The Healer's Trial
by Auryn Rei Evroren
"Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work- a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you- especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards."
-Cupid
From the minute Nico di Angelo stepped (or was dragged, depending on who you asked) into the Camp Half-Blood infirmary, everyone present wished him gone. Now don't be confused, it had nothing to do with his status as a son of Hades. It all had to do with the volume.
"I am not drinking anything that looks like Gorgon piss."
"You are if you want to get better."
"I'm not even really sick, you moron!"
"You don't get to decide that, I do."
"Then decide it already!"
"Take your medicine!"
"Not a chance!"
"I mean it, Nico!"
"Bite me, Solace!"
The Apollo camp healers all sighed. This was the seventh time in the last three months that Nico di Angelo had been forced into medical treatment by his surprisingly tenacious boyfriend, and it was already proving to be just as overdramatic as the first six occurrences. Thankfully, they had long since decided that the stash of earplugs from the supply closet was just going to live in the break area, within easy reach.
Will appeared from behind the partition in front of Nico's bed, rolling his eyes as he stalked back to the small folding table that served him as a desk when he needed one. He dropped onto his rolling stool and began scribbling on a patient file. "Attitude- improving," he mumbled to himself as his spidery handwriting spread across the page.
"How long is he here this time?" Kayla called exasperatedly from across the room.
"Until I say he can leave!" Will retorted without missing a beat.
"How long until they get past the 'bickering like an old married couple' stage?" someone else muttered.
"Depends on how long until I run out of patience and kill him!" Nico shouted from behind his partition.
"Bring it on, Death Boy!" Will hollered.
"I said not to call me that!"
"BOTH OF YOU, SHUT IT!" screeched Kayla. "Or so help me Zeus, I will kick both of you out of this infirmary!"
Will and Nico both fell silent, but Will could feel Nico glaring daggers at his back. The blond sighed, rubbing his blue eyes. He'll get over it, he thought tiredly. Eventually he'll learn how to deal with people who care about him.
Half and hour later, when the dinner bell rang, Will stopped by Nico's bed on his way out of the infirmary. "Hey," he said warmly, placing a hand on Nico's leg. "You want me to bring you something to eat?"
Nico shrugged. He had a book in his hands, but the unfocused look in his eyes told Will that he wasn't really reading it. "Nah, I'm not hungry," Nico said. "Tell the others I said hi from prison." He spoke in a near-monotone, but the slight twitch at the corners of his mouth betrayed the joke.
"You know I'm going to bring something anyway," Will said seriously. "You have to eat if you want to be healthy."
"I'm fine, Will, really," Nico said more firmly. "You know I'll tell you if I feel like there's really a problem. And I'll eat when I get hungry."
"If you say so." Will shrugged, and leaned down to give his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. His skin was cool and pale, but not ice-cold like it had been in the past. Moreover, Nico let him do it. Two months ago, he would have punched Will in the stomach if he'd tried such a move. Will sincerely wished Nico would at least act like he appreciated the attention, but that was Nico for you. "I'll be back after dinner. Enjoy your book."
"Yeah." Nico waved absently as Will disappeared out the infirmary door.
"Hey, Will!"
Will was headed to the infirmary with a tray for Nico, but stopped when he heard his name. Turning, he saw Jason Grace jogging to catch up to him. "Piper wanted me to check on you," Jason said casually. "She said you were a little quiet at dinner."
"I'm fine," Will assured the son of Jupiter. "Nico's just being a pain, as usual."
Jason raised a brow. "That's probably not a good 'as usual' to have, bro," he said seriously. "What's going on?"
Will shrugged. "What else?" he said tiredly. "He doesn't want me or anyone else caring if he lives or dies. It really is fine, Jason, I can handle one rogue son of Hades. Even if he does have his father's personality sometimes."
Jason winced at the sting in Will's voice. "I don't know, man," he said carefully. "You might not want to push him too far. Nico's…different."
"I know that," Will said with a hollow laugh. He adjusted so the he held Nico's tray in one hand, using the other to rake his messy blond hair out of his eyes. "He never stops reminding me. I'm starting to wonder if he's ever going to wake up and smell the ambrosia. He broods because he's 'so alone', but he won't let anyone get close enough to fix the problem."
Looking closer, Jason could see the haunting in Will's eyes. He was pouring out all he had for the son of Hades, and while Jason and his friends could see that Will was making more progress than anyone had ever done before, it still wasn't enough. Will was a stand-up sort of guy with a good attitude most of the time, but how long could he take the constant strain of dealing with Nico di Angelo? The dark-haired Italian had a seriously intense amount of baggage to be bringing into any relationship, romantic or otherwise. If Will wasn't careful, he could break under its weight.
Jason decided to take at least some control of the situation. "Give me that," he said abruptly. He reached out and took Nico's dinner tray. "You're not in any condition to talk to him right now. You need a break."
"I'm fine-" Will started to protest, but Jason cut him off. "No, you're not fine," he said, exasperated. "Gods, you two are a perfect pair, you're both stubborn as mules. I will take Nico his dinner, and you are going to find somewhere else to be until the campfire."
Will threw up his hands. "Fine!" he said. "Just remind him to put some more of that balm I gave him on his shoulder wound." Without another word, Will turned and stalked away. The scowl on his face, Jason noticed, didn't really suit him, but it was amusingly reminiscent of Nico.
