Description: Dipper wonders why every shot he gets with Wendy bursts into flames, sometimes quite literally.

Or the five times Bill was jealous and the one-time Dipper stops being so oblivious.

1.

It was getting closer. It was nearly time for Wendy to show up at the shop. Dipper had been waiting all day and his nerves were still on fire with anticipation.

"What's got you all worked up?" came from behind him.

Dipper didn't even jump, instead he looked back behind the counter at Bill who was grinning back at him. "Waiting for Wendy."

"And that has you nervous?" Bill asked, unimpressed.

Scoffing, Dipper turned his gaze back to the door. "Of course it does. I plan to ask her out."

"You plan to what?" Bill growled, but Dipper paid him no mind because Wendy just walked through the door.

Instead, he swallowed up his nerves and walked up to the redhead of his affection. "So, Wendy, I was wondering if you'd like to-"

"Dipper, sorry to interrupt, dude, but your hat is on fire," Wendy cut him off, pointing up at his favored hat.

"Wha…?" And then he felt it. The heat. "Shit!" he cursed as threw his hat to the floor, watching it completely combust into blue flames.

"That looks like…" Wendy mumbled.

Dipper knew exactly what it looked like. "BILL! That was my hat you dick!" His eyes locked on Bill who returned the glare in full from his place behind the cash register.

"It was ugly anyways," the humanoid demon grumbled as he pushed past Dipper, knocking shoulders on his way out of the shop.

Dipper glared at the retreating form, only releasing the tension in his shoulders the moment Bill was out of sight. "What's his problem?" he asked, frowning. Bill wasn't in a bad mood earlier.

Dipper jumped at Wendy's sudden laughter. "Dude, you have no idea do you?"

"About what?"

Wendy just shook her head, not bothering to state the obvious.

2.

The pool! The perfect place to ask someone out. The first attempt failed. Miserably, but he blamed Bill for that. This was sure proof plan. He knew for a fact that his physical prowess was somewhat of an attention getter. Years of running after the paranormal were of worth for him. Only draw backs of this plan would be that Bill and Mabel both were here, but beggars can't be choosers. Today was the day.

"Hey guys!" Wendy called out from her seat on the lifeguard stand.

"Hey Wendy!" Dipper and Mabel chorused, waving at the older woman. Bill just gave a halfhearted wave.

Good, he had her eyes on him. Setting his bag down, he pulled out his sunblock and towel.

"Hey, Pine Tree? Need any help putting on your sunscreen?" the tanned man asked, wiggling his eyebrows at Dipper.

Dipper snorted, snatching his lotion out of the demon's reach. "Thanks, but no. I'm going to see if Wendy will help me out." He could feel a blush burn on his cheeks at the confession.

Strangely enough, Bill's expression closed off. Dipper couldn't even ask what's wrong before the demon stripped down to a golden bricked speedo and started to sunbathe. Shrugging, Dipper grabbed the edge of his shirt and started to lift it when Mabel said, "Bro, you're burning."

"Mabel I haven't even been here five minutes, there's no way I got a sunburn yet," he grumbled.

"No, kid, she means you're on fire," Bill said as he pointed at Dipper's shoulder. Which was on fire. His entire arm was exactly.

"Fuck!" he yelped as he batted at the blue flame. "Bill! Why would you-?" He could only let out a startled scream as Bill pushed him into the pool.

3.

Thankfully he didn't have any third degree burns to take care of. No burns really. Well, a bit sunburnt, but nothing fire related. The shirt was ruined and he was sure Wendy was still laughing…

But new day, new shot at asking Wendy out. This time, flowers. Not his first choice, just Grunkle Stan swears they work every time. Taking the bouquet in hand, he headed toward the gift shop.

"Hey Pine Tree!"

Dipper silently groaned. Please don't screw this up. "Hey, Bill."

Bill draped his arm over Dipper's shoulder. "Are those for me?" Bill teased, pointing at the blue flowers.

Shrugging off Bill's arm, Dipper laughed. "No, they're for Wendy. I plan to use them to ask her out to-"

The flowers caught on fire. "Oops." Bill stared blankly at the fire he created.

