Author's note: Hey everyone! Here's the first episode of my remake of Sonic Boom, hope you enjoy!


Episode 1: The Sidekick


In this world, there are heroes, and there are villains. It's usually up to the heroes to defeat the bad guy, though sometimes, the villains refuse to give up. It's the same process over and over. Sometimes the heroes get bored of having to stop the villains constantly. But that wasn't the case for one particular group, living on Bygone Island.

In the canyon of said island, a small hovercraft zoomed through the crevis, almost immediately followed by two figures. One of them was running, while the other rode what seemed to be some type of hover board.

The one running was a blue, teenage hedgehog with emerald green eyes, and wore sport tape around his gloves and red shoes, as well as a brown bandanna around his neck; while the one on the hover board was a human looking roughly the same age as the hedgehog. He had short brown hair under a red cap with an 'M', light blue eyes and a faint mustache. He wore finger-less sports gloves, a red short sleeved shirt, navy blue jeans, and sneakers that are white and red with a fireball logo on the side.

Together they were Sonic and Mario; heroes of Bygone Island, leaders of their respective group of heroes (Team Sonic and Team Mario whom often team up), and best friends despite their contrasting personalities. Sonic was more impulsive, acting on instinct, and is also impatient, not being able to stand still for very long. He also has a huge ego, is relaxed and cocky. Mario, on the other hand, was more serious and calm, thinking before acting, and at times being overprotective to his lover and friends. Despite this, he always go after Sonic if he gets into trouble, and he's also easy going.

"You can't lose us Egghead!" Sonic called to a figure inside the hovercraft.

The figure was a human who was bald, wore glasses, and military garments. He also had a mustache, a pair of goggles, and a controller on his wrist. He looked annoyed by what Sonic called him.

"Eggman!" he corrected. "You know my name is Doctor Eggman! You do that on purpose!" Why must his enemy always tease him this way?!

Sonic grinned as he teased Eggman again. "Do what, Egghead?"

Mario managed to catch up with his friend as he kicked his Extreme Gear into higher gear. "Sonic, can we please focus on the mission and tease him later?"

Sonic gave him a smirk. "Sorry Mario, but you know how I am with Egghead."

Mario grinned back. "I know. Let's just stop him and any new robots he's got with him."

"Gotcha!"

Eggman turned a corner with Sonic and Mario speeding after him. They suddenly noticed the edge of the cliff ahead of them and braked hard to a halt, though Sonic's momentum nearly carried him over. Mario managed to grab his wrist and pulled him away from the edge in time.

"Thanks." Sonic sighed in relief. Mario didn't reply, though Sonic knew it was because he was looking at Eggman, who was hovering high above them. He glanced at the villain as well as he began to speak.

"It all ends here, old friends." Eggman said evilly. "Prepare to be destroyed by Burnbot!" An egg shaped robot with a red, black, and grey color scheme, cyan eyes, and sharp claws as pincers revealed itself to Sonic and Mario.

The two weren't fazed by it however, as Sonic asked, "So what, he's gonna burn us with flamethrowers or something?"

"It's rude to make ideas based on other people without asking! " Mario called, slapping a five with Sonic afterward.

"Flamethrower? Well... no..." Eggman mumbled, confused by his answer.

Sonic made another guess. "Oh, uh, acid?"

"Incendiary grenades!" Mario yelled, making his own guess.

"No no no, the claws! He has claws! Very painful claws!" Eggman responded, impatient with their fooling around. Burnbot snapped its' claws a few time to demonstrate.

Mario rolled his eyes. "You should've just called it 'Clawbot' then, or 'The Lacerator' or 'Pinch-a-tron 9000.'"

"Yeah, I mean 'Burnbot'? That's just false advertising!" Sonic nodded.

Eggman lets out a frustrated growl. "I name the robots, you two! Burnbot, attack!"

With that, Burnbot jumped down and began using its' engines to fly towards Sonic and Mario. The two shared a smirk before dashing in the same direction; staying directly parallel to Burnbot.

Meanwhile, up above, a plane flew around the canyon before turning. The pilot was a two-tailed fox with yellow fur and white tuffs on his belly and tails, and wore goggles on his fore head and had a belt around his waist. This was Tails, Sonic's best friend besides Mario.