Sighing, Jason turned in the direction of the infirmary. If he didn't get there soon, Nico's food was going to get cold. Still, he couldn't help but walk a bit slowly, his mind clouded. Will Solace was the best thing to ever happen to Nico di Angelo, but if they were going to make it, they would have to be on the same page. There's got to be something we can do, Jason thought. He made up his mind to hash it out with Piper later.
When Jason arrived at the infirmary, Nico had his headphones on, listening to music while he read his book. They looked like good, expensive headphones, the kind that block out all outside sound. It was almost a full minute before Nico even noticed Jason standing there. Once he finally saw him, Nico placed his bookmark and slipped off the headphones. "Hey," he said. He nodded at the tray in Jason's hand. "I'm guessing Will made you bring that?"
Jason shrugged. "I offered," he said. "Hadn't seen you since you got thrown in lockup again. They should just make this bed yours forever."
Wryly, Nico tugged on the blanket that covered the bed, hiking it up so that Jason could see the end. On the baseboard at the foot of the bed, the infirmary minders had placed a small chalkboard plaque with "Death Boy" written on it, along with a few crudely drawn skulls.
Jason snorted. "How nice of them," he said sarcastically. He set the tray of food on Nico's bedside table, then took a seat on the bed. Nico wordlessly pulled his feet aside so the son of Jupiter could sit comfortably. He glanced at the food tray, scowled, and reached for his book once more.
"You're not even going to eat it?" Jason asked, puzzled.
Nico sighed. "I told him I wasn't hungry," he said, "But he doesn't listen to me anymore. Nothing I say will convince him that I'm perfectly capable of getting dinner myself, when I'm actually hungry."
"That doesn't seem fair," Jason wheedled carefully. "He's just trying to make sure you take care of yourself. Face it, Neeks, you don't exactly have the best track record."
"That doesn't mean I need a nursemaid," Nico snapped. He sighed again, and raked an angry hand through his raven hair. "I don't…I don't know what to do with him," he muttered, frustration apparent in his every gesture. His hands were clenched into fists, shaking with the effort of trying to open them. Jason leaned over, concerned. He reached out a hand, but remembered Nico's hatred of being touched, and pulled it back. "Nico…" he said softly. The son of Hades shook his head, his eyes shut tight as if he were trying to put together a mental jigsaw puzzle.
"Thanks for the dinner tray, Jason," Nico mumbled. "And for coming by. But don't worry. I'm fine."
He obviously wasn't fine by any means, but Jason recognized the dismissal. He wasn't going to get any more from Nico. He stood up and headed for the door, worry clouding his mind. He paused in the doorway to glance back, and saw that Nico had picked up his headphones again. The look on the son of Hades' face was etched with worry and fear. It was a look Jason had hoped to never see on Nico's face again. Something was definitely very wrong. Jason decided to talk to Will at the campfire that night, and left.
Had he stayed another few minutes, Jason might have heard the sound of shattering plastic, as though a pair of very nice headphones made forceful contact with a brick wall.
Will Solace was a friendly, usually upbeat kind of guy. He always found someone to talk to. Even when he had Nico and his dark cloud of angst around, Will generally managed to smile and be sociable. That was not the case at tonight's campfire. Tonight, Will sat alone, toward the back of the amphitheater, his elbows braced on his knees in a hunched position. His gaze was focused intently on the ground. He didn't appreciate being directed away from his own boyfriend. If anyone knew what was best for Nico, it was him…not Jason "Mr. Perfect" Grace.
Will thought he was going to raise the dead himself when Jason, of all people, slid up next to him. "Hey," the son of Jupiter said quietly. "Can we talk?"
Curtly, Will nodded.
"I think there's something going on with Nico," Jason said seriously. "I went to talk to him and he's…he's acting weird, even for him. He's been doing so much better lately, I thought he was making progress with people, but now it just looks like he's backsliding. I haven't seen him this anxious since…" He trailed off, but they both knew what he was thinking.
Since Gaea.
"I've tried asking him about it," Will said wearily, "But he won't say a word."
"That's the thing…" Jason hesitated. When Will met his eyes, he swallowed nervously. "I was thinking," Jason said slowly, "-that maybe you should talk to Reyna."
Will sat up. "Reyna?" he repeated. Jason nodded. "Reyna really understands Nico," he said with a shrug. "If anyone would know why he's acting weird, it's probably her."
The tightness in Will's face revealed how hard he had to focus on swallowing his obvious jealousy. He wanted to be the one who understood Nico better than anyone. Why wouldn't Nico just trust him a little? Why did Reyna get to breach the son of Hades' walls, when even his own boyfriend couldn't?
That wasn't fair and Will knew it. Nico had a long, arduous life before he'd become close with Will, and a good portion of that had been spent on a death-defying journey across the world, fighting to get the Athena Parthenos back to Camp Half-Blood in one piece. Demigods didn't come out of quests like that without making some bonds. But it still hurt.
"Trust me," Jason said reassuringly. "Go to New Rome and talk to Reyna. I think it'll help."
"I don't exactly have the free time to be skipping about all over the country, Jason," Will said exasperatedly. "Won't an Iris-message do?"
Jason shrugged again. "I guess it could in a pinch, but honestly I think you could use the break time. And some conversations are better in person. Don't worry, the infirmary can manage without you for a couple of days."
For a moment, Will was silent. When he did speak, it was so soft that Jason could barely hear him. "And you really think she can help?" he asked, the fear making his voice tremble just a little.
Jason clapped Will firmly on the shoulder. "I'm positive," he said. "You'll find your answers in New Rome."
Shakily, Will stood. The glow of the campfire's flames sank into the contours of his face, revealing how tired the son of Apollo really was. "I guess I have some arrangements to make," he said. "I can leave in the morning."
