Call The 1-800 Number, Man!

Hellllo! My dear good friends of mine! This is my DN fanfic with I guess the most potential at the moment so, I guess you'll have to decide that for yourselves! ^^, anyways, I don't own Death Note obviously and never will. So, without further a do, chapter uno!


Chapter One: Near's Young Corrupted Mind

Normal Point of View

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To the innocent mind, watching TV is a habit that all genders, races, and ages appeal to. The same facts applied to the albino breed, also known as Near.

As he sat with one knee pulled up to his his chest and the other stretched out, he watched as Matsuda continued to channel surf creating blurs of news reporters to wrestlers and boxers. Growing irritated by the task force member's lack of ethical standing, Near opened up a puzzle box to start connecting the blank jigsaw pieces.

Matsuda, on the other hand, seemed to take in each channel signifigantly and finally stopped on a channel when he heard the words 'dating' and 'easy' coming from the same voice in he same sentence.

It wasn't really the fact that he wanted a girlfriend but, an idea struck him as the volume increased drastically as he pressed the arrow button up to it's maximum which was fairly loud considering it was a huge flat screen plasma TV.

"Hey, Near?! I have a great idea!" The energetic and maybe-weird japanese man stated happily as he turned his body to face Near completely. Who knew Matsuda even had great ideas??? Just the fact of Matsuda screaming he had something actually working in his mind make Near cock his head to the side slightly and look up at Matsuda through his strands of stark white locks.

"Hmm? Please turn down the volume, Matsuda. And, please quit screaming, it is quite unnecessary." Came the mellow yet, aggravated voice of Near as he winced at the sudden loud series of laughing coming from the dating couple on the screen.

Matsuda followed prompt to the orders by pausing the advertisement all together and once again facing the irritated and vaguely questioning twenty-two year old who was on the floor.

"I think..." Matsuda started, trying to make a dramatic pause and then continuing, "You should apply to a dating service!"

-Insert silence and bugged out eyes on Near's part.

-Also insert Matsuda standing on coffee table with his arms spread out wide and a goofy brilliant smile on his face.

"...Why, might I ask?" Came Near's exasperated reply. 'Why' and 'What the hell' and 'Where the shit did this come from' was all that was crossing Near's mind as he completely forgot about the puzzle and looked almost eagerly towards Matsuda who had slumped over at his lack of response from the young genius.

"Because, you've never had a girlfriend, that's why. And, besides that, it'll be fun! You can maybe get away from the station and venture out." Matsuda said, once again estatic at Near's cooperation. But, inwardly, Matsuda was wondering why Near hadn't requested him to leave yet like he usually does when he gets overbearing.

"Wouldn't that require more staying inside if I have to check on posts or...blogs?" Near asked, avoiding the real point of the subject. While trying to match in the correct terms of the internet.

'Why hadn't I realized that before???' he asked himself dumbly before adding a, 'Human contact with a...female?' He furrowed his eyebrows at the thought. Never once had he really been associated closely with a woman unless it happened to be an agent which was strictly a business relationship.

"Yeah, you'll have to check up and see if anyone wants to talk or chat with you online through the blogs but other than that, the whole purpose of a dating site is to meet people, a soul mate." Matsuda finished off saying sweetly while sighing dreamily. What a soap opera fanatic...

"Yes, I agree. But, what's the reasoning behind all this, Mr. Touta?" Near pressed on, feeling slightly embarrassed and uncomfortable at his lack of knowledge in this particular field.

"Wow, you are really thick headed! And, don't call me that! Just Matsuda...yeah, that's it. Anyways, I'll even dial the number for you!!!" Matsuda sung out racing to find his cell phone hidden somewhere beneath the couch cushions.

Near suddenly began feeling, well, different. It was a feeling he couldn't quite place exactly...maybe, anxious? Timid? Slightly afraid? Questioning himself? A little self-conscious? All of them perhaps...?

'...These emotions...what are they? I've...never felt this way before.' He voiced thoughtfully to himself.

Even after the Kira investigation had ended, he continued to stay in Japan with Matsuda Touta and he other original task force members and solved cases. But, never had this ever come up before. Even when one of the guys talked about their life at home, Near just blocked it out and acted uninterested and gone about doing whatever he was previously.

Near had'nt even begun questioning his personal life beyond what kind of toys or puzzles he wanted let alone a girlfriend or 'settling down' life.

To Near's horror-stricken face, Matsuda had finally fished out his phone and began pressing the buttons that were froze onto the TV screen.

Near gulped nevously as Matsuda clicked the speaker button and the sound of a woman's automated voice began speaking.

'Hello, welcome to 'Forever Live' your producer in over 10,000 new couples annually. Please click one if you require assistance with details upon our services; two, if you want our 'Forever Live' monthly magazine subscribtions; or three if you would like to be transfered to our neighboring 'through-the-phone' connections.' The preppy mechanical voice stated the options while Matsuda pressed the first choice, while Near waited apprehensively.

'Thank you for choosing this option. 'Forever Live' is....' the lady droned on about the establishment and the founders until finally starting to announce the real information needed, "...visit, . We wish you our luck and with no confrontations after your six-week free trial you will recieve no fee...' Matsuda snapped the flip phone shut bringing Near out of his attentive listening with the sudden noise.

"Well?! Get your laptop! Times' a wasting!" Matsuda screeched loudly, successly scaring the shit out of Near. But, reluctantly, he did get up and remove the portable computer and walk back over to the couch to begin searching the site and perhaps...get himself a girlfriend?

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Sooo?! Like? Yayyyzzzz! No? Anti yayyzzzzzz! Well, please review and no flames! The fire burns and it hurts! It took me like two hours to conjure this up ya' know! ^^, I'm glad I did write it though. Sorry for any grammar or spelling errors! I'm no human dictionary and I do have many flaws! Once again, subscribe, review, fave, whatevs!