The brains of Team Sonic, Tails is always thinking up some new inventions to help the team, and make thing easier for them. He also relies on logic, believing that things that occurs have a logical explanation

The passenger was a young man that looked extremely similar to Mario. He also had short brown hair under a cap, though it was green and had an 'L'. He also wore a green shirt and pants a lighter shade than Mario's, and white and green sneakers with a green fireball logo. His name was Luigi, the younger brother of Mario, and Tails' close friend.

Because he hangs out with Tails a lot, Luigi is good with technology and slightly smarter than his brother. However, he can be overly cautious, and a bit of scaredy cat. But he still manages to pull his weight for Team Mario and had proven himself loyal to them on several occasions.

"Blue-Red Leader, this is Yellow-Green Sky." Tails reported. "We have eyes on Burnbot."

"He's on the move, over!" Luigi reported. Mario and Sonic caught the message on their wristband communicators as they were circling the canyon again.

"Thanks guys. Initiate 'Speeding Swing Surprise.'" Sonic responded with the game plan. He turned to Mario, who nodded.

Eggman looked confused as the plane dove into the canyon, sending him into a spin. As they got closer, Tails and Luigi activated their Enerbeams from their belt and wristband respectively.

After circling one last time, Sonic swerved off towards a rock ledge and boosted off it into the air. Mario pushed his Extreme gear to the limit before doing the same, grabbing the board afterwards. Burnbot did the same off another rock ledge on the other side. What Sonic didn't see was that Mario's Gear started to shimmer before disappeared in a flash.

The scene goes into slow motion as the three flew towards each other. As the plane flies by, Tails and Luigi threw their Enerbeams down to Sonic and Mario, who grabbed it with both hands. The plane then turns so that Sonic and Mario ended up behind the robot. Just as it looked, the two delivered a swift kick to it, knocking it into the canyon wall. The two lets go of the beams and skid to a stop on the floor, while Eggman hovered down to Burnbot.

"Get up, get up, get up!" he barked, not willing to lose. Burnbot managed to push itself up and looked around. It's noticed Tails' plane flying overhead and fired one of its claws at it, damaging the wing. Tails looked shocked, while Luigi looked worried as the plane began to spiral out of control.


In the canyon, Sonic and Mario began to panic. "Bail, Guys! Bail!" they desperately called into their communicators.

Tails attempted to do so by pulling the eject lever, only for it to break off in his hand. Both he and Luigi gave a look to the camera; Tails' being confused, and Luigi's had 'we're screwed' written all over it as he groaned, "That's it. We're dead."

Sonic and Mario made a move to help them, but Burnbot got in the way. They dodged one of its' claws before noticing a boulder poised over it. They looked at each other and nodded, both having the same idea. They avoided another hit by jumping up, aiming towards the rock above it. Sonic curled into a ball and spun into the rock, loosening it; while Mario made it fall by jumping off it. The boulder tumbled onto Burnbot, crushing it.


On top of the canyon, the heroes could only watch helplessly as the plane carrying their friends plummeted.

"Tails, no!"

"Luigi!"

The plane crashed onto the ground some distance away from them and exploded. They both looked at each other, shocked, before Sonic rushed towards the crash sight.

Mario checked to make sure Sonic was a safe distance away, then allowed something to appear in his hand with a flash. It looked like a giant key, with fireballs for its' teeth, a pipe for the guard, and several power ups decorating the handle. A charm resembling a type of crystal also hung from it.

Mario tossed the key into the air, and in another flash, it became his Extreme Gear. He jumped onto it, and sped off after Sonic.

"We'll be back Sonic and Mario!" Eggman vowed. He tapped a few buttons on his Egg-moblie, and a huge magnet came out, towards the downed Burnbot. The magnet picked it up, though the Eggmobile had trouble lifting it into the air. "Oof, you are heavy." he grunted. "Seriously, Burnbot, you could stand to burn a few calories."


With our heroes, they've just reach the ruined plane and pulled our the injured duo. Luigi groaned in pain, having received several cuts and burns from the crash. Tails wasn't as lucky, having fallen unconscious. Sonic worriedly placed his ear to his friend's chest and listened. He sighed in relief when heard a heartbeat.

"Keep resting, pal." Sonic told Tails. "I'll get you home." He picked him up, while Mario helped support his brother, the latter wincing from the effort it took him. "I promise I'll never let anything like this happen to you again." He then walked off with Tails, while the brothers looked at each other concerned as they trailed behind him. Sonic seemed genuinely serious about this, but would Tails really be protected this way?