Will turned and left without a word, his hands shoved into his pockets. A few of the Apollo campers called out to him as he disappeared from the campfire, but he didn't answer them. Something in the slump of his shoulders kept them from following. Really, that was best, Will thought. He had a stop to make before he left for New Rome, and that was better done alone.
Will had expected to find Nico awake when he got to the infirmary. It was normal for Nico to be up late, he liked the silence and calm of night. However, when Will pulled aside the curtain that partitioned Nico's area from the rest, he found the son of Hades curled up like a cat, dead to the world. He had the sheet and thin blanket pulled so tightly around himself to block out the cold that he was in danger of self-suffocation. Smiling to himself, Will turn to get another blanket from the linen cupboard.
Crack.
The crackling noise made Will stop and look down. His face went pale white. The headphones that he'd given Nico for his birthday were on the floor, shattered into a hundred pieces.
Nico, what in Hades did you do? he wondered, biting his lip. It wasn't that Nico didn't like them, Will knew that for sure. He was always listening to music, it was an easy escape from attention. No one wanted to bother him if he had his music on. Plus, Will had sprung for the ones with the noise-cancelling option, so Nico could use them to really tune out when he was getting overwhelmed. The gift had gone over so well, Nico had left a few embarrassing marks on Will's skin that had limited his wardrobe choice for a few days.
So why did it look like Nico had thrown them at the brick wall as hard as he could?
Will's eyes began to sting. He wanted to help Nico, so why did it seem like he was just getting worse and worse? It hurt to see the son of Hades in this state. Will was a medic, he didn't like when nothing he did made a difference.
He reached out a hand toward his sleeping boyfriend. He needed to tell him he was leaving, they could sort out the broken headphones mess later…but something made him pull back. Clenching his fist so hard his nails bit into his palm, Will forced himself to turn away from Nico. Waking him up now would only make things worse, and Will couldn't afford to be the straw that broke the di Angelo's back. Jason was right; Nico needed help, and Will couldn't give it to him. As much as it pained him to admit, Reyna might be exactly what Nico needed. Will knew it as well as any doctor; when one medicine doesn't work, you try something else.
His mouth set in a grim line, Will turned on his heel and strode over to his desk. He would leave a note, so Nico wouldn't worry. He trusted Jason to cover for him if needed. And if Nico was mad at him…well, he would deal with that when he got back. Assuming Nico still wanted anything to do with him.
For such a short note, it took Will an inordinate amount of time to write. It was nearly three in the morning before he was finished. Feeling like he might be sick if he stayed any longer, Will left the note on Nico's bedside table next to his book and made to take off for the Apollo cabin. He didn't have much time to pack his things, and he still had Chiron to talk to. He could sleep on the plane.
Will paused in the infirmary door, turning to take one last look at the peacefully sleeping Nico di Angelo.
Wait for me, Nico, he thought desperately. Just wait for me. I'll find whatever it is you need. I'll do whatever I have to.
The next morning, Kayla immediately released Nico from the infirmary.
"I've got more important things to do than babysit you because Will's in a huff," she said, pushing Nico out the door. "And you tell him when he gets back, if he brings you back here anytime before Christmas we're going to lock you in the supply closet."
"You're welcome to give it your best shot," Nico replied coolly. "But you might need a hospital bed yourself." He'd been agitated ever since he'd woken up to find Will's note on the beside table.
"Get out of here, Death Boy," Kayla said, rolling her eyes. "No one here's afraid of you anymore." And with that, she shut the door in his face.
Nico sighed. Will's note had been so damn vague that it had taken a good bit of self-control for Nico to resist tearing it into miniscule pieces.
Nico,
I'm leaving camp for a day or two. It's nothing bad, so don't worry about me, I just have something I need to do. I should be back by Sunday. If you start feeling bad, tell Kayla right away. Do NOT overdo it while I'm gone, and NO Underworld-y stuff. I'll know if you do.
I promise to come back better than when I left. Please take care of yourself. You can Iris-message me if you have to.Will
Was this his answer to the tension between them from the last few weeks? Leaving? As the poster boy for running away from his problems, Nico could attest to the fact that it wasn't a fantastically effective solution. He thought Will knew that too. So then what had possessed him to just take off and leave without even saying goodbye properly? And what on earth did he mean by "come back better than when he left"?
This isn't like you, Will, Nico thought, his mind suddenly clouded with worries about what might have gone wrong. For all everyone seemed to think he was a brooding psycho with no feelings to speak of, Nico really cared for Will. The boy never ran away, never got too lost in his own thoughts. Those were all Nico's moves. Now he felt like he'd been left out of the loop, like Will had something going on that he didn't want Nico dealing with. He'd just vanished without a proper word, leaving only a cryptic note…
Nico crumpled the note in his fist and shoved his hands into his pockets, his face shadowed. A new, horrible thought was now stuck in his mind.
Is this what it feels like to be you, Will?
When he reached New Rome, Will was relieved to find that the Romans paid him little attention. He'd sent a message ahead to Reyna to keep this low-key, as he didn't have a great cover story for why he was there, and didn't feel like dragging all of Twelfth Legion Fulminata into his relationship problems.
The sun was beginning to sink behind the mountains, the sky taking on a pink tinge. Only Hazel and Frank were there to meet him. Hazel greeted Will warmly, giving him a hug, and Frank clapped him on the shoulder.
"We were wondering when we'd see you again," Hazel said, brushing her curly hair away from her eyes. "Though I'm surprised Nico let you come out here without him."
