So thanks to various "spoilers" and the official description of 3x09 my brain would not let me carry on writing Here and Now (I promise I am updating it later) instead it wouldn't shut up until I finished this one-shot! So apparently my way of dealing with the angst from this weeks episode was with this (please don't judge me, it hurt me to write :P), plus remember this is just my thoughts, and speculation, if you don't recognise it I've made it up :P... So here it is for you guys, I hope you enjoy let me know :)...
Oliver knew what he had to do, as soon as Nyssa and the league of assassins showed up with their ultimatum, he knew there'd be no other way.
It had been 45 hours since they arrived and they were no closer to finding Saras killer. So he did the only logical thing he could think of he arranged to meet with Ra's.
He stood in the Foundry taking it all in to remember every last inch of his home. He was dressed in all his Arrow gear minus the mask; he grabbed his bow and turned towards the exit. Diggle and Felicitys appearance caused him to freeze
"What are you doing here?" He said unfazed
"We aren't letting you do this alone Oliver, we're all a part of this team" Felicity said heading towards her computers, he dropped his head briefly
"Felicity it's over, there's nothing more for any of you to do" he said turning to look at her, she froze just before her computers, spinning round with a frown
"What do you mean?" She said standing straighter
"Please tell me you aren't doing what I think you are" Diggle said stepping into view
"There isn't another way" he said meeting his gaze
"What about protecting this city?"
"There are enough people to protect this city, you guys for a start" he said gesturing between the pair "Roy, Barry, Captain Lance..."
"But we... they aren't you" Diggle said crossing his arms "the Arrow protects this city"
"And that's what I am doing!" He said completely neutral
"What by handing yourself over to Ra's and to the league?" Felicity gasped her hand flying to her mouth
"You can't" she whispered feeling the stinging of tears forming at the back of her eyes, he didn't look at her just remained staring at Diggle
"If that's what it takes to save the city, my city, our city, then yes" he said his expression unchanged
"There are other ways Oliver, we just need to formulate a plan-"
"Dig it's been 45 hours, our plans haven't worked. I have 3 hours before they start killing people"
"Then hand Merlyn over, you know that's what they really want"
"But he didn't do this John, I'm not sacrificing an innocent man" John crossed his arms giving him a knowing look "I know he's not exactly innocent but he is innocent of THAT, I have to do this"
"No you don't, I can come with you, Roy too"
"And I can be on comms" Felicity added
"No" he said firmly standing tall "I have to do this alone"
"No you don't, you haven't been alone in this for a long time" Diggle stepped closer to Felicity
"Diggle... You have a family now, a daughter, Sara, you can't and I won't let you feel the wrath of Ra's and the league, either of you" he glanced at Felicity and he could see her bottom lip trembling "This is on me, and you can stand and argue with me for the next 3 hours but what if the first body that drops is Lyla, Sara or..." He took a deep breath "Palmer. I will never forgive myself, and nothing either of you say will change my decision" he placed his bow down on the table. As Diggle stared at him, he looked angry and he marched towards him. Before any time passed he was embracing him
"I want to help" he said slowly
"Then go and be with Lyla and Sara, raise them in this city and help it stay safe" he said hugging him back
"I'm not leaving a brother to die"
"I'm not going to die Dig" he replied automatically
"Some things are worse than death" he said letting go
"Not when it means keeping others safe" his eyes betraying him as he looked over at Felicity
"I'll give you two a minute, I'll be right upstairs because I'm not giving in on this one" Oliver nodded as Diggle made his way to the stairs
"You can't do this..." Felicity said looking directly at him
"I have to Felicity, this isn't like Slade. This is worse, Ra's won't stop not till he gets what he wants..."
"You" she whispered as he stepped closer but not as close as she wanted, he nodded lightly
"It would appear that way"
"But this city needs you, the team needs you"
"That's why I'm doing this to keep everyone safe-"
"I need you" she said looking away from him unable to stop the tears from falling
"You don't need me" he said softly, her eyes shot up "I saw you with Ray"
"I'm always with Ray Oliver, he's my boss"
"No the night with Cupid I came to talk to you and I saw you two... together"
"Oh..." tears ran down her cheeks "I... He"
"You don't need to explain" he said softly, still not coming close to her "he can give you everything I can't" he said sadly "he can give you the future you want, no maybes, no ifs, no damage" he looked down then
"But..."
"There are no buts Felicity, he has the luxury of a future I don't, he can give you love, marriage, children" he whispered each word gently; finally speaking the dreams he had held in for so long but realising they would never be, not now. She couldn't help herself she closed the distance between them so he was forced to look in her eyes
"But I don't want that future with Ray" she frowned "I don't want a future that you're not in" his breath caught in the back of his throat
"Felicity..."
