Note: just a 5mn drabble, it began from the first sentence looping in my head and I just wrote anything coming to my mind, I didn't even know it would end up being about what it's about. It was originally posted as a chapter of Feed My Frankenstein, the place where I put all the random stuff that doesn't make it to a oneshot or chapter for one of my multichaptered fics, but Dlvvanzor told me it should be posted as a oneshot so, as she always has good advices, I listened to her :)
It's like if I've been running for such a long time that I don't even know where I started from. Like running along the edge, ready to fall at each step I take, like having a rock under my sole rolling and threatening to send me down the cliff. Like following a lead without knowing where I'm going, or even knowing where this leads me without being sure of the road to take.
It's what I feel, every day, every night. Every minute, every second. Every thud of my heart.
It hurts, and still it feels like I can't live without. Can't breathe without. It's like taking what's mine and paying dearly for it, like owning something and feeling it slip away all the same, with the doubts and the fear, and the knowledge it'll all come back to me no matter what.
It's a game of come and go, of trust and desire along with pain and need and this fucking body of mine that gives in when I need it to carry on, when I need to stand.
And it's you at the end of the line, with open arms, all at once the beginning and the end, the departure and the arrival, running to meet me although I feel you strongly anchored in the ground. All at once the barrier before the cliff and the rock rolling and making me fall, but you fall with me and slow the fall, stop the fall, until we reach home, until you hit home.
It's what it's like, every day, every night. Every minute, every second. Every mistake that I make.
You waited behind, you came back at my call, you found me, saved me. And you never asked how, why, you never asked anything back. You just gave me what I owned, what I missed, what I shouldn't have left behind, without a reproach, and with your trademark dimples at the corner of your mouth, because in the middle of the shit I created, you just had to smile to make it all come back like it was before.
It's a game of monopoly where I owned the buildings and the money, but you had the streets, and I couldn't settle my life although I owned the world because there was no place to call home. And when I gave in, when everything seemed lost, my castle of cards shattering to pieces, I finally saw the pavement, free of all the lies I had built, and hit the ground.
And it's you, it has always been you, and I'm not even surprised to have heard you answer the phone, to have seen you come to me in the middle of the ashes and the fire, and I wasn't taken aback when you secured the noose of our bond back, taking things where I had cut them when L died.
It's what you are, every day, every night. Every minute, every second. Every everything.
