Steve sighed as Danny slumped against him as the plane touched down in Kabul, Afghanistan. He didn't know how the blonde man could have slept on the journey, but then again he wasn't the one who had that phone call in the middle of the night.
Steve knew it was never going to be good when Catherine's commanding officer introduced himself after apologising for the wake up call, but he never expected to be told that after getting into trouble in her latest mission she had gone into labour at 25 weeks. When he asked what it had to do with him, Steve nearly dropped his phone on his face when the officer explained that he was listed in Cath's medical records as the father of her child.
Steve wasted no time in throwing on whatever clothes he could find and shoving some more into an old rucksack, but then he came to a standstill.
Cath was having a baby. His baby. And he didn't know much about this sort of thing but he knew that 25 weeks wasn't the right time to give birth.
He panicked as he rang Danny, who thankfully didn't have his children that week as they were on holiday with Rachel in England. When the blonde man pulled up Steve was already waiting outside his house and didn't speak to him until they were on the plane, Steve having pulled a few strings with an old Navy buddy.
Once they were in the air Danny convinced Steve to tell him everything, and was shocked that Steve had no idea about Cath's pregnancy, but he was more angry at Cath for not telling him that she was pregnant.
"Thank you for coming with me, Danno," Steve said after he'd finished telling his story, looking at his partner like he'd only just realised that he was next to him. "I don't… don't know what's gonna happen."
Danny put a hand on Steve's knee and smiled as he squeezed it. "That's what family does, right?"
Fortunately the hospital that Cath and the baby were in was only a short taxi ride from the strip of land that the plane landed on, and before he knew it Steve was bursting through the main entrance doors and rushing up to the reception desk.
"Hi, my friend was brought here a few hours ago I think? Lieutenant Catherine Rollins?"
"Commander McGarrett?" Steve turned his head as a man in scrubs approached him.
"Yes, who are you?"
"I'm Dr. Shah, part of the team that worked on Lt. Rollins. She's recovering on a ward and should make a full recovery eventually, but...your baby... "
Danny was alarmed at how quickly the colour drained from Steve's face. "What's happened to my baby?" He asked with a strangled voice, and Danny slipped his hand into Steve's and squeezed it as a show of support.
"Being born at 25 weeks is not good, as I'm sure you may gave guessed. But she went straight to our Neonatal ICU - the NICU - and she'll likely stay there for a few months."
"'She'? It's a… it's a girl?" Steve glanced at Danny, who smiled at him reassuringly, before turning back to the doctor. "But she's going to be okay, right?"
"It's going to be a tough battle, Commander. But rest assured our doctors and nurses are specially trained to look after premature babies." Dr. Shah flicked through the notes he was holding and raised an eyebrow. "Were you aware of Lt. Rollins decision regarding your baby?"
Steve frowned. A worrying feeling began to brew in his stomach - again. "No, I didn't even know that she was pregnant until just before I got on the plane…. What decision?"
"Right, well…" Danny could sense that whatever the doctor was about to say would not be well received, so he kept a hold of Steve's hand in case he needed to pull the man back. Just in case. "According to her notes, Miss Rollins was planning to give the baby up for adoption."
Steve may have been pale before, but now he was so white that Danny was worried that he was going to pass out. "No. She's not… not my baby." He whispered. "Can I see her? My baby, I need to see her. Please."
"Certainly, follow me. In regards to Lt. Rollins plans, that is something that the two of you will have to discuss and come to an agreement about."
Steve chased the doctor down the many twisting corridors until they came to a ward that seemed to be made almost entirely of glass walls. He and Danny were ushered over to one of the rooms, but as Steve was about to slide open the door he was stopped by a hand on his arm.
"Remember what I told you, Commander. Your baby is very sick due to being extremely premature. I know all the machines and noises may seem scary, but trust me, this is the best place right now for her to be." Steve nodded. "She's very small and under-developed, but hopefully with high intensive care she'll eventually get stronger."
"Okay… thank you." Steve could already feel the huge lump in his throat, and he hasn't even made it into the room yet.
He'd done many life-changing things in his career, but none of them came close to opening that door and the seemingly endless walk over to the see-through plastic incubator. Steve looked down and was quite confident that he felt his stomach sink.
