A few years earlier:
I smell the cheese, the oregano and the marinara coming from the kitchen. It feels so comforting and safe in my nose… It feels like home. I walk into it and I see here. God, I can still remember the smell of her hair when she hugged me. It's funny how much you remember and how much you forget. She must have made me lasagna for lunch over a hundred fucking times… but I remember this one time better than all others. I turned off my xbox and went into the kitchen. I must have been, like, what… fourteen? Around that age. All I know is that I still spoke like a fucking idiot and the first words that came out of my mouth were
"Mehm! Are you making lasagna!?" in the whiniest tone possible. How the hell anyone used to put up with that is beyond me
"Of course dear!" She answered with a small giggle and fixing her hair. The way she used to close her eyes a bit when she smiled… always gets me.
"How long before it's done?" I ask but more in a 'feed me, I'm hungry' kind of way than in a loving son kind of way
"It'll be faster if you help me" She said, messing my hair. It might sound cliché, but the way I remember it, she must have messed my hair for a few hours. Like there was slow-mo and some stupid romance song going on
"Fahne, mehm, I'll help yah" I answer pouting and start mixing the sauce. She giggles. If only I knew…
Present day:
People usually don't realize what they've got in their hands until they lose it. Take this Mexican drug dealer I'm hanging by the foot right now for instance… I guess he won't realize how much he loves having sex until I shoot him in the dick. He's taking too long to wake up… I'll help him out…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" That's the sound he makes when I knifed him in the hand. That woke him up pretty good. Maybe he just kept screaming because he realized he was hanging upside down on the top of a building… who knows?
"Drugs cargo coming to South Park. Address. NOW!" I say to him. My voice modulator is working just fine. I sound a bit like Kenny when he used to wear the costume
"Whoa, whoa, easy dude! I'm not gonna die for those pricks! I have a family. It's an abandoned storage house near Starks Pond. Can't miss it. The truck is red and the guys are wearing green balaclavas" That went easier than expected. '
"Now, can I go?" He asks still nervous
"I'll let you live"
"Thanks man… hahahahahaha" he starts to laugh as if he's out of trouble. Poor bastard. I take out my gun, shoot him in the crotch and leave the place
"AAAAAAAAAH! FUCK YOU!" He screams from afar
I arrive at the storage house he spoke of. Man, this place is screaming "Drug storage". It's only missing a fucking sign. I take my time to analyze the place and mark a few locations. The truck arives
The night was silent and it was raining but I guess that's nothing new for the small town I live in. I'm on top of a storage building. Before 2 men in t shirts, one with glasses and a hat, the other with all jean outfit except for the shirt. They both had guns. They showed up opening the storage unit and there were another 3 minutes before the truck backed in there were 4 men in the truck 2 in front, then 2 in the back. When the truck stopped the two men in front came out. One with a tuxedo and the other one in black clothes to lift the door open to let the others out who also had all black on. I see that two of the men have guns. They met up with the other men waiting for them by the storage unit so I moved in closer so I could listen in.
