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Bo heard a bell rattle blandly as the door swung shut behind her. Nobody looked up. She scanned around the diner out of reflex, but it didn't matter, she didn't know who to look for. When she ordered a coffee to sit with, she was not surprised to see the waitress reach for a tin of instant granules.

She shook snow off her sleeves, and settled into a booth to wait for an approach as agreed. Bo had spent a lot of time in shitholes like this over the years, and it was amazing how interchangeable they all were. Even the lowlives seemed to be standard issue - she could swear she'd seen that guy with the black eye - and his buddy with the oil stained flannel jacket - in each and every one of them.

The bell went a few more times in the half hour it took for her shitty coffee to go cold, and more of the same people wandered in and out. Guys who looked like truckers, lumber men, miners. Though, more specifically, they looked like the kinds of guys who got corralled into those jobs by rap sheets rather than vocation. Very few women, and only of the rare and hardy variety who could thrive in hard places like this.

Bo was surprised then when it was a woman who came to meet her. She walked in and looked around, giving a discreet acknowledgement when she found Bo looking back. Bo nodded in reply. The woman had the kind of face you could forget immediately – not ugly, not pretty, not distinctive in any way at all. In her forties, but hard forties for sure – not too young to be out here, not too old. Her nondescript dark hair was tied into a nondescript ponytail. She wore an appropriately weathered coat over a nondescript shirt and nondescript jeans, none of which flattered her. Bo found herself marvelling that it was even possible to be so anonymous in a whole room's worth of nobodies. She might have felt guilty for thinking like that, if she wasn't so sure it was intentional.

The woman ordered a terrible coffee of her own and sat down opposite.

"You must be Bo, nice to meet you at last."

"Yeah, likewise. Nice to put a face to email address. One of 'em at least."

The woman laughed a little and looked around.

"I was just thinking, I should be a guy. You don't see many women chit chatting over coffees in dives like this. Sorry, it's just that most always, I meet straight men, I didn't think."

Bo smiled politely, unsure how to respond.

"So... what can I call you?" she ventured.

"Oh. Uh…"

The stranger glanced around for inspiration.

"- Pepper?"

She saw Bo wince.

"Yeah, okay, little too hookery right now maybe, I get it. Well… Jane is my go-to, that's as good as any."

"Jane as in "Jane Doe?" " Bo asked with raised eyebrow.

She laughed.

"You got me. You've dealt with shapeshifters before?"

Bo nodded back.

"Well alright. It'll do. I mean, I would have had a name of my own way back, but it's long gone."

Bo smiled politely again, trying not to let herself think about that too much.

"I'm sorry, I'm still not sure this isn't too weird for me."

Jane didn't look surprised.

"It's okay, I get it. I know, it does seem weird to people at first. But…I mean, no offense, you're a succubus right, I'm sure you've done weirder shit than this objectively speaking?"

Bo looked back at her, not at all reassured.

"Look, relax, there's no pressure. We'll just talk things over here for a while, and if you don't want to go through with it, no harm no foul, alright? It's not like I'm pitching for a paycheck here. We're just two people looking to make an arrangement. If it doesn't work for everybody, it doesn't happen, cool?"

Bo took a deep breath and tried to at least loosen her posture a little.

"Right. Yeah, of course. I guess… I'd just be more comfortable with this if I knew what you were getting out of it."

Now Jane raised an eyebrow. Apparently she'd said something surprising.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just... don't know when anybody asked me that."

"Oh. Well, I guess I just want to make sure I'm not, like, exploiting you here or something."

"Oh. OH! No. Oh sweetheart, no. That's sweet though, I'd heard you were sweet."

Bo met this statement with genuine horror, and Jane chuckled.

"Sorry, I mean, that wasn't how it was phrased, that was just how I'd interpreted it. I'm sure you're a total badass."

"Mmhmm." Bo said tonelessly, swirling nasty coffee dregs around the cup.

"Still though," she started, pausing to risk a tentative slurp of the stuff. "You didn't answer me. You're a shapeshifter, so it's not a feeding thing, and we're not going to my home so it's not like you're robbing me. Which still leaves me wondering about what's in it for you."

The shapeshifter had started looking genuinely uncomfortable. She gave a grin that was probably supposed to look flirtatious, but Bo had long ago learned to recognise when an expression kicked in too late.

"Well hey…" Jane shrugged, not quite as casually as she was shooting for. "A night with a succubus? Who wouldn't want in? I know folks who'd give a million bucks for that."

Bo shook her head.

"'Trouble with that is Jane, you've done this for plenty of not-succubusses over the years, so I can't buy it."

Jane frowned, her rising new sense of alarm obvious.

