Chapter 1:
(Ashley's POV)
"I should stop doing this to myself" I said as I reached for my razor inside my handbag. I don't even know why I keep on hurting myself. I somehow know this what I deserve. I'm not good enough to anything or anyone. Cutting myself has become a routine for me. Whenever I feel alone or depressed , I turn to the blades for help.
"This is for your fat ass thighs" I said out of frustration and pain as the blood slowly seep out of the freshly cut spot.
I sat down on the bathroom floor, I can't help but cry. I know this is very wrong but what could I possibly do when its so easy to cut?
Tears welled up in my eyes seeing the blood coming out from the new cut.
I shook my head and ran warm water in the cut so the blood would stop oozing out. I then woke up and hid the blades in the secret cabinet so no one would notice this when they search for something. I applied some concealer in the fresh cut in order to hide it. I had to go for a photo shoot with the girls so I turned the faucet back on and splashed cold water on my face in attempt to cheer myself up.
I dressed up and made sure that the cut is hidden. I grabbed my phone and water bottle and I headed to my car. Usually izak will pick me up but today he's having some other job so it's just me. I opened snapchat , you could say I'm addicted to it. I wanted the fans to know what's happening in my life so I will always update every thing through snapchat (not the depression part obv.) I was running late so I quickly drove off to the warner bros.
The drive was nice and short. I reached the venue and they had given me the ID card through which I can go inside the lot. I showed the ID car to the officer there and he let me in.
I took my phone and there was a text message from Shay. Even though she's like my bestfriend and I got used to this , I always get this little sensation in my stomach whenever I see her name in my notification. So I opened the message, It said
Shay : Where are you babe? Waiting for you..
It made me smile instantly and I replied "I'm in, Shan. I'll be with you in five mins. "
I parked my car in the parking lot and called lisa to pick me up.
"Hey Benzo" Shay was coming towards me and gave me a welcome hug.
"Hey Shan Shan" I greeted back hugging her.
My mood was instantly lifted, "God the effect this girl has on me" I sighed to myself.
The photoshoot went great. We both snapchatted a lot together and the fans went crazy. Only me, shay and troian were there for the shoot this time because you know there's this thing called photoshop and they'll merge our pics alongside lucy and sasha.
Sammy couldn't make it so I offered shay a lift to home and she immediately said yes.
I was feeling good at that moment but I had this lingering pain on my cut. It took me back to my depressed self and I remained silent for some time. Shay obviously noticed.
"Benzo, is everything fine?"
"Absolutely shan, I..I'm a little tired, that's all" I shook my head and said.
"No ash, youre not! Something's up with you. It's me ash, you know you can tell anything to me"
"its nothing shay, stop worrying about me" I snapped at her , I didn't know why I did that.
Shay sighed and she didn't say anything.
