A/N: I was watching Naruto the other day, and it had one of the scenes where he tries to outdo Sasuke, and the idea suddenly struck me that all of his behavior makes sense if he is showing off to get Sasuke's attention. I'm surprised more people don't work with this idea - it seems to me to fit his character and actions rather well, and I know far too many guys who honestly think this is a workable strategy. Fools.

And a note: this will be at least a two-part story, and hopefully a three-part - this chapter, a chapter from Sasuke's perspective (which I have done already), and a chapter from either Kakashi's, Sakura's, or just third-person perspective, to wrap everything up. I will try really hard, I promise!

Disclaimer: And with a great clap of thunder and a shock of lightning, the heavens parted, and a distant, booming voice shook the earth with its exclamation: "NinjaSquirls does not own Naruto!"


He Just Doesn't See

Part One: Naruto

Sasuke is blind, at least when I comes to me. I don't understand it; I've seen him spot an enemy ninja from a hundred yards away, nail a leaf to a tree with a kunai from across the training ground, catch the slight facial twitch that gave away an ally about to betray us. I know he can see, and I know he's always watching.

But when it comes to me, it's as if he were blind, because he never sees, even though it's right in front of his face. I don't understand how he can have all of those observational abilities and still look right through me, I really don't. It's not as if I'm not obvious about it; I've never been the sort to be subtle. I've practically been shouting my feelings at the top of my lungs, but somehow it just doesn't get through. I try to show him, but he never sees me. He just doesn't get it.

It's not like he's the only person who looks at me and sees only what he thinks is there. Most people look at me and see a demon; the ones who don't look at me and see a screw-up, a punk kid who can't do anything right and plays too many pranks. I'm used to it. It shouldn't bother me this much that Sasuke does the same. It shouldn't, but it does. I want him to look at me and understand why I act the way I do. I want him to see the person underneath the demon and the failure and the practical joker. I want him to hear what I'm trying to tell him in the only way I know how.

And okay, maybe my way of showing my feelings isn't as unambiguous as I'd like to think it is. I get jealous of Sakura sometimes; she's never had any qualms about openly declaring her undying love for him a dozen times a day. He may not love her back, but at least she knows that he knows how she feels. I can't do that. I wish I could, but I just can't walk up to him and tell him I love him, just like that. I can't. But if he'd ever really look at me, I know he would see it.

When I was a kid, I wanted love and acceptance, and the only way I knew how to ask for it was by acting like an idiot. Being good didn't work; nobody noticed me, and when they did, they only kicked me harder. They didn't expect the demon boy to be good; when they saw it, they refused to believe it. Being good didn't make the hatred go away, and I gave up on it pretty quick.

All I ever wanted was for people to see me, to treat me like I mattered, and I did the only thing that worked. Everyone got angry at me with I threw spitballs at the teacher, covered the walls with graffiti, balanced buckets of paint over doorways, invented gag jutsus and showed them off in class. They got angry, but at least they noticed me. As long as they were laughing at me, or yelling at me, everyone was looking at me. They might have thought they were punishing me, but they were giving me exactly what I wanted, which was attention.

Iruka was the first, and I guess the only person who ever bothered to look through what I did and see that I did it for a reason. He was the first person to listen to my bluster and my bragging and my threats and my anger and hear the words that were being repeated over and over without ever being heard. Please love me. Please care about me. Please don't hate me anymore. Everyone else just looked at me and saw a dead last loser, who failed at everything because he didn't care enough to take it seriously.

I know Sasuke knows I'm not a failure anymore. He is aware that I almost killed Haku. He knows that I defeated Neji in a fair fight. He saw me take down Gaara after he failed. We spar together every chance we get. He knows I'm just as strong as he is. But even though he knows this, I think it's never really clicked in his head. I think somewhere in there, he still believes I'm the same brat he knew in the academy.

He's right. I am still the same as I was in the academy. But he didn't know me back then. He never saw through me the way Iruka did; he never understood that all the stupid things I did were done because I desperately wanted somebody to act like they cared about me.

If he had ever realized that, he would see right through me now. He would understand that I am not like Sakura or Ino. I cannot walk up to someone and tell them I love them just like that. I can't declare my feelings with sappy poetry and cards, flowers and jewelry, tender words and hesitant kisses.

If he had ever realized that, he would understand that I have only ever learned one way to ask for love, and that is by acting like an idiot. He would know that I am showing him my feelings in the only way I know how, because it's no different from what I did when I was younger. Sure, back then I would have settled for anyone to care about me, and now I only care about Sasuke, but I haven't really changed. I still try to get people to love me by being bold enough and loud enough and obnoxious enough that they have to look at me, at least for a little while.

If he had ever realized that, he would see my actions for what they really are. He would know that I am constantly declaring my love for him. I do it by yelling at him. I do it by insulting him and calling him names. I do it by playing tricks on him. I do it by trying to show him up and prove I'm better than he is. I do it by picking fights with him, and even by trying to hurt him.

If Sasuke ever looks at me, he would see that every stupid, loud, annoying, obnoxious thing I do around him I only do to try to make him look at me and see that I love him.

But when it comes to me, Sasuke might as well be blind. He just doesn't see.


A/N: I think this is the first story I've written in first person...wow. It's hard to keep the voice consistent for that long! Did I do alright? Please tell me! Review!