Immortals/Stay Night
King of Heroes, do you have enough lives?
Disclaimer: I don't own F/SN or any of the mangas, animes, etc. featured here.
Bold = spells/important words.
Underline = emphasised words.
Italics = thoughts/expresses a sense of incredulity.
Prologue
Recipe for disaster:
Ingredients:
A catalyst: an object with a strong relationship with a certain hero which increases the chance of a Master summoning the Servant they desire.
The Holy Grail: the ultimate troll.
6-7 idiot Magi: remember to include the Tohsaka, Matou & Einsbern families. Oh, and Emiya Shirou (Alaya insists).
7-8 unfortunate Servants.
Instructions:
1. Combine all of above.
2. Wait patiently.
3. Watch the carnage unfold.
Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to
Immortals/Stay Night
Chapter 01
"Shut
(Fill),
Shut
(Fill),
Shut
(Fill),
Shut
(Fill),
Shut
(Fill).
Repeat every five times.
Simply, shatter once filled."
The spell rang out in a childish voice, echoing in the emptied portion of the Einzbern castle. A large chunk of rock, disproportionality huge compared to the summoner, was placed in the centre of the circle.
"I announce.
Your self is under me,
My fate (doom) is in your sword.
In accordance with the approach of the Holy Grail,
If you abide by this feeling, this reason
Then answer."
Ebony hair fluttered in the gust as Tohsaka Rin continued her chant, her family jewel (no, really, family jewel, NOT jewels) glowing in the centre of the summoning circle.
"Here is my oath.
I am the one who becomes all the good of the world of the dead,
I am the one who lays out all the evil of the world of the dead.
You, seven heavens clad in three words of power,
Arrive from the ring of deterrence,
O keeper of the balance-!"
Glazed purple eyes stared at the circle as Matou Sakura mechanically recited the lines her grandfather (if that thing can be referred to as such) drilled (or more accurately, 'wormed') into her only a mere hour before.
"I ask you, are you My Master?"
In almost every other world where the above Masters were summoning their Servants, the Grail would oblige the girls, giving them Hercules, EMIYA and Medusa respectively. In this world however, the Grail was not so kind. You see…
Angra Mainyu was bored.
And when "All of the World's Evils" is bored, bad things happen.
Very bad things happen.
Who are the **** are youuuuuuu!?
That was the thought shared by all the newly-appointed Masters of the Fifth War as their Servants revealed themselves. With differing expletives of course. For the record, no one used 'Root'.
Einzbern castle:
In front of Illyasviel von Einzbern stood a boy who was, without a doubt…
NOT Hercules.
For starters, instead of a middle-aged man, he was a boy – probably one not much older than her 'onii-chan'. The rest of his appearance was all off too – he had short, brown, scruffy-looking hair, and wore an orange cape, covering armour derived from some kind of bone. On top of the cap, he wore a cream-coloured scarf, the kind you would expect from a frequent traveller in olden times, but his matching-coloured jeans created an anachronistic image. And the dead giveaway of course, was the golden-tipped staff and… was that a golden diadem on his head?!
"…"
"Yo?"
"…"
"Servant Berserker, at your service. YouARE my Master, right?"
"… yes, yes. I believe so."
"So~ now we've introduced ourselves, d'ya have anything to eat? I'm hungry."
"…."
Illyasviel von Einzbern suddenly had a hunch that this Grail War was going to seem like a very, very long ordeal…
Matou residence:
"Hoooh. This is a pleasant surprise. To think that you would call upon Saber of all Classes. Well, I'm not one to complain. Sakura. The book. Shinji."
"As you command, ojisama," stated Sakura, lowering her gaze ever so slightly as she handed the book to her brother.
"Hehe, with this, the War is mine and-!"
SPLAT.
THUNK.
SPLURGH.
Sakura covered her mouth in horror, tears pooling in her eyes.
Oniisama….!
The Book of the False Attendant and the 'human' known as Matou Shinji had been sliced into pieces faster than the eye could follow – in fact, to Sakura, it seemed as if Saber hadn't even moved. And yet the evidence was there – her brother's entrails had disappeared while the rest of him was turned into mincemeat.
