybe she'd had a one-night stand. Sakura really didn't think that Kagome seemed the type to have a one-night stand but she knew from years of being a Ninja that appearances could be deceiving. But no matter… Sakura chewed on her lip. There was a time and place for everything, and right now it wasn't the time to be thinking about this.
"Yes, you are," she finally replied.
Kagome closed her eyes and let out a slow sigh. "I suspected as much," she mumbled, her eyes still shut, "I just needed the confirmation…"
"… Do you know how far along you are?" Sakura hesitated to ask, "I mean, I won't know for sure until I get to do a thorough examination, so do you have a rough guess?"
It took only a moment for Kagome to give her answer.
"I'll be exactly 12 weeks along in 3 days," she replied, nonplussed. Sakura blinked in slight surprise at the precise date and Kagome smiled when she saw. "I don't know what you think of me now Sakura, but I can assure you, I'm not the type for anonymous hook-ups just because I have an itch to scratch."
Sakura found herself flushing at the older woman's words. "I-I wasn't thinking anything of the sort!"
Kagome's smile turned wry. "It's okay if you were. Still, until nearly 12 weeks ago, I hadn't had sex in years."
"Y-years?" The pink haired medic's voice came out almost as a shout, and she winced apologetically at the volume. Kagome merely let out an amused huff.
"Yes, years."
But why? Sakura nearly asked then, barely stopping herself at the last minute.
Even though Kagome was a friend she'd known for nearly 4 years, a good deal of her past was still a mystery to Sakura. However much she wanted to know, it didn't necessarily mean it was okay to ask such a personal question. Besides, she had heard a faint note of wistfulness in Kagome's voice when she'd said that sentence. No, it was best to let it slide.
"Kagome," she stated instead, eying her friend carefully, "Now, as your doctor I'm letting you know, you have three choices to go from here. You could carry the baby to full term and raise it, or give it up for adoption if you don't want to, or you could also choose to terminate the pregnancy if you don't like the first two choices."
Sakura tried not to show any negative reaction as listed the final choice.
She wasn't a supporter of abortions, but she wasn't one of those extremists. She just believed that each woman had their circumstances and they all had to make the choices for themselves. She may not have supported it and wouldn't ever have one, but it didn't mean that she would condemn anyone who did it. So if Kagome wanted to have an abortion, Sakura would back her friend up wholeheartedly, not shoot her down.
"Thank you Sakura, but I'm having this baby," Kagome lay her hand over her belly, "To know I'm pregnant with his child… makes me very… happy actually. Even though she hasn't been born yet, I love her so much already and I'll do everything in my power to care for her."
Sakura tried not to smile. "Her?"
Kagome let out a tender smile. "I have a feeling it's a girl."
"You know Kagome, if there's anything you need in the future please don't hesitate to ask. I'll be more than happy to help and I think Sasuke, Naruto, Kakashi and every one else feels the same. We'll be here for you if you need us."
"I appreciate that," Kagome replied, touched at her friend's offer to help, "But could you promise me something? Please don't tell anyone I'm pregnant yet. Not Kakashi, not Naruto and definitely not Sasuke. I'll tell them in my own time, but… Not right now."
Sakura's brow wrinkled. "Why not?"
"Because I know those boys. They'll do anything in their power to help me out and I don't want that. I want to be able to fully take care of my child without their help. I want to know whether I will be able to make it on my own as a mother," Kagome explained calmly, and based on the look in her eyes Sakura knew she was serious. "I can't do that if they want to help me out as soon as I'm having difficulties."
"I'm sure you'll be a great mother Kagome." Sakura meant it from the bottom of her heart.
Kagome smiled in thanks. "So, can you promise me?"
"Yeah, I promise."
Suddenly, there was a niggling question at the back of Sakura's mind. She couldn't help but ask. "…But what about the child's father? Do you know who he is and if you do, don't you want him to be involved? I know you don't want any help from us, but he is the father. He can help you with child support and make things a little easier for you."
Kagome shook her head. "I know who he is Sakura, but I don't think I want to tell him. You see… we were both really drunk when we slept together, and I left before he woke up. He probably doesn't even remember that night…"
"What makes you think that?" Sakura questioned.
"Well, otherwise he would have apologized and tried to make it up to me or avoided me entirely." Kagome let out a wry laugh when she saw Sakura's expression to the statement. "That last bit has happened before, I'm afraid. But don't worry. It was because I confessed to him, not because of any sordid bedroom activities. Still, I know him Sakura. He isn't the type of guy who'll pretend it never happened and still socialize with me. So obviously, he doesn't remember," she concluded.