The doctor said she was very small, but Steve couldn't believe how tiny she looked. He held up his hands and reckoned that she was the same size as them. Her skin was slightly red and yellow, and her head looked too big for her body. She was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and machines pumping nutrition and medicine into her, and even a ventilator up her tiny nose to help her to breath. The baby looked lifeless, save for the rise and fall of her chest. But none of that mattered to Steve.
"She's beautiful." He breathed, and his hands twitched slightly towards her. That did not go unnoticed.
"I know you want to, Commander, but you can't hold her yet, not until she's stable enough to leave the incubator." The doctor said, not phased at all by the glare that she got in return from the tall man. "Trust me, right now that is the safest place for her."
Steve opened his mouth to ask more questions, but no sound came out. Fortunately Danny stepped in to take over. "Okay, so… what happens now? How long will she need to be here?"
"Well… that all depends on her. In my experience babies this premature will be here for at least a few months, usually until their original due date, which I know from the records is 3 months from now. She'll undergo tests almost every day to see how she's developing, and while she's in the incubator receive light therapy to treat the mild jaundice that is common for babies in this situation."
"Can I at least touch her?" Steve whispered, still looking down at his child. "Please.. I need to."
"I really do understand. There are portholes on the sides of the incubator, her skin is extremely sensitive to touch right now as it's still fragile and underdeveloped - that's why it's so red. But light touches wouldn't hurt, in fact it may help her." Danny glanced at Steve and watched as a flicker of hope could be seen in his eyes. "At the moment your baby can't open her eyes. But she can still feel you. So I absolutely encourage you to touch her - but not too much, and be sure to thoroughly sanitize your hands often so you don't spread germs. The incubator is pretty much soundproof, but I know some parents take comfort in still talking to their baby. Let her get to know your voice. Once she's stronger and able to regulate her temperature, then we'll start thinking about getting her out."
Steve nodded in thanks as the doctor left them too it, and Danny walked over to stand next to his partner and gaze down at the baby.
"She was going to give her away." Steve ground out as he placed a hand on the top of the plastic container, amazed at how his hand almost obscured his daughter. "Cath was going to give my baby girl away, Danny."
Danny shook his head in disgust, wondering what on earth could have made her think that Steve wouldn't care about his own child. She knew what a big deal family was to him. He turned to speak to Steve, but his expression darkened and suddenly his partner stormed out of the room and disappeared down the corridor. Danny ran a hand through his hair - definitely a lost cause by now - and sighed as he pulled up a chair and sat down beside Steve's sleeping daughter.
"I dunno what your Daddy is up to, but I doubt it's anything good, little lady."
After much persuasion (and okay maybe he also flashed his badge), a nurse on another ward finally let Steve into Catherine's room. She was surprised to see him but one look at the expression on his face kept her from speaking. Steve made no movement towards her bed, choosing instead to lean back against the opposite wall, his lips pursed as he tried to string together a sentence that explained how he felt. But instead all that came out was one word.
"Why?"
"Because… because I was scared? Because I didn't know how you'd react? Steve, I swear I didn't know I was even pregnant until after I left." Cath wiped her face with a tissue.
"You could have phoned me!" Steve exclaimed, throws his arms out wide. "I know kids weren't in our plans but you knew that I wanted them… even if you clearly don't."
"What do you-?"
"I know that you were planning on giving her up for adoption." Steve spat the words out, shaking his head at the mere thought of it. "Not gonna happen."
Cath nodded. "I only did that because I thought you'd be too scared at the idea of a baby, Steve."
"Damn right I'm scared, especially right now" Steve said, but his lips briefly twitched into a small smile. "But I'm excited, too. I think you're the one who freaked at the idea of having a baby."
"I'm sorry, Steve." Cath whispered, unable to look at her ex-lover. "You're right, I did freak out. It sort of messed up my plans for deployment for this mission, so I had to fast forward so that I could still fly and take part. I… never really wanted kids."
Steve felt his eye twitch. "'It' messed up your plans? 'It' happens to be my daughter that you kept from me."
"I didn't mean to say it like that, Steve!" She cried. "I just… wanted her to go to a good home."