"Hm… not tasty at all…" murmured the girl. With her short, brown-hair, piercing brown eyes, a pale complexion and a baby-face, it was hard to imagine that she was a cannibal… but then… who was she? No, better yet, what was she?
And how am I suppose to survive being her Master?!
Tohsaka residence:
Tohsaka Rin was not impressed. Alright, so it may have been her fault that she forgot to adjust her clocks to take into account daylight saving and all, but did it really warrant her getting this… this… disaster?
First of all, it shrieked "AKIHAAAAA?!" and tried to run away from her.
Then it started swinging a knife at her randomly when she told him she was a Magus screaming "I'LL NEVER LET YOU TAKE HERRRRRR!"
And then, once she calmed him down enough, the two of them managed to come to the agreement that yes, she was his Master in the Holy Grail War (something which managed to slip his mind in his panic) and yes, he is Servant Assassin, and no, she is not Tohno Akiha (whoever that is) and no, she is not trying to kill him.
After all that was out of the way, she sent him to tidy the mess that his ungraceful entrance left (courtesy of her botched summoning, he insisted) while she went to bed. It had been a tiring night, and having to calm down a hysterical Servant was no easy feat…
But now she had a new problem.
Insomnia. (From stress).
How was she going to win the war? Her Servant had anything BUT a level head, and, if the cloth covering his eyes was any kind of indication, he was blind.
And he was Servant Assassin.
Assassin! By the Root, the most pathetic class! At best, they could assassinate enemy Masters. At worst, they were totally useless. Most of the time, they were just used as scouts in some kind of alliance… and since her Assassin was blind. Well, she'd need a better bargaining chip.
And so, Tohsaka Rin mulled her night away, resulting in a very undignified wake-up call. Eventually, she threw a slipper at her Servant when he commented that "geez, though you look heaps like her, you're nothing like Akiha – she'd always be up in the morning before I was."
Seriously, who the heck is Tohno Akiha?!
Emiya residence:
Contrary to popular belief, Emiya Shirou was not stupid. Stubborn and clueless at times, but not stupid. In fact, rather than being 'incapable of understanding', he often 'chooses to not understand' at his convenience to prevent anything from challenging his beliefs.
But unfortunately, even the smartest of people do stupid things. And while Emiya Shirou may not be stupid all the time, he does have his moments.
This is one of them.
"Haa, haa…"
The pants of a desperate man.
"Wai-wait… slow down! Ahhh mou-!"
"Haa, haa…"
He was so close-! Just a bit more and-
"I SAID WAIT, YOU IDIOT MAGUS!"
BLAM.
Well. At least he got to the shed. Just not in the way he expected. Shaking himself free of the rubble, Shirou only just managed to turn around when he realised that she had caught up.
"Geez. I said wait, didn't I?"
"Bu-bu-but-!"
"As I keep telling you, I'm not gonna hurt you."
"BUT YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! VAMPIRES ARE MEANT TO DRINK BLOOD AND-!"
"… you… you're not a very well-educated Magus are you?" groaned the vampire girl.
"I'm not a Magus at all! A magecraft-user perhaps (albeit not even a third-rate one) but not a Magus!"
The blonde vampire sighed.
"Alright, let me start again," she paused (presumably for dramatic effect), "I'm the Caster for this Grail War. And you're my Master."
"And I keep telling you, I have no idea what weird scenario you have in your head, but whatever the safeword is, I'm screaming it!"
"…"
This is gonna be a very long night isn't it?
Even he wasn't this bad when it came to explanations…
Clock Tower, London:
Name: Waver Velvet.
Age: 29.
Occupation: being Lord El-Melloi II and a lecturer in the Clock Tower.
Likes: playing videogames, watching anime, and collecting relics related to Alexander the Great.
Dislikes: pickles in his burgers, heights, horses, nasty surprises, stuck-up students, most of the Archibald family, being told what to do, having to hand in regular reports having to mark reports, having to-… actually he dislikes a lot of things, so let's just stop there.
Currently: in the midst of suffering a nasty surprise.
Mood: sour.
"Er… I take it I'm not the one you wanted to summon?"
