"You're la-- hey! You're not Kakashi-sensei!"
Looking at the baffled expressions of the two genins before him, while another tried his best to mask his surprise under an I-am-way-too-cool-for-surprises face, Asuma found himself itching for a cigarette.
"About that... Your sensei kindly informed me five minutes ago that I'm supposed to train you guys today."
"Huh?" Two loud voices enthused in sync.
Asuma sighed. Apparently the Uzumaki
brat's idiocy had been infectious.
"Teacher swap between Teams Seven and Ten. It'd be good for your training."
"Really? Well I hope you are not another porn addict," the lone kunoichi-in-training scoffed.
Wasn't Haruno Sakura supposed to be a simpering teen who never sassed her superiors? Kakashi had clearly not been a good influence.
"Let's get started--"
"You're seeing Kurenai-sensei, aren't you?" Sakura's tone had suddenly become calculating.
"HUH?" Naruto's eyes bulged out as if he just had witnessed their Hokage perform the sexy-no-jutsu. Sasuke looked mildly disgusted.
Asuma narrowed his eyes.
"That's none of your business."
"To the contrary. You are obligated to impart whatever knowledge you possess. Unless you plan on only teaching us how to die from lung cancer."
Yup. Haruno Sakura had officially become a pink haired demon spawn.
"But how could a grubby looking man like him get Kurenai-sensei to like him? Huh? HUH?" Naruto was having a really hard time figuring out something apparently inconceivable.
Sasuke had a different axe to grind.
"I don't have time for your girlish antics, Sakura. Knowing what freak-stuff our senseis do in private doesn't help me accomplish my goals."
Asuma was trying hard not to gape stupidly. The brats weren't even deliberately trying to insult him!
"No need to be so hoity-toity, Sasuke-kun." Sakura's voice was as cool as a cucumber. "Naruto-baka is not going to help you revive your clan, no matter how burgeoning your mutual affections are."
"WHA-"
Ignoring the rarely identical outbursts of her teammates and one thoroughly flabbergasted jounin, Sakura went on.
"Though sexy-no-jutsu might just work after all..."
Asuma Sarutobi was going to dash off with the proverbial tail between his legs the next time he had to "teach" those deranged brats thankyouverymuch.
Meanwhile...
"Jiraiya-sama's stories are way too derivative. I mean, the princess having a threesome with her rival suitors? Pur-lease... The Akatsuki Sutra is way more innovative. Puppets, masks, scythes... now that's what I call inventive."
Kakashi was really impressed.
"How did you get your hands on such a book, Ino-chan? It is some seriously restricted material."
Ino smugly flipped her hair.
"A kunoichi never reveals her secrets."
Oblivious to their conversation, Choji happily munched on his plus ultra packet of potato chips as an adventurous caterpillar crawled its way into Shikamaru's drooling mouth.