"It's a long story," Will said with a shrug. "I just needed to talk to Reyna. Do you think she'll have time soon?" Frank nodded. "Sure," he said. "That's the perk of having two functioning praetors. I can take over the responsible stuff for a while tonight, if you want."
Will swallowed hard, but nodded. "Sooner better than later," he said.
"We'll take you to her office," said Hazel, looping her arm through Will's and dragging him off.
"Our office," Frank corrected under his breath, stepping in to follow them.
As they headed for the principia, Will tried to quell the nervous turning of his stomach. He liked Reyna well enough, she didn't really scare him- at least, not any more than Clarisse could –but he got the feeling she wouldn't be afraid to tell him the truth, however cold or harsh it might be. The thought wasn't a comfortable one. Nico had always spoken highly of her. What if she told him that he was the problem? What if he didn't deserve Nico di Angelo, because he couldn't take care of him properly? Reyna might go so far as to drag Nico away to California.
"Will?"
Hazel's voice was soft, and concerned. "You look pale," she said. "Haven't you been sleeping lately?"
Will tried to open his mouth to reply, but his throat was dry as sandpaper. He barely managed a squeak, before he had to clear his throat just to go on. "I'm fine," he said hoarsely. "I just need to talk to Reyna. She can fix everything."
"Fix what?" Frank asked warily. Hazel put her hand on his arm. They shared a look, and Frank's gaze suddenly softened. It made Will's guts twist. He couldn't share looks like that with Nico.
"We'll let you talk with Reyna," Hazel said kindly. "But just…Will, you'd let me know if there was anything I needed to worry about?" She swallowed hard. "Nico is…well, in some ways, he's all I have. And he loves you. If he let you come all the way out here in this state…" Hazel trailed off, as if she didn't know what else to say.
Will's blue eyes widened. "I don't think it's anything serious," he tried to correct halfheartedly, not wanting to worry Hazel. "He's just…being himself. It's nothing, I just need Reyna to help me, uh, translate."
Hazel didn't look convinced, but Frank put his arm around her shoulders. "Nico gets like that sometimes," he said calmly. "We understand. Just let us know if there's anything we can do to help."
They came to a stop outside Reyna and Frank's office door. Frank reached over and rapped on the door, then opened it.
"Reyna," Frank said, "Will's here to see you."
Reyna Ramìrez-Arellano looked up from her seat, where she was going over what looked like an inventory list. "Will, it's nice to see you again," she said with a smile. "I was just about to step out and get some hot chocolate." She got to her feet and stretched her arms out. "I've been sitting here too long. You, too, I imagine, just getting off a plane. Walk with me?"
Will nodded, slipping his hands into his pockets.
"Frank, would you mind staying on duty in case anyone needs anything?" Reyna called over her shoulder as they strode out of the office.
"Sure thing," Frank replied easily.
Reyna led Will outside and to a nearby café, where a waiter brought her a to-go cup of hot chocolate, and strong tea for Will. They went up to a garden terrace at the top of a nearby hill, looking out over the city of New Rome as the sun went down.
"So," Reyna started quietly. "Your message said you were worried about Nico. And Jason sent you to me?"
Will gripped his cup with both hands, staring at it as if it held all of the answers he sought. "I don't really know what's going on with Nico," he confessed. "We were fine, he was fine, for months, but now…he's gotten more surly than usual, and I don't know what changed. Whatever it is, I didn't notice it. But he just seems like he's…backsliding." Jason's word was a good one.
Will went on to explain about the dinner tray and strange things Jason has said about Nico's attitude. The moody silence. The broken headphones.
"I see," Reyna said. She took a moment to stare out over the city, thinking. "And nothing changed about his daily life?"
"I don't think so," Will said with a shrug. "I mean, not recently. He's been to the infirmary a few times, but that's nothing new."
"What for?" Reyna asked.
Will set down his tea cup and started ticking off the list on his fingers. "Hellhound bite, lava wall burn, over-exertion, shadow-travelled into a tree, Percy tried to drown him in the lake, a wraith got him in the shoulder with some kind of mace, and clinical depression."
Reyna raised her brows at him.
"Don't look at me like that," Will said defensively. "I fixed him. Well, the physical wounds."
"Of course you did," Reyna murmured. "That's what you do."
Will dropped his hands to his side. He could sense where she was going with this. "Someone has to," he muttered. "He won't take care of himself, no matter how many times I ask, and he'll die if no one watches out for him." And I'm the one who loves him enough to do it, the nasty little voice inside his head added. Will thrust it away, trying not to listen.
"You mentioned depression," Reyna said carefully. "Did Nico ask you to help with that?"
After a pause, Will answered. "No," he said. "But I know what it looks like. And demigods have to be careful about that sort of thing."
"Did he spend time in the infirmary?" Reyna asked.
"Of course," Will replied.
They lapsed into silence for a few minutes. Reyna twisted her silver ring as she thought, while Will tried to force himself to drink his tea. It was warm and good, but there was something about it that just didn't calm him like it usually did.
It had to have been nearly ten minutes by the time Reyna spoke again.
"Tell me about what it's like for Nico, at Camp Half-Blood," Reyna said decisively. "His routine. A day in the life of Nico di Angelo."
Will blinked in confusion. It was an odd request, but not particularly difficult. "He…usually eats breakfast alone," he said slowly. "He's not a morning person. Big shock, I know. He can't stand me or anyone else until after ten. Then he helps Percy with sword lessons for some of the newer campers, and then comes to see me in the infirmary for a while."