"Oh she will, don't worry about that." Steve pushed himself off of the wall. "I'll be staying with her here. And when the time comes, I'm taking her home with me. I want full custody, Cath."
Steve stood outside the entrance to the NICU and forced himself to calm down before he walked into the unit. As he made his way to his daughter's room, Steve caught a glimpse of other babies of various sizes and sickness that he missed in the rush before, and he moved to the side to let a family pass him, the mother carrying a baby in a car seat. His eyes wandered to the fairly normal-sized infant, and while he was happy for the family who were clearly going home, he sighed as he realised that his baby girl had a long way to go before she was going anywhere near a car seat.
Upon entering the room he felt the last of his anger fade away as he saw Danny dozing in a chair beside the incubator that held his daughter.
Holy shit. He has a daughter.
It had all been such a blur after that phone call; scrambling to get a flight out here while various horrific scenarios ran through his brain, and then got to the hospital where his baby had been delivered at fucking 25 weeks and still might die. But then he saw the tiny person in the incubator and instantly fell in love with her. The overwhelming surge to protect and fight for her was what drove him to see Cath and demand full custody. She didn't even put up a fight, and agreed to sign whatever forms he needed.
Steve ran a hand over his mouth and sighed. His life as he knew it was changed forever, his sole focus now being his child, who he suddenly realised didn't even have a name. The board above her incubator said 'Baby Girl McGarrett', and while he probably would call her that for the rest of her life, other people might not be so keen.
"What time is it?" Danny mumbled as he stirred, pushing himself up where he'd slid down the chair.
"Honestly? I have no idea." Steve chuckled as he pushed himself off of the doorframe and approached the incubator and the chair next to Danny. "I don't even know what day it is." He groaned as he sank into the soft leather fabric, suddenly feeling exhausted.
"How you doing? You okay?" Danny asked, turning his head to look at Steve, who looked like he'd aged ten years in the last ten hours.
Steve didn't return his gaze, unable to tear his eyes away from his daughter. He felt worn ragged, hungry, thirsty, jet lagged and panicked… but he knew that his baby must feel ten times worse.
"It's not me you should be worried about, buddy." Steve finally whispered. "I'm not the one who's hooked up to a machine that breathes for me."
"I know, and believe me I'm scared for her, too. But that doesn't mean that I can't also worry about you. I had 9 months to get used to the idea of being a father; you've had a few hours." Danny said.
Steve looked at him and nodded his agreement before turning back to the incubator. After a little while one of the nurses came in to check the baby's vitals and machines, and Steve cleared his throat as she was about to leave.
"Sorry, but, can I… can I touch her? The doctor earlier said to start with light touches, but I don't know if I'm allowed…" Danny raised his eyebrows at the wobble in Steve's voice, and was surprised that he even asked at all.
"Of course! Just be sure to wash your hands thoroughly before you do. Your baby's responding well so far, at this stage we take it day by day, but as weeks go by her chances of recovery increase greatly."
"Thank you." Steve got up and scrubbed his hands so thoroughly Danny thought he was going to take a layer of skin off, before coming back to sit in his chair.
He held his breath as he carefully opened one of the porthole doors and slipped his hand inside. Steve bit his lip as he ran the backs of his fingers along his daughter's arm and up to cup her tiny head, being careful of the tubes and wires. He liked the baby's spunk, and felt tears prick at his eyes when the tiny girl batted at the intruding hand with her spindly arms.
"That's no way to treat your Daddy." Steve said quietly, and raised an eyebrow when the flailing stopped. He felt his heart stop entirely when two small eyes peeked out from underneath the pink knitted hat atop her head and stared at him, at the same time one of her minute hands grabbed a hold of his index finger. "Hey there, princess. Yeah that's right, I'm your Daddy." Steve beamed as he lightly ran his thumb over her hand, amazed at how perfectly formed her fingers were.
"I know it must seem scary in there, but everything is gonna be fine now. Know why? Because Daddy's here now." Steve ignored the tears on his face as he continued to hold his daughter's hand, and was therefore oblivious to Danny silently sitting next to him recording the whole thing on his cell phone.