Inside Tails' hut, Mario gazed at several pictures of the four having fun together, while Luigi watched a still unconscious Tails on the couch with the two bandaged up.

The first picture showed the four fishing, with Sonic holding up a huge fish. Another one showed them playing video games together.

Mario sighed. He knew that Tails was like a little brother to Sonic, so he knew the feeling of fear and protection Sonic felt. But did he really have to go this far?

A groan from the couch got his attention. He turned to see Tails sitting up on the couch and Luigi smiling. "Guys?" the fox groaned.

Sonic slid into the house in front of his best friend as Mario came over. "Hey, buddy! How ya feelin'?"

Tails grinned. "I'm great! Ready to get back in action." He stood up, ready to go again, untill Sonic coughed, getting the fox's attention.

"Yeah," Sonic said, a little hesitant as Mario looked at him. "Uh... about that, um... I've got some great news! You, my friend, are taking early retirement!"

Mario immediately face palmed while Luigi fell on his face. They both recovered quickly as Mario slowly brings his hand down, while a tiny vein appeared on his forehead and his hand twitched.

"Really Sonic? Really?! Must you tell him that way?" Mario said in a calm, but irritated voice.

Tails looked confused. "'Early retirement'?"

"Yeah, you're gonna be able to play lots of golf and spend time with the grandkids!"

"I don't have grandkids!"

"Well, now's your chance to get some!" Sonic exclaimed cheerfully. "Trust me, it's for the best." He hugged Tails. "I'll see ya around, pal." He then ran off. Mario sighed, releasing a white cloud of air, before following, leaving the two sidekicks in the house.

Tails looked even more confused. "Wait, what just happened?"

Mario opened the door and peeked in. "He fired you." Sonic grabbed his arm and took off again, causing the door to close.

"Okay, just checking."

Luigi ended up falling on his face again. He sweat-dropped when he got back up. "'Just checking'? That was the best comeback you could make? You could've at least argued your rights!"

"Don't worry; if Sonic thinks he can get rid of me that easily, I've got a surprise for him. Now here's what we're gonna do..."


Later, Sonic and Mario were walking on the beach together carrying something. Mario was giving Sonic a disproving glance.

"Don't look at me like that." Sonic said. "I did what I had to do. Now we're going to make sure Tails stays retired."

"Yeah; well I still don't know why I agreed to help you out in this." Mario sighed. They placed flyers depicting what Sonic wants in a sidekick on nearby trees.


Inside Eggman's Lair, Eggman inspected the flyer he got with the advertisement. He read it with interest. "'Sidekick tryouts. All qualified candidates welcome. Best candidate gets the job. Resume and references required.'" He looked at his two robot lackeys, Orbot and Cubot, in disbelief. "Can you believe this?"

Orbot was a small, round robot with a red and back color scheme and cyan eyes. He's loyal to Eggman, but can also be a downer, giving Eggman honest, but blunt, assessments.

Cubot was similar in size, but was squarish in shape and had a yellow and black color scheme as well as cyan eyes. He's dimwitted, but still loyal to Eggman like Orbot is.

"A resume and references aren't unreasonable, sir." Orbot explained.

"Especially in this job market!" Cubot added.

Eggman angrily pounded his fist on the desk, scaring the two robots into running in circles. He crumpled the flyer and threw it at them.

"What fool would want to be Sonic's sidekick?" he asked. "Spending every day with him... Enjoying his friendship and respect..." He sighed as he imagined. Orbot and Cubot just looked at him strangely. He grinned sheepishly before returning to his ruthless attitude. "Not me, that's for sure! ...Unless..." he mused. The camera zooms in on his face dramatically before sinking down to his boots. "Lousy security camera!" he grumbled as he adjusted it to his face again.


Outside Sonic's Shack, several figures who had seen Sonic's ad had gathered in a single file line, waiting their turn. Noticeable ones included a pink female hedgehog with a red headband, a magenta one piece dress, white gloves with purple sports tape and golden ring bracelets, purple stockings, and red-violet shoes, a teenage human with a pink short-sleeved t-shirt with a sapphire brooch on it, shorts of the same color, white bobby socks, red-and-pink tennis shoes, and long golden-blonde hair tied in a ponytail, a large red echidna with a white, crescent moon-shaped mark, a pair of red and yellow shoes, and sports tape wrapped around his hands and knuckle-spikes, the lower half of his arms and legs, and his biceps, and a brown cloaked figure who stood unusually tall.