"No!" She said with anger
"All I want is you to be happy"
"I'm happiest when I'm with you" she said tears still falling, he resisted every urge to touch her knowing full well if he did, he'd say things he could never take back
"I can't give you more than a life like this, and I know you want more" her head dropped then
"But I don't want to lose this, you"
"Felicity I can't give you more... I can't stay, I have to go"
"No you don't, you're making that choice" she said anger seeping through
"I am chosing to save the city, everyone, YOU"
"But I don't need saving Oliver" she shouted "I stand here by your side every day, I know how to defend-"
"Not from Ra's. He'll use you against me, he will destroy you because of how I feel about you" she closed her eyes then, and as she opened them Oliver was walking towards his bow and away from her
"Oliver..." She sobbed a little and he froze, his back towards her "promise me, you'll come back"
"I can't lie to you Felicity, you know that"
"Then don't" she whispered
"Then I can't make that promise" his head dropped as she let out another sob, unable to control the pain in her heart, at the mere thought of losing him. Suddenly it struck her all at once, this might be her only chance to say how she truly felt
"I love you" she said not looking at him. Oliver's heart swelled at those words. She loved him. Something inside of him snapped, he span around and walked over to Felicity. One hand cupped her face as the other wrapped around her waist pulling her flush against him as he kissed her. It wasn't soft and gentle like the previous kiss; this was full of passion, lust and love. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and his hand on her cheek dropped to her waist as he deepened the kiss. She moaned a little as his tongue gently caressed hers, both pulling the other closer. Slowly he pulled out of the kiss, arms still wrapped around her as he placed his forehead against hers, both trying to even out there heavy breaths
"I love you too" he whispered over her lips as more tears rolled down her cheeks "I never wanted to hurt you, but I need you to be safe from Ra's, from the devastation I cause, so please don't wait for me, move on and be happy"
"Oliver..." He leant forward stopping her with a tender kiss, slowly prising himself away so only their lips touched. When she opened her eyes the Foundry was empty, she could still smell him, taste him and her tears fell silently as her body shook.
"The tracer in his boot says he's somewhere on the outskirts of Starling" Felicity told Diggle
"I can't believe he went without saying goodbye, without discussing it properly" Roy said in full Arsenal gear
"Well we all know Oliver's not the best when it comes to feelings" Diggle said looking at Felicity who remained silent. It was foreign to both men not to hear any of her rambling, let alone complete silence. She carefully brought up satellite images of the meeting place, she zoomed in and out, tweaked the scope but she couldn't see him anywhere
"Something's wrong" she stated plainly not realising both men were getting ready to head out "I know he said he wanted to do this alone..." she started
"But something's not right, we're on it" they said pushing the comms in their ears.
15 minutes later they were on a rundown air strip
"Felicity we can't find them, any of them" Roy said looking around
"His tracer is 10 feet north of your position, he has to be there, he has to" Both men gave each other an uneasy look as they walked forward in silence. There was a box, large enough to conceal, something or someone inside. Roy prised the lid open with an arrow, not daring to look. Diggle grabbed his flash light apprehensively shining it inside; both men looked at each other
"What is it?... Guys" she couldn't help the fear rising inside
"It's the Arrow outfit Felicity, all of his clothes but not him..."
"What?"
"He isn't here"
"So where is he?"
"We don't know" Roy replied
"No they can't... They can't have killed him"
"Felicity, we just don't know" Diggle replied trying to calm the situation "we'll find him Felicity" she knew in her heart this is what he meant, he was giving himself to the league and more than likely he wouldn't be found unless he wanted to be. But right there Felicity made the decision she'd never stop searching for him.
It was cold, that was the first thing Oliver thought as he woke up. He opened his eyes, only to be surrounded by white and grey. He frowned sitting up, he was shirtless in the middle of god only knows where, on top of what appeared to be a cliff. He stood up, and then he remembered. He'd been drugged by the assassins, they had taken him, and he was clearly not in Starling anymore
"He's mine" a male voice said, Oliver span to see a group of assassins parting to reveal a man, Ra's, "leave us" he said with a wave of his hand, and they all disappeared into the fog
"Well this will be a meeting I won't forget" Oliver said looking around, Ra's snickered
"Join us"
"Why on earth would I possibly join you?"
"Because you have no other choice" he said throwing two blades down at Oliver's feet "defeat me and you can walk away" he said pulling out his own blades
"And if I don't"
"You already doubt your own ability?" Ra's smirked. In one swift move Oliver rolled picking up the two blades and swiping at Ra's legs. He dodged the attack easily, swiftly bringing his blades down, Oliver's blades flew up and the clang of metal on metal echoed through the mountains. The fight raged on each dodging the others attack, both showing masterful swordsmanship
"It seems you are too distracted Oliver, or should I call you Arrow?"
"I'm not distracted" he said swiping for his arms missing by mere millimetres
"Ah, you see a man cannot live two lives. We're similar you and I, we both want to keep peace; we're both leaders, we both make choices other's can't. I devoted myself to this life, there is no other way, yet you lack that conviction"
"I don't need that conviction"
"Let me teach you, join me, join our ranks"
Oliver span around quickly knocking a blade from Ra's hand, but without warning, Ra's managed to disarm Oliver in only 3 short moves and one punishing kick to the chest. Oliver felt himself falling, he gripped on to the cold, and snow covered rocks, his legs dangling from the cliff. For the first time not wanting to die, not want to leave the people he loved behind, he clung on. Ra's walked over slowly
"See Mr Queen, live and join me, or let go and die"
"I'd rather die" he said trying to pull himself up
"Ah you seem to be forgetting, if you die then so does all of Starling. I will kill every person in that city saving your team till last, then slowly I'll torture them, I will draw out there deaths" Oliver winced his hands getting numb "or I save you, and you join my league, and I will spare Starling and your team, they will all be safe"
Oliver closed his eyes briefly thinking of Thea, her smiling face in the middle of Verdant, Roy in his Arsenal gear, controlled and confident, Laurel and Ted training, being safe, Diggle with Lyla and Sara, happy alive and finally Felicity. Her red pen, fuchsia lips, signature glasses, blonde hair and bright blue eyes, her smile, her tears, her pained looks, her babbling and her brightness shining in the darkness of his life
"The choice is yours Mr Queen"