The next few days passed by in a blur. Steve barely moved from the chair next to the incubator, and the only times he wasn't holding his daughter's hand was when she was being taken for tests or Steve was in the bathroom, in the corridor on his phone to organise legal custody, or when someone reminded him to eat something. Danny rolled his eyes when he came in one morning and discovered Steve huddled protectively over the incubator, sound asleep. He snapped a photo on his cell phone (because he couldn't deny it was one of the most adorable things he's ever seen; a Navy SEAL and a trained killer slumped over his newborn baby? Not an everyday thing.) before shaking the man awake with a grin.
"I just shut my eyes for a sec, Danno." Steve mumbled as he sat up, rubbing his eyes and groaning at the rude awakening.
"Yeah, God knows how many hours ago." Danny grinned at the sheepish look he got in return. . "Why you don't take the relatives room I'll never know, babe. They have a bed and a couch. But no, Mr. 'I Can Sleep Anywhere Super-SEAL' doesn't want comfort."
"I don't want her to be alone, Danny." Steve said quietly as he looked at his partner. "I know she can't see me, but… maybe she'll still know I'm there. That at least one of her parents cares about her."
Danny didn't really have an answer to that, other than to nod in agreement and shove his hands in his pockets. "Anyway, I just thought I'd check if you needed anything, pal. There's a few shops nearby apparently, I'm gonna grab a few essentials."
"Probably fresh clothes and toiletries, I guess. Thanks, Danno."
"No problem, babe." Danny smiled and shut the glass door to the room behind him, leaving Steve alone for the first time with his daughter.
Now, Steve McGarrett is a born leader. He's in charge, and he doesn't take orders from anyone unless they're a senior rank (and even then he grumbles about it). But here in the NICU Steve does anything the nurses ask of him in regards to his baby if it means that he can touch her.
The day before, a nurse came in and raised an eyebrow as Steve moved his chair back so she could get in, and couldn't help but notice how he kept rubbing his thumb over the index finger that his daughter held. She knew that it must be awful to have a porthole as the only way to touch your baby.
"Come on, Dad, you can help me change her bedsheets." She said. "I need someone to hold her." Steve's eyes widened at the offer.
"Really?" He grinned as she nodded, and stood up so fast that the chair he was sitting in almost tipped over.
The nurse opened the lid to the incubator and Steve ignored how his hands were shaking as he carefully picked his daughter up, supporting her head with one hand and her butt with the other. While the nurse swapped the sheets over he marvelled at how she fit snugly in his hands and how strongly she protested when he gently lowered her back down.
"Your little girl's a fighter," The nurse said once she closed the lid, much to Steve's dismay. "She'll be in your arms before you know it, Commander."
Steve could only nod in response, not trusting his voice at all. All he could think about was how soft her skin felt in his rough hands.
"It's not always gonna be like this, I promise." Steve said later on, the finger of one hand back to being clasped by his daughter's tiny smaller one and his other hand hovering over her legs, every so often his fingers brushing against her feet. "You'll get to meet all of your aunties and uncles back home. It's so far away, but we'll get there. You'll see… it's not just wires and plastic tubes."
Steve wanted to wipe his face, but he didn't want to let go even for a second. So he let the tears fall as he carried on.
"Auntie Kono will teach you how to surf, and Uncle Chin will probably join us at throwing a football around. Uncle Lou does a great barbeque, but if he tries to teach you how to play golf please ignore him. And then there's Danno…"
At that point, Danny appeared in the doorway, arms laden with bags from his shopping trip. He didn't want to intrude on what was quite clearly meant to be a private moment between father and daughter, but Danny was slightly curious as to what Steve would say.
"He's Daddy's best friend. He's really loud, of course. And sometimes he's mad. But he will love you more than anything in the world, baby girl. He'll love you so much. He's got a daughter and a son already, and I know that Grace is real excited to meet you. Something about making it almost even now, but I dunno what that means. But anyway… you'll probably see Danno a lot, as Daddy will try and make him stay and help us. Well, help me anyway." Steve laughed quietly, even though he knew that Danny probably would insist on all-but moving in as soon as they got back to Hawaii.
