Title: The Stages Of Grief

Title: The Stages Of Grief

Author: Dagana

Beta: GenGen

Summary: Countdown to Season 4. The stages of our grief; Anger, Fear, Depression, Acceptance... Angst, Fatherly fluff, John/Sam/Kate/Bobby

Disclaimer: Playing in Kripke's Sandbox.

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Author's Note: Re-work of the Countdown story I posted for the Supernatural Season Four Premiere. Thanks to Gen for the awesome Beta work, Your totally awesome hun and I hope this works better. All other mistakes are mine -

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Prologue: Death

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How do you let someone go?

How do you understand that it's alright, and that everything changes?

How is that meant to make you feel good about life, instead of breaking your heart?

The Hardest thing you'll ever learn is just how to say goodbye...

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They say that as you die, you see flashes of all that came before.

Faces old and new, some who have passed and some who are left to stay behind and let their lives move forward...

You see some of the decisions you made; some good, some bad, and wonder whether or not your life could have turned out differently if you had just changed one particular moment or made one choice rather than the other- only to find yourself, knowing in your heart that you would make the same decisions all over again...

But then you feel sadness and peace all at once...

Peace at the knowledge that the end is near, but sadness because of the pain you cause by leaving loved ones behind.

The knowledge that they will never be able to see you everyday and share their best and worst experiences with you... Knowing their memory of your face will fade, spurred on only by photographs taken on days barely remembered...

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The black smoke erupted from the body Ruby had once possessed as Sam made a move toward her. Ruby's knife held aloft, Sam went to make the killing blow against the demon who had stalked his family from the shadows for nearly four months as Dean's time had begun to run out on the deal he had made a year earlier in order to keep his brother and sister alive. Stopping as the smoke shot out of the young girl's screaming mouth, her cold, dead body dropping to the floor limply as the demon, Lilith, left her body after inhabiting it for nearly a month.

Sam Winchester let out a shallow breath, lowering the knife as his mind began to process the fact that Lilith had escaped and Dean was... Dean was...

Dead.

He felt bile begin to rise to the back of his throat, tears stinging his brown eyes as they came to rest on the pale and bloodied form of his older brother. A brother who, up until five minutes ago- it seemed like an eternity- had been alive, protecting Sam... Kate... their father... from what he knew was coming for him over this past year. Dean's last year, after he had sold his soul for the three most important people in his life.

Slowly lowering himself to his knees, Sam could vaguely hear two cars pulling up outside the house and the screams of the demons his sister and her demon 'friend' were quickly overpowering. He could hear his father kick the front door in and start searching for his two sons. But Sam didn't care; he was focused on his brother's motionless body, slowly bringing Dean's increasingly rigid form to his chest. He held Dean's head carefully as if holding a small child as he gazed down at glazed green coloured depths staring unseeing up at him.

"Dean," he whispered, his voice breaking with that one word as John Winchester reached the door. The older man stopped in his tracks at the scene of his younger son crying over the bloodied form of his older brother.

All that had happened over the course of the last thirty-six hours continuously flashed in Sam's mind as his body shook with sobs buried just beneath the surface. He gripped his brother for dear life, afraid to let go. He felt like he might suffocate in the darkness that was slowly overcoming him as the realisation that his brother would not be around to keep him grounded and the loneliness that entailed dawned on him.

Sam's forehead touched Dean's, his brown hair covering his tear-filled eyes from his father's sight. John had unconsciously grabbed the doorframe as shock began to burn through his system like fire.

"Dean..." Sam whispered brokenly as he shut his eyes to the world, time slowing down as minutes felt like forever. The world outside moved just like it always had, people carrying on with their lives as if his family's world had not come crashing down around them and his brother had not just been ripped to shreds by hellhounds, and his soul dragged to hell.

Hearing footsteps, John turned his vacant brown eyes to meet the arrival of his eighteen year old daughter as she paused a few feet away. She didn't need powers to tell her something was wrong, she had begun to feel something was off the moment she had walked in the room.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kate Winchester slowly edged her way around the dining room table where an old man's body was slumped against the table, and took halting steps into the room ahead of her where John was leaning against the doorframe, Kate's chest felt heavy and constricted as she noticed a familiar boot. Then a familiar pair of ripped jeans- one leg scratched, and ripped to shreds as claw marks stood out in stark contrast against pale and blood covered skin. As her gaze continued to travel upwards, an all too familiar hand adorned with an equally familiar ring she found Sam's tall frame bent over her older brother's broken body.

"Dean..." Her voice sounded hoarse, her hazel eyes losing the light Dean had always nurtured in her since she was one year old as her breath caught in her throat and a sob erupted, but no tears would come, not yet.

Sam heard the softly spoken name and still gripping Dean, turned his eyes to meet his sister's. Anger, hurt and betrayal played across her face as Sam moved aside, allowing her a glimpse of Dean's face. His blankly staring eyes sent her racing out of the room and pushing past Bobby. Outside the building, she retched and heaved the contents of her stomach splayed on the lawn as she slid down against the side of the building and curled up into a tight ball. Her tears finally erupted and sobs racked her body as everything caught up with her. She remembered the last conversation she and Dean had, now understanding its meaning as Bobby came around to her side. He stood over her, pale-faced as he watched his Goddaughter, a girl who looked fragile, but had always been so quietly strong and independent, as she broke down before him.

Sitting on the ground beside the broken girl, the older hunter put an arm around her curled form and pulled her close him. Kate's head fell heavily against Bobby's chest as her hands grappled at his sleeveless jacket, her breath coming in gasps.

Bobby struggled to comfort the younger hunter, who was as dear to him as Dean and Sam were. They were the children he had never had and John was more like a brother than a friend. He buried his face in Kate's loose brown hair, no longer trusting himself to hold back the tears that were threatening to flow.

Bobby gently kissed Kate's hair and rubbed her back as he held her. They clung to each other, each offering support to the other through their grief. Bobby knew John would do the same for Sam, in his own way, as they dealt with the loss of the person who was at the centre of all their worlds.

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