Dipper could only watch as the flowers that took him hours to painstakingly pick, burn up into nothing.

4.

Okay, new plan. No Bill. Anywhere. Go to Wendy's house instead and ask her out. Bill won't be there and the only thing that could go wrong is her saying no, which was a better outcome than Bill messing it all up.

Grabbing his keys off the table, Dipper headed for the door. Only to open said door to Bill with his hand ablaze and leaning up against Dipper's car.

Dipper slowly closed the door. Okay, new plan.

5.

What better plan was there then sending someone with the message? Honestly, every plan he had up to this point, but Dipper really didn't have a chance at that. So instead, he sent a message with the pizza delivery guy. Bill won't be able to stop that.

Plain White T's started to fill the room as his phone went off. Scrambling for the device, he saw the pizza place's number on the screen. He was a bit disappointed it wasn't Wendy, but maybe they had some good news for him.

"Hello?"

"Sir? We're sorry to inform you that your special delivery won't be delivered today or this week," the guy on the phone stuttered out.

"What? Why?"

"The pizza oven…it caught on fire…"

"Isn't that how it's supposed to be?" Aren't pizza ovens supposed to have fire? He could be wrong, but he has seen some cooking shows.

"Yes, no, just…It's completely on fire and melting! How does stone even do that? And the fire is blue and-" the guy kept ranting, but Dipper heard enough.

+1.

The one time he wanted to find Bill, the demon was nowhere to be seen. None of his favorite hangouts in town, nor the shop, and he can't even find the demon in the woods, which shouldn't really be counted, but usually by now Bill would have popped out. "Bill! Where the hell are you?" Dipper yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth as he did so. His voice carried through the woods, but there was no answer. No stopping of time. Nothing.

"Come on Bill! Just get out here!"

Nothing.

Fine, if he doesn't want to talk, Dipper could. "You know what? Fuck you, Bill! You've really been an ass lately! I don't even know how many times I've been on fire lately and most of the time it's been because of you. Why can't you just let me ask Wendy out instead of butting in all the time? It's like you're jealous or something," he laughed at the outrageousness of his last statement. "Cause that's how you're acting, which is stupid. You wouldn't be jealous that I'm going after Wendy. You don't even like her like that..." he trailed off. "Do you?"

"No."

Dipper let out an undignified yelp. "Bill?" he shouted as he turned to the demon.

"The one and only," the demon sighed from his perch on a boulder. Bill didn't even meet Dipper's eyes, just staring off into the woods with a frown.

Dipper resisted the urge to go to the demon. "So, you going to answer me?"

"I did, but I assume you want me to answer all your questions," Bill muttered.

"That would be nice," Dipper grunted.

"I'm not going to."

"Ass."

"Idiot."

"How am I even an idiot? You're the one acting like you're jealous for no reason. You're not in love with Wendy and you're sure as hell not in love with me," Dipper rambled.

At some point Bill finally looked at Dipper.

"You're not…"

Bill rose a brow.

"Noooooooo…" The disgust was a little too evident, considering Bill suddenly looked very angry.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Bill hissed.

Dipper raised his arm in defense. "I didn't mean it like that!"

"What? You think someone like me wouldn't be able feel affection for some idiot?" he roared as he stomped toward Dipper.

Dipper backed up until he was pressed against a tree. "No, Bill, I don't mean it-wait, idiot?"

"Do you think it's disgusting to have someone like me like you?" he asked, closing in.

"What? No, not at all!" His heart thundered in his chest as the demon closed in to where they were nearly nose to nose.

"Then what's the problem?" Bill whispered.

For the first time in a long time, Dipper's brain failed him. He couldn't think of a single reason why it was a problem. "There…there isn't one…"

The kiss was surprising and searing as Bill pressed him against the tree. His mouth was scolding hot, whether from his demonic nature or the raw anger he flooded into the kiss, but it left Dipper breathless and shaking against the tree when the demon finally pulled away. "G-good," Bill gasped out, just as affect by the short kiss.

Dipper nodded weakly in agreement. He didn't even protest as the demon turned away and quickly retreated into the woods.

"Shit…" Dipper had a lot to think about. All plans of asking Wendy out were now put on the back burner.