Disclaimer: I do not own any of JKR's characters, although I would like that.

A/N: Well, I had this idea, and wrote this. First it was in Dutch, but I lost it, altough I had an English translation on my computer. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes in it. Please R&R!

Saying goodbye doesn't exist

It was the night when I promised to go to the house of my best friend James en his wife, Lily, who was the only one I've ever loved in my whole life. She and James had a son, Harry, who was my Godchild. A prophecy was spoken and it could be mentioning Harry, and because of that, they had used the Fidelius spell. I had persuaded them to choose Peter as the Secret Keeper, which was a stupid fault. When I arrived with my flying motor at their house, riding, because the Muggles wouldn't think anything of that, their house was their house anymore. Everywhere lay pieces of the walls and that sort of stuff. The dead bodies of James and Lily lay between the pieces of wall and everything. But Harry was still alive, but I couldn't look at him. I couldn't stop looking at the dead bodies of Lily and James, knowing what Peter had done: he had told to Voldemort where they live. If I hadn't made that fault, they we're still alive, I can Lily hear talking with her warm voice. I could have done so much. I couldn't have known Peter would do something like that, could I? Peter loved to be friends with clever and big people, or even talk to them every so often. I could've known it. If I had only persuaded them to choose Remus. He would never walk over to the Dark Side. There I go again… if I had only… I couldn't and cannot look in future. I couldn't stop this. I thought I could trust Peter, but no. thanks to him I can never hear Lily anymore. But in my thoughts.
Hagrid came to, on orders of Dumbledore. He was told to get Harry and bring him to his aunt and uncle. I don't want that to happen; I was his Godfather. Hagrid kept telling me that Harry must go to his aunt and uncle, his only lived relatives. Finally I let him and Harry go. Hagrid picked up Harry and brought him, on my flying motor, to his aunt and uncle. I couldn't look longer to the bodies of James and Lily. I had to say goodbye, but I couldn't. I had to turn my back at them and keep fighting against the tears, but the last I couldn't stop.

I shut the diary with a loud thud. I couldn't write any longer. It may not come unreadable because of the tears, just for later. I would give Harry the diary and let him read it, if I could. I did not want to think about James and Lily anymore, but I couldn't stop it, adding in my thoughts more words to the text I had wrote just a few minutes ago.

Lily, sweet, beautiful Lily. You were never mine. I cannot hear and see you any longer. The only thing I could do is visit your grave, and cry by your grave, but I couldn't an cannot do it. I cannot cry at your grave. I have to be a man, but I can't, and especially not if I am by your grave, because men don't cry.
James, Prongs forever. The same count's for you. I want to make sure that everything is all right with Harry, and do everything for him, if he wasn't by is aunt and uncle, which I, sorry I'm saying it, hate.

Tears we're falling down, landing on the table beneath me. I shove the diary away, scared of making everything unreadable, even when the diary is closed, because of the tears that were searching the way down to my face. I mustn't cry. I had to be a man. But on this moment, I couldn't. I realised that saying goodbye exist, even when I thought it doesn't. but I couldn't say goodbye, not now, not ever.