"… no. Not quite. But never mind…"
Frankly, Lord El-Melloi II just didn't know what else to say. He was sure he was going to summon Alexander again – he had prepared several catalysts (all of which were verified to be strongly connected with the man) and had perfected his summoning circle. And yet, when his Servant appeared, not only was he not Alexander, he wasn't even from the Rider class. No. Waver Velvet had (spectacularly) summoned a Lancer. Who wasn't carrying a lance. His Servant happily informed him that he was very good with a drill though.
In all seriousness though, with that dark blue hair, a navy blue jacked with fiery red patterns on the bottom, grey, low-rise jeans and matching black neck braces and haramakis, Waver was convinced that he had summoned some kind of nut job cosplayer.
Just his luck, huh? It appears that Waver Velvet is out of the Grail War…
Or is he really?
Edelfelt mansion, Finland
"No! No! No! How?! What?! Why?!" shrieked a very frustrated Luvia Edelfelt.
Forget summoning Saber, she didn't even summon one of the seven official Classes! What kind of Servant was 'Avenger' anyway?
She sighed. Well, if nothing else, he was one heck of a looker. Short white hair and piercing silver eyes, coupled with that exotically dark skin and THOSE ABS. Oh god, those abs. And pecs. And intercostals. They were, without a doubt, a gift from god. And they were displayed for all the world to see through that super-body-hugging black armour.
Noticing the heavy panting and drooling of his blushing Master, Avenger began to slowly inch towards the door. He had seen those signs before (though they were on a certain Matou Sakura at the time), and things had not ended well for him. By the Root he thought he was going to be raped…
The fists, covered with black bandages, tightened in anticipation as he prepared to secure his escape route. The red kilt-skirt-curtain that he had found himself wearing would get in the way, but unfortunately for him, he had no intention of showing the world the skin-tight biking shorts he wore under it, and so he'll have to make do.
Avenger cursed internally.
Why, oh why, did people have to remember THAT particular part of his life?! It wasn't like he DELIBERATELY wanted to get wear the thing, but NOOOO, someone insisted that he had to 'provide a distraction' for the 'sake of the mission' and there he was, wearing his normal outfit minus the leather pants (dear god how he loved those things) with a pseudo-curtain around his waist. After that particularly incident, he had gained a newfound respect for all those women and girls who fearlessly ventured out into the world in skirts. I mean really, weren't they scared that someone would flip it up and… BON APETITE?
And now, as a heroic spirit, it appears that that incident would come back to haunt his ass… by being part of his set costume. He just knew there was someone out there having a laugh at his expense. Probably Alaya and her minion-
Train of though interrupted by the pouncing of his blonde Master, Avenger made for the door. No way he was going through that again. Sexual harassment from Matou Sakura and a disturbingly high number of males in a certain locker room was quite enough for him. Speaking of which, how did she even get in there without being caught?
Kotomine church
To say that Bazett was 'angry' would be like saying the Fuyuki Fire was 'lukewarm'. All her life, she had dreamt of meeting her childhood hero – the Hound of Culann. But alas, all of her preparations seem to have gone down the drain…
For the one she summoned was anyone BUT Cu Chulainn.
To start off with, the summoned Servant was a boy, probably no more than eighteen years of age. And Asian. With amethyst eyes and brown hair. Oh, and did I mention that he was Rider NOT Lancer?
Standing awkwardly in the middle of the summoning circle, the said youth was clad in a scandalously tight outfit (something that would be befitting someone of the Lancer NOT Rider class, a fact which only irritated Bazett more), and held a matching helmet in his hand.
Perhaps he was some kind of legendary biker. Neither Bazett nor Kotomine really paid much attention to those things, but the white gloves and the clear presence of shoulder pads in his skin-tight top seem to support the theory.
Of course, this didn't make Bazett feel better. At all. She had summoned a child. A motorcyclist. An oriental. Great. Just great.
A/N: no, Rin, Sakura and Illya DIDN'T summon at the same time. I was just 'cutting' from 1 scene to another because they're the three Masters that more or less 'everyone' would 'expect' from the three founding families.
And no, there are NO OC Servants or Masters. There may or may not be OC side-characters to assist the progress of the story. I can't think of anything at this stage, so let's go with "there aren't any".
I think I've picked some preeeeettty well-known characters, so most of you guys should be able to guess who they are~~~ :3