Inside Sonic was holding a pencil and clipboard while he interviewed the pink hedgehog, with the human girl tagging along, and Mario standing nearby. "I'm Amy Rose, and I'll be auditioning for the job of sidekick." the hedgehog said in a formal manner before blinking sweetly at Sonic.

Amy is smart, independent, and the overall backbone for Team Sonic. She sensible, and always ready to take care of her team mates, though she can be a perfectionist, wanting to make sure everything is perfect.

"I'm Peach Toadstool, and I'm just here to support Amy." the girl added.

Peach was Mario's girlfriend in question, and the two aren't afraid to show it, even in front of their friends, much to some of their disgust. Like her best friend (besides someone else) Amy, she's smart and independent, annoyed at the times where Mario, or someone else, try to keep her from harming herself. However, she know they're looking out for her, and takes it in moderation.

Sonic sighed. "Amy, I know who you are."

"Great, because I am fine with nepotism." Amy replied. "Oh, and under special skills, you can add juggling and singing." She took out three balls and started juggling with them while singing When The Saints Go Marching In.

Peach & Mario sighed, and the girl face-palmed before Mario called, "Next!"


The next interviewee was a beaver with a red bow tie named Fastidious Beaver. "My greatest weakness? Actually, it is my incredible cowardice." Mario smacked his forehead. Definitely not him.


For some reason, Amy and Peach were back, being interviewed again. "Oh, improv?" Amy said excitedly. "I love improv!" She giggled as she started speaking in a mock Italian accent. "I'm a crazy pizza man! Who juggles and sings!" She started singing again while the other three sighed and Peach pushed her out; calling, "Sorry Sonic!" as she went.


Next up was the echidna, though for some reason, he was holding the pencil and clipboard instead. "I think you'd be a great sidekick for me."

"No, Knuckles." Sonic corrected. "I'm looking for someone to be my sidekick."

Knuckles is the powerhouse of Team Sonic and usually charges head first into situations without thinking, which often get him into trouble. But, at least his heart's in the right place.

Knuckles ignored him as he mused, "We'd have to change your name, though. I'm thinking... 'Knuckles Junior.' "

Sonic snatched the pencil and clipboard back and crossed something out. Nope, Knuckles wan't the one either.


The last interviewee was the hooded figure, though Mario found something suspiciously familiar about him. He eventually shrugged it off as Sonic asked him the last question of the interview. "Okay, last question. What would you do in a no-win situation?"

The figure gave his answer in a confident tone. "If I'm with you, there's no such thing as a 'no-win situation.'"

Sonic looked impressed at his answer. "Huh. You really get it, new guy."

"I do get it." the figure replied. "But I'm not a new guy. In reality, I am none other than..."

The figure attempted to rip off his hood, but seemed to be having trouble. As he struggled, Mario raised an eyebrow. Now what was he doing?

Suddenly, another voice was heard crying, "Whoa, look out!" as the figure tumbled to the floor.

The two looked over the table, only to see...

"Tails/Luigi?!" they simultaneously exclaimed in shock. Tails simply looked at his friend, while Luigi laughed sheepishly while sweat dropping.

"Busted." the younger brother muttered.

As they recovered, Sonic stormed over to his best friend. "You cannot be my sidekick!" he exclaimed.

Tails simply held up a flyer and read it. " 'All qualified candidates welcome. Best candidate gets the job.' I'm on lock!"

"Unless you're not telling him something..." Luigi teased.

Sonic glared at both of them before turning to Tails again. "Fine!" he groaned. "But get ready for the tryout of your life!"

"Hello." another voice said. The four immediately turned, and tensed up when they saw an unwanted guest.

"Eggman!" Tails exclaimed. Sure enough, their arch-nemesis was standing calmly in front of foursome.

"What are you doing here?!" Sonic growled.

"My name is Doctor Eggman," The doctor stated in a formally manner. "And I'm here about the sidekick position." He held up his resume, all ready.

The four certainly wasn't expecting that . "Wh- but you're our arch-nemesis!" Sonic protested in shock.

