A/N: I always thought of Cerberus as a 'necessary evil', a ruthless organization but not evil per se. So here's my take in the form of Shepard-TIM interaction. I may have taken some liberties with some canon facts, and if I do so, please tell me.

Translation Available! My friend morbus-rus has kindly translated my story into Russian: Объяснения и причины ( Story ID 6525059 )

Disclaimer: Mass Effect, its universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.

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Explanations and Excuses

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Chapter 1 : Akuze

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"You want the truth, commander? You can't handle the truth!"

"Try me. Give me a reason why I should trust you."

To say that The Illusive Man was seething with anger would be a great understatement. He was enraged. How dare he question my motives, after all I've done for humanity... after I brought him back to life!

The Illusive Man inhaled deeply on his cigarette. Despite being extremely angered, he still had to maintain the upper hand. Maintain the status quo. And regain it if lost.

"Alright. You want answers? I'll give you answers. But let me ask you a question first, Shepard," he spoke in controlled voice, while crushing his cigarette with somewhat more force than necessary. "How does it feel to lose people you love?"

Shepard was slightly taken aback. That question indeed recalled memories of his squad at Akuze. And his hatred of Cerberus surfaced again.

"It hurts. Especially more so, because you took them from me!"

"*I* did? It was the thresher maw - -"

"But it was you who lured my squad into a trap! You made the decision to sacrifice them, your fellow humans! How dare you say you acted for the best of humanity!"

The Illusive Man smirked. "So, you'd prefer that we lured the turians into a trap? Or perhaps, the quarians?"

Shepard paused. "That isn't the point! The point is - -"

"Tell me, Shepard!" interrupted The Illusive Man. "When you did your black ops missions in the N7. Did you have any qualms in 'taking care' of the rebellions? Were they not your fellow humans?"

"That's different," Shepard tried to evade, "that's - -"

"For the greater good of humanity! Yes, I know all the propagandas the Alliance fed you. Tell me: Why not send the N7 on missions against aliens?"

Shepard was startled as he realized that the conversation seemed to have drifted away from his plan. He tried to answer by-the-book, "because such unprovoked action - -"

"Will be considered a declaration of war. Indeed! And why are we so afraid of war? Did we not defeat the turians during the First Contact war? Why, Shepard? Can you tell me, why are we humans so afraid of war?"

Shepard pressed his left hand fingers to his temple. "Because the next war will possibly pit us against the whole galaxy - -"

"And we are afraid of that because what, Shepard? Tell me: why are we afraid of such war?"

Shepard steeled himself as he said his reply, because he could see that The Illusive Man was leading him to paint himself into a corner. "Because we might lose."

The Illusive Man stood up, his emotions stirred. "Because we *might* lose! What if it isn't *us* that started the war? What if the act of provocation is carried out by another species? Will we retreat with our tails between our hind legs? Or will we fight?"

Shepard just stood there in silence.

"They did *not* gave us the gift of Citadel membership. We fought tooth and nail for recognition! Yet, other Citadel races still think of us as too young, still unworthy of membership! They keep treating us as pushovers, letting us occupy the bottom-feeding position on the galactic caste!"

The Illusive Man turned to face Shepard again, his augmented eyes boring deeply into Shepard's. Even though the commander stood there in front of the enigmatic human only in holographic form, Shepard felt as if his soul was being probed on.

"We did what no one else has enough gut to do, Shepard! If humanity ever come upon war again, be assured that humanity will stand victor!" The Illusive Man paused to draw another cigarette and lighted it.

Shepard just stood there in silence. His mind a maelstrom of thoughts, on one side an understanding of what the Cerberus leader said - - yet the other side still wanting to avenge the deaths of his squad.

"But why the torture?" Shepard tried to stoke the fire of his vengeance once more. "Why expose them to more experimentation?"

The Illusive Man thought for awhile. He understood that he must select his words carefully, lest he lost Shepard again for good.