"How did you…"

"Believe it or not," Bo interjected, "I used to find out stuff about people for a living. And I was good at it, too."

Jane shifted in her seat nervously. She thought it over for moment, then started fixing to stand up and leave.

"Listen… you know what, you seemed to want in, if you don't that's fine, I'll just –"

"Don't, come on. I'm not trying to be a jerk here," Bo said, already reaching out to stop her. "I just need to know I'm not going to come out of this in an icey bathtub without a kidney tomorrow. I want to be clear on what your angle is. That's all. I just need to know the full picture, I want to know this isn't something even weirder than it looks."

Jane looked her up and down skeptically.

"That's it?"

Bo nodded.

"Hey when you feed off somebody, are you this kind of pain in the ass first?"

Bo smiled, and let her to sit back down before answering.

"When I feed off somebody, everybody knows what they're saying yes to."

Jane settled a little, and considered her options.

"People don't usually ask me personal stuff you know" she said, sullenly.

Bo waited patiently. Jane threw her hands up in defeat and took a conclusive deep breath.

"Look, it's like this. If you had her back, this woman… I bet you'd want to treat her like she was special, right? 'Cause to you she was somebody real special."

Bo looked at her, uncomprehending.

"Well, yeah… Yeah, I would."

"That" Jane shrugged, her gaze fixing intently on a stray salt sachet she could fidget with. "I just want that, just for a night. And this way I can have it. Your person, how you'd treat them, I get that. Shapeshifters don't really... Look, you get what you want, I get what I want. So everybody's going away with what they want, right? A good time, and nobody's hurting anybody."

She glanced up and saw Bo's expression.

"Yeah, I know it's not really real, I'm not crazy. But you know that too, right? It's not real. But it's still… something, right? And that's… well, that's still something."

"Yeah" Bo said, softening a little. "Yeah, it's still something."

A few beats of silence went by.

"So did you want to get food beforehand, or are you good to go?"

Jane smiled.

"Let's just go. Is that yellow car yours?"


The motel room was the best in town; which is to say, it was just about okay. It wasn't dirty, which was honestly better than Bo expected from the look of the front desk. Basic, sure, but she'd seen plenty worse when she was on the run.

She got the light and held the door open for Jane, who nodded bashfully and walked past her without touching or even accidentally brushing against her.

This, Bo reflected, was a very weird place to be in. They were this far, and still basically strangers to each other. She'd had a lot of one night stands, but this didn't even feel like that, she didn't even know her that well. None of their interactions so far could be considered a seduction, and it wasn't exactly a transaction either - but it would have been hard to say what else it was. It was all a little uncharted and strange. An "arrangement" Jane had called it earlier, and it was probably closest.

Jane pulled off her coat without ceremony and draped it on a chair.

"I got the stuff you sent" she started, trying in vain to smooth a shirt that to Bo's closer inspection simply didn't fit right. "She seemed real nice. Sorry for your loss and all."

"Yeah. Thanks." Bo muttered. It was weird how this conversation felt somehow sort of appropriate right now.

"Was it long ago…?"

"Fifteen years I guess." Bo said, like a kind of muscle memory. And after a second, shook her head and sighed. "Fifteen years, seven months. Sixteen years come June. She got sick."

Jane nodded sympathetically.

"She was human, right?"

Bo tensed.

"I really hate the way people go straight there, that she was human. Like I should have been prepared, it should have been easier. It isn't. It doesn't make it any easier. It's not like I could have loved her any less, I couldn't have just picked somebody else to feel like that about. Yeah, she was human. And she was perfect, and I loved her."

"Whoa shit, look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. I just meant… you know, it's unusual. You must have loved her very much, was all."

"Yeah" Bo said, unconvincingly. "Whatever, it's fine, forget it. It's just a raw nerve. People… fae-people, just… tend not to get it. They didn't get us back then either."

"No, listen, forget I said anything. You loved her, that's all I need to know, 'cause here we are. I'm sorry. Just forget I said anything, I wasn't thinking."

Bo took a frustrated breath and waved it away. Jane quietly scolded herself, as the atmosphere threatened an awkward silence.

"Well…" she attempted. "Guess there's no sense just standing around talking. That's the bathroom?"

Bo nodded curtly.

"Great, I'll go ahead and change. Uh... You can watch if you like? Some people do."

Bo looked at her blankly for a second. When she realised what Jane was asking, she shook her head, a little creeped out at the prospect.

The door closed, and for a succubus, she was suddenly strangely at a loss. She managed to pull off her boots and jacket awkwardly, but now found herself slow to go further. The process all seemed newly deliberate and stiff, when this part of a night was usually pretty much instinct for her by now. It was silly really. She was already this far now, and she had no intentions of turning back. But... still.

