Okay, I have no idea where this came from. I guess I was just feeling extremely depressed after reading Phantom by Susan Kay for the second time. Erik's story is one that is just so sad yet so full of hope that it's entrancing and it openly invites the art that is... fanfiction!! I decided to look further into the character of the concubine sent to Erik by the shah in Persia and try to tell the whole ordeal from her point of view. Hopefully I didn't butcher anyone too badly.
Disclaimer: Phantom of the Opera is not mine, nor are any of the characters mentioned. Props to Susan Kay for writing probably the best book in the world!
One of them was to be chosen.
All six of them knew it, deep in the pits of their empty stomachs, that it was to be one of them who would suffer the unknown horror. Each pair of deep brown eyes peered from underneath colorful sheer veils, bloodshot from loss of sleep.
The six of them had grown close during their time under the khanum's watchful eyes. The old woman had overseen their training for the past two years with frightening interest, sometimes intervening to teach them tricks of her own. At first they had been puzzled by the woman's interactions with them, but over time they grew to understand.
It had become common knowledge that the old woman lusted after him since the moment she first laid eyes on him. She had kept her composure with commendable ease, but after the strange man had departed, her hands had fussed about her veil and gown. The girls could see her red cheeks underneath her thin veil, and heard her irregular breathing. Barely seconds after returning to her chambers, the woman had collapsed onto her bed spread-eagled, chest heaving.
Some said that she had thrown off her veil and clutched at her chest, but that was probably just a rumor one of the eunuchs came up with. They did get very bored, watching over silly women day and night.
The eldest of the six had figured it out first, as was proper. Barely containing her obvious disgust, she cupped her trembling fingers around another one of the six's ear and whispered her revelation, blowing her hot breath against the girl's cheek.
This rumor had, with difficulty, remained a secret between the six. The eldest five had had to keep a particularly close watch on the group's junior, who was a known gossip. Nevertheless, none of them had breathed a word of their knowledge to anyone else.
And as their training continued, it became more and more apparent that they were correct.
The old woman lurked in the shadowed corners of the rooms where they were instructed, occasionally clearing her throat importantly to interrupt their lessons. She would then dismiss the teacher, if you could call her that, and took over the remainder of their daily instructions.
The girls had been very grateful to her at first, for she possessed a wealth of knowledge that would not have been expected from one so confined as herself. She taught them how a subtle cock of their hips would cause a man's eyes to flicker on them, to follow every swagger of their step. She showed them herself how to 'accidentally' turn their veils to reveal a fiercely glimmering eye. She fashioned the six into replicas of herself in her younger days, drumming her own thoughts and actions into their heads.
When their training drew to a close, the six knew what was coming, and no matter how hard they prayed for Allah to save them, no matter how hard they racked their brains for the simplest escape plan possible, nothing intervened to grant them leave from what was expected.
They were summoned to the woman's chambers, and although each of them had been expecting it, they each felt an unwelcome lurch in their stomachs and their heart rate increased dramatically. Two of their number regurgitated her breakfast on the stone floor and had to be dragged along to the khanum's room by the other four.
Luckily, all six had regained their composure at the khanum's door and had entered holding their heads high.
Although they had not yet been told what was expected of them, each one knew what was coming. Although the six had come to regard themselves as friends, each one would be lying if they did not admit to wishing with every fiber of their being that one of the others would be chosen. For no matter how strong their feelings for each other, they would gladly sacrifice each other for their own well being.
For not one of them truly knew how horrific or how wonderful an experience it would be. All six of them had become familiar with the man's peculiarities, and could not help but think the former.
The khanum entered abruptly, flanked by two eunuchs. The six bowed their heads respectfully, but it was only for show. All six of them loathed the woman in front of them for unknowingly placing this torture upon them.
"Raise your heads," the khanum commanded. The six obeyed, and though each was nearly paralyzed with fear, they could not help but notice a note of contempt and envy in the old woman's voice.
"Lift your veils," she instructed, her harsh voice grating against the humid air that surrounded them. They obliged, feeling rather self conscious.
The khanum moved along the line of girls, pushing her slightly chubby fingers into their cheeks and moving their heads to her will, so as not to miss a single angle of their faces. She made comments as she moved along, and although each was to be taken as a compliment, the coldness in her voice made it sound like a criticism.
"Nice, full lips on this one. Big eyes, too. But this one has an exquisitely shaped nose, he'd appreciate that. High cheekbones, long eyelashes… this one's a real beauty." And so she went on, examining them as one would a statue or a painting, casually throwing in the nameless 'he,' almost subconsciously. She commented on everything from bone structure to the thickness of their necks, sometimes adding scathing remarks like, "This one's nostrils are too large," or "This one has bushy eyebrows."
