The Children of Sin

The weight in which I carry is endless. It is a burden, and a shameful sin. Even as the years have passed it still remains and I will never let it fall. I was set to think that when all is restored the weight will lift, but again it has not. I was selfish, naïve and completely foolish those years ago and it nearly cost the life of my only and little brother as well as mine. And for that I cannot forgive myself. At night I see her face, torn and bloodied; begging me to take back the sin I have gave her. She continues to haunt me in my dreams, and she always asks the same.

"Edward, my sweet boy, why would you turn me into such a disgrace? Such a sin? Why would you take the path your father left us for?"

And every night I wake, perspiring, aching with my heart racing. I bury my face into my mismatched hands and try not to wake my wife, whose deep concern for me is also endless. I wish not to carry the burden to her; she carries enough herself. But her burdens are not sins, the sins are mine. She would probably is the only person who actually see the pain I still possess ( or cause it with a wrench), and it's nothing to do with my joints. My brother, still young and so lively, does not know of this weight I carry. Because I carry it alone and always will.

I'd would like to include that my metal appendages remain a reminder of the sin I have bestowed and honestly, created. My mother was my sin; and though I have physically atoned for that sin; I have yet to metally reach that point. I have become what I like to call immune. I can go on day to day, working, daily chores, market visits etc. But at night I still remember. I can see my brother, flesh and blood; whole, always smiling. But at night I see my sin.

And now the most frightening aspect has occurred in my life, though I suppose it is to be a positive event. I am, in the best words scared 'shitless'. It is the root of that sin I am afraid. I have never been more afraid of anything in my life, more than I am now.

Winry has told me I am to be a father.

I am not surprised to say the least, I mean I am a scientific man and I honestly can't believe it didn't happen sooner. But still, it has happened (probably a few weeks ago after Mustang's military ball; we had a little too much to drink and made love in the Bastard's car) and I am baffled on how I should feel. The biggest issue I have with the news of the baby; is what if my child repeats my mistakes, my sins? What if he or she loathes me like I loathed my father? (And still do) What if my child endures something horrifying like me, my brother and Winry? Will he or she wake in the middle of the night with plaguing nightmares?

I will not know until the kid is here. And for now I will continue to carry the weight of my sins, and hope that my child will never have such burdens...
I will do all in my power to protect my child from my past sins. And I will not allow my child to carry such burdens.