Another week at the NCIS office had almost passed, as it was 23:00 in the bull pen, and Tony, McGee, and Bishop still sat at their desks. It had been almost a year since they handed in their badges, since Tony went Israel, since Bishop was added to the team, and Tony couldn't stop thinking about it.
He sat there in silence, looking at the piles of paperwork he had recently just finished. He was waiting for McGee and Bishop to finish up, they were meeting Abby at the bar as soon as they were finished. It was apparent that Bishop had already finished and that McGee was wrapping up things at his desk. Only, Tony didn't notice this, because he wasn't paying attention. He didn't even realize that he was day dreaming until McGee said
"Hey, Tony, you ready to go?" and Tony looked up and saw both Tim and Ellie standing over him in front of his desk.
"Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm ready." Tony said.
Tim gave him a concerning look and Tony gave him the "Yep" face in return, and Tony got up in his dazed state and followed his two partners into the elevator descending below the bull pen. The bar was not far from the bull pen, and they were walking there. Tony was in front of the two remaining agents. McGee and Bishop talking about her home out west and her new favorite thinking food. Without really thinking, Tony said,
"I took Ziva to this bar over a year ago. That's the last time I was here."
Ellie just looked down at the sidewalk and McGee gave Tony a cautious 'are you okay' look and Tony just sighed and squeezed his eyes shut for a second. It was very apparent now that something was wrong with him, and just then, they walked into the bar. Abby spotted them from across the crowded room and ran up to meet them.
"Hey guys!" She said as she ran up to them, the alcohol hint in her breath apparent. They walked toward her as Abby embraced them all in one of her big, peppy hugs.
"Tony, McGee, Bishop, its so good to see all of you!"
"It's good to see you, Abby." said Bishop with a big smile on her face, and Tim hugged her and said "Yeah, its been a long day." and the four people walked into the bar.
They found and table and sat down, Bishop and Abby went to the bar to ourder a round of drinks. Leaving only Tony and Tim at the table.
"Alright, Tony, come on. Whats going on?"
"Nothing, Tim, I'm, I'm fine."
"No, Tony, you aren't." Tim said, as he nudged Tony's hand and said "You've been carrying that around all night, and I don't think I'm the only one whos noticed."
"Oh." Tony said. "To be honest, I didn't even realize." And he looked at the gold Star of David necklace in his hand. He gave it a squeeze and put it in his right coat pcoket. He sighed.
"It's been a long time, Tony. Have you heard from her?"
"No, McGee, I haven't. She hasn't even called. The last time she did this was-"
"Somalia." McGee cut him off.
"Yeah." Tony said, and accepted the glass of bourbon on the rocks Ellie handed him with a smiled on her face.
"It feels so good to be out of the office." Bishop said, and Tim and Abby gingerly agreed, and they made a toast, to good days and good friends. They all drank.
They sat there and talked and laughed, Abby reliving the fun times they all have together. The cool autum air was sending a crisp breeze through the windows, and Tony thought, as they all thought, that autum is a season of rememberance, the spice and sweetness at work in the wisps of the wind and the falling leaves of the color changing trees.
"Tonight," Abby said "is a good night. Don't you just love those?"
McGee and Bishop laughed and smiled, and then excused themselves to go get another round of drinks at the bar, taking stacks of empty glasses with them.
"Tony," Abby spoke again, "I know something is on your mind, do you wanna talk about it? I mean, you know I'm always here for you."
"I know, Abs." Tony said, as he embraced her in a hug. "It's just been hard for me this past year, some things just come back to me when I least expect them to, when I finally thought I buried them in the mounds of the past."
"Its not about burying them, Tony, its about letting them go."
"I can't let her go, Abs. Not even after all of this time. Bishop is great, you know, she really is. Funny, smart, reliable, cute even, but-"
"But not Ziva." Abby cut him off. "I know."
"It's just, it's weird, you know? Not having her around all the time. The last time I was here was with her."
Abby just listened, becase she knew that was all she could do.
"We got so close all those years, and I finally felt something coming, something good. And then just like that, it was over. I lost a best friend, Abs. Someone to talk to, someone to look forward to."
"There will be other women, Tony. Other partners, and you've got us. You've always got us. "
Tony smiles. "I know, Abs. Its just. We understood eachother. We bickered all the time, and picked on her, but I really, cared about her, you know? More than I've ever cared about anyone, I think."
"Tony, these things happen. People leave us, or don't love us, and then we fall apart. But we have to put ourselves back together. And you have, but its-it's hard, I know. It was, is, hard on all of us. I know you guys were close, but she had to do this, and she never meant to hurt you. Ziva would, she would never hurt you. I know that. I'm all about facts, and thats a fact."
"It did hurt, Abby, it still does. I don't talk to her, I don't even talk about her. There are week or month long periods where I don't even think about her, but then, but then she always comes back to me, in some way. I just don't know what to do anymore. A part of me feels like it was, lost, in all of this. She was the only person I ever really opened up to, an outlet. And now shes gone."
"Maybe she'll be back one day, Tony, but you can't live your life waiting for her, you know damn well that is not what Ziva would have wanted."
"I know it isn't."
And then he drank from the glass Tim handed him, and the night continued on, just as all nights and days do.