"If he doesn't remember Kagome, then I think you should tell him. It's the right thing to do," Sakura urged her friend. Kagome had just admitted to an incident of confessing to the guy. It was obvious that she cared about him. She may even be in love with him.
"I can't do that…" Kagome sighed softly, looking away.
Sakura furrowed her eyebrows. "Why not? I think as the father, he has the right to know. Unless of course he is an utter bastard and the child's better off without him," she attempted to joke.
Kagome let out a laugh. "Not a bastard. No. I've known him for a long time now, and he… He doesn't say much and is a little distant with everyone. He can be so thick-headed about people's feelings and he's got enough emotional baggage to send even Morino Ibiki running for the hills…"
Sakura raised her brows. That was the kind of man Kagome was attracted to? Who knew?
"But… he's also strong, selfless, kind and sweet… gods Sakura, you don't know how sweet that man can be sometimes… He's the type of person that will stop at nothing to reach his goals and protect his friends. He's…" Kagome cleared her throat, a slight blush on her cheeks. "He's a good man…"
Oh, Kagome had it bad for the guy, whoever he was.
"So, if he's all that, give me one reason why you don't want to tell him," Sakura questioned.
Kagome hesitated. "Well… our age difference is a bit far apart."
Sakura resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Really? Age difference? That had to be one of the lousiest reasons she had ever heard. It wasn't like Kagome was still an underage blushing virgin waiting to be deflowered. No, she was a 25-year-old woman who'd lived one hell of a life.
"Kagome, firstly, you're an adult. Secondly, an age difference is nothing so long as you love him."
Kagome snapped her eyes to Sakura's. "Wh-What?" her voice cracked a little.
Sakura enunciated her sentence slowly to put some emphasis into her words. "As long as you love the father of your child, the age difference isn't important. So, do you love him or not?" But if she had to guess, from her observations she would say that Kagome did love him.
The woman's blue eyes welled with emotion. "… Yes, I love him… Very much so." Her voice was gentle, as was her smile.
"And does he love you?" Sakura asked.
Kagome's eyes grew distant as she contemplated on her answer. She loved him, no question about it. She had first fallen heart and soul in love with him when she was still a girl. It had faded during the years she had left Konoha, but since returning and becoming his friend again, the feelings had come back full force.
She had always been certain of what her feelings were for him. But whether or not he loved her? (It was funny. She had just told Sakura that she knew him, but yet she couldn't figure out if he was in love with her…)
Her beloved had never been the most talkative of men, and so he rarely expressed his feelings for her, much less told her what she meant to him. In fact, Kagome couldn't recall a single instance of him saying I love you in a romantic sort of way before. So, did that mean he wasn't in love with her?
But then again, there were the little things he did…
Kagome searched through her memories of all the times she spent with him. He seemed aloof and standoffish around most people, but she was one of the few whom he showed a different side of himself. He was always considerate and gentlemanly towards her and whenever he displayed his sweet side, it never failed to warm her heart and threaten her to tears. He never liked being touched, but somehow he never minded when it was hers. There were times when he behaved in what could be called flirtatiously with her, but she could never be sure.
Also, every time he looked at her, there was some indecipherable emotion in his gaze. Was it love?
Yes, it was love. But was it romantic love? That was the million dollar question.
Out of all her friends, he knew her the longest and the best. They understood each other. Always have, always will. (Well, maybe not when it came to romance.) But, he could always tell how she was really feeling inside no matter how hard she tried to hide it. No one else in the world could do that.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, her mind suddenly chanted. There had also been… Kagome forced the thought away. But it was too late. She couldn't stop the dark memories from surfacing.
Flash. Rain. Thunder. Lightning. Blood. Tears. Death. (He was gone. Gone, gone, gone…) Gaze empty, heart beating no more, cold to the touch, never to smile at her again, never to touch her again, never to call her name again. Never to love her again. Pain. Heartbreak. A pyre in flames. Ashes blowing away by the wind. Half of herself gone. Shattered. (Goodbye, my love…) Flash. Years pass. Sitting alone in a bar. Drowning away sorrows. Seeing him there. Another man. A different man. But with a place in her heart nonetheless. Drinking together. Sharing grief. (Can you make my pain go away…?) Drunk. Following him home. An accidental kiss. Eyes lock. Passions collide. Coming together in a tangle of desire and desperation. Finally, finally... Hearts and souls touch. (I see you. I love you. I've always loved you…) Flash. The morning after. Waking up in warmth. Beyond happy. (I love you I love you I love you. Don't you know how much I love you?) Tender smile at his sleeping form. A gentle hand in his hair. He shifts. Mumbles a name. A different name. Her smile fades. Her hand falls away. (Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong…) Years ago, he had broken her heart. Now, he had done it again. She purifies the room. Leaves quietly. Quickly. Only cries once she's at home. (Pain, pain, pain… Broken, broken, broken…)
"Kagome?" Sakura's concerned voice brought her out of her thoughts.