Will's eyes glazed over. He could almost see his descriptions, as though they were happening right then. The grumpy slouch of Nico's shoulders as he shoveled cereal into his mouth, the dark blur that was his Stygian iron sword in action.
"And then?" Reyna prompted calmly.
"We eat lunch together," Will said. "Sometimes at the Hades table, just me and him. Sometimes he eats with Jason at his table. Every now and then the three of us and Percy eat together, sometimes with Piper and Annabeth and Leo. It just depends on how he feels that day."
"Do you always eat with Nico?" Reyna asked. Will shook his head. "Just most of the time," he clarified. "I get busy in the infirmary and miss lunch occasionally." Reyna's expression darkened a bit. She gestured for Will to go on.
He took a deep breath, and continued. "He does his own thing in the afternoons," he said. "Sometimes he helps Jason with building shrines. He has his own projects too. He's been working with Clarisse on camp security lately. He's got a knack for finding monster loopholes and closing them up."
"Sounds like he's fitting in okay," Reyna commented. Will nodded enthusiastically. "He's been doing great, by Nico standards," he said, almost brightly. "I mean, some of the kids are still a little weirded out by him, but that's just his personality. Jason and Piper and the rest are always friendly, and the rest of Apollo cabin's used to him. Even the Ares campers are starting to like having him around."
Reyna chewed her lip, thinking hard. "Does he still do…you know…death-y things?" she asked uncertainly.
Will paused, then nodded. "Some things you really need a child of Hades for," he said with a shrug. "It's a little weird, but it's not his fault, he didn't pick his father. Sooner or later the rest of camp will learn to look past it."
Reyna closed her eyes, as though she'd heard what she was hoping not to. Will froze, concerned. "What?" he asked. "What is it?"
The daughter of Bellona took a deep breath, and opened her eyes. She stared at Will unblinkingly. "I understand now," she said quietly, but firmly. "Jason was right to send you to me. I think I know what your problem is."
"Tell me," Will demanded. "If I know, I can fix it!"
Slowly, Reyna shook her head. "No, Will," she said. "You can't fix it. You can't look past it. It's not about you. It's about Nico." Her voice was slightly pained, as if she hated having to say it.
Will's expression fell. "I don't understand," he said, disheartened.
Reyna sighed. "Will, I want you to think about who Nico is, for a minute," she said. "I think- and I might be wrong, but I have a feeling I'm not. I think your problem is that there's nothing wrong with Nico."
"Nothing…wrong?" Will repeated, dumbfounded. "Of course there's nothing wrong with him, that's what I do." His voice was defensive, but also scared. He was beginning to sweat a little.
Reyna shook her head again. "That's not what I mean," she said. "I mean, there's really nothing wrong with him. His flaws- they're not something you can look past or fix. His father isn't something that happened to him, he's a part of him that can't be changed. It can't be ignored."
"I don't-" Will started hotly, but Reyna held up a hand to stop him. "Nico knows who he is," she said softly. "He knows better than anyone exactly what his flaws are. He's spent years learning to cope with them, how to keep functioning. It's hard, but he can do it. And he does do it. Every day when he looks in the mirror, he remembers who he is and reminds himself that he has to stay in one piece."
"But he doesn't have to make it so hard," Will protested. "If he'd just let us help-"
"Help what?" Reyna challenged. Her tone was firmer than ever. "Can you change his parentage? His history? The choices he's made that he has to live with?"
"No," Will countered, "But I can help him find a new path, a better one!"
"Because you love him," Reyna said. Was that bitterness in her voice? "Because you love him, you can make him better somehow. You can change him."
"I don't see what's so bad about wanting to help him change for the better," Will argued.
"You can't love him despite of who he is, Will," Reyna said. She was definitely bordering on anger now. "You have to love him because of who he is. If you truly love him, then you have to accept that some things can't change. Some things shouldn't change, because then he wouldn't be Nico di Angelo anymore."
"That's not true!" Will said angrily.
"But it is!" Reyna retorted. "It's exactly what Nico feels every time you look at him and see what you wish he could be, or what you think you can make him. Every time you take him to the infirmary and baby him, he realizes a little bit more that you might not actually love the real Nico, the one he couldn't get rid of even if he tried!"
For a moment, neither of them spoke. Will forced himself to hold back the tears that were threatening to well up in his cornflower blue eyes. After trying so hard, for so long, to keep Nico di Angelo in one piece…it stung like gorgon's blood to think that it might have all been hurting, rather than helping. Will was a medic, fixing was his job. And now he couldn't do it?
"I can't just sit by and let him destroy himself," Will said hoarsely.
Somewhat calmer now, Reyna reached out and placed her hand on his. "He won't," she said seriously. "He knows that it would kill you to lose him. You said it yourself, he's been doing so much better! He just needs you to support him."
"That's what I thought I was doing," Will said. Gods, was he whimpering now?
"I know you did," Reyna said encouragingly. "And I think Nico probably does too. You just need to let him know that you see him for who he really is, for the person he may never be able to change. Love him for who he is now, not for who he could be. Let him know that you'll continue to love him, whether he changes for the better or not."
They lapsed into silence once more, as Will fought hard against his instinct to cry. He hated being such a wuss sometimes, but he couldn't help it. The tears were just there, rolling down his cheeks. The sun was almost completely gone now, the sky was darkening. Stars began to flicker into existence across the deep purple California clouds.
"If you're right," Will said shakily, "It's a miracle he doesn't already hate me."
