HELLO.
"…Er…hi," said Harry to the apparently-talking piece of paper.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
"Um…I'm fine…um…how are you?"
OH, YEAH, I'M GREAT THANKS.
"Um…can I ask you something?"
SURE. GO AHEAD.
"Why the hell am I talking to a piece of paper?"
…THAT HURT.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean…"
THAT REALLY HURT. I MEAN, I KNOW I'M USELESS. WORTHLESS. I DON'T MEAN ANYTHING IN YOUR "PARCHMENT" WORLD, BUT REALLY, THAT IS JUST RUDE.
"I said I was…"
I DO HAVE FEELINGS YOU KNOW.
"I'm sorry."
SORRY? WELL, SORRY WON'T TAKE AWAY THE HURT! WHAAAAAAA!
"…I'm really sorry."
HMPH!
"…I love you?"
STUNNED SILENCE WHA?
"I love you."
WHAT, ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?
"Since when are you a male?"
SEE, THERE YOU GO AGAIN – ASSUMING WE PIECES OF PAPER ARE NOTHING!
"Sorry…"
THAT WE HAVE NO GENDER,
"I'm sorry, ok…"
THAT WE HAVE NO FEELINGS,
"Sor…"
NO HEART.
"…But…you don't have a heart, do you?"
WELL, TECHNICALLY…NO…
"Well there you go then."
Ron enters. "So what's going on then?"
"I was just explaining to this piece of paper that I couldn't have offended him because technically, he doesn't actually have a heart."
WELL, YES, BUT YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT ENTIRELY…
"No, no, I think we have the point here. You don't have a heart, so you can't take offence."
BUT…
"Yeah, so you can't be mad at me."
…I LOVE YOU.
"…Sod off."
