A/N: I'm a little nervous at posting this. This is completely new, I've never attempted an M-rated Em/JJ before, so I'm sorry if it's not perfect...I could really do with some feedback on this, if you liked it, then please say so! If you want more, then just ask, I don't mind :) Or if you're going to tell me to never write M-rated again, then feel free :D Any criticism is appreciated.
You can tell I'm nervous, I rambling. Oops.
A special THANK-YOU to Anne-So too, for reading this and saying some of the most amazing feedback ever. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be posting this. Thank-you for lending me some of your confidence :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, or its characters, I just borrowed them for a while and now since I'm handing them back I'm going to go cry in a corner. All rights go to respective owners.
Established Emily/JJ.
Any mistakes are mine, this is all un-beta'd.
Warning, M for a reason. F/F. If that bothers you, then please, the back button is in the top left...
Love is not love until love's vulnerable. - Theodore Roethke
"Don't you dare."
JJ's hand found its way under Emily's chin and pulled her gently to look her in the eyes. The blonde's heart clenched at the sadness in the other woman's eyes. Emily's walls were going up, she'd been compartmentalising for most of the evening, but JJ was not about to let her bottle everything in, not anymore.
"Don't you hide from me Emily Prentiss," she said softly, barely more than a whisper.
Emily felt hot tears prick at her eyes. The concerned expression on JJ's face tugged at her heart and every gentle word the blonde spoke tore down her walls brick by brick. A part of the brunette felt bad for compartmentalising; it was something she was trying not to do around JJ anymore. It's not that she didn't trust the blonde; it was herself that she didn't trust.
"I'm sorry," was all she could breathe back.
JJ laced her fingers into Emily's and sighed as she snuggled in closer, burying her head into Emily's neck. "It's been a rough week Em. A tough case." Even the blonde lost herself in her thoughts for a moment.
It had been a bad case. An awful one. In fact, JJ was having a hard time finding a word to describe it, and words used to be her job. Four children between seven and ten had gone missing, and had later been found dead and sexually abused before the team had got the case. A fifth went missing the day they arrived. It took them a week to find the UnSub, a man who kept dodging them at every chance. It was only by mistake that they caught him; his van had a faulty brake light and the local PD pulled him over - the missing child's belongings in the passenger seat. It took them another three days to get him to give them the location of the child. When they arrived, the child was weak and barely breathing and they hadn't got there in time to prevent their UnSub from assaulting them, but they were alive. The team were packed up and on the jet, when Hotch got a call. The child had coded in the hospital and their weak state meant that their body just gave up.
No-one spoke on the flight home.
When they landed and went back to the BAU; Strauss greeted them, tight lipped and a tone that was as close to sympathetic as they would ever receive from her. She told the team to take the weekend off, and to not come in on Monday until ten in the morning. That gave them all time to recover and deal with the case.
The team dealt with the news in their own ways. Reid mentioned something about seeing his Mom; Morgan and Garcia headed out to party; Rossi left without a word and Hotch followed suit, but everyone knew that he was privately desperate to see and hold his son and convince himself that Jack was okay.
JJ could relate to that, she wanted nothing more than to rush home and smother Henry in a hundred kisses and hugs, but she knew that in her current state, it would be a bad idea. Her own emotions were in turmoil as she picked up her phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi Will."
"JJ, I take it you've landed then?"
"Yeah...we've landed." She sighed and cast a quick glance at the back of the brunette whom had yet to utter any words about the situation.
"What's wrong JJ?" Will's accent thick with his concern.
"It's just been a really hard case, that's all."
She heard him sigh at the end of the line.
"It had kids didn't it?" He knew her too well. And he also knew, by the tone of her voice, that this case did not have a happy ending.
"Yes," she all but whispered. "The doctors couldn't do anything."
"I'm sorry JJ," was all Will could say to her.
"I...err...is Henry there? Is he awake?" she asked, tears pricking at her eyes.
"He's just getting into bed. You want to read him a bedtime story? I can have him again tomorrow."
JJ chuckled quietly. He knew her better than she knew herself at times. The only person to rival that was lost in their compartments at that moment in time. "Yeah, please. And it's okay, I can pick him up tomorrow as planned, I've not seen him all week, what with the case and-"
"JJ, I promised the little guy I'd take him to a toy store for a new remote control car to have here, tomorrow would be a great time to do it," he told her. Even he knew that JJ needed to calm down, their son was just like her. He'd be able to tell in an instant that something was wrong.
"Okay..." she whispered.
She spoke with her son for a while, trying her hardest to not to cry. After she ended the call, she simply stared into space, unaware of the fact that Emily was sat next to her until she spoke. "We should head home," Emily said gently, standing up before JJ could answer.