"He doesn't hate you," Reyna said quietly. "He loves you, probably more than you know. Just…be careful, Will. Nico's been hurt and rejected enough times that he's going to be naturally concerned that you don't care for him. You have to respect that about him. Just let him know how you really feel, and as long as you mean it, you'll be fine."
Trembling, Will nodded.
Reyna got to her feet, turning her gaze up to the violet sky. "I don't know about you, but I'm for bed," she said, nonchalant. "Are you staying the night here?"
Will shrugged, then nodded. He began to brush the tears away from his face, cheeks red with embarrassment. "I want to get home, honestly, but I don't know that it's such a good idea," he said numbly. "At this rate I might pass out somewhere unadvisable. I'd better stay. I can catch a return flight in the morning."
Reyna nodded. "Frank's got an extra camp bed for you in his room," she said. "We figured this might not be a great time to bunk in the legion barracks. Just head back to the office and he'll take you from there. Can you make it back on your own?"
Getting to his feet, Will nodded. "I think so. Thanks, Reyna…I really owe you one."
Reyna waved her hand at him dismissively. "You just needed someone with a different perspective, that's all," she said, as if it were nothing. She stretched out her arms again, and ambled off down the path back toward town.
Will stayed for a little while longer, staring up at the night sky. It was a beautiful dark, he thought, the kind that was more dark blue than inky black. The moon was almost full, casting rays of light into the lingering clouds. It spread out like angel wings across the deep expanse.
He wondered briefly if the sky looked as beautiful back at Camp Half-Blood. Nico was likely asleep by now- he was a night owl, yes, but Long Island was three hours ahead of Camp Jupiter. Still, Will desperately wished he could Iris-message home. Moonlight just didn't work as well for rainbows.
He sighed. "Just a little bit longer, Nico," he whispered to the sky. "I promised to come home better, and I will. Just wait for me…please."
Back at Camp Half-Blood, no one was surprised to find that Nico di Angelo was an even bigger pain in the butt when Will Solace was gone. He wandered around with a look of seething anger on his face, as though he might raise the dead any minute just because he could. His dark hair was unkempt, and his eyes were sunken from lack of sleep.
People began skirting around him, avoiding his gaze. This wasn't entirely unusual, there were always people who avoided Nico- but now it was his friends, too. Piper seemed afraid to even look at him. Leo didn't make his usual death-and-zombie jokes at Nico's expense. It was like they could sense how close he was to exploding, and no one wanted to be the unlucky person who tripped the trigger wire.
Sword lesson time was tenser than usual. Instead of joking and chuckling like they usually did, Nico and Percy regarded one another as the deadly enemies they had once been. They made no quips as they struck, parried, and blocked, and the campers looked almost frightened when Nico managed to knock Percy on his behind, Riptide skittering out of his hand.
Nico sheathed his sword, but did not offer Percy a hand up. He froze, unsure what his next move should be.
"Looks like you've let your guard down, Jackson," came a laughing voice from behind him. Nico spun, and found himself face-to-face with Jason Grace. "Been a while since I've seen you get beat that quickly."
"It's a teaching experience, Grace," Percy grumbled, getting to his feet. He collected his sword, and returned it to pen form. "They don't learn anything if we don't take it seriously."
Jason raised his eyebrows. Nico agreed with him- that was a weird sentiment for Percy Jackson, of all people. He usually had the temperament of a ten-year-old. Taking things seriously was more Annabeth's gig than his. He must have felt the tension as well as anyone.
"Anyway," Jason said, clearing his throat. "I was wondering if I could borrow your lovely assistant for a bit. I could, uh, use some help finishing up with the shrine to Nemesis. Yeah." Jason's eyes were shifting uncomfortably.
Percy nodded, also looking a bit unnerved. "Sure," he said. "We can finish up here without him."
"Great!" Without another word, Jason grabbed Nico by the arm and dragged him away.
Nico was livid. He was so close to boiling anyway, and Jason knew how much the son of Hades hated to be touched. The minute Jason stopped in the shadow of the Big House, Nico ripped his arm away. "What the Hades, Grace?" he growled. "You can't just-"
"Nico," Jason interrupted. "You have got to calm down. The whole camp can feel you, you're throwing negative feelings everywhere. The whole Hypnos cabin was sunk in nightmares last night. What gives, man? Is this because of Will?"
"You don't want my help with anything," Nico muttered. "You just want to yell at me."
Jason clenched his hands into fists. "I don't want to yell at you, Nico, I want make sure you're okay!" he said, exasperated. "I'm worried about you, everyone's worried about you!
"I didn't ask for anyone to be worried about me!" Nico shot back.
Jason rolled his eyes. "Oh please, man! After all this time you're still throwing around lines like that? We've been over this and over this!"
Nico felt the skin on his arms go ice-cold, even as his face began to heat up. "Jason," he said warningly. "I really don't want to do this right now…"
"Will only left because he can't figure out what's going on with you," Jason barreled on. "If he comes back and you've demolished the whole camp-"
"Then I'll tell him it's all your fault!" Nico screeched. The ground at his feet began to tremble. The temperature around them dropped almost to freezing. Jason's face went white, and he began to back up. He seemed to realize he'd crossed a line, but it was too late to go back.
The earth beneath Nico began to shudder. Great cracks appeared in the dirt. Campers who had been going about their business in the area started to look around, confused by the disruption. When they saw Jason Grace and Nico di Angelo facing off, they all but ran for cover.
"Let's get one thing straight," Nico said icily, his tone deadly soft. "Whatever concerns Will Solace has with me are none of your business, Jason. I suggest you butt out now before I get really angry."