The door clicked and opened, and she dropped her train of thought.

When she saw Lauren walk into the room, she could swear her heart stopped in her chest. And that was the only thing at all she could remember feeling.

She saw Lauren watch her react in wonder, and smile her shy, knowing smile in return. Speechless, Bo looked her up and down, and it was true, it was Lauren. There was colour in her face, and warmth in her deep, dark eyes. She was exactly as she remembered, except a thousand times more beautiful than because she was here, and real.

She instinctively reached out to touch her, and saw her hand hang in the air uncertainly. Lauren smiled again, and there was so much understanding and patience in it Bo could hardly bear it.

Instead, Lauren slipped her fingers between Bo's own and gently took her hesitating hand. Bo heard herself gasp, and Lauren laughed softly at her sudden timidity.

"Bo, it's okay."

She looked from their linked hands back to Lauren with uncertainty, not sure what shock she could be bracing for.

"Come on, it's okay. You can touch me, I'm right here."

She guided Bo's trembling hand to her face, as if to prove it.

And she was, she was real. Bo could feel it, she could feel her. She could feel Lauren squeeze her hand gently in encouragement. She could feel the texture of living skin. She feel the profile of features she knew as surely as her way home.

She found herself vaguely shaking her head, maybe in disbelief. It felt so natural. It felt so natural to be touching Lauren's face again. God, she hadn't touched her in fifteen years.

Lauren smiled in patient amusement as Bo proceeded to trace out her face out in fascination. Her lips, chin, jaw, her cheekbones, her temple, and back to brush her fingers through thick dark blonde hair. She rested her hands on Lauren's shoulders and stared, amazed and bewildered.

"See? I'm right here for you Bo."

Bo shook her head, more insistently.

"This… I'm sorry, this might be too fucked up for me. I'm… this is just…"

"Bo," she said kindly, stroking her thumb over the back of Bo's hand in reassurance. "It's okay. Take your time, I know it's a lot."

Bo just shook her head again, compulsion as much as decision.

"It's just… it feels…"

"Bo," she said again; not unkindly, but with a note of pointed assertiveness that was weirdly Lauren all over. "Don't freak out just because you feel like you should. We're not hurting anybody. It's okay, if you really don't want to go through with this, that's okay. And we can take it slow, and you can back out at any time. But just... before you go ahead and make up your mind either way, just answer me this one thing, honestly -"

Bo stood frozen, and let her lean in slowly, as though approaching a nervous animal; until she was close enough for her to realise she almost even smelled right.

"When you're… by yourself…" she whispered carefully, "What do you think about?"

Bo screwed her eyes shut. No, no, please…

"Who do you think about Bo? Do you think about… me, then?"

She didn't answer right away. Lauren could hear the distress in her breathing.

"… Yes" she said eventually, almost too low to hear. "Yes, I do."

"Bo. Oh Bo, of course you do, it's natural. You're allowed to miss someone Bo, you're allowed to want to have her back. You're even allowed to imagine it, who could blame you for that? Of course you think of me when you're alone. So if you're already imagining it... well, what's the difference?"

Bo's mouth opened, as if expecting an answer; but nothing seemed to materialise.

"You're allowed to imagine it, Bo. It's only natural. But you don't have to."

Her palm slid gently over Bo's cheek and it was so nearly perfect. It would be so easy to believe.

"You don't have to just imagine anything, see? That's the only difference, you don't have to imagine any of it. So what are you so afraid of, hmm?"

Bo looked away, unable to bear the familiar eyes looking back.

"It just… This can't be right" she said quietly.

"Bo," she said, so sympathetically, "We're not hurting her. You're not hurting me, if that's what you're worried about. Can't you let yourself have the night off? Just one night?"

She saw Bo frown, just a little, at the loss of the contact when she slipped her hand away. It was as if she was crippled by the conflict.

Lauren took the chance and kissed her. And it too, was almost right. It was right enough – she could feel Bo's resistance fade away completely and let her sink gladly into her arms.

Bo kissed her back, immediately, desperately, and pulled their bodies together. She kissed her again, and then again, hard and hungry. They started to make their way stumbling back to the bed. When she paused again, Lauren knew it was only to take in the moment. It was no doubt or hesitation – just one, single, still moment to set aside, a crystallised fragment of the whole night to keep. After that, she wasn't going to let up again.

It wasn't slow, or even always gentle. And it certainly wasn't frantic either – Bo didn't fumble or paw at her, she didn't waste her time. She knew exactly what she was doing, and what she wanted to do to her. She'd played it all out in her mind a thousand times already, after all.

But it was intense, all night long, different kinds of intense – Bo hardly waited for her to recover before taking the first opportunity to pick up again. She held her as tightly as she could. She touched her as much as she could, she kissed her all the time, and she talked between kisses. She talked a lot.

