A/N: Well, I couldn't help myself. Had to start another story. Foolish of me, but why not have three active stories to play with? Anyhoo, this story of course has angst, totally AU, starts after Lifeline basically. May be a bit dark at times, not sure if it will be "M" rating, but I'll call it M just in case.
Letters to Harm
Prologue
The tall, thin woman with the messy dark ponytail hitched the small child up higher on her hip. She tried to blow her bangs off her sweaty forehead, but they stuck there stubbornly and, not wanting to expend the strength to sweep them aside with her fingers, she left them sticking to her face and obscuring her vision. She gazed upon the red brick building before her, finding it odd that for all the time and energy she expended getting here, she was having difficulty taking these last few steps to safety.
Safety.
For nearly two and a half years she hadn't known anything even remotely resembling safety, and there was a part of her that didn't trust that she'd found it again now. Maybe this was all a mirage or a dream, one that she'd wake up from in the morning to find herself back in that sorry little shack lying next to…him.
"Mama?" her daughter asked, patting her mother's cheek with her tiny palm. Absently, the woman kissed the little girl's forehead, but the child's voice did bring her back to the present and it was enough to propel her forward. She crossed the courtyard, her pulse pounding both from nerves and from the heat. She was most certainly dehydrated, and her head pounded along with her heart.
So much doubt swirled around her. Would they welcome her back? Would they believe she didn't leave here by choice? Would he even still be here?
Would he hate her?
There was only one way to find out.
Taking a deep breath, the woman mustered the strength to pull the door of the building open and stepped inside. The building's heating and cooling had never been very efficient, but after the oppressive late September heat, the relative cool of indoors caused her to shiver as she wove in between the various naval and marine personnel currently present. She approached the reception desk and the marine sergeant manning it looked her up and down. It wasn't done in a lascivious manner and she was sure he was just wondering at her disheveled appearance.
"May I help you, ma'am?" the sergeant spoke, and even though she fully expected him to speak, she jumped, which earned her another pat on her cheek from the child in her arms.
"'S'okay, Mama," the little girl crooned, obviously picking up on her mother's trepidations. It made tears well up in the woman's eyes; there was no good reason why a child not even two years old should be comforting a thirty-five-year-old woman.
She blinked the tears back, clearing her throat, trying to bring forth a voice that was seldom used to speak to other adults. "I—I need to see H-Harm, um, C-Commander R-Rabb."
"Do you have an appointment?" the sergeant asked in clipped tones.
She shook her head, relieved that Harm still appeared to be stationed here. "I, uh, don't, I just need to—"
"ID, please?"
Well, that was going to be a problem. She was pretty sure he had burned all such documentation ages ago. "I—I lost it…please, could you just call up there and—"
"You need ID, ma'am."
"I—I know, but if you could just call Ha—Commander Rabb, he can vouch for me." By now another marine sergeant had stepped up to the counter. He didn't say anything, just kept his eyes on her as she grew more desperate. She'd been on the road for the last five days, she was tired, hungry, and thirsty, and her arms were starting to shake from the fatigue of holding her tiny daughter almost constantly. "Please call," she begged, and she wilted in relief as the second marine turned and picked up the phone. She couldn't hear the conversation as she nervously rocked back and forth on her feet. Finally, he hung up and turned back to her.
"Ma'am, Commander Rabb is out on assignment. Perhaps if you leave your name and how to reach you, he can contact you when he returns." The marine looked at her expectantly while she stared at him blankly. For all her planning, even though she acknowledged that Harm might no longer be here, she never planned on what, exactly, she would do if that turned out to be the case. Her mouth dropped open, then closed, then opened again as her exhausted mind tried to process everything.
"Ma'am? Your name, please?"
"Um, what?" she asked, shifting her daughter around to her opposite hip. The little girl's huge chocolate brown eyes darted between her mother and the two men and she began to whimper.