The older woman looked at her friend, and Sakura could swear she saw tears in the corner of her eyes. "It doesn't matter what I feel Sakura. Or what he feels," Kagome stated solemnly. "He's taken."
Sakura's eyes widened slightly. "Taken?" Meaning Kagome had slept with… a m-married man?
One part of her felt appalled that Kagome would do something like that, but another part marvelled at how the woman handled it. Sakura knew that Kagome was the type of woman who always put others before her own, but she never expected that Kagome would readily choose to raise her own child without burdening the father even though she loved him. That she would choose not come between him and his wife.
"You think I'm a whore yet?" Kagome's smile was wry.
Sakura gaped as her mind took a second to process the question. "W-What? N-no! Of course not!" she denied vehemently. "No matter what, you're still my friend and I'll always love you and be here for you!"
Kagome knew that she meant every word.
"Thank you Sakura," she replied sincerely, "I'll always be here for you too, if you need me."
The two women smiled at each other in silence, but were interrupted by a knock on the door. Sakura glanced apologetically at Kagome. "Come in," she called and a moment later a messenger peeked his head in.
"Sorry for bothering you Sakura-san," he said formally, "But Hokage-sama is looking for you."
"I understand," Sakura said with a nod, "Tell Shishou I'll be along soon. Just let me finish up with my patient first."
"All right," the messenger bowed and closed the door.
"Sorry," Sakura started to apologize but Kagome shook her head.
"No it's fine Sakura," she replied with a smile, "After all, it is the Hokage who's calling."
"Doesn't stop me from feeling guilty though…" Sakura murmured, before she raised her voice. "Listen, Kagome. I'm not trying to push you away or anything, but in your best interests, I feel like I should refer you to another doctor. I'm not confident in this area of medicine… but Kanzaki-san is an obstetrician so she's much more knowledgeable about pregnancy and childbirth than I am. She's also a reliable colleague, so you can trust her to keep your secret for as long as you want to."
Kagome nodded gratefully. "I understand Sakura. Thank you."
"Just speak with my receptionist and she'll schedule an appointment for you," Sakura instructed.
Kagome paused on her way to the door and turned to face the pink haired medic. "Remember what you promised me Sakura. Don't tell anyone about me being pregnant okay? I'll do it myself."
Sakura smiled. "I know, I know. But you do know that you won't have long until you start to show right?" She indicated to Kagome's belly.
"Oh yes." Kagome sighed. "I'll tell my friends, but not anyone else. You know how some people in Konoha are like. If they find out about me they're going to start shooting their mouths off with all these rumours about exactly how I got pregnant, who the man is, how I'm a whore, how much shame I'm bringing and yadda, yadda, yadda," she added with a nonchalant shrug. "If me keeping quiet about it for a while means a few more months of peace, then I'll take it."
It was harsh, what Kagome said.
But, it was also true. Already, Sakura could imagine all the people belittling her friend – always badmouthing her behind her back, pointing fingers at her and scorning her for having a child out of wedlock.
Her blood boiled at the thought.
"If they go on about how disgraceful I am, fine. I'll bear it. If they call me nasty names, also fine. I'll bear it too. But the moment they insult my child, oh it's on. I'll beat their asses so hard even their ancestors will feel it from the afterlife," Kagome muttered darkly, not noticing Sakura's look of surprise.
Kagome glanced at her friend, and took in her reaction calmly. "Mood swings," she shrugged.
"Ah…" Sakura said, as if that explained everything.
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End Prologue
Hi there my lovelies, and welcome to the revamped version of 'Love Actually.'
For old readers, I've already explained why I'm revamping this in the original. For new readers, welcome! I hope you enjoy!
If you compare this version with the original, you'll see that although it's majorly rewritten, the core of the chapter remains the same. There's also a glimpse of some future events with that little flashback of Kagome's. Yes. It is angsty and tragic. No, I'm not sorry for writing it. For old readers, yes. The person that died is who you think it is. :)
In the original, I wasn't too happy with my whiny characterisation of Kagome. So in this I made her a bit calmer, more rational. For old readers, you know she's been through a lot. Hence her maturity and composure.
I've cleaned up the dialogue, added some bits of foreshadowing, made the writing flow more naturally and so on. It's also a bit longer, and I guess that might be a good thing...?
So, how about your thoughts on this version? Please tell me what you think!
~Beans
