Love Above All Pain

I lay in the cool, strong arms of my Edward, my husband. His breath came slowly and evenly; I felt it on the skin of my neck. His thumb gently massaged my upper arm through my sleeve. I felt so relaxed…it was now or never.

I rolled over to face him, kissing him lightly on the lips. I rested my forehead against his and smiled lightly. His golden eyes watched me; there was a depth to them I could barely begin to comprehend. What I did see, though, I understood.

The love there took my breath away. It traveled deeper into those molten pools than any other emotion I could detect. I didn't think I could ever learn to accept it completely. But still, around the edges, I saw worry, and maybe a little caution. He leaned in and kissed me across my lips, stopping at the corner of my mouth.

I was surprised with myself. I didn't have to concentrate on breathing for a change.

"Edward…" I breathed.

His eyes glanced up at me, the concern in his eyes becoming a little more pronounced.

"Bella…?" he asked. He reached up and brushed some hair off my temple. He checked to make sure I was awake, and not sleep-talking. I wasn't.

I was quiet for a moment. He searched my face, probably wondering desperately what I was thinking. My eyes met his, and he seemed to understand.

"Bite me, Edward."

A frown played at the corners of his mouth, but then he smiled a sad smile. "You're ready now?"

I ran my fingertips along his cheek. "As ready as I'll ever be." He nodded briefly. He shifted his position on the bed, propping himself up with an elbow. He kissed me again, a little more forcefully this time, placing his cool hand on my cheek.

"Bella… my life, my love. Remember that I will always love you, no matter what happens. Always remember that. Promise me."

I watched him, surprised for a moment. "I…I promise." I thought for moment. "Remember the same thing for me. I love you more than anything, ever. No matter what happens, always remember."

"I promise," Edward whispered. "I love you." He leaned closer, and I braced myself.

I let out a garbled cry as I felt his teeth a little to the right of my throat. I felt like being stung by a dozen bees at the same time. But the pain from the bite was minimal compared to what was coming. The venom started traveling through my blood stream. I gasped, having forgotten to breathe.

Then I felt the pain at my throat, and I started choking, trying to catch air. It felt like my throat was stuffed with cotton. Burning cotton.

And then, my heart beat. I screamed as it spread the fire down my arms. I heard Edward give a strangled cry. His weight left the bed, and in the next instant he was taking my hand on the other side of me. He was keeling on the floor. I thought I felt him trembling, but it could have easily been me. I screamed again.

"Bella…Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm so—sorry." He was choking on his words.

"Sh-shut…up…Edward," I gasped through the fire in my throat. "I…wanted…this…" I cried out as I felt a stab in my chest. I didn't understand how I found the will to try to be funny through the pain. It didn't work; his cool forehead was still pressed to my hand. "I love you!" I cried.

I wanted to make this easier on him. I had to, I owed him that. But my thoughts became clouded and I screamed again. The fire began creeping down my legs, like a dozen knifes slowly slicing me into little bits.

My last coherent thought led me to whip around and grab a pillow, screaming as I did. I stuffed the corner of it into my mouth so he didn't have to hear me scream.


Suddenly, I could breathe again. I'd pretty much succumbed to the pain, so the sensation of drawing breath shocked me. I was afraid of the terrible rattling sound of my breath though. How long had it been?

And then I knew. I knew because the pain had faded from my toes, leaving them numb. It felt like I was defrosting, or something of that nature. There was a distinct line where the pain ended and the numbness began, and it was still moving up my body. The line traveled over my calves, closer to my knees. It was like stepping into water.

When the line reached my knees, my fingers started numbing, too. Then there were two more lines, one going up each arm. When they reached my elbows, I felt one last line forming, at the root of my scalp. The line traveled down my face, and everything above the line began to feel like ice. Almost like a liquid ice, actually. I could move my eyebrows and nose respectively, something I hadn't been able to do in three days because I'd feared causing myself even more pain. I opened my eyes, but everything was blurry. I blinked a couple of times and then was startled as my vision abruptly became sharper, much sharper than I'd ever remembered it.

I began to listen to my heart beat as the lines moved closer inward, closing in on it.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Finally, all lines hit center, and I gasped as a burst of pain, not fire, but ice this time, pierced my heart.

And then it was silent.

I shivered, and then numbness began to melt away, but less conspicuously. I was distracted by a dry sob from next to me. I turned my head (without pain, I realized with silent jubilation), and I saw Edward on one knee next to me. His forehead was buried into his upper knee, his hands pressing down against the back of his head. I felt a stab of pain through my heart…or did I? I know I felt the stab, I just wasn't sure if it was actually in my heart anymore.

As the last of the numbness melted away, I turned onto my side and reached out to him, lightly touching his hands. I felt his sharp intake of breath. One of his hands folded on top of mine, and he lifted his head. His eyes were now black, endless tunnels of emotions that were too numerous to name them all.

His lips trembled. "Bell…Bella?" he asked, as quietly as a whisper.

"I'm here, Edward." The sound of my own voice startled me. It was, somehow, softer…silkier than before. He seemed to notice the surprise on my face and half-smiled. He moved closer to the bed, on both knees now. He lifted my hand and began kissing my fingertips, one by one. I moved my other hand around to trace his face, all the way down to his collarbone and the contours of his shoulder.

He inhaled deeply, running my fingers that were still in his grasp across his nose, up around his eyes, and onto his cheek.

"Bella…can you ever forgive me?" he asked, closing his eyes. He breathed in again.

I would have been angry with him, but I couldn't make myself. At this moment, I felt nothing but remorse for what I'd made him go through.

"Edward…of course I can. But what I want to know is: can you forgive me?" I asked. He looked up at me, a shocked and surprised look on his face.

"Bella? Love, what are you talking about?" he asked, pain ripping his voice.

"I mean, I was so selfish. I didn't think about what I was doing to you," I said, looking away from his face for a moment. I paused. "These past three days have probably been worse for you than they have for me." I gave a humorless laugh.

Before I registered what happened, he was up and kissing me, gathering me in his arms. He smothered me with kisses from my forehead to my neck. Every part of my face that he could reach, he kissed. My ears, under my eyes, my neck, you name it. I kissed him back when I could catch him with my lips. His fingers ran through my hair and held my head up. I wrapped my arms around him, tangling my fingers in his hair.

A few moments later, it stopped. He held my head tightly to his chest. "Bella! My love, I love you more than anything I've ever known in my drawn-out existence. You…you're too good for me. I feel like I don't deserve you sometimes."

"I feel the same way about you," I murmured into his chest. He kissed the top of my head. "But you're mine and I'm yours. Nothing, nothing on this earth will ever change that."

"You're right. Nothing," Edward laughed slightly. And I stayed there, tight in his arms, never wanting the moment to end. He took my chin in his hand and lifted my face to his. His kissed me deeply then, deeper than he ever had before. He lowered me onto my back and rested beside me. He smiled at me.

"What is it?" he asked, seeming to notice the confusion that had appeared on my face.

"I don't know. I feel…the same, but completely different at the same time," I replied.

He chuckled. "It does feel like that at first."

I breathed out, and then laughed. "I keep expecting to hear my heart beat. I guess I'm gonna have to get used to being disappointed."

Edward looked sad at this. "Yes, I guess I will, too."

I couldn't bear to see him sad, so I stroked his cool face with the tips of my fingers. He closed his eyes, and I ran my thumb along his eyelids. Then, I took my fingers away and began examining them. They too, were different. They felt longer, and my fingernails, which had been chewed short, were clean and long. Edward noticed and took my hand in his.

"What do I look like, Edward?" I asked. It was the first time I'd actually wondered about it since I "woke up." I wasn't sure what I had become.

"Beautiful," said Edward, "as always." I laughed quietly.

"You might be a little biased," I pointed out, smiling.

"Maybe, maybe not," he said with a smile of his own.

"Really though," I pressed. I was really starting to wonder!

"Why don't you go see for yourself?" Edward said. I grazed my eyes over his face twice before nodding. I stood up. I felt Edward stand up behind me, his arm stretched out protectively, in case I fell. I half expected to, but I didn't even wobble.

"Well, that was easier that I thought," I said, amused. "But we'll have to see whether being a vampire will overcome my perpetual clumsiness." I flashed a smile. "I doubt it will."

This made him laugh. I walked over to the bathroom that was joined to our room. It had the largest mirror in our house. I kept my eyes on the floor until I was standing in front of the mirror. I slowly looked up, scanning my eyes over my pajama-clad body. When I reached my face, I gasped.

My skin was as pale as Edward's. My dark brown hair contrasted against it, and my lips seemed redder. I felt like Snow White. I tugged at my hair and realized it that it was almost six inches longer and angled. The longest point fell almost to my waist.

I also noticed that my pajamas didn't fit quite right, either. They served their purpose, but they felt tight in odd places and loose in places that they shouldn't. I couldn't detect any difference in my height, but that was fine with me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There was one more thing that I'd refused to look at up to this point. My eyes.

I opened my eyes, incredibly afraid of what I would see. I drew in a sharp breath, horrified by my burning, scarlet eyes. It reminded me of the vampires of the Volturi, the ones who'd lured innocent tourists into their tower and slaughtered them. It hurt, resembling them. I wanted to look like Edward! I closed my eyes. If I could still cry, I'd probably be close to tears.

I felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist, felt his chin rest on my shoulder. "Bella, love, don't worry. It'll go away."

I sighed without opening my eyes. "Is that a promise?" I asked.

"No," he said, kissing my neck. "It's a vow."

I turned around and kissed him. He smiled and led me out of the room. He took me around the waist and together we walked outside for my first breath of fresh air as a vampire.