This is a random story that came to me whilstI was in chemistry, the lesson I get most of my imspiration in. Basically what happens is Han talks to the Falcon about Leia and the ship talks back, hehehe. It's set at some point between ANH and ESB.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything at all.
Han stomped up the ramp and angrily walked into the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. The reason he was so annoyed and angry was because he had just had an argument with the princess, but there wasn't really anything unusual with that.
"Women," he snapped irritably throwing himself into the pilot's chair, "when you try and do something nice they just throw it back in your face!" The Falcon shuddered slightly, "sorry," Han apologized to his ship patting the dashboard, "but even you break down when you're annoyed at me." Han believed that ships, if they were old enough, had a soul, which stopped him freaking out whenever the Falcon did something which other ships didn't do.
"I mean," Han said getting back to complaining about Leia, "All I did was ask her if she was okay, she did look pale and she just walked off as if I wasn't there." The ship was silent, but Han carried on, "so I went after her to see if she was okay and she started to yell at me."
'Well you should have given her some space.' The message appeared on one of screens. The Falcon would sometimes give messages to Han, he had no idea whether she had ever done it to her other owners, but no one had ever mentioned YT-1300's talking to their owners.
"Your really helpful," Han snapped at the ship, from outside he heard Chewie come aboard.
"Who are you talking to?" The wookiee asked from the corridor
"The ship!" Han yelled back. Chewie rolled his eyes and walked off to the engine room at the back, although he often talked to the ship, usually cursing it for breaking down, he never got an answer, Han however seemed to use the Falcon as a therapist.
Once he was sure Chewie was gone Han continued, "Even if I told her that I loved her she would just think I was joking."
'Do you love her?' The Falcon asked.
"That's not the point!" Han snapped.
'Yes it is. Do you love her?'
"Am I the only person you talk to?" Han asked, trying to get the subject away from the gray area of his feelings for Leia.
'Yes. Do you love her?'
"Your not going to give up are you?"
'No. Answer me.'
"Why are you ordering me around? Technically it should be the other way round." Han said.
'Do you want me to break down next to a black hole?'
"Well not unless Vader's in you," Han laughed.
'Am I supposed to find that funny?'
"Don't worry sweetie I wouldn't let Vader anywhere near you."
'Do you love me?' The Falcon asked after some time.
"Yeah, I guess I do, but not in the same was as-"
'As Leia?'
"You're not tricking me like that!" Han snapped, anger rising in him.
'Men!' The Falcon 'sighed', 'why are you all so stubborn?'
"It's a genetic defect," Han explained.
'Great, you do realize that I've only had male owners and all of them were like you!'
"And what is so bad about that?" Han asked slightly offended.
'Well', the ship started, 'you all never admitted your feelings and then moaned to me!' It seemed like the Falcon had wanted to get all of this off her chest, or engines in her case, 'I've decided to talk to you because it is so annoying to just watch as you lot just go and miss the most important things in your lives.'
"So why did you keep spraying Bria with oil?"
'I didn't like her. She hurt you'
"You were jealous," Han concluded.
'I was not! How can a ship be jealous of a stuck-up idiot?'
"How could you hate her then!"
The Falcon remained silent
"I see I've touched a nerve," Han said quietly, "So if I do love Leia and if we do fall in love, will you be squirting her with oil."
'No, I like Leia.'
"I still don't know how you can like and dislike, but you can't be jealous."
'It's complicated.'
"But you weren't fitted with a personality thingee," Han argued.
'That doesn't mean I don't have a soul.'
"Fine, I'll just say you're special."
'Thank you.' Han rolled his eyes, 'I saw that,' she snapped.
"Han are you in here!" A voice called.
"That's Leia," Han said, "why is she here?"
'Just go and tell her how you feel,' The Falcon urged him on.
"You mean highly irritated?"
A pair of rolling eyes appeared on the screen.
"Stupid ship," Han snapped, "Leia I'm in here!" He called.
Leia walked along to the corridor to the cockpit.
"Han I'm sorry about earlier," she began once she reached the door and tried to open it, "Han, why isn't the door opening?"
"Hang on," Han's muffled voice said from behind the door. There was the sound of the lock button being pressed, then when there was no effect she heard him banging on the door. "She's locked it!" he shouted.
"Who's she?" Leia asked, pain welled up inside her at the though of Han with another woman, but she soon squashed them down.
"The Falcon," Han explained.
"Han," Leia said in a matter-a-fact voice, "Why would your ship lock the door?"
"Because I called her 'stupid'."
"You talk to your ship?" Leia asked slightly confused, "does it talk back?" She added mockingly.
"Yes, and she locked the door."
"Right," Leia said, "Well I've got to do some work. I'll see you later."
"Great," Han snapped at the Falcon, "why did you do that? She now thinks I'm mad!"
'I couldn't open the lock,' the ship defended herself.
"I'm sure you couldn't," Han said sarcastically sitting down, "I though you wanted us to-" he sought for words, "get together."
'I do.' The door slid open.
"You're jealous," Han concluded again after he slipped out the door, which closed loudly behind him. And he ran to try and catch up with Leia.
The Falcon sighed inwardly as Han left her, I am not jealous she told herself.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
6(ish) years later (on the Falcon)
"Well Sweetheart we're married at last," Han said smiling at his bride in his arms.
"Yep," Leia said smiling back and kissing him, "So where are we off to?"
"I've heard Tatooine's a good honeymoon spot," Han joked.
"Idiot," Leia said, but couldn't help laughing, "We'd better get going or they'll think something is wrong." She was referring to the small group of well wishers mixed in with the huge group of paparazzi.
Han kissed her passionately and then said, "You wait here and I'll set the ship off," with that he went to the cockpit.
Leia watched her new husband go and then, once he had gone out of sight, was covered in oil as a pipe slipped from the bracket holding it on the wall. Now highly annoyed Leia grabbed the pipe and forced it back into place.
In the cockpit Han had set the ship into hyperspace, he turned to find Leia, but saw her standing in the door way covered in engine oil.
"What the hell happened to you?" He asked getting up and helping get the thick, foul smelling oil off his wife.
"A pipe broke," Leia explained, "I fixed it though."
"The Falcon's just jealous," Han told her.
'No I'm NOT!' Appeared on one of the screens.
