Title: The Best Holiday EVER
Rating: K+
Genre: Humor
Setting: Summer of OOTP
Ships: None, but possibly some strong RLHG friendship.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: Why does fanfiction continue to take me away from important school work? Why?! Ack. Anyway. I have very little idea where this fic is going, so please be patient with me. Also, if anyone is reading "The War of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place", I am SO sorry I haven't updated it, even though I promised I would weeks ago. It seems I'm motivated to write everything BUT that. I'll finish writing it eventually, I promise. Enjoy the fic, and PLEEEASE review! Reviews encourage me.
In general, most mornings at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place were pretty uneventful. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, most of the Weasley clan and occasionally an Order member or two would gather around the kitchen table and enjoy their breakfast. On this particular morning, Molly Weasley was dishing out French toast and eggs while Remus and Hermione were engaged in a conversation about some book that only the two of them had read and Fred and George were quietly conspiring, huddled together over a piece of parchment they held under the table so no one else could see it. None of this was in any way out of the ordinary, and yet, this morning was very different. This difference lied with Sirius Black.
Sirius had the most unusual mood swings that any of them had ever seen. Some mornings he'd be laughing loudly with Harry and Ron, while others he'd pick moodily at his food and grumble at everyone. The collective family was used to it by now; it was just the way Sirius was. They hardly even noticed his mood swings anymore. This morning, however, Sirius was neither loud and hyper nor depressed and grumpy, and no one but Harry noticed the change in his behavior. Sirius had a knowing grin on his face and a glint in his eyes. If Harry didn't know any better, he'd say it was almost Marauder-ish. Harry made a mental note to ask his godfather what was up and if he should be worried.
At some point, Remus glanced at his watch, mumbled something about being late (to which Hermione replied, "For a very important date?" Remus grinned in reply), put his empty plate in the sink and rushed out the door, saying goodbye to the group as he left. Everyone offered their goodbyes and continued about their respective conversations. Harry watched as Sirius' grin grew wider and wider.
When he heard the front door shut, Sirius suddenly stood up and said, "Guess what tomorrow is?!" The glint in his eyes had surpassed Marauder-ish and was now maniacal.
"Thursday?" asked Ginny.
"Nope! Well, yes...but that's not what I'm looking for!"
"National S'Mores Day?" offered Arthur.
"No!" insisted Sirius. "Actually...wait...yeah, that's true too. But that's still not it!"
Everyone was looking at Sirius as through he had finally gone off his rocker. He, in turn, looked at them as though they didn't know the sky was blue. Sirius gave a mock exasperated sigh and said, "Tomorrow, my friends, is International Bother, Frighten, Embarrass and Otherwise Completely Annoy Remus Lupin Day!"
Everyone at the table blinked. In unison. Sirius' shoulders slumped. He had been expecting a bit more of a reaction.
"Don't tell me you've never heard of the best holiday EVER?!" said Sirius.
"If it doesn't involve presents," said Ron, "It's probably not the best holiday ever."
"Ah, but you see, Ron," said Sirius wisely, "the best gift of all is the gift of Schadenfreude."
"Schadenfreude?" asked Arthur. "What's that?"
"Happiness at the misfortune of others," said Hermione before Sirius could answer. "It's German." Sirius smiled approvingly at Hermione.
"Hmm," said Arthur quietly. "Figures."
Fred and George looked intrigued. "I don't know what this is all about," said Fred,
"But whatever it is," continued George,
"We're in!" they concluded in unison.
Sirius laughed. "Perfect! Now, for a little history lesson." All eyes and ears were on Sirius now. "In about our third year at Hogwarts, James and I decided that Remus was far too uptight and needed to lighten up a little. We tried everything – we got him involved in more pranks, we threw his school books in the Lake (and he actually went in after them!)...we even got him drunk a few times, but that's another story for another time." Harry and Ron chuckled, while Molly scowled disapprovingly at Sirius.
"Anyway," he continued, "eventually we resigned ourselves to the fact that Moony will always be the conscience of the group. But in our experiments in immaturity, we learned something:" Sirius paused for dramatic effect. "Moony is a hell of a lot of fun to annoy!" Everyone laughed at this revelation.
"Well," Sirius went on, "we couldn't take advantage of poor Moony's weakness all the time – that's what Wormtail was for, after all – so Prongs and I decided to devote one day a year to trying to make our beloved Moony snap. This year, it happens to be tomorrow."
"It changes every year?" asked Ginny.
"Yep!" Sirius replied. "International Bother, Frighten, Embarrass and Otherwise Completely Annoy Remus Lupin Day always falls on the date of the third Sunday of March times pi cubed divided by the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow in Costa Rican weather on April 9th plus how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood to the 815th power. That makes it August 10th this year!"
Hermione's head was in her hands. "Your logic makes my head want to explode."
"Ah, but it is logic!" said Sirius. Hermione looked at him with sheer incredulity in her eyes. She shook her head and said,
"And anyway, that's not exactly nice to Remus, is it?"
"Oh, it's all in good fun!" Sirius said. "And anyway, he's used to it." He looked around the room. "It's been a long time since the last International Bother, Frighten, Embarrass and Otherwise Completely Annoy Remus Lupin Day. My pranking skills are a bit rusty after so many years of nonuse, so I'm going to need everyone's help, especially you, Fred and George."
The twins saluted. "Aye, Captain!" they said.
Sirius clapped his hands together and smiled mischievously. "Great! Here's the plan so far..."
A/N: Hope you're enjoying it! Please don't forget to click the little blue review button.