The blonde looked up and sighed at Emily's refusal to meet her gaze. "Yes, we should."
The drive back to the apartment the two shared was quiet and easy. It seemed to pass by without either of them thinking or concentrating that much. Emily was lost in her own thoughts; whilst JJ was trying her hardest to get lost in the other woman's.
JJ found herself cooking the two of them a simple dinner - pasta and a sauce that she wasn't paying much attention to. She was so absorbed in figuring out how to get through to Emily when a pair of arms encircled her waist, making her jump slightly.
"You scared me," she told her lover with a small smile.
"I'm sorry," Emily whispered. She continued to hold the love of her life as JJ carried on cooking their dinner. In an attempt to drive away negative thoughts, the brunette turned her attention to the food in the pan. "It smells good," she said with forced cheer.
JJ laughed slightly. "It's not that great..."
"It's fine," Emily reassured her, placing a small kiss under her ear before moving away in order to set out the plates.
They were both fully aware of the prolonged silences between them and how that, sooner or later, it would have be broken. But the two profilers let it remain as they ate their dinner and cleaned the dishes together - a routine they easily fell into.
Then they simply sat together on the sofa, JJ sat on Emily's lap, head on her shoulder, a position both women found comfort in. The tv was on, but neither of the two were taking any notice of it. It was after almost twenty minutes of silence and sadness that JJ turned to Emily and said to her...
"Don't you dare."
Emily only sighed, again looking away so JJ wouldn't be able to see the pain in her eyes.
"Talk to me," JJ whispered back.
"I..." Emily trailed off, mind whirling and the walls steadily beginning to re-build themselves.
"Hey, hey. Don't do that, don't wonder what I'm going to think of what you say. Emily, talk to me, please," JJ pleaded. "I need you."
"I just feel...numb," Emily confessed. As her voice broke on the next sentence, JJ's heart broke with it. "I was too late Jay, I was too late."
JJ blinked away tears. "No. Emily, no. You weren't too late." The blonde leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on the brunette's lips, pressing their foreheads together. Emily's eyes were shut tight, a single tear threatening to slide out. "We weren't too late, we got to him. This. This isn't our fault Em. It was that bastard Hurbley. He's to blame Emily, not you," JJ whispered against her lover's lips. "Emily, I know you are numb, I know, I felt the same until I spoke to Henry. All I could think was 'What if it had been him?'" A sob slipped through.
Emily opened her eyes at the sound of JJ's tears. She suddenly felt selfish for not noticing the obvious pain that her girlfriend, and her team, must have been suffering too.
"I'm sorry JJ," Emily said again.
"It wasn't our fault," the blonde replied, tears still falling.
Still feeling numb, Emily pressed a small kiss to the crown of JJ's head. "I love you Jay."
JJ slowly looked back up into Emily's eyes, heart clenching at the depth in them. The brunette's agony, hurt and despair, tinged slightly with honest love burned into her own cerulean blues.
And JJ couldn't feel more proud of Emily for letting her see that.
"I love you too," the blonde replied, leaning in and capturing Emily's lips in a searing kiss, one that Emily was all too happy to return.
The sheer passion the two women felt radiating off one another was enough to make JJ lean forward, to make Emily wrap an arm around the blonde's back, to lower them both into a lying position on the sofa, all the while pouring as much love as they could into the kiss.
When air became an issue, they broke away from each other, Emily hovering over JJ, supporting her weight on her hands, the blonde caressing her jaw. As Emily gently slipped her thigh in-between her lover's legs, JJ let out a small groan as it pressed against her clothed centre.
The blonde rolled her hips up into Emily's in return, causing a familiar sound to tumble from the brunette's lips.
"Jay."
The whispered name was said so softly and so tenderly, that JJ instantly knew what the rest of their night would entail.
The raw intimacy that the two profilers shared was reserved for moments like this. Sure, they had an active sex life, and sometimes it could be referred to as them 'making-love'; other times just as pure fucking. On those lust-filled nights, the duo would come tumbling through the door; the night security already having been given a show outside; tongues would duel for dominance; mouths would hungrily mark and claim and bruise in arousing ways; clothes would be torn and left in a trail and lust-induced highs would be achieved swiftly.
But tonight wouldn't be like that. It wouldn't even be a simple case of them making love. If such a thing existed. On nights like these, JJ couldn't describe what it was. She felt that making-love was too simple a term for the complexity of what she felt; and words seemed to fail her when Emily showed her this vulnerable side of herself.
No. Emily referred to that state as vulnerable, but again JJ knew how hard it was for her and that made it mean so much more when she let her walls come down.