She never addressed them by name, they noticed. She would simply point and say, "this one." Although they had been trained to accept being treated as insignificant bodies with empty heads, this still stung the girls.
"Drop your gowns," was her next demand.
The six cast sideways glances at each other, all reluctant to obey. They were all very proud of their carefully sculpted bodies, and had been taught to artfully lower their gowns to please a prospective partner, but each became painfully self conscious in the khanum's presence. As they fumbled clumsily in their delayed actions, the girls found themselves wishing they had put on a few extra pounds to obtain that rounded stomach men found so unattractive.
The six now naked girls stood with their eyes staring blankly at the opposite wall, not looking at one another or the khanum. They held their arms stiffly at their sides, knowing that a single movement could be taken as an attempt to conceal part of their bodies. This was strictly forbidden in cases of this sort, where the khanum herself would pick out a girl.
Nevertheless, they could not help shuddering as her fingers explored new parts of their bodies, commenting now on the shape of their legs, the shape of their figures, the development of their chests…
The youngest of their number, still a child of fourteen, betrayed her emotions as a single tear rolled down her cheek and came to rest on her bare shoulder. She let out a very audible sniff, and the khanum, who had been examining the girl to her left, turned and slapped the girl. Instead of remaining upright to retain her dignity, the girl crumpled to the ground, now sobbing.
The khanum seized the girl's upper arm and dragged her up off the floor, her eyes boring into the girl's face. When she spoke, her words were pure venom.
"I could have you executed for such actions, do you understand?" The girl nodded wordlessly, biting her lip and taking in a deep breath in an attempt to stop her tears. "If this matter wasn't so important to me, I would without a second thought. But you may well be the one to please him the most, my dear, so you see this would be a foolish act on my part." She let her eyes trail over the girl's flawless skin and her rather thin and straight frame. "I take it you have realized why you are here, and do not fully appreciate the honor that may be bestowed upon you."
"If I may be so bold…" the eldest of the six spoke up, her voice rather high-pitched, but soft. The khanum's attention snapped onto the girl, and she lowered her head respectfully before continuing. "I do not fully understand the purpose of our…" She searched for the appropriate word, "…inspection. If you, dear lady, would be so kind as to explain…?"
For a moment, the khanum's nostrils flared and she looked as if she might slap this girl too. The eldest obviously knew what she was doing, for the khanum's expression softened slightly, and she took a step away from the girls.
"Put your gowns back on," the old woman instructed, and as they did so, they began to realize the purpose of the eldest's actions.
It was only a matter of time before the rest of them broke down sobbing like the youngest had done, and the khanum would then realize that all six of them had known their fate previously. While this alone may not be enough to warrant a punishment, their dread of such an action certainly would flare the khanum's rage. By asking the khanum to explain before this happened, the eldest was preventing unknowable disasters.
Now fully clothed, the six looked at the khanum expectantly, careful not to let their faces betray them.
"You all know, I am sure, that it is only a matter of time before you are accepted into the royal bed," Here the girls bit back gasps of excitement that were purely for show, "but before you do so, one of you will be sent as a reward for a certain young gentleman."
Here the khanum paused, betraying her feelings by closing her eyes briefly and resting her hand over her heart. When she continued, the girls could feel the intense longing and lust winding itself around her words.
"One of you will be chosen to go to bed with Erik."
Only two of their number was able to conceal her obvious displeasure at such a task. The rest all gasped, their hands flying to their mouths in horror. For although they had been expecting this for nearly two years, the torture of anticipation can never match the terror of a fear becoming reality.
The khanum pursed her lips and frowned, obviously disappointed in their reception. She did not strike any of them or threaten them with any punishments; she continued with her explanation as though nothing had happened.
"The shah wishes to grant Erik this honor, for the poor man has been without a woman's love his entire life. He wishes me to choose one of my newly trained virgins for Erik. As you all well know, this is the greatest honor a man can receive, and I expect whichever of you I choose to not deny him this honor."
The khanum waited patiently, in a manner altogether foreign to her, for the four girls to come to their senses. When the tears and sobs had ceased, and all six had resigned themselves to their fate, the khanum instructed them to, once again, remove their clothing and stand in a line.
She turned around so her back was to them, saying, "I will forget that this episode ever happened. My choice will not be influenced by any of your actions." She turned again and began her inspection again, moving down the line and making each girl feel like a decoration she was going to hang on her wall.
She then had each girl display her charm and allure, and assured them icily that she would know if they held back.
"Do not forget, girls," she reminded them, "that I have been present for all of your training sessions. I know what you can and cannot do, and you will be severely punished if you hold back."
Although each girl dreaded going to bed with Erik more than any torture they could imagine, they dared not refuse the khanum. She could be up to her usual tricks, and send the one who held back straight to the magician's skeletal arms.
