Chapter One
Valkyrie ran. She ran like Satan himself was on her tail. Perhaps he was. She had no idea what she was running from, but she was pretty sure it was big and black and bad.
The girl behind her wanted to stop. She wanted to fight. But Valkyrie had been very firm. If you stop running, the monster won't be the only thing you need to worry about, you little creep. Well, by firm, she meant cruel.
"How're you holding up, Alice?" Valkyrie yelled back.
"My feet hurt, my lungs hurt and my nose hurts. I think I'm going to die." She replied and Valkyrie smiled.
"So long as you're surviving. Left!" They veered left and the monster behind them roared.
"Where is he?" Alice asked, just as a skeleton in a black suit swept her off her feet and pushed her around onto his back.
"You alright, little one?" Skulduggery Pleasant asked her fondly.
"Nope, I am definitely one-hundred percent not alright." Alice murmured, scowling.
"You know you look exactly like your sister when you frown like that?" He laughed. She just scowled even more.
"Right, after three, we're going to turn around and blast this thing's brains out. One… two… THREE!"
Skulduggery with Alice on his back and Valkyrie with a gauntlet on her hand turned around to face the thing coming at them. It was probably the size of a small car and had a face like a porcupine. If you can imagine it. It was jet black and had weird little T-rex-hands.
Valkyrie blasted it with some white lightning at the same time as Skulduggery threw some fire. It made it stop in its tracks, which were big because, my God, its feet were massive.
"Skulduggery, look at its feet. How does it even walk? It's like one of those clowns." Alice whispered in his… where his ear should have been.
"Alison, dear, I appreciate the effort you put into that metaphor, but I'm slightly preoccupied right now… you know… saving your life!"
"Right, I get it. Sorry."
By this point, Valkyrie had the thing on the ground and was kicking it repeatedly in the head.
"Should we arrest it? I feel like we should arrest it. Skulduggery, can I arrest it?" Valkyrie said.
"Well… I have absolutely no idea what it is or where it came from and it's way too big to fit in the Bentley. Maybe we should just let it off with a serious warning." Skulduggery bent down over the creature. "I tell you what, I'll tie it to that tree and then I'll call the Sanctuary and get them to come and pick it up for… I don't know, whatever they do to insentient beings. If it is one. I honestly have no idea."
The tied it to the tree then walked back to the Bentley.
"I'm in the front!" Alice yelled, but Valkyrie was too quick and was in the car and had her seatbelt on before her sister even reached it. "Idiot."
"Well, what can I say? I'm just better at sitting in the front than you. I have more style." Valkyrie smirked, reaching behind her and patting Alice's leg.
"And more of an ego. Seatbelt, Alison." Skulduggery said, straightening his hat in the wing-mirror and starting the engine.
"I told you, everyone else calls me Alice. Why do you have to be the only annoying one?"
"That's my job. Pizza?"
"I can't, I'm meeting Dexter." Valkyrie said and both Skulduggery and Alice groaned. "What?"
"Valkyrie, I personally don't know what he is doing. I mean, he is almost four-hundred years older than you and was gay for two hundred of those years." Skulduggery frowned.
"Skulduggery, he isn't gay, he is bi. There is a difference. Now, can you drop me off at the Sanctuary?"
"I suppose. Alison, do you want me to drop you home first, or are you coming with me?"
"I'll come with you. I prefer your house. It's just all living rooms." Alice grinned, thinking about the lack of boring stuff like bathrooms and the amount of comfy couches that are just asking to be collapsed on.
Once Skulduggery had dropped her at the Sanctuary, Valkyrie took the lift to Dexter Vex's office. He hadn't wanted an office job, but due to his injuries, he couldn't go 'out where people move' anymore, as he puts it.
She knocked. There was no answer. She went in anyway. Vex's office smelled nice. It was like rosemary and fresh paint.
She sat in his chair at his desk and fiddled with his computer for about three seconds before Dexter came storming into his office looking extremely pissed off.
His face lit up when he saw her. "Valkyrie, how nice of you to drop by. I was just about to call you."
"Dexter, you literally called me about two hours ago telling me to meet you here at eight. It is eight in five, four, three, two, one… now!" She grins, counting down with the Mario clock on the wall.
"Oh. Did I? I totally forgot. I was just in a meeting with China and she's thinking about appointing me as an Elder and it ended in me screaming at her and her sending me away to 'let off some steam'. She said that she could have me beheaded if I talked to her like that again. I mean, I don't even know why she's Grand Mage. She's totally untrustworthy and is pretty crap at politics. I mean, the only thing she cares about is her and her books. I don't understand why she can't just resign and let someone who would be good at it to have the job."
"What? Like you?" Valkyrie got up out of her chair and went to stand in front of him.
"Ha ha, hilarious. I would rather be beheaded than take that job."
"Exactly. It's like that book that came out… I can't remember what it's called but anyway, the people in it only let people who don't want power to have power so that there is no corruption. I don't think it works in the end, but it's a nice thought."
Dexter put his arm round Valkyrie's waist. "I don't think that would work."
"Why not?"
"Because it would just be an endless cycle of people resigning."
"Oh. Well. I never thought of that. Do you want to get food?"
"Um… yeah I do. We have the choice of bad Sanctuary food or bad pub food. Your choice."
"Hmm, I think I'll go for the pub food. At least it isn't served by those creeps down there."
"Hey, the cooks are not creeps, they just like… people. Anyway, I haven't checked on Scapegrace in a while."
