A/N: Okay, I know I'm digging myself into a hole writing this, but I can't help it! I had the most romantic dream involving Arty and Holly and a few people I had no idea who they were. Anyways, I'm writing this at my own risk. I'm gonna try my best to update everything on time though. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own the plot, the three odd OCs, and one or two locations. Apart from that, Eoin Colfer gets everything. He even gets paid! Lucky him.

Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, Noon, Present Day

Artemis Fowl walked into Principal Guiney's office, feeling both agitated and confused. Why on earth did Dr. Guiney wish to see him, mere minutes before he was released for spring break? It didn't make much sense. But still. He shook his head and forced a smile onto his face. "You wanted to see me, Dr. Guiney?"

Principal Guiney looked up from his desk and smiled. "Yes, Artemis. I did. Please sit down. I'd like you to meet a few people."

Artemis sat, and it was at that precise moment he realized that he would regret answering the principal's summon. Seated in a corner of the room, were three young ladies. They were dressed in blue and gray uniforms, with matching blue bows in their hair.

"Artemis, I'd like you to meet Genevieve, Alexandra, and Tiffany. They go to Saint Augustine's School for Young Ladies about a mile south of here."

Artemis nodded at the girls, who giggled and whispered to each other. He had heard of Saint Augustine's. His mother had gone there when she was a young girl.

Dr. Guiney frowned slightly at them, then looked back at Artemis. "They are conducting a school project for extra credit, and need a subject on which to test their theory. A male subject. And they have chosen you as their…eh…specimen."

Artemis frowned and looked at the three girls. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, madams, but I must disincline your request to take part in this research. I am much too busy at the present time."

The girls just giggled harder. Not the response Artemis had been hoping for.

Dr. Guiney sighed. "This project is not optional. I have already informed your parents, and they have made arrangements for these young ladies to stay at your home during spring break. At the end of their stay, in one week, they will present their report to both schools. You will also be graded on your ability to cooperate."

Artemis blinked several times, then nodded weakly. This was going to be a long week.

A/N: I'm so evil. I don't know why, but I just love torturing Arty. Review please! I'll have the next chappie out by next weekend.