Wacky Wednesday
Bending the very fabric of space and time certainly wasn't for everyone, thought Jervis Tetch, as he manipulated some elements carefully under a microscope. There was a lot of time and effort and risk involved in such an undertaking, not to mention a great deal of work. But frankly, since the challenge had presented itself, he'd have been madder than a Hatter not to try it. Not everyone had the opportunity of doing such a thing, anyway, and Tetch felt it was an opportunity he simply couldn't pass up, whatever the cost.
Several weeks ago, Batman had brought him a piece of mind-control technology which he accused him of inventing. Tetch had rightfully denied the accusation, explaining to him rather patronizingly that the piece of technology wasn't even from planet earth, as anyone even remotely familiar with nanotechnology could plainly see – it was some sort of alien invention, using materials and matter from outer space that didn't even exist in the universe as Tetch knew it. Tetch had had no idea how Batman had got ahold of such a thing – most probably from that alien friend of his in Metropolis.
"They should really quarantine him for a bit upon his return from outer space," he muttered to himself, adjusting the microscope. "Just so he doesn't bring harmful substances into our planet."
Not that this piece of technology was harmful, not in Tetch's careful, capable hands anyway, he thought. Batman had raced off after Tetch had told him that the device was of alien origin, and the police in charge of returning Tetch to his cell at Arkham Asylum hadn't noticed him discreetly slipping it into his pocket. He had arranged a breakout from Arkham shortly afterward to study the object in the comfort of his own apartment, surrounded by his own materials which would ensure a safe, controlled working environment from which to engage in ground-breaking research involving the fabric of the universe.
A knock came on his door. "Come in," said Tetch, not looking up.
"Just brought you your tea, Jervis," said Jonathan Crane, his roommate, entering the lab with a cup and saucer. "If you're going to work through teatime, you should at least have something to drink, and a biscuit."
"How very kind – thank you, Jonathan," said Tetch, looking up and smiling at him. "That's so very thoughtful."
"How's the research going?" asked Crane.
"Splendidly, thank you," he said, glancing back down at the microscope. "It's utterly incredible to see how very flimsy that which we know as reality actually is. Forget mind control – this kind of technology opens up far more interesting possibilities than that."
"Such as?" asked Crane.
"More than we can even conceive of in science fiction," replied Tetch. "Alternate dimensions, time travel, even a world where everything is nonsense, and nothing would be as it is, because everything would be what it isn't."
"So a world where you're married to Alice, and I'm married to Harley, and we've both just received the Nobel Prize for Science," said Crane with a wry smile.
"You jest, but the possibility is there," replied Tetch. "This kind of technology can manipulate space and time, and make the fabric of reality as flexible as Alice's height in Wonderland."
"If you could but harness it," reminded Crane.
"Well, yes," agreed Tetch. "And that's going to take years of research to even begin to do that. But it's truly fascinating stuff on its own merit. I'm actually very grateful to Batman for bringing it to my attention, despite the rather unnecessary beating he gave me before he just asked for my help."
"He's a bully – what do you expect?" asked Crane. "The only language they know is brute force."
Tetch sighed, looking up from his microscope again. "The matter's in one of its unstable states right now, and I don't like to play with it in that form. The possibility of something going wrong is far too great."
"What could go wrong?" asked Crane.
"Again, more than we can even conceive of," repeated Tetch. "That's the fascinating and dangerous thing about the unknown – we can only find out through experimentation. But I'd rather experiment on it when it's in a rather safer state for now. I want to learn as much as I can about that before I move on to more risky activity."
"Just try not to create a wormhole in the apartment or something," said Crane, heading for the door. "I wouldn't have the faintest idea what to do with it."
"Call Batman," retorted Tetch. "I'm sure he thinks he can beat that into submission too."
Crane laughed and shut the door, leaving Tetch alone. He picked up his tea, dipping the biscuit into it and taking a bite. Then he went to go put some Gilbert and Sullivan onto the record player he kept in the corner – it often helped him with his work if he had something to listen to. Unfortunately, Tetch's tendency to air conduct Gilbert and Sullivan, an otherwise harmless eccentricity, had unintended consequences today.
He was filled with patriotic pride during the stirring "For He is an Englishman" finale of HMS Pinafore and the emphatic waving of his hands made one of them collide with the cup of tea resting next to the microscope, flinging the contents onto the unstable matter on the slide.
"Oh, botheration!" exclaimed Tetch, as the matter sizzled, and then gave a pop which seemed to make the room vibrate for a moment. And then it was over.
"Jervis, are you all right?" asked Crane, opening the door again. "I heard a cry."
"…I'm fine, Jonathan," said Tetch, staring at the cell under the microscope. Aside from the strange popping sound, nothing seemed to have been affected – it all still looked the same on a molecular and atomic level. "Everything's fine."
Crane nodded, leaving and shutting the door again. Tetch let out a sigh of relief. "Well, thank goodness for that," he said. "The consequences of that could have been unimaginably disastrous in the wrong hands. Thank goodness I had everything under control."