Jason's eyes shifted from side to side, as though looking for an escape, or formulating a plan. Before he could do anything, however, a rumbling sound that wasn't coming from Nico permeated the area. A splitsecond later, a large black SUV came hurtling up the hill, screeching to a terrifying halt right in front of the Big House porch. The passenger side door opened, and none other than Will Solace himself came tumbling out.
Will looked almost sick with anxiety. His blond hair was almost as matted and messy as Nico's, and his favorite Surf Barbados t-shirt was dirty and wrinkled. His blue eyes were bloodshot with worry.
For a moment, nothing happened. Will surveyed the moment between Nico and Jason. The other two blinked and stared at Will, completely thrown off by his sudden appearance.
Then Nico's eyes narrowed. "You'd better have a good reason for taking off like that," he said harshly.
Will nodded. "I do," he assured Nico, his voice cracking a bit. "I promise I'll tell you all about it. But first come here."
Without waiting for any sort of reaction or permission, Will strode forward and wrapped Nico in his arms, squeezing him more tightly than he ever had. He didn't seem to care about the freezing chill of Nico's skin, nor the livid expression on his face. He simply buried his face in Nico's dark hair. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I never thought…I didn't think that…I was just trying so hard, and I…I just…"
Nico blinked awkwardly. He had no idea what Will was mumbling incoherently about, but it was obvious that Will had been through some kind of strain. He was usually so calm and collected, it was rare for him to break down like this.
Carefully, Nico put his arms around Will and pulled him closer. He took a deep breath, and the atmosphere of death and rage began to dissipate, as though all of its energy had just gone. "I have no idea what you're talking about," Nico said quietly. "But let's go figure it out."
Slowly, he managed to pry Will off of him, just enough so that they could move comfortably. Glancing around, he realized that Jason was gone- probably took off the minute he saw Will. But it didn't matter. Nico took the son of Apollo's hand, and together they set off, half-stumbling, for the Hades cabin.
They had much to talk about, but it was obvious that Will was exhausted. Nico was getting tired just looking at him. So instead of sitting up and chatting, Nico just dragged Will into his bed. They lay on top of the deep purple and grey blankets, Nico using Will's shoulder as a pillow.
The décor in the Hades cabin had improved since Nico had first moved in. He'd gotten rid of most of the "vampiric" things. The shrine in the corner was fine, and the green torches out front, but just about everything else changed. Nico was the Ghost King, so he chose to redecorate in the muted purples, greys, and whites of the ghost world. The furniture shifted from dark mahogany to a lighter birch wood with grey stain. The back wall featured a large mural of Persephone's garden. The overall effect was still darker and more subdued than most of the other cabins, but it fit Nico's personality nicely.
As Nico lay on his bed, listening to Will's deep breathing, he thought over what Will had been muttering back at the Big House. I'm so sorry…I was just trying so hard…I didn't think…
"Will," Nico said softly. "Tell me why you left."
Will's breathing became shallower. He seemed afraid to speak. "I was worried about you," he replied shakily. "It seemed like you were so upset with me, but I couldn't figure out why. I had to figure it out before I lost it. So I went to New Rome."
"New Rome?" Nico repeated, confused.
Will nodded at the ceiling. "Jason said Reyna might be able to help," he said with a shrug. "Since she knows you so well."
Nico winced. He didn't like how that sounded. Reyna was one of his closest friends, yes, and she understood him better than most people, but he could imagine how much it must have hurt Will to have to go to her. Nico knew if it had been him, he wouldn't have liked it one bit.
"So…what did Reyna say?" Nico asked nervously.
Will stopped and took a deep breath. "She said…I need to back off," he said. He stared pointedly away from Nico. "Basically she told me that being a helicopter boyfriend is a terrible way to get you to like me."
Nico sat up and stared at Will, flabbergasted. "You had to go all the way to New Rome for that?" he demanded. "By the gods, Solace, I could have told you that."
"Actually, you did," Will mumbled. "You're always telling me to get away from you and leave you alone."
"Will…" Nico's voice was soft, pleading. "Will, please tell me what really happened. You look like a wraith, I need to know why."
With a sigh, Will sat up against the headboard of the bed, still staring disconnectedly at his hands. Instead of answering Nico's question (to the son of Hades' annoyance), he posed one of his own. " Nico," Will asked, "What do you see when you look in the mirror?"
"What?" Nico said, confused. "What's this got to do with a mirror?"
"No," Will said, rolling his eyes- the most expressive he'd been since his flash-bang arrival. "I mean, how do you see yourself? What do you think about when you think of yourself?"
Nico paused, then shrugged. "I don't really know how to answer that," he said. "I guess I see…It's hard to think of just me without, you know, my whole…my past, I guess? It's hard to explain." His voice became softer as he gazed at the shrine to Hades in the corner. "I never really got the chance to just be me, without everything else. I don't remember a whole lot from when I was little, and then there was the Lotus Hotel…and by the time I got out it was straight to camp. I mean, I'm a demigod, a son of Hades, a controller of ghosts- I guess there's probably a personality under all that, but I don't know what it would be like."
When Nico looked up again, Will's face was completely ashen. "That's it?" he said, his voice a weak croak. "You don't see anything but your past?"
Nico had to fight not to throw up his hands in frustration. "What am I supposed to see, Will? It's not like I chose to be who I am, I'm just what life and the Fates decided to make me. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got."
