"So Dick was like, 'why haven't you answered my calls?' and I was like, 'why are so obsessed with me?', cause I was talking to this girl who had a hamster named Steve in her pocket and was telling me her Sherlock fan theories so there was no way I was going to pass up a chance to talk to her just because Dick was sending texts of him claiming he cracked the mystery of bigfoot and why everyone else was too stupid to figure it out before, " Wally explained in one long breath to Roy, who nodded along while flipping through the channels.

"And did he?" Roy asked, pausing at a rerun of The Crocodile Hunter.

"Did he what?" Wally responded, digging into the crevices of the couch cushions to rescue a dropped skittle.

"Find bigfoot."

"Huh? Oh - heck no. It was some crazy-ass theory involving mutant ninja turtles and bigfoot having an affair with the abominable snowman."

"Seems legit," Roy replied, the corner of his mouth twitching as if to smile.

"You know I can hear you guys," Dick shouted from the kitchen, where he was carving a watermelon to make an elephant sculpture.

"Alas, a cross we have to bear," Roy said, to Wally's amusement.

The text tone on Dick's phone, which was on the coffee table, went off. Wally glanced at it, announcing that it was Barbara.

"It says 'I just shaved my legs and now they feel like dolphins'," Roy read.

"Don't answer it!" Dick yelled at them.

"Okay!" Wally replied, while Roy typed a response and clicked 'send'.

The two redheads silently laughed over that, then went into a debate about who's mugshot looked better. Yesterday Dick had made the three of them fake mug shots, and sent them to Ollie, Bruce, and Barry on 'accident' as a prank. Bruce didn't fall for it but the others' reactions had been priceless.

Dick's text tone went off again, this time from S. Kyle.

"Uh, the Crazy Cat Lady texted you and simply said 'I know about last Thursday,' - well thats not ominous." Roy announced, then immediately typed a response and sent it.

"Crap - Don't answer it!" Dick exclaimed again, still busy in the kitchen.

"Okay, don't worry!"

A few minutes later Dick's phone rang, and he once again demanded that they 'don't answer it', and started heading into the living room to get it. Without even checking who was calling, Roy quickly answered the call and greeted with, "Joe's whore house, you got the dough, we got the hoe!"

Several things then happened in very quick succession. Wally, who was alarmed about the object Dick was holding that had watermelon juice dripping off of it, shouted, "He's got a knife you idiot!", while Dick rushed towards Roy, grabbing for his phone while yelling, "ROY! Get OFF my phone!"

At this point, the person on the other end of the phone line could only hear a cacophony of threats, loud voices, and legitimate safety concerns.

"He's got a frickin knife!"

"Is the call still connected?!"

"You're dead meat, Harper!"

"Roy -"

"Shut up Wally!"

"If you don't give me my phone THIS INSTANT I'm gonna shove this knife so far up your ass it'll cut your tongue off! And who was it on the phone?!"

The line went dead and the noise ceased as Bruce soberly ended the call.


Ahahaha, just a short shot of randomness - poor Bruce. LOL. I can't make a sufficient author's note right now cause its late, I'm tired, and I am procrastinating so much, I hope this story was worth it :)

D: