Disclaimer: I do not own any of the source materials used in the creation of this story, saying otherwise would be stealing, and I don't wanna be a criminal.

Note: If you're here because of the Oregairu tag, I'm sure you would notice just by reading; but still, allow me to set things straight. The beginning scene follows the events from volume nine, chapter seven of the novel (oregairu), and since I was such a lazy slug while writing this, I ended up borrowing some of the dialogues too. So, apologies if that particular scene might seem like a filler to you.


Chapter One


The girl who I had known for almost a year was clad in an unwelcoming aura while she stood on the descending escalator with a shopping paperbag at hand.

Her face looked the same, and it held the usual dignified coldness in it, but if I strain my eyes to look closer, I would be able to see the subtle hint of loneliness held within it.

One was free to say – for I was fully aware of it – that she hadn't changed at all since the first time we met, and that a piece of responsibility for making her like this was to be blamed on myself and my own doings.

Someone accidentally bumped in my back, and I offered out a reflexive apology even though I was the one inconvenienced. Regardless, I took a step back and gave way to the other people walking behind, resolving that I shouldn't be standing like an idiot in the middle of a shopping mall.

After parting with Isshiki on the community center, I headed here to do a family errand. The building was filled with every kinds of Christmas themes and decoration, so even here, in the most crowded floor, the air was tinged with a lively feeling.

And just in the middle of that liveliness, was a noticeable smudge of gloom. Even though a considerable moment had already passed, the girl I was looking at was still there. The contrast in the atmosphere made her appear even more lonely. She was staring at some far off place while waiting for the escalator to descend her on the ground.

Suddenly, as if by fate, she looked at my direction.

Our eyes met.

I inwardly kicked myself for staring, but since what was done couldn't be undone, I muster my courage and resisted the urge to avert my eyes.

I was surprised, of course, and it was funny how I felt like she was mirroring the look I had on my face.

Her platform touched the ground, and she – Yukinoshita Yukino – walked to my direction, a surprised look on her face.

Swallowing hard, I nodded.

"Yo."

"...Good evening."

After leaving that greeting, she walked to the exit – a direction where I would be heading as well.

And so, instead of leaving our unexpected meeting like that, we ended up walking together, side by side.

We left the building, coming to the same silent agreement that we would stop by the courtyard outside. The sun had already set, but there were still clouds visible from the sky, hiding the stars behind them. I held my coat tightly closed, watching my feet as we walked.

The both of us spotted a nearby bench which was uninfected by the extreme density of people. We walked there, and I kept standing as I let her take the seat.

In an attempt to dispell the awkwardness, I tried to speak, "Were you shopping—"

"...so you're helping with Isshiki-san's request."

But I was cut off by a mumble coming from the girl beside me. It was a quiet voice lacking any sign of warmth, let alone emotion. Those words felt like frost that would crumble were someone to touch on it, that was why it sounded so cold.

I sighed, quiet enough for her not to hear, and cleared my throat.

"Ahh, well, there were circumstances, and all..."

I trailed off, having nothing else to say. My assistance on Isshiki with her request wasn't exactly posed as a secret, but I couldn't deny the fact that I tried to hide it from them. It was not like I thought it was troublesome, but just like I said... there were circumstances.

Even so, personally encouraging them to decline a client's request only to accept it behind their backs was more than just disrespectful. On top of that, I even used Komachi as a cover. It was not like I felt guilty for lying – because I didn't lie, at the very least – but I still felt bad.

"...Sorry for doing it on my own."

So I apologized – although, coming from me, why did it sound so hollow?

"It's not like I mind. What you personally do is not something I have a say in, let alone have the qualifications for. Unless... you need my permission?"

She raised her brow and tilted her head, waiting for my answer. On a technical sense – yes, I might need her permission. Isshiki went to the Service Club and posed a request, so no matter how many times I tweak the loopholes of the rules here and there, my acceptance was still related to the club.

However, despite all that, I gave a different answer.

"...No, just confirming."

After a shrug, she looked away.

"I see. In that case, there isn't a need for you to apologize. Besides, working with you will let Isshiki-san feel more relaxed."

Yukinoshita spoke in a slow, non urgent manner and I listened closely. If there wasn't any need to apologize, what else could I say?

Although that was true. Despite our similarities with regards about how we deal with people, it was most likely that Isshiki would choose my help over Yukinoshita's. After all, unlike the other girl, I could at least tolerate her antics.

Yukinoshita sighed, and a pained, lonely smile grazed her lips. As if noticing it, she glanced away again and smoothed the bangs covering her eyes. She continued, not looking at me, only staring at the starless sky with listless eyes.

"If it's you, I think you'll be able to resolve it. That's how it's been up until now, after all."

"It's not like I resolved anything... Besides, it's because I'm alone that I'm doing it myself, that's all."

No, that was not all – there's more there was to it. I had a lot more reasons to justify it, but then again, because that was how it fits my image, I refrained from clearing it up and leave it at that.

Instead, I added, "The same could be said for you."

"That's... that's not right."

She hung her head and sealed her lips. Peeking above her muffler was the porcelain white skin of her throat, swallowing hard, as if she was struggling to bite back the words inside her head. It seemed like she was holding herself back from saying something.

But contrary to my expectations, she opened her mouth and words I didn't expect came out. " I just always acted like I could do it... that I understand it all."

She said so while looking down, and that gesture made her appear so weak, so small. I took a deep breath, taken aback, because that was the very first time I heard Yukinoshita saying something on the likes of that.

"Hey, Yukinoshita..."

I tried to say something, but I couldn't continue my words any further. Yukinoshita, having noticed that, urgently raised her head and interrupted me with her usual composed expression.

"Why don't you take a break from the club for a while? If you're being considerate with us, then that's an unnecessary concern."

"It's not like I'm being considerate at all."

I was not sure if that was the right thing to say, but either way, it's likely that I would end up denying it otherwise.

Yukinoshita quietly shook her head, letting the bag she had on her shoulder to slide loose.

"You've been considerate the whole time... Ever since that time, always... That's why..."

As I listened to her vanishing voice, I waited for her to continue. But those words wouldn't come as she said something different.

"But you don't need to force yourself anymore. For it to be destroyed from just that means that's what it ultimately came down to... No?"

She looked at me and asked with an inquisitive look.

I didn't reply, because to reply, either way, would be a lie.

My silence had posed an understanding on Yukinoshita. I was not sure as to how she understood it, but there was no point diving further on the topic, so I brushed it off into the back of my mind.

Her expression had that transparent smile again. It had the calmness like that of a delicate bisque doll displayed on a glass case, and it appeared so empty.

"You don't have to force yourself to come anymore..."

And while staring at that emptiness, I realized something.

In all intents and purposes, Yukinoshita Yukino was the president of the Service Club, and therefore I, being a member, would be her subordinate.

In other words, she was my superior.

And just like that, I felt my heart drop.

Because that said superior had just asked me an indirect request. A request I had no other choice but to accept.

I could no longer go back to the club anymore.

She would never want such a beautiful place, a sanctuary where she found someone that cares about her, to end up falling apart. In a way, I was sure Yuigahama might feel the same way, as well. Yukinoshita had decided to avoid placing the club on the edge, not again. Not when she realized just how much ripple my presence had caused. Because after all, who had led the club to be as strained as it was now?

It was me.

And why had it occured to begin with?

Because of my fake confession in Kyoto.

No, it was not just that.

My methods, my ideologies and my beliefs contrasted with how the rest of the club held their principles. I had always seen the world in cruel grays and blacks, like how twisted and unfair it was. Unlike them – Yukinoshita and Yuigahama – who strive forward to see the good in the world, I only see the bad and ugly ones.

I was different from them, and placing someone such as myself together with people who had opposing opinions would just end up with that same place crumbling apart.

I took a moment to ask myself.

Did I want to watch as the Service Club slowly falls apart because of my presence alone?

Of course, I knew the answer all along.

And so, with a heavy heart, I nodded to Yukinoshita as we passed the exit and walked away, silently accepting the request she had given me.

...

With nothing else to do, I went straight home, realizing for a brief annoyed moment that no one would welcome me in an empty house since Komachi had cram school today.

I was not really hungry, but I would like to avoid heading upstairs without eating something, since that would lead me to sleeping with an empty stomach throughout the night. And thus, with great reluctance, I headed to the kitchen and snatched a cup of instant ramen.

Instant food had been scarce within the Hikigaya household since both my mother and Komachi despised the idea of not cooking food. But my father was just as lazy as I was, so if one would open the cabinets and turn the casserole my mother rarely used over, they would be able to see the stack of carefully hidden instant goodies inside.

All of them were my father's illegal contrabands, smuggled under the nose of my house-chore loving mother in case of dire emergencies – something like getting left behind without anything to eat, in case the women weren't around to cook anything.

Lazy indeed, but my father and I would always be prepared.

And so, after mentally recalling the history of why instant foods are banned in my house inside my head, I threw my now empty cup of dinner into the trashcan – only to pick it up again after realizing that only a stupid criminal would leave an evidence behind.

I climbed the stairs and headed to my room, hiding the said evidence on the trashbin behind my door. I performed the usual routine of changing myself into my pyjamas, then I heard as the front door of the house clicked, followed by the voice of Komachi saying she was home.

I popped my head on my door, welcomed her, and closed the door again. With that, now with my stomach filled, I let myself fall on my bed, trying my best to get my mind off what happened this evening. It felt like I was trying to run away, somehow, but even if I really was, I couldn't even begin to avert my eyes.

I lay facing the ceiling, raising my hand to shield my eyes from the light. What Yukinoshita had said was true, and there was no way I could deny that. She didn't say anything about it, but I could feel she was feeling the same.