After their sensual actions had come to an end, the khanum bid them all to leave her. Her two eunuchs accompanied them into the hallway outside her chambers and ordered them to stay. The two men withdrew back into the khanum's rooms, no doubt to aid her in her decision.
"I'll simply die if I'm chosen," one of the girls whispered the instant the door had closed after the two servants. There was a murmur of agreement.
In the following hour that the six waited for the khanum's decision, a plan was devised. The eldest was responsible for it, of course, being the most clever of the group. She had first gone around and asked each girl individually which they would prefer, going to bed with Erik or death. When each girl responded the latter, the eldest first ensured that they all really meant what they were saying.
The girl then explained that she could find a way to procure poison from another companion in the harem. The girl chosen to sleep with Erik would take the poison and be spared.
"But then another one of us will be chosen instead!" one of the girls argued.
"Then I will make sure there will be enough poison for all of us."
The girls sat in a morbid silence after this, each chilled with the prospect of killing themselves, for they knew that it would come to that rather unpleasant end. No matter who was chosen, each of them would be dead within a week.
It was with a subdued manner that the girls returned to the khanum's chambers. The woman had them stand in a line again, and prefaced her choice with a long-winded speech about how the girl chosen must treat this as an honor, not a punishment. Indeed, when she spoke, it was clear that she wished to take the chosen's place.
"I have chosen the girl who is not only the most beautiful, but the one who seems to have taken the most away from my personal training."
The girls all knew what the khanum really meant. She had chosen the girl most like herself, for she could then be in Erik's bed by proxy.
The khanum uttered no words, and her face was unreadable, when she simply straightened her index finger and pointed.
The girl fell to the floor in a dead faint. The eldest and youngest of the six, who had been flanking her on either side, made to help her up, but the khanum's two eunuchs were there within an instant, carrying the girl to another part of the khanum's chambers.
"You will see your friend after she had completed her duties," the khanum said coldly, dismissing the five remaining girls with a wave of her hand.
The five sat in their quarters long into the night, wondering if their friend had already been sent to do her duty. Although they had plotted to poison themselves before, not one of them had the heart to even attempt to bring it to her. It had been easy, talking about it, but now that it was before them nobody wanted to act. It was better for one to suffer than for six to die, wasn't it?
The poor girl did not awaken until mere minutes before she was to go to Erik. There were whispers that the khanum had drugged her while she was unconscious to prolong her sleep, and not a single girl or eunuch in the harem doubted it.
The girl sat in the khanum's chambers as the old woman hung beads around her neck, preparing her for Erik, silently praying to Allah or anyone who would listen to deliver her from this terrible fate. She pleaded silently with her five companions to bring her a goblet of wine, poison concealed in its red depths.
But no one came.
The khanum lovingly caressed the girl's cheek before her departure, saying, "Show him that even the most repulsive creature deserves someone to love," The khanum's fingers trailed down the girl's neck and over her chest, "and someone to love him back."
The girl was sent to Erik's quarters, guided and guarded by the eunuch. She barely felt his strong grip on her arm, barely noticed the sneers and laughter that followed her on her journey. She was dwelling on the khanum's final words to her. She had not been ordered to merely make sure Erik had a fine time with her and to do as he pleased, but to love him.
Well, she did not think that was possible.
It was impossible to love someone that you have only seen in passing, and Erik was so terrifying that the girl doubted she would ever be able to do as she khanum wished. She only vaguely heard the eunuch's whispered conversation with Nadir the daroga, who acted as Erik's doorman.
Before she was presented to Erik as a being to be used as he willed, the girl couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for the man. Perhaps he would not be such a terrible man as he seemed. He might be a kind and gentle bedmate. The girl took a deep breath, willing her fear to leave her.
Every thought of pity and kindness left her as she saw him.
Erik seemed not to notice her trembling, seemed not to understand how terrified she was of him. His reputation as a murderer and magician were nothing compared to being in the same room as him, to feel the power radiating from him. She knew that he could have bewitched her to do as he pleased, but he made no move towards her.
Erik was staring at her with such hunger that it frightened her beyond belief. He looked nothing like a man at that moment, but instead an animal reduced to rely on its instincts. His whole body tensed, and his breathing came in gasps she had not expected to hear from one with a voice so pure and lovely. She dreaded the moment he would open his mouth, unknowingly seducing her with words. She had heard that he was capable of anything with his voice.
But when he spoke, it was not in the lilting notes normally heard. His voice was sharp and demanding, sounding more like a rough criminal than a renown genius.
"Bring her forward."
Those three words caused her to lose all hope of kindness and pleasure. Up until that point, she had hoped he would treat her as an equal, as a woman to care for and love, not merely a body. She wanted him to ask her to come forward, not to demand her to be brought to him like an animal.