"That's true." Eggman nodded. "But I could be a valuable asset to your organization. For example, I'm a doctor. Not a real doctor, a PhD, but still!"

"You can't be my sidekick." Sonic stated bluntly. There was no way he would accept their enemy as his sidekick, except...

Eggman shoved the flyer into Sonic's face and pointed out a certain part in the ad. "'All qualified candidates welcome'?"

"...Okay, fine." Sonic said in defeat. "You both can move on to Round Two. But neither one of you is going to be my sidekick." He started to walk outside, along with the brothers.

"Who else is there?" Tails asked. He and Eggman were the only two here, right?

At that moment, Fastidious Beaver peeked back through the doorway. "Actually, do you validate parking?" he asked.

Sonic seized the opportunity. "Congratulations, you're the third candidate!"

"Actually..." Fastidious blinked.


Soon Sonic, the brothers, and the sidekick candidate were in the jungle on top of a cliff. Sonic spoke to the three trying out as if he was addressing an army.

"All right. Being my sidekick is no easy task." he started. "This competition will test your strength, stamina, and endurance." Tails and Eggman looked determined, while Fastidious peeked nervously down at the steep drop they'll have to make. All three were on hover board. "The winner will be whoever makes it-"

"Actually, it's 'whomever.' " Fastidious corrected.

Mario groaned as he took over, speaking through gritted teeth. "The winner will be whomever makes it through all the unimaginable hardships and brings us the the red flag Sonic planted atop the incredibly dangerous-"

"But inaccurately named," Luigi added.

"Mount Safety." Mario finished, having calmed down.

"Actually..." Fastidious nervously started, clearly having second thoughts. Before he could say anything however, Eggman pushed him, causing him to go down the hill, screaming all the way. Eggman and Tails soon followed. Sonic look seriously at the event, while the brother also watched. The three nodded at each other before following the competitors to watch the race.


As Eggman and Tails raced through the forest, Eggman activated the bladed seekers on his hover board, and they went after Tails. The fox managed to jump and weave through the blades, eventually dropping down onto a lower path to avoid them. But much to his alarm, he was heading straight for Fastidious ahead of him on the same path!

The two collided, with the beaver ending up clinging onto Tails for dear life. He eventually lost his grip and fell into the jungle below. "Actually, I'm okay!" he assured.

Meanwhile, the seekers continued to chase after Tails, but he puts on the brakes on his hover board, causing the drones to crash into each other. Tails started up the board again, and soon stops at the clearing, where Sonic and the brothers were waiting.

"What's going on here?" Sonic asked.

"Nothing I can't handle!" Tails replied. He ran over to his plane, which was parked nearby, and took off into the air. Eggman followed close behind in his Eggmobile. Realizing that something's up, the three took off after them.

But what about Fastidious?

"Actually, I'm just gonna lie down in the fetal position and weep." he mumbled. He laid down on the ground and started sucking his thumb.


In the air, Tails and Eggman were racing towards Mount Safety as fast as they could.

"Give up Eggman! This job is rightfully mine!" Tails exclaimed, not willing to give up his position to the villain they always face.

"I'm not here to be Sonic's sidekick, you nincompoop!" Eggman replied, revealing his true intentions. "I'm here to get rid of you four once and for all!" He then activated his magnet which, just as before, picked up Burnbot, who was in an area in the forest. Seeing this, Sonic and Mario quickly sped up, while Luigi hitched a ride with his brother, the Extreme Gear expanding to carry him.

As the magnet pulled upward, Tails looked alarmed to see the same robot again, who snapped it claws in preparation. It then fired one, then the other at the plane, with Tails managing to avoid each strike with some fancy turns, all the while Sonic and Mario continued to chase after them.

Unfortunately, as Tails pulled ahead, a claw successfully hits the left wing, causing him to gasp in alarm as the plane once again spiraled out of control. Seeing this, Sonic and Mario shot forward considerably as it headed towards a frozen lake. Sonic, quite literally, skid to a halt on the ice while Mario braked before he and his brother leaped off the Extreme Gear.

"Tails!" Sonic cried, worried about the situation his 'brother' was in. The plane was half downed in the cracked ice, threatening to fall into the water below

Tails grunted as he tried to pull himself out, to no avail. "Sonic! I'm stuck!"