"You're name, ma'am?" The second sergeant's voice had hardened, and she could tell he was getting impatient. The first marine she had encountered was watching her closely, and he periodically typed something on the computer in front of him. She assumed it was about her, but she didn't care; she needed Harm.
"It's, uh, um, I'd like to just wait here for him."
The second marine opened his mouth. "Ma'am," he said with exaggerated patience. "Commander Rabb is in Norfolk today and is not expected back until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest. We will get him your message, but until then, you need to leave." He spoke with finality and she was horrified to feel the tears coursing down her cheeks.
"Um, c-could I…is Admiral Chegwidden still here?" The two marines looked at her incredulously. "At least let me speak to him."
"Ma'am, for that you would need an appointment and he is not available for the rest of the day."
"Please, just call him. Please."
The two men ignored her pleas as her daughter's whimpering turned into full blown sobs. Out of the corner of her eye she saw one of the elevators at the end of the hall open up. Maybe if she…her eyes darted to the two marine sergeants, finding they were conversing with each other and not looking at her. This was her chance.
She darted away from the reception desk, scooted past a group of middle schoolers who were being greeted by a female petty officer, and ran for the elevators. She ignored the surprised "Hey!" from behind her and sprinted toward the elevator, praying it would stay open long enough for them to slip inside.
They almost made it.
One of the middle schoolers had decided to walk backwards, an unfortunate decision as he had hit that most awkward stage of puberty. He was all limbs, his arms and legs and especially his feet acting independently from the rest of his body. He backed into the frantic woman, running her into the wall. She bounced off of it, the crying toddler started to slip from her arms, and in her effort to salvage her hold on the little girl, she lost her balance. She sat down hard on the floor, clutching her daughter to her as one of the marine sergeants appeared at her side. His hand reached down and clamped painfully around her upper arm and he started to haul her up.
She was aware she was babbling incoherently at this point, sobbing and begging for Harm. Under her obvious distress there was also great humiliation. Any remaining sense of dignity was slipping away in this place where she'd once held such authority, such respect, and it was devastating. So distraught was she, so completely overwhelmed by her recent journey and the last two and a half years, that she couldn't recognize that the marine holding on to her could help her if she could only articulate what she needed. She could only focus on the one person in the world who could maybe make this whole mess alright, and as his name fell repeatedly from her lips, her body resisted the marine's hold.
She was dimly aware that the second marine had arrived to assist his colleague, but it didn't really register with her until he tried to take her daughter from her arms. That got her attention. She would kill anyone who would dare touch her little girl, her Tricia, and she prepared to fight. There was a hot buzzing in her ears as adrenaline coursed through her. No matter her exhaustion, no matter how utterly depleted she was, she knew she could end this marine who threatened them. She tensed for the battle, readied herself to spring…
"Wait!" A woman's shout filled the air and she felt herself sinking back down to the floor, Tricia still in her arms. There was talking back in forth between the woman and the two marines for several seconds, and then she found herself staring into unfamiliar brown eyes. The other woman was talking to her and she tried so hard to follow.
"Ma'am? Ma'am? I'm Petty Officer Jennifer Coates. Do you need help?"
Well, that was certainly a massive understatement. She nodded anyway. "Harm…I need…"
"Commander Rabb is out of the office today but we can contact him for you so you can talk to him, would that be okay?" The petty officer's voice was gentle.
"She needs to come with us, Petty Officer."
PO Coates looked up from where she was kneeling next to the bedraggled woman and her daughter. "Sergeant Menendez…do you know who this is?"
The man shrugged. It didn't matter to him.
PO Coates turned back to the woman, brown eyes meeting brown once again. She laid a tentative hand on the older woman's arm.
"It's going to be alright, ma'am."
The petty officer seemed sincere, but she still found it difficult to trust her.
Jennifer's heart broke a little as the woman's huge frightened eyes stared back her. Squeezing the woman's arm gently, she chanced a small smile.
"I promise, Colonel MacKenzie."
End Prologue
