-Day One (30 days before The 57th Exterior Scouting Mission)-
-Interior, Basement, Scouting Regiment Headquarters-
I really don't know how to begin this, without getting out of my chest the endless pressure I've been given, not just by the Scouting Regiment, but in hindsight, by humanity in general. I just barely survived being executed by the cowards who saw me as a threat to them. Not that I blame them. The idea of a man who can transform into a Titan? I wouldn't expect anyone to be so openly optimistic about that. But they saw what I could do, what I have done, even more so, they should be able to see what I'm capable off. I'm not a threat to them; I hate the Titans as much as they do. Though, I still can't understand how or why I'm able to do this. But I can't focus on this matter now, only how to control it. My efforts and ability can help bring an end to the Titans once and for all, and no matter what it takes, I'll learn how to use this power and help bring mankind back from the brink of extinction... I hope.
Joining the Scouts was my dream since I was a kid. Now that I am one, I'm starting to see how they really are and how we function around here. This castle is huge, and has a lot of space, but to me it feels like just another prison to hold a monster. And the monster is me, and it appears that everyone here sees me as such, all except for two in particular. One of them is incredibly enough Commander Erwin and the other is Captain Levi, who's surprisingly really short despite how strong he is out in the battlefield. They seem to be the only ones who genuinely trust me, but everyone else looks at me with doubt in their eyes, and fear in their hearts. To my surprise, they want me to believe that I can trust them, but the way they talk to me, there's a sense of sheltered hostility that they seem to be bottling up, under orders, not under personal reasons. If it were up to them, who knows how they'd talk to me and treat me. Along with Commander Erwin and Captain Levi, there are 6 others including myself: Eld Jin, Günther Shultz, Oruo Bozad, Commander Zöe Hanji, and Petra Ral. Under their orders, I've been forced to live under the castle cellar, as a precaution in the event of me transforming into a Titan, like that would help. All it would do is cause a great deal of the castle to collapse, and possibly crush nearly every bone in my body. The pain would be excruciating, no doubt about it, but they wouldn't care. As long as I cause harm to nobody, and follow orders, they can give a rat's ass what happens to me. For all I know, they'll probably dispose of me when and if this is all over. A martyr for humanity as the MP brigade stated, not that the Survey Corps would allow it, but what do I know?
Only time will tell what my place in the scouts will bring to the table aside from just being a sentient instrument of war. For now all I can do is follow command, while the rest of them cower in fear of the Eren they see, but not the Eren they know. How am I gonna earn their trust if they can't see me for who I really am? They don't even seem to care all that much, at least not that I can see. They barely even talk to me, except to give out orders. I've only been here for one day, and all I've managed to do was help clean the rooms in the castle and scrape up manure from the Horse Cottage. To put it bluntly, it's a shitty job, no pun intended. Hardly any time was given for me to talk to any of them personally, not that they'd probably want to. That is except for one: Petra. Curiously out of all the members of Captain Levi's handpicked personnel, she was the only one who even thought of talking to me, despite knowing what I am. Our conversation really didn't last long as I was interrupted by Captain Levi and forced back upstairs to clean. She made me realize that my thoughts on Captain Levi were simply over-exaggerated, as he actually worked under somebody else's command rather than his own like I thought. What surprised me though was how she spoke. It wasn't serious, or hostile like any of the others, but rather calming, gentle, and soft. It was like the voice of an angel, and she spoke to me like if I were a human being, and not a monster. She is so far, the only one who treated me with any sense of sincerity, and kindness, if maybe just by words, but despite her gentle voice telling me that it's not as bad as it sounds living here, I can only imagine the hell that these people will be putting me through in the name of science and humanity. To say that I'm nervous is an understatement, to say that I'm scared is a lie, but if I'm going to be used for the good of mankind, I really hope that my efforts are well used and not wasted. I'd hate to be the downfall of humanity after supposedly becoming "Humanity's last hope". Only time will tell where my place will be, and in 30 days, we depart outside of Wall Rose and straight deep into the depths of Wall Maria, on-route to what remains of my home back in Shiganshina District. Only then, will we discover what my father was hiding behind that basement of his that he never told me about. But that said, if the secrets to destroying the Titans remain hidden below that basement, why the hell hasn't he shared that information with the world? What is that bastard hiding down there? Again... Only time will tell.