She shrunk back as a reflex, trying to hide herself in the folds of the eunuch's robes. Her own gown glimmered in the lamplight, the layers of sheer material just enough to conceal her body. She felt horribly exposed under Erik's piercing gaze, and felt as if he could see straight through her clothes to the body hidden beneath them.
The eunuch grabbed her arms roughly and began dragging her across the floor. She struggled against his grip, thoughts running wildly through her head. Her eyes remained focused on his, her heart beating faster and faster as his masked face grew closer.
The eunuch threw her none too kindly to Erik's feet, where she cowered humbly, still nursing a glimmer of hope that she may not be to his liking and would be turned out before she had to fulfill her duties.
He reached forward with a white skeletal hand. She shook as Erik's hand lifted her veil, his fingers nearly brushing against her nose. A coldness seemed to hover around his entire being, for her skin prickled as his hand passed over the air near it. Her nose wrinkled as she caught a whiff of his hands; they smelled like death.
She looked up into his eyes, pleading for release. She had no wish to lie with a man colder than a grave. She had heard enough about his famed torture chamber to know that he had no compassion for others, no care of others' discomfort. He would no doubt be abusive, and she may not survive the night if she acted out of turn.
"How old are you?" he asked suddenly.
"Fifteen," she was barely able to speak, afraid that so much as a displeasing word would earn her a punishment worse than death. As an afterthought, she added, "Master," in hopes of mollifying him.
"Have they told you what is expected of you?"
"Yes." Her lips barely moved. Tears were forming in her eyes, hovering on the edge of her eyelid, ready to cascade down her exquisitely shaped cheeks.
"Very well," The girl could hear a note of resignation in his voice, as if he resented the fact that she was being forced upon him. "I have seen what lies behind your veil, my dear…" There was an abrupt change in his voice; it was softer, more calm, "now you shall be accorded a reciprocal honor. Come forward and remove my mask."
She dared not move. She had never expected he would want her to see his face, to look in terror upon the face that had frightened so many before herself. She knew that she would not react in a way that would please him if she had to look at his face. Wasn't it better for her to never see what was behind the white fabric?
Her fingers twitched, and her empty stomach lurched. She knew that, if she saw his face, she would never be able to lie with him. Would he, upon her refusal, rip his mask from his face, drag her into his bed, and rape her?
"To refuse me now is to refuse the shah himself," Erik reminded her, his voice emotionless and steady. "If you resist I shall take you by force and then return you to execution at his hands."
Then he did not care for her wishes! He had no sympathy for her, no human feelings other than anger and hate. He cared for no one but himself. He was not only deformed on the outside, but the inside as well. The girl hiccoughed, fighting back a sob.
"But only come to me willingly for this one night and I swear you shall go free at dawn. One night buys you the rest of your life and the means to spend it in honorable comfort." Was she imagining it, or was his voice pleading with her? And yet she felt no draw, no sexual pull to join him. Was he really allowing her to make a conscious decision? Almost as an afterthought, he added, "And perhaps, after all, that night will not be so terrible as you fear…."
He stretched his arm forward, offering the trembling girl his hand. She shrank back, not able to find the words to express how she felt. If only there was some way of explaining to him that she had no desire whatsoever to go to bed with him, and even if she did consent of her own free will, she would regret it for the rest of her life. Even if she went with him willingly, it would still feel like rape.
"You would rather die than lie with me? You would truly rather die?"
The girl collapsed to the ground, sobbing. She was not sobbing out of self-pity, or out of fear, but out of sadness. Erik's voice had sounded as if her refusal was the greatest emotional pain he had ever suffered. She pitied him, and yet she would not lie with him. Crying hysterically, she willed him to understand that she was too weak, too inexperienced, to young to bear this burden.
She looked up at him through watery eyes, pleading with him to let her go free.
Erik turned away from her, saying coldly, "Take the child away."
The girl felt her entire body go limp at his words, thanking Allah that Erik had decided against taking her for his own. Her tears had stained her thin clothing, but still they came, her nose dribbling onto the floor. She was too distraught to realize how she was disgracing herself.
She felt the eunuch's arms around her middle, and he began pulling her body, convulsing with sobs, out of Erik's chambers. As they departed, she heard him say, "Damn you, tell him whatever is necessary to ensure that she receives no punishment."
If only the daroga had not slammed the door as soon as the hem of the girl's gown had cleared the doorway, for at Erik's words, her tears ceased flowing and her body went limp in the eunuch's arms. Her breathing was heavy, and she was slipping in and out of consciousness.
But one thought was constant in her mind, and she willed her unresponsive body to move.
I only wish I could show Erik my gratitude. I may never muster the courage to go to bed with him, but the kindness he has shown me is warrant enough for some display of affection. A kiss, perhaps…