JJ also knew, that tonight would be an evening of powerful connections; of the two lovers reminding themselves that they both existed; they were both human and that they could feel, and were worthy of, the love that they had so desperately fought for.
"I love you," Emily told the blonde sincerely, registering the understanding that was cradled in JJ's deep blues. She realised that she sounded silly for repeating herself; but it was the only coherent thought that she could decide upon at this moment in time. Nevertheless, the Prentiss in her was chastising her for letting her guard down, for letting her emotions rule her, but that voice was chased away as JJ repeated herself with her reply.
"I love you too," came the soothing voice.
Emily captured JJ's mouth with her own again and shifted slightly. Without breaking the kiss, the profiler scooped the younger woman up in her arms and carried her bridal style to their bedroom.
The soft lightning provided an intimate atmosphere, but the two lovers were so engrossed with one another, they didn't care to notice.
Emily lowered her girlfriend onto the bed and quickly sought out the sensitive spot just below JJ's ear. She nipped it quickly, drawing a gasp from the blonde, before soothing it with a gentle, open mouthed kiss. The brunette sucked lightly on the same spot, causing JJ to writhe underneath her. Emily's mouth quickly returned to the other profiler's, biting down lightly on her bottom lip before duelling with her lover's tongue once again.
Hands wandered everywhere and, as Emily fingered the hem of JJ's shirt, a low hiss caused the other woman to squirm.
"Off."
JJ felt Emily's kiss become rougher and when the blonde broke the kiss to sit up; the brunette pulled the shirt over JJ's head before laying a series of kisses on her girlfriend's exposed neck in an almost feverish fashion. They both quickly shed their pants, leaving JJ in nothing but her underwear and Emily still in her shirt.
JJ knew exactly what was happening. Emily was trying to force herself to feel something; to regain some sort of control, but the blonde knew it wouldn't work. Talking to Emily was no longer going to work; she was past the point of listening. Actions would speak so much louder than words.
Summoning what little willpower she had left, the blonde leant back, pulling away from Emily, meaning the brunette had to cover her body with her own. No sooner had Emily leaned forward to claim JJ's lips again, the blonde swiftly rolled them over, straddling the brunette's hips and smirking slightly at her girlfriend's surprised expression. Emily's hands came to rest on JJ's hips, but the blonde pulled them off, gathering both wrists in one hand and pinning them above the brunette's head.
JJ leant forward so slowly that it was almost painful. Emily writhed beneath her, but for her slight frame, JJ was much stronger than she looked. The brunette whimpered as JJ drew closer, her hair hanging over both sides of their heads. Blue eyes met brown and words were said through the silent gaze before JJ hungrily claimed Emily's mouth again.
Releasing the brunette's wrists, JJ lowered her hands to the hem of Emily's shirt, dragging it up. Emily's hands caught them before she could lift it.
"JJ I-"
"Shh Em," the blonde whispered in her ear. JJ had attempted many times to reassure Emily that the scars Doyle left on her, along with the various others from the job, did not mar her appearance in anyway, but the older profiler had been uncomfortable if her eyes had lingered on them too long. "My way tonight Emily," JJ hissed into her girlfriend's ear, relishing in the shudder that wracked through Emily's body. "Slow," she breathed, pressing tender kisses down the older woman's jaw. When she pulled back slightly, Emily's eyes were closed tightly and JJ could almost see the conflict going on in the other woman's head.
"Okay," Emily finally agreed in a whispered voice.
JJ's heart soared with elation and pride for her lover, so much so that a loving smile graced her lips before she lowered her hands back to Emily's shirt. The blonde slowly pulled it upwards, letting her nails lightly scratch the brunette, delighting in the way the other woman arched into the touch. JJ threw Emily's shirt to the side, not really paying attention to where it landed, before leaning down and pressing her lips to the clover-shaped scar just above the brunette's breast.
"You're beautiful," the blonde breathed against the dampened skin. Emily shuddered. JJ's hands ran up and down Emily's sides as she trailed her tongue down her body slowly, pressing a kiss to the small dove tattooed on the left of Emily's ribcage. She soothed the reddened skin slightly with her tongue, smiling lightly at the small addition of three stars just in front of the dove, as if it were flying towards them.
"Em?"
"It...was a surprise," the older woman said slowly, trying not to show how much JJ's actions were affecting her. "They're us...the two larger ones...and the little on is-"
"Baby star..." JJ finished for her. "I love it," she hummed against the skin. She trailed down further to press a kiss to Emily's other tattoo, a thorned rose carefully wrapped in angel wings. JJ had cried for Emily when she first told her why she had it, but the blonde didn't bring it up now, just continued her movements before laying a kiss to the raised scar on her abdomen. The blonde glanced up to see Emily's eyes shut tight.