"I'm sure that your Danno will want to take you to a Bon Jovi concert, if he can keep going long enough, and get you on his shoulders for the big numbers. There's a beach at the back of our house, and you'll tread sand all through the house and I'll find it days later. You'll dance in your jammies to… probably whatever Danno plays, his music taste is better than mine. But that's our little secret, baby. Besides, I'll always dance with you. You'll hold my hand and I'll take you to school and you'll make loads of friends whose names I'll try real hard to remember. And when the bell rings at the end of the day, I'll be there waiting for you."
Danny sniffed and wiped his nose on his jacket sleeve. Steve whipped his head round at the sound, and smiled at his partner. "How… how long-" Danny cut off his croaky voice.
"Of course I'll love her more than anything. And she might get a better view on your shoulders, buddy." He said, coming forward to dump the bags on the couch before smiling into the incubator. "Hey, princess, how was your scan?"
Steve smiled sadly as he carefully wiggled the finger being held captive. "Lungs look okay, which is a good sign. But we didn't like it."
"'We?' Didn't know they allowed guests in there?" Danny raised an eyebrow and smiled as a blush crept up Steve's face.
"I know it was only an hour but… I missed her." He shook his head. "I've only known her for a few days and I didn't know what to do for that hour without her."
Danny squeezed his shoulder, understanding those emotions all too well. "She's your baby, and she's sick. Glad to see the nurses finally made you shower and shave though."
Steve rolled his eyes at Danny, not answering him so as not to give him the satisfaction of being right, before roaming his eyes over the bags. "What did you get, anyway? The doctors said I can't take her home for months yet."
"I know babe, I was there. But doesn't mean that she doesn't need stuff." Danny explained as he rifled through one of the bags. "You can tape pictures to the incubator so she can see people once her eyes open. I got her some toys, they had a giraffe blankie which I'm sorry, but she will love if she has any sense. And they did have some preemie babygrows, but…" He held one up and frowned. "They might still be too big for now. Whatcha reckon, babe?"
Steve opened his mouth to speak, but as soon as he saw the words Daddy's Little Princess on the tiny (but yes, still too big) onesie, all he could make was a cross between a sob and a cough that he regrettably had to withdraw the hand from over his baby's legs to try and hide. Danny, who knew exactly what reaction Steve would have, was instantly next to him with a fresh box of tissues.
Wordlessly Danny sat next to him on the spare chair and pulled him into his side when the tears started. Steve was determined to keep the small point of contact with his baby as he leaned over, and used his free hand to snag some tissues out of his partners hand.
"Hit home, has it babe?" Danny asked carefully.
Steve shakily nodded, swallowing endlessly past a lump that wouldn't go. "Thought it did earlier but… seeing those words really hammered it in." He cringed at how ragged his voice sounded. "And all that stuff to take her home."
"Yeah," Danny smiled, remembering how he felt exactly the same when he saw Grace's first outfit. "But you still need to think of a name for her, babe."
"I like 'Sarah'." Steve said quietly after a few minutes. "Because she is a princess."
Danny raised an eyebrow. "You just think that up?"
Steve shook his head. "Nah, I did some Googling when I couldn't sleep." He bit his lip as he cast a side glance at Danny. "But then I also like 'Abigail'".
"'Father's joy'," Danny nodded. "Very good. You know, she could have that as her middle name?"
"Yeah…" Steve grinned down at his daughter, whose eyes were open and looking up at him. "You like the sound of that, baby?" She blinked, and even though Steve knew that she couldn't hear or much less understand him, he took that as a 'yes'.
"Sounds good to me too," He tried to subtly brush a stray tear away but Danny noticed and passed him another tissue. "Sarah Abigail McGarrett."
Danny squeezed his shoulder and smiled. He felt his heart flutter as he stared at Steve, who was enjoying watching his daughter follow his fingers as he moved them around the top of the incubator. But now really wasn't the time to think about this feelings that he's been having, Danny told himself. Steve would need his support over the next few months and when they got home.
Danny has known Steve for a long time, so he knows that patience is not one of the man's strong points. He knew that aside from taking Sarah home, his one wish was to hold his girl properly. But every time Steve asked the doctors and nurses - sometimes multiple times a day - they all gave him the same answer.
"When she's strong enough and can control her temperature, Commander. I'm sorry."
Steve knew that these rules were in place for a reason, but that didn't stop the disappointment that followed. Danny knew that only being able to touch his daughter through a porthole and watch her be confined to the incubator must be doing a number on Steve, and he wished for both their sakes that she got stronger soon.