"So you guys made sure nobody was following u?" One of the men in t-shirts started talking first
"Yep we made all precautions unlike those other guys. That bastard in a cape won't be stopping this shipment tonight. And if he shows up he has to go through my men first" the driver said pointing to the two men with guns. The man in glasses nodded
"Well hopefully he can't get through them he has only killed 25 of your men in the past ten shipments "he said sarcastically making his friend laugh
The man from the truck didn't laugh "well give us the money so we can get this done with this night is creeping me out"
The two men laughed " hahaha ok ok here it is" pulling out a plastic garbage bag filled with what looked like 50 grand " 60 thousand dollars. Your hands better get and get this shit in the storage unit"
The men from the truck mumbled something then turned around and that was the moment I jumped down throwing my knifes at all the lights putting us in complete darkness. I blended in with the darkness as my whole suit was a skin tight black armor. But I can still see them. Clear as day
I said to them "not tonight boys. This night you die like your friends" as always
"what the fuck " The guy in glasses says
"God damit man why can u leave us al-"one of the men from the truck was saying but he couldn't finish because I threw one my daggers in his throat causing him to fall down and bleed out
I just turned in time to see the two men by the storage unit were walking away quickly so I threw my knifes at them hitting their spinal cords causing them to be paralyzed. They cried out in pain and I loved it. Then I hear a gunshot and see the men with the guns from the truck have started shooting at me but I knew they couldn't see me. So while they were firing wildly at nothing I sneaked up behind one of them slitting his throat. I just love to hear them falling and gargling since they can't really talk or scream. This one accidently shot the man in the tux. I hear him scream but I can't relish in the sound right now. I'm dealing with the last man from the truck. He has stopped shooting and has turned to run out to the street I let him get ten feet just for fun before I take out my pistol and shoot him in the back of the head and, as always, it comes out right between his eyes
I took a moment to relish in my kills for only a moment forgetting I had two left at the storage unit. So I turn and walk towards the storage units I see that one has crawled out to a car that I just noticed was there and one that is crawling over the pavement. Both of them in beautiful pain I go to the one of the pavement. First I just make a quick kill out of him and shoot him in the heart but not before making him turn to see me and hear his final words
"Please don't kill me! I'll give you anything "
I smiled behind my mask I said "ok" then I shot him between the eyes
"You just did "
The last guy is crawling to get away from me. He's injured leg is bleeding a lot and I can tell it hurts like a bitch. I walk slowly to him just to see him squirm…
"Please… I-I-I'll surrender to the police, I'll never do anything like that again I-I swear…" he says as I get closer
"Too late" I draw my arm blade.
The second I'm about to drive the blade through his head, a hook grabs my arm and a second one grabs the guy. We're both pulled away from each other
And that's when she appears kicking his head
"You know, I'm starting to think you work for these guys" I tell the lady. I have to admit she is must be gorgeous behind the mask. I can only see her mouth, though.
"Come on, Coony, you know I'm just not as prone to bloodshed as you are" She says to me in a mocking tone. She's wearing a tight black outfit with pink arms and legs. Her mask has also a shade of pink. I can tell the whole thing is made of something strong, bulletproof. But how this is so goddamn flexible is beyond me.
"Well, the guys I catch don't go back to the street"
"And the guys I catch don't end up in the same statistics as the people I claim to protect!" I shoot the guy's head. Now she made me lose my patience.
She gasps at the sound of the gun. I smirk. She's still just a girl in a costume. Good intentions and a soft heart.
"Go back to your fairy tale world. Leave the real world to me"
"I just want to help. Look, maybe we disagree on how to handle these guys, but let's get some stuff done. South Park has enough problems without the two of us at each other's throats" She says. I agree, she has potential when it comes to skill. It's determination she lacks
"If you want to help me, start now. Pile up this cocaine over there. Away from the trees"
"The cocaine in the truck?" She asks
"The entire storage" I clarify what I meant
"It's gonna take all night"
"It gonna be worth it when those bastards find it"
We started pilling up the cocaine about 23:00. We ended the process about 3:00 A.M.
"Okay…. The cocaine is in a pile. Why?" She asks. I pull up a bottle of scotch I've found earlier in the fridge of the drug storage. I take a sip and pass it to her. She looks at me like she is saying 'are you fucking kidding me?'
"Oh, what the hell" she takes her own sip of the scotch. It's cheap, and it does not taste that great. That's why I have no problem whatsoever spilling it all over the pile of cocaine and throwing a lit match on the damn thing. She looks at me surprised
"You do know the drug lords will be coming for you, right? I mean, you just burnt half a billion dollars of their cash here" She says
"Six hundred and twenty seven million to be exact. And I intend to burn a little more" I walk away leaving the girl that calls herself "The Pink Avenger" behind with a million questions in her head. I'll answer one of them for you
My name is Eric Cartman. My mother was murdered right before my eyes. I'm the Coon
I thought being completely alone would kill me. I was wrong.
As a crazy man once said, whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you stranger.