With a pained expression, JJ leant back over Emily, tracing the length of the scar with her right thumb. "Em, look at me..." After a beat, Emily slowly pulled her brown eyes to JJ's blues. What she saw was not disgust or pity, just understanding. "What do you feel when I do this, hm?" JJ asked her.
Emily furrowed her brow.
JJ gestured to her hand on her scar. Emily bit her lip, not replying. The blonde gave a small sigh before leaning forwards, kissing Emily's neck. A moan tore itself from Emily's throat at the contact, and JJ almost lost it when the other woman thrust her hips under beneath her. Emily's hands began to frantically run up and down the blonde's sides, trying to coax her into giving her what she desperately wanted.
"Not until you talk to me Emily," JJ chastised her. The needy whimper that filled the air was a foreign sound to the blonde, but god she liked it. In an attempt to relieve some of the pressure that was coiling inside her, JJ slipped her leg in between Emily's, jerking her thigh into her clothed centre.
"JJ, please!"
"Tell me Em." JJ continued her motions, adding the pressure, then taking it away, all the while staring at the panting brunette.
Emily bit back a curse, knowing JJ tried her hardest not to swear in the bedroom, but all this teasing was driving her insane. JJ's hand lightly trailed up her stomach, cupping her breasts through her bra.
Emily moaned, arching into JJ's touch. The blonde covered Emily's body with her own, reaching behind the brunette to unhook the offending item and throw it unceremoniously into a corner. Wanting to speed things up a little, Emily mimicked the action and gasped when their bare breasts collided with each other. JJ leant down to kiss her again, loving the way she was teasing her girlfriend, but still a little hurt that she wouldn't talk to her.
The brunette took advantage of JJ's new position and quickly rolled them over, delighting in the squeak of surprise that slipped from the blonde's lips. "Your way tonight Jay," Emily hissed in her ear, lightly scraping her nails down JJ's ribcage. "Slow."
JJ shuddered at Emily's words, then whimpered as the brunette lowered her head and teased the sensitive spot under her ear again. "You...didn't...answer me," she gasped, reaching up and grasping Emily's breasts again. The blonde teased her nipples into hardened points and felt her own tighten sympathetically at the moaned that tore itself from Emily's throat.
JJ could sense her lover getting frustrated, and just to add fuel to the fire, the blonde rolled her hips up, letting her hot centre brush teasingly close to Emily's. The brunette almost lost it, but she agreed with JJ's desires. Slow.
So that's exactly what she'd do.
With a wicked grin, Emily shuffled backwards slightly, so she was straddling JJ's thighs instead of her hips. She laid hot, open-mouthed kisses across JJ's breasts, running her tongue over her right nipple whilst paying careful attention to the left with her hand. The brunette breathed a cold breath over the damp skin, smirking as JJ groaned. She switched breasts, repeating her motions slowly, teasing the other woman.
"Emily..."
Upon hearing her name, Emily smiled against JJ's skin, placing a soft kiss on a pale scar on the left side of JJ's ribcage before trailing her tongue down past JJ's navel, teasing oh so close to the edge of JJ's panties, then slowly working her way back up towards JJ's mouth to kiss her.
JJ gently bit Emily's lower lip, begging for entrance and moaning slightly when she felt their tongues slide together. The blonde was so engrossed in the kiss that she didn't feel Emily's hand trail lower until she felt the electricity course through her from the brunette's hand cupping her centre through her panties.
"Emily..."
"Jesus Jay..." the brunette groaned, feeling exactly how aroused her girlfriend was. Emily slowly removed her hand and placed it back on JJ's hip. "What do you want baby?" she asked in the blonde's ear.
"You...please..." JJ husked back. She felt Emily nod against her neck.
The older woman sat back on the bed, taking the edge of JJ's panties in her teeth, and teasingly dragging them down. As she leant back up to allow JJ to kick them off fully, she couldn't resist slipping her thigh back between JJ's legs. She bit back a groan at the hot evidence of what she was doing to the blonde. She reached her hand down between their sweat slicked bodies and watched as JJ's body arched as she ghosted her fingers over the blonde's clit.
"Emily!"
"Hm?"
The brunette slowly circled JJ's clit at an excruciatingly slow pace, trailing her fingers so close to where the blonde's bucking hips indicated she wanted them, but never entering.
"Please...stop...teasing," the blonde forced out. Emily laughed slightly, leaning over the blonde.
"What happened to going slow?" she mused. She tasted a slight hint of blood in her mouth as JJ forced their lips together roughly, clashing their teeth and nipping her lip in a hungry kiss.