And she told her a lot, all night, in hot breaths and gasps, between one thing or another. Some things she hadn't had a chance to say; mostly what she didn't think she'd said enough. Lauren let Bo tell her all these things, and absolved her of them in kind.

When she asked her if she wanted her, Bo said yes.

She asked her if she missed her, and Bo said yes. Yes, she missed her so much.

She asked her if she needed her, and Bo said yes, oh God yes, she needed her. She needed her more than she could stand sometimes, she'd always needed her.

Why Bo, she'd asked simply. Why me, of all people, why is it me, tell me about that. And Bo told her, all the reasons she loved her and could love no other like her. Lauren asked her to keep going, to tell her more, and she did.

She'd been wrong before though, in what she'd told Bo. There was a difference, to feel her in her arms, rather than just imagine she did. To see and feel things she hadn't realised she'd forgotten - to have her body push or pull back, to see her respond, or even to be surprised or disarmed, all those things. It was totally different, it was so much more than just the dream.

Bo wasn't sure how she'd ever have stopped if Lauren had been able to keep going. Finally exhausted, she signaled surrender with a smile and asked if they could rest for a while. Bo pulled her in, offered easy kisses to whatever was available all over again, and gave in. She relaxed her embrace just enough to let Lauren lie against her, and brushed a lock of damp hair from her face to watch her sleep.

I should have asked her, Bo thought, as she eventually started drifting off. I should have thought to ask her who she'll be when we wake up.


The motel, it turned out, expected late sleepers. Or at least didn't care about them. Blackout blinds on the window allowed in a frame of natural light, but she couldn't tell what time of day it was.

Lauren, still Lauren, was dozing soundly in her arms. She looked pleased, unkempt, and apparently too tired to have even moved, and Bo liked that. She was tempted to shift a little to make her arm more comfortable, but didn't want to risk waking her up and spoiling it all. She wanted to have every minute she could get.

She was half asleep again when she heard an unfamiliar ringtone. Lauren woke up murmuring unhappily. She looked for the noise, and gave Bo an apologetic look as she stretched clumsily for the jeans on the floor by the bed. She pulled a phone from the pocket, read the screen grudgingly, and silenced it. She sat back and rubbed her eyes hazily.

"Sorry about that, I'll call him back later. Must have slept way late. Which is totally your fault, by the way."

Bo smiled.

"Ah… I am going to have to go pretty soon though." she said, hesitantly.

Bo managed a thin smile to this, too.

"I know," she said anyway. "I get it. Do you want me to drop you somewhere or…?"

"No. Thanks anyway, but… no. It's just better."

Bo nodded.

"I hope it was uh… I had a great night with you Bo."

"Thank you" Bo said, and meant it for much more than just that.

"So... is it okay if I go ahead and jump in the shower and get changed?"

"Sure."

Lauren watched her quizzically for a second.

"Hey, is everything okay sweetheart?"

"I guess it just feels sort of clumsy because I don't really know what the… etiquette is for right now."

Lauren smiled a little awkwardly.

"Oh, right. I figure it's better you don't have to hear me say the G word."

"Ah" said Bo. She thought this over for a while.

She leaned in and kissed her, slow and deep. She kissed Lauren goodbye.

When she heard the shower start, she thought about how strange it was to know she couldn't follow.


By the time Jane came out of the bathroom, Bo was lying in the bed with her back to her. She sat up when she heard her struggling into her coat to leave, holding the sheets around her.

"Thank you, for this. It was…"

"Something?" Jane offered.

"Something," Bo smiled. "Yeah, it was something."

"Well I'll say." Jane said with a dry chuckle. "Was it… okay, for you, I mean…"

"Yeah, oh yeah, it was great."

"I mean, most people prefer to take the lead, especially at first, because it's safer for them that way…"

"Oh, no, that was fine. It's not that, it's no big deal."

Bo shook her head and gave an embarrassed little laugh.

"It's actually really silly, it's such a little thing."

Jane smiled softly, and waited for her to elaborate.

"She had this little scar, on her stomach. A piercing, from college. I thought it was cute, because it was a side of her most people never got to see."

"Ah." Jane said, nodding. "I get it. See, thing is, I can take care of all the natural stuff myself. But extras, scars and tattoos and stuff, I'd have to know about, I must have missed that."

"Right, right. I just mean… you know, for next time. If that's okay."

Jane smiled.

"Sure sweetheart. Whenever you need me, just call."

They traded stiff goodbyes.

Bo took her time getting out of bed and putting herself together, to give Jane a long headstart. She didn't want to risk seeing her anywhere on her own way back to town.