"Gods, Nico." Will leaned forward and wrapped Nico in a hug again. "I can't…I don't even know how to begin to tell you how sorry I am for that." Blinking, Nico tried to keep up with what was happening, but it was all just so confusing. Will seemed to be having some kind of revelation, but Nico was still hazy on what that revelation might actually be.
"It's not your fault," Nico said quietly. "You didn't make me this way."
"But I didn't understand," Will insisted. He let Nico go and sat back, looking him firmly in the eye. "I never thought about it before- at least, not from your perspective. I can't make you into something you're not, and it's only going to hurt us if I try."
For a moment, the pair of them sat in silence. Nico pondered what exactly Reyna could have said that affected Will this way. What could she say that no one else ever had? It wasn't as simple as just 'oh hey Will, don't treat Nico like a baby'. There was more to it than that.
She knows how you see the world. Sometimes Nico's inner voice sounded exactly like his father. You keep so much from everyone, but she's seen how your mind works. Your pride, your anger, your fear. She can guess your thoughts more accurately than anyone. You can stay silent all you want, but like it or not, you're no longer alone.
Suddenly, the light switch seemed to flick on in Nico's head. "That's what Reyna did," he murmured. "Perspective."
Will nodded. "She told me what it's like in your head," he said. "At least a bit. She knows that sort of thing, right?" Nico nodded. "Yeah," he replied. "I told you about the trip home with the Athena Parthenos. It was let Reyna in or we'd all die. We learned a lot."
"I can imagine." Will's voice was soft, but he didn't seem upset or angry. He just looked desperate, as though he was reaching for something he couldn't live without, something just beyond his reach. "Nico, I don't want to change you. I really do love you exactly the way you are."
Nico opened his mouth to reply, but Will reached forward and covered Nico's mouth with his hand. "Let me finish," he said carefully. "I fell in love with you before I'd ever realized what that love was going to do to me. I swear I don't mean to be overprotective, I just worry about you."
Nico glared, and pulled Will's hand away from his face. "I know that," he said plaintively. "Why else would I let you get away with it?"
"But that doesn't make it okay," Will said firmly. "I don't ever want you to think that I just want to change you, or fix you, or that I don't love you because you're not perfect." He leaned in and pressed his lips to Nico's. The kiss was so soft and gentle, Nico wondered if Will really was afraid he would break. He resigned himself to it. No matter what Will thinks, he's always going to care too much, Nico thought wryly. He wouldn't be Will if he didn't.
When they finally broke apart, Will cupped Nico's face in his hands. "I love you," he said slowly, "For exactly who you are. You're not just a demigod, a son of Hades, or a controller of ghosts. You're Nico di Angelo, and I love all of you."
Nico was speechless. He didn't have any words to say. It was like his brain had been fried the minute Will opened his mouth.
It was a long moment before Nico was able to collect his thoughts enough to say anything. Will was patient and understanding, waiting calmly for Nico's reply.
The first time Nico said it, his voice was so quiet Will couldn't even hear what he said. "What?" he asked.
"I said," mumbled Nico, "Even if I don't know who all of me is?"
"Especially then," Will promised. "I want to be right beside you when you figure it out."
This time it was Nico who initiated the hug. He buried his face in Will's shoulder, his fingers clinging to his shirt like a child with his favorite stuffed animal. Will pulled him in, relieved by the enormous weight that had been lifted from his shoulders. He'd managed to say his piece, just as he'd promised himself he would, and Nico was still here.
"Hey Will?"
Nico's voice was quiet. Will leaned down to hear. "I love all of you too," Nico said softly. "Even if you are overprotective. I don't really want to change you either."
At that moment, even through all of the drama, neither Will nor Nico could help it. They burst out laughing.
The next morning, Will caught up with Jason on their way to breakfast.
"Hey, Jason!" he called, jogging up beside him.
"Oh hey," Jason greeted him warmly. "How was New Rome? I didn't, uh, get a chance to ask you. Y'know, yesterday." They both shuddered at the thought of that horrible moment when Will had first arrived back at camp.
"It was good," Will answered truthfully. "Not exactly fun, but I got what I needed."
"I thought so," Jason commented lightly, glancing over at the dining pavilion. "Nico looks like he's in a much better mood today." The son of Hades had beat them both to breakfast, and was sitting at the Poseidon table with Percy. Something must have been funny, because they were both laughing.
Will smiled. "We're both better," he said contentedly. "I just wanted to say thanks, Jason. I hate to think what could have happened if I hadn't gone to New Rome. Nico and I, we really owe you one."
Jason waved his hand dismissively. "It's fine, man," he said. "You guys are my friends. You'd do the same for me."
"Of course," Will said with a nod. "You need help with anything, let me know."
Will turned to go, but Jason reached out a hand to stop him. "Hey, Will?" The son of Apollo turned, a question on his face. "I just wanted to say thanks to you, too," Jason said with a smile. "Nico's a good friend, and you do a lot for him. Even if he doesn't always appreciate it, I do."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about him being appreciative," Will said vaguely, a Cheshire grin on his lips. "We've made an arrangement." Jason held up his hand. "I don't want to know," he said with a chuckle, and headed off to breakfast.
"Oy, Will!"
Nico's voice rang out across the pavilion. "Get over here!" Nico called, gesturing with his fork. "It's been half an hour and no one's told me I should eat healthier yet!"
Grinning, Will called, "If you have another stack of pancakes the size of your head, I'll tell your grandmother on you!" he teased. "See how you like bran cereal for a month!"
Laughing, he headed for the seat next to Nico. After all, someone had to keep the Ghost King in line.
The End