"Screw being slow," JJ gasped, writhing in response to Emily's teasing. "Please, baby, I need you." A scream left her lips and Emily plunged two fingers deep inside her snug channel. The brunette withdrew them before shallowly pumping them in and out of her lover. Their lips met again in a sloppy kiss, Emily swallowing the symphony of moans and cries that left JJ's lips with each thrust. JJ's cries steadily grew louder as Emily added another finger, causing the base of her palm to hit the blonde's clit each time. "Fuck. Emily!" The brunette sucked on JJ's neck, knowing that she was going to leave a mark, before speeding up her pace. She wanted to take JJ to the edge, and throw her head first over it.
"Come for me baby, please," Emily whispered, curling her fingers and rubbing the spot that she had discovered during their first time together that she knew would have JJ seeing stars.
It wasn't long before JJ screamed her release, her arms wrapped around Emily's shoulders to keep her grounded to the earth. Emily steadily slowed her motions, drawing out JJ's orgasm as long as she could, wanting the blonde to experience as much pleasure as possible. JJ whimpered when she withdrew, hating the loss.
"I love you," she said weakly.
"I love you too," Emily replied, allowing herself to relax and cover JJ's body with her own.
"You're amazing," JJ commented. Emily made a non-committal sound. "But this..." she continued. "...wasn't about me tonight..." Emily creased her brow in confusion. "It was about you." With new found strength, JJ rolled back on top of the brunette, eyes dark with desire that was mirrored in the brunette's. "You don't have to talk to me, I just need you to trust me." JJ pressed a kiss to Emily's lips. "And whenever you do want to talk, whenever you can't hold it in anymore, I'll be there, I promise." Each section of her words was punctuated with another kiss. One to her mouth, one on either breast and the other on the inside of her thigh. "God..." JJ rasped as she saw how aroused Emily was.
"Emily...is just...fine," the brunette said through gritted teeth, her hips bucking as she felt JJ's teasing breath ghost over where she needed her most. JJ smirked, even now Emily still couldn't keep her adorable geeky humour at bay, and she loved her for it. JJ pressed another kiss to the inside of Emily's thigh, nipping the sensitive skin before soothing it with her tongue. "Please baby," Emily whimpered. JJ looked up to see the brunette gazing at her pleadingly, eyes shining with devotion, love and desperation. "I need you."
JJ leant forward slowly, and then blew a cool breath over Emily's clit, drawing a curse from the older woman.
Emily screamed when JJ's tongue first made contact with her throbbing clit, teasing it in circles, much like she had with her fingers to JJ earlier. Each motion caused her to writhe and to buck, but JJ's hands found their way to her hips to hold her still. JJ had every intention of teasing Emily much more, but her resolve was broken by the desperate cry that her girlfriend yelled.
"Inside baby, please!"
And JJ was all too happy to oblige. She loved the way Emily cursed and whimpered as her tongue explored her lower depths, taking her to her peak in a way that she loved. Emily was so aroused by the earlier sight of JJ in ecstasy and from the blonde's teasing, that it wasn't long before she cried out, her orgasm hitting her with full force. As JJ slowly helped her ride it through, the tears she had been holding back erupted from her eyes.
The blonde crept back up into Emily's arms, capturing her lips in a soft, sensual kiss that she poured as much love into as possible. Through her tears, Emily could taste herself on JJ's tongue and the devotion and loyalty to the blonde that she felt made her cry that little bit longer. "It's okay Em," JJ whispered soothingly, wiping the last tears away from the brunette's cheeks.
"I'm sorry," Emily breathed. She felt like she had failed her lover, for not being able to talk to her, for not being able to conjure up the words to describe how she felt.
"It doesn't matter," JJ said reassuringly. "What matters is you know that I love you. You know that, right?"
"I do," Emily replied. She wrapped her arms around JJ, holding her close. The blonde snuggled in closer, her head just under Emily's chin, feeling safe in her arms. "I love you Jay," the brunette whispered, placing a kiss to the crown of JJ's head. "Forever."
And they were both perfectly content with that.
I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old - William Shakespeare
Please review!
Emily's Tattoo Meanings:
Dove - peace and hope
Three stars - represent Em, JJ + Henry, the smaller star is "Baby Star"
Rose + thorns wrapped in angel wings - Rose&Thorns represents Emily, and is a reminder of how strong she needs to be (As a Prentiss), but the angel wings were added as a reminder of Matthew and how much he helped her after she left Italy.
In my mind, the Dove and the Rose etc are what Doyle remembers. The stars were added as a symbol of love for JJ and Henry.
