I do not own Awkward. Wanted to write something for the Matty/Jenna breakup, but somehow it morphed into this. Not sure how I feel about it.
She couldn't just let him forgive her. She couldn't just let him forget.
Let Go
She didn't feel bad for kissing Colin. Maybe she should have. She had worked hard to be with Matty, had spent years liking him, having sex with him, dating him, and getting over the fact that he was 'kind of' embarrassed by her.
Truth be told, she was beyond pissed he felt that way. So what if she wasn't a beauty queen or a popular girl. So what if she had a tendency to stare too long or not know what to say or how to say it. She was different from the normal (strange, awkward, ugly, and so over being aware of it). How could he be embarrassed by her for being herself?
Colin wasn't. He saw all the flaws and effortlessly accepted them as if that was what made him attracted to her. In his arms she wasn't the walking joke of their high school, lucky to have grabbed a guy as hot as Matty. With Colin it was as if the dots were all connected and there was nothing they needed to work on to prove their feelings for each other to themselves or anyone.
Jenna kind of felt vindicated by being able to touch the mysterious boy that snuck into her life with his all knowing eyes. After all, if Matty was so ashamed of her and Colin wasn't then why on earth was she with him in the first place?
Because he was her first love… because she still loved Matty despite her anger and insecurity…
"I can't be with you anymore." Jenna admitted, though she didn't want to. Couldn't she go back to pretending nothing was going on and that everything was fine?
"Why…?"
She tried to hold in her sobs. She wouldn't explain herself. She didn't want him to know. Colin had awakened something in her that was beyond the 'right or wrong'/'black or white' rules she had known. She wasn't just some random girl when she was with him and she no longer wanted to be one of the pack anymore.
She wanted to grow, to push the boundaries that had grown from comfortable to suffocating.
"I never deserved you." She admitted instead, before bolting away. She ran from Matty, from his car, from his heartbreak. Jenna struggled with herself.
Because she didn't feel bad about breaking his heart. Instead, she kind of enjoyed that she had that kind of power over someone so perfect. So free of the flaws that constantly struck her down.
In the end she was the monster in their relationship after all, and that's why she had to force Matty to let her go.