Each of us three was a vital component that made the Service Club as one. Yukinoshita, the girl with few words who was always the righteous one. Yuigahama, the blabbermouth who holds friendship at high regards. And lastly, me, the one who pursues a goal regardless of the methods used.

Even without myself, those girls could keep the club on working out. They even love each other so much. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama were good friends who could efficiently manage the club, even with just the two of them.

But what about me? Where's my place in that picture?

A clubmate? But I could no longer work the same way as before. I knew it was nothing personal, but Yukinoshita declared that she despised the way I handle things. So what should I do? Should I force myself to change? But changing was a painful process, and I was not sure if I would be willing to go through all that pain because of that.

On top of everything, there was also the possibility that I could no longer be changed in the first place.

Just what was it that I was seeking that I couldn't let go of the club? At first, I had been dying to resign, thinking that all of what I was doing in that tea-scented room was a waste of time. But now that I had been given the consent to not come to that place mandatorily, why was I feeling sad?

"Heh..."

I let out a self-mocking chuckle.

That was because the answer was obvious all along.

It was because I had been attached to the Service Club.

Unknowingly, I had come to find something from that place.

And that something was the unknown thing I had been yearning for so long. It was not the sweet grape of fake satisfaction that most people seek, but the sour one. I wanted it despite of its imperfection. I wanted it even if it's disgusting, even if it's poisonous, and even if I was not allowed to yearn for it in the first place.

I didn't even know what it was, but I felt like I managed to lay a finger on it during my stay in the Service Club.

What was it, I wonder?

Asking that to myself, my vision blurred.

Suddenly, my head felt hazy, and I fell into slumber without an answer.

...

Morning came right after a bland, dreamless sleep, and I found myself waking in the hazy glow of all the thinking I had done last night. To my surprise, something in my bed made a mumbling sound and squirmed around; a moment later, I felt a small, warm presence pressing against my body, nestled naturally onto the form of my own sleeping form.

For the first time in a long while, I considered sleeping in, giving Komachi a few moments to salvage her dignity and run off. I resolved to give her a few minutes, at the very least, my musings turning into what could have scared this young lady so much she had to run into my bed. It had been years since she had come to sleep with me. And, come to think of it, how did she snuck in without waking me up, this time?

Stifling a yawn rather than risk waking her up, I opened my eyes in bemusement and carefully peeled back the covers, revealing a small frame of a girl – but not my sister's. I stared in consternation for a long minute, my mouth dropping as the unknown brown haired girl turned fitfully in her sleep, one arm going around me as she hugged herself to my body and mumbled something incomprehensible.

And then, as I was wondering how in the world did this particular anime cliche come to happen, the sheets covering both of our lower bodies moved, and a scowling face of a cat came to view.

But, unlike Kamakura, this cat had three different colors.

The calico squirmed its way out of the covers and looked at me, something that had a very eerie feeling to it. But then, instead of talking like what I was expecting it to do, it meowed, leading myself to doubt just where my rationality flew off to.

As if hearing the sound, the girl hugging my body loosened her grip until the she removed her arm around me altogether, using it to prop herself upwards while rubbing her lidded eyes.

I took a deep breath, ready to fire up the questions inside my head, but even before I could open my mouth, the girl let out a gasp and snatched the equally unfamiliar cat from my side.

"Oh, Shami~! Good morning~!"

Then, as if just noticing me, she looked up in my direction, yawning with the cat still in her embrace.

"And good morning to you too, Kyon~!"


Note: I will be honest here, I was actually feeling uneasy while writing since there's already a crossover like this on the works, and I felt like I was trying to step on someone's toes by doing so – namely, my fellow writer NPwall-san. But I assure you, and everyone who has read his/her story 'The Return of Haruhi Suzumiya' that I am not doing anything of the sort. Though, if anything is to be blamed, it would be my retarded imagination, and my sudden urge to binge read the Haruhi Suzumiya series until volume three.

Oh, and apologies again, because that won't be the end of this lengthy note.

Look, if you just take the time to analyze the changes I made closely, you'd be able to see what I'm aiming for in this story. I used the same chapter six of volume nine as the starting point, including the talk with Yukino as she gave Hachiman the permission to not mandatorily attend the club – but I removed the sage advising from Shizuka – instead, I made him wake up beside Imouto-chan.

You see what I'm trying to do here? No? Well that's fine, I don't want to spoil anything anyway. Lastly, if you're a reader of my other ongoing stories, I beg you not to curse me, or anything for giving you this instead of an update. I just couldn't help it, my muse is a slave driver, after all. If she said "write this" I won't have any other choice but to write, so please forgive me. Still, the other ones would be top priority – unlike this, and again, sorry about that. But I already have the continuation in my head, so if this receives um, good reception... I don't know, I'll leave that to your imagination.

And that wraps up this darn note, and I won't blame you if you decided to skip this over since I would probably do the same in your place.

Until then, Cheekygaya signs out.