"I'll answer your question after you answer mine: Did the Alliance mount a search and rescue ops for them, or did they not?" The Illusive Man asked, somewhat softly, with neither a malicious edge nor the usual hint arrogance in his voice.

The question hit Shepard hard. They... never tried to find other survivors... soon after they rescued me, they declared the rest of my team as KIA...

As Shepard tried to sort out his thoughts, The Illusive Man seated himself again, somewhat tiredly. "Shepard, let me tell you what only a handful of people in this galaxy knows," he said as he leaned back on his chair, his eyes focused on nothing in particular.

"The Systems Alliance had already realized the military value of the thresher maws. But due to politics," The Illusive Man spat out the word in disgust, "they just can't purposefully experimented on their soldiers. So, they invited Cerberus to perform the... experiment.

"Following your squads encounter with the beasts, Cerberus' planet-side team scoured the countryside and found survivors. All of them were in various states of injury. Many grievous, only you were relatively unscathed.

"We relayed your positions to our liaison in the Alliance, and what did they reply?

"Take the survivors with you, and find out how exactly the thresher maw acid works. Leave only those unscathed or lightly injured; we don't want physical proof of the deadliness of the thresher maws.

"So that's what we did. We leave you there and bring the other survivors to our research cell for further experimentation - all under implicit approval of the Alliance."

Shepard couldn't believe what he just heard. In his mind, he screamed, No! That is not possible! The Systems Alliance is honorable! They will not stoop so low as to coöperate with a terrorist group! No! ... can't be... I refuse to accept that...

As if capable of reading Shepard's mind, The Illusive Man asked, "Can't accept the truth now, can you, Shepard? But that *is* the truth, no matter it is hard to swallow or not."

Shepard shook his head in denial, screaming, "No! Can't be! That's... preposterous!"

The Illusive Man just smiled bitterly. "Yes it is true. The Alliance keep their image of being the good guys, and Cerberus takes all the blame. Have you even considered this one, Shepard," The Illusive Man dragged deep into his cigarette, and continued after exhaling a copious amount of smoke, "why the Alliance were so quick in disavowing you, even with your stellar achievements like the Star of Terra, being the first human spectre, and being the human that successfully took down the rogue spectre Saren?"

The Illusive Man turned his chair to face Shepard, and continued, "Have you ever wondered why they did not attempt to retrieve your fallen body, instead seeing it adequate to arrange a funeral with an empty coffin, *even* when they are perfectly informed on where exactly the SR-1 incident took place?"

Shepard dropped his gaze. He just... no longer have the strength nor desire to look at The Illusive Man's face. All The Man's explanation made a lot of sense... but he still can't bring himself to accept them.

"You're in denial, Shepard. And that is human, I don't blame you for that. Let me only stress you one thing: We don't agree on lots of things with the Alliance. So, despite their reluctance – nay, aversion – to get involved with you, Cerberus still believe in you."

Shepard felt dizzy. He felt as if the room started spinning around him.

The Illusive Man noted Shepard becoming somewhat unsteady. "I believe you already have enough to ponder upon, Shepard, so let me end this conversation. Just remember, even when you don't trust us, we still believe you... believe *in* you... we're your only true allies at this moment. Cerberus Command out."

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The Illusive Man sighed as the QEC line ended. He leaned back on his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. He briefly considered sending Officer Lawson the recording of the... conversation that had just taken place, but then decided against that. Officer Lawson already knew what happened, he reasoned. No doubt Shepard will tell her what had happened, and I do expect Officer Lawson to provide him with an explanation coming from her own, rather than mimicking what I've told him. So he decided to just tell her to prepare to explain what happened at Akuze, instead.

He sighed. He knew that in the coming days, Shepard will again 'interrogate' him for more facts. And he'd better be ready if he wanted to secure Shepard's allegiance.

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Author's Note: So, how do you like my story? Go ahead, tell me. Criticisms are also welcome :D

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Edit 01: Fixed some misspellings, changed some spacers.
Edit 02: Fix the decors, rewrite the A/Ns
Edit 03: Put in info on Russian translation