Fortunately, his wish was granted a few weeks later.
Sarah had gained some weight and slightly grown, and the doctors were pleased with her progress. She had even been weaned off of the ventilator and was breathing on her own. Not as much as Steve of course, who had become a permanent fixture next to her incubator and could see first hand the improvements his baby was making.
"Today's your lucky day, Steve!" A nurse said as she came into the room followed by one of the doctors. Steve frowned at Danny in confusion before looking back at the nurse, but then it dawned on his why she was grinning from ear to ear.
"Oh my god." Steve mumbled as he watched the nurse open the incubator lid and start to disconnect some of the unnecessary wires that were connected to Sarah. Danny nudged at Steve and gestured to his shirt, and the brunette suddenly remembered what Danny told him about babies loving skin-to-skin contact and stripped off his shirt in record timing with trembling hands.
"Are you ready?" Steve eagerly nodded, his eyes fixed on his wriggling girl as she was lifted out. He could feel his heart was racing, but he didn't dare breathe or move a muscle as, finally, the nurse settled Sarah onto his chest.
Steve instantly brought his hands up to hold his daughter and the blankets that had been placed over her, one hand cradling her head that now sported tufts of dark hair. Sarah opened her eyes at her new surroundings and looked up, her gaze locking with that of her father's.
"Hey, princess," Steve whispered as he stared into eyes that he was fairly sure were now almost the same colour as his own. "You comfy on Daddy?"
Sarah's answer was to wriggle and tug at his chest hair with her little hands while making a tiny noise. The cry went straight to Steve's heart as he let himself relax back into the chair, vaguely aware that Danny was taking photos on his cell.
"She's so strong, Danno," Steve choked out, not caring that he was a sobbing, laughing mess and his daughter cried as she moved around on his chest. Then she smiled, the first proper smile that either man has seen on her, as she settled with her head resting over Steve's heart.
Danny rubbed at his eyes with his spare hand before offering Steve a tissue. He shook his head before turning his attention back to the precious bundle on his chest.
"We'll give you a shout when she has to go back, but don't worry, it won't be for a while yet." The nurse winked at Steve as she ushered the doctor out after they checked Sarah's vitals.
"She asleep, babe?" Danny whispered as he sat next to Steve and lightly ran his fingers down her back. Steve nodded, and Danny didn't think he'd ever seen him look so happy.
"I hope I make her proud, Danny." He whispered. "I hope I do a good job and she doesn't end up as messed up as me."
Danny rolled his eyes as he threw an arm around Steve's shoulders and leaned into his side, his other hand still stroking Sarah's back as she slept.
"Look at me, Steve." Steve turned his head and swallowed past a lump in his throat as he saw how close Danny was to him. "Remember when you were sitting here in those first few days, telling your girl all about Hawaii and her family back home?"
Steve nodded, and Danny continued. "All those things… of course I'm gonna be there to help you, babe. Because I want Sarah to have all those things, to have people around her who love her as she grows up. And because I love you. You shouldn't have to do this alone, even though I know you'll make a great Dad anyway. I know that because you already are one - you've sat in this chair every day for the past month watching her get better after only finding out that she even existed not even 24 hours before."
"I love you too, Danny…" Steve whispered, not daring to hope that he would have both of his dreams come true on the same day but there was something inside him that urged him to carry on, that maybe Danny does indeed feel the same way about him. "Does this mean that you'll… be her Danno? Do things like braid her hair and coach her softball team?"
Danny beamed. "Of course I'll be her Danno." Both men then looked down as Sarah grabbed ahold of one of Danny's fingers from where his hand had slid to rest on Steve's chest. "Looks like she's chosen me anyway, and ladies are always right."
"Must run in the family." Steve smirked as he softly pressed his lips against Danny's, feeling like the happiest man in the world as the blonde man returned the kiss.
Neither man noticed that they were being watched through the glass walls of the room.
"Hey, Tracey, looks like you owe me $20!"
"Really, no way, I don't believe - oh no, they're definitely kissing. Damn, girl."
"Told you that they'd get together before McGarrett's baby goes home! Now come on, pay up."