The plane suddenly dipped further into the ice, prompting Luigi to suddenly jump into the plane to help pull Tails out. Up above Burnbort fired its claws, which turn into buzzsaws that cut into the ice, cracking it further. Thinking quickly, Sonic jumped onto the plane and helped Luigi hoist Tails out of the plane. The two managed to to so, and jump away, just as the plane sank into the water.

Sonic and Tails tumbled around on the ice for a bit, while Luigi prominently landed on his face. While he recovered and Mario came over, Sonic turned to Tails and sighed. Now is the perfect time to tell him what's going on.

"Tails... I didn't really wanna fire you. I was just trying to protect you."

"How? By putting me in more danger?" Tails asked dryly.

Sonic shrugged. "The plan had holes!"

"How many?" Mario called, half-teasing him about what had happened.

Sonic's only response was to briefly glare at his human friend, who simply shrugged nostalgically.

Tails' frown immediately turned upside down Sonic helped him up, the four smiling at each other, happy to be together again.

"Oh Sonic!" Eggman called, ruining the mood as four prepared to face him once more. "I have one last surprise for you. I took your and Mario's advice! Burnbot can burn things!"

Sure enough, Burnbot proceed to shot two fireballs (Mario: That's my thing!) that quickly formed a ring of fire around them, melting and cracking the ice.

Tails quickly flew up while Mario and Luigi managed to get onto the Extreme Gear. Sonic wasn't as lucky and ended up sliding into the water, coming up a few seconds later.

"I can't swim!" Sonic sputtered as he flailed about in the water. The three quickly came back and tried to pull him back up, with no success.

"Shit!" Mario swore. "He's waterlogged! We can't lift him up!"

"Don't worry about me!" Sonic assured. He tries to let go, but Tails keeps his grip on him. "Get out of here!"

"That's not how sidekicks do!" Tails replied. He took a stronger hold on Sonic eventually going under with him, as the brothers could only watch in worry.


Underwater, it looked like Sonic was going to drown as he slowly started to fall into unconsciousness. Thinking quickly, Tails used his two tails as propellers and propelled himself and Sonic out of the water.


The two shot out and flew into the air. Mario and Luigi smirked before following, surprising Eggman and Burnbot. Once they got a fair distance in the air, Tails lets go of Sonic, while Mario jumped of the Extreme Gear. Sonic curled into a ball, and Mario made a fist with one hand, the fist burst into flames. Both attacks simultaneously hit Burnbot, knocking it backwards onto the ice. The weight was too much for the ice to handle and it broke, sending the robot into the water below.

Tails caught Sonic at the same time Luigi steered the Extreme Gear under Mario. The four smiled before flew off into the forest together.

"I'll be back!" Eggman vowed. "With a new robot! Who has an accurate name! And super laser eyes! And he'll feed me ham! Evil ham." He then flew off on his Eggmobile, into the distance.


Hours has passed, and the day soon turned to evening. The four heroes were sitting together on the beach, relaxing after the events that had happened.

"About this job..." Tails asked, turning to Sonic. "What're the hours like?"

Sonic smirked. "Well, it's seven days a week. But you get your own plane." Tails smiled back. It was good to be back with his best friend again.


Back at Sonic's Shack, Amy was angrily ringing the bell, while Peach stood nearby, pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Lemme in!" she hollered. "I demand a call-back!" At that moment, Knuckles trudged by, looking depressed. "Knuckles! What's wrong?"

Knuckles sighed before replying. "Knuckles Junior isn't workin' out."

"Oh... so you're saying you need a..." Amy suddenly got a look in her eyes, one that said she has an idea. Peach noticed, and immediately tried to act.

"Oh no Amy. Don't you dare..."

Too late, as Amy hurried after the echidna to talk to him about being the sidekick. Peach groaned before following her, wanting to convince her friend otherwise.

"I'm a crazy pizza man!" Amy started, once again with the mock Italian accent. "Who juggles and sings!" She then proceeded to sing When The Saints Go Marching In once again in her accent.

"Knuckalina!" Knuckles exclaimed, figuring out the perfect name for her.

Peach sighed before turning to us, the reader. "Trust me. This won't last long."


The End


Author's note: Well, how was it? Please give me feedback so I could try and do better in the future. Just no flames please. Those will make me very sad. Read and review!