Disclaimer: I do not own General Hospital or any of the characters associated with it.
The following story takes place a little bit after Claudia finds out she's pregnant.
Now, what is "crack fiction" (a.k.a. crackfic) exactly? Pretty much, it's a story that you look at and think, "Holy cow, this is makes no sense, but it's freaking hilarious! This girl must be on crack!" (Figuratively, of course; I would never do drugs). Nothing is off limits, there are no boundaries for relationship possibilities, and the characters can get pretty out of character. So sit back, open up your mind and a bag of snacks, and enjoy the insanity that is…
General Crack Fiction
Tale #1: Sonny Adopts a Cat
When Claudia walked into the house, eating a most delicious donut, she saw Sonny seated on the sofa with a cardboard carrier on his lap. The container in question had several holes along the side and a light scratching noise was coming from within, causing the new Mrs. Corinthos to tense up. Something was definitely alive in there, and she wasn't sure she wanted to find out what it was.
"Hey, Claudia!" greeted Sonny in an unusually cheery voice. "You're just in time to meet the newest addition to the family." And with that, he opened the cardboard box and gingerly lifted out the most adorable little kitten on this side of Port Charles. Its turtleshell patterned coat had splotches of black, orange, yellow, and white, and its eyes were a dazzling green. The tiny creature let out a timid "mew" and frantically latched on to Sonny's shirt for support. "I found this little missy on the docks nearby, and she had a collar on (he indicated the little red collar with a bell), so I took her to the shelter to see if anyone recognized her. Turns out the owner moved to Dallas last week. The vet over there went ahead and did a checkup, gave her the shots she needed, and asked if I wanted to take her home with me."
Claudia had not expected this at all. Sonny knew perfectly well that his child (at least Claudia hoped) was on its way, and having a cat in the house would only make things doubly stressful. More importantly, she had the ominous feeling that this would somehow foil her plan to get rid of Jason (it was a little something Johnny called her "Claudie-senses").
"So, what do you think I should name her?" asked Sonny, causing Claudia to snap out of her reverie. "The last owner just called her 'Kitty', but this little thing needs something more original." Both he and the cat gave her the same expectant look as they waited for an answer. Before she could take it back, Claudia said the first thing that came to her mind.
"Waffle."
"Waffle?"
"Yeah, because if I see that little fuzzball making any trouble, I'll eat it for breakfast."
Sonny raised his eyebrows in bewilderment. The kitty would have probably done the same if it had eyebrows and understood English. "Claudia…that's got to be the most…creative name I've ever heard!" Sonny held the cat up and started cooing at it as though it were a human baby. "Hello, wittle Waffle!"
Claudia rolled her eyes and left the room.
About three days later, Jason came over to consult his boss about a drug incident that somehow involved a bag of corn, three paintbrushes, and fishnet stockings. Sonny invited him into the living/conspiring room and walked over to the liquor cabinet to serve up some drinks. Jason made himself at home and sat on the end of the sofa covered with a warm, fuzzy blanket (his ass was freezing).
Sonny came back with a mango-tini for himself and a White Russian for Jason. When he saw where his associate had settled himself, Sonny did a triple take.
"Don't. Sit. On. Waffle's. Bed."
Jason's usual look of confusion got more confusified. "Waffle? Who the hell is Waffle?"
"She's a kitty I found a few days ago, and you are sitting on her sleeping space!"
"Alright, alright, fine! Geez, it's just a cat!" Jason threw his hands up in surrender and stood up.
"That's not just any cat, Jason," interjected Sonny sternly. "You're talking about Waffle N. Syrup Corinthos. She's a member of the family!" He huffily sat down at his desk, and Jason plopped down on an armchair across the room. Fifty-seven intense seconds of silence ensued in which the two mobsters avoided eye contact and just stared at the large rug that separated them. Finally, Sonny let out a sigh and glanced at Jason, who seemed slightly hurt by the argument. He then grinned a little and said in a playful voice, "I love you, Jason."
"I love you too, Sonny," replied Jason in the same manner, lifting his eyes and smiling at his best friend.
"But seriously, Waffle loves that spot. She'll shred you up if you sit there. I'm only guarding your best interests here."
"Hey, forget about it," insisted Jason, "just as long as we can put this behind us and still be friends, Waffle can sleep wherever the hell she wants."
"Believe me; I wouldn't trade you for all the Waffles in the world." Sonny held out his arms invitingly. "Man hug?"
Jason couldn't help grinning as he walked over to Sonny and gave him a very, ahem, manly hug. Just as they embraced in a totally masculine way, Claudia walked in with another donut in her mouth and, upon seeing this, turned right back around.
