Note: As you read this, I want you to feel as though your heart was ripped from your chest and thrown into a wood chipper as you tried to piece it back together with Elmers glue.
Murasaki hated it. He was both annoyed, irritated, and damned the cursed likeness of his image. Sometimes he blamed his father, sometimes he blamed God, most times he blamed no one. He simply blamed life. He stood in front of his bedroom mirror, looking at himself disgustingly. He hated everything that cursed reflection showed. From the tips of his ears to the very fiber of his being. Why couldn't he been born in a different body? One that didn't bump and try to cling itself to everything? It annoyed him. He rubbed a finger over his hip. Tracing over the marking that held a darker shade of complexion like the rest of the scars. He squeezed tightly, pinching at his skin until he gritted his teeth in pain.
If he could, he would've torn it off. Those stretch marks were an ever constant reminder of how puberty was nothing but cruel to him. Growth sprouts that came and hit him in an instant without remorse. Taking away the favorite clothes his mother had bought him only for him to basically tear them apart in a desperate attempt to fit them again. He clenched his fist. Glaring at the other Atsushi that was present behind that glass. "I want to crush you."
He didn't see the point though and grabbed his clothes that he planned on wearing today. A grey fitting long sleeved shirt with a basic pair of jeans. Never one to care for fashions and trends. He was glad that today was New Years Eve. It gave him an excuse to close down the bakery for a day. Cooking was one of the few things he enjoyed and cherished. Many of the recipes he obtained from his mother he used. She was a great cook. Of course, reflecting back on it, she had to be. She had five mouths to feed. He grabbed a bag of snacks and headed out the door. Sometimes, However, he wondered if perhaps, his siblings felt the way he felt.
"Brother, do you hate being big?"
The tall lanky teen shrugged his shoulders and brushed from his face the long purple, unkempt hair. He looked almost bored with his question. "Ne, not really. I don't have a problem with it. It would help if everything in Japan wasn't so small though."
"Brother, do you like being big?"
His brother was picking things up off the floor that he shared with his twin. He scratched the back of his head and glanced to the side confusingly, still engrossed in his chores. His purple hair cut short. "No, it helps in sports. It's annoying but hey, I can't help it. Why you worried 'bout it? Being short isn't fun either."
"Sister-chin~"
"Yes, Atsushi? Come here, you can sit next to me." she patted the spot next to her on her bed. Her younger brother climbed up and scooted next to her. She was engrossed in a book she had to read for class. She was practically identical to Atsushi in both appearances and even a few ethics. The second youngest in the family and the only girl."Sister-chin, do you hate being big?"
She paused and stared at her little brother with sad eyes.
Yes, Murasaki remembers. His brothers didn't care but his sister knew how he felt. It had to be even more difficult for her. She was a girl and still towered over even professional basketball players of the NBA. At 7'1 and nearly two hundred pounds of buffed out muscles, she wasn't the ideal epitome of beauty. The girls didn't like her and the guys felt intimidated by her throughout school. The multiple pictures of thin women scattered all about Japan didn't help relive her of her self image. She would eat and drink like no tomorrow only to forcefully throw it up moments later. Feeling fat.
She was an athletic person who loved sports and running around, so her being muscular was a given. He would never understand how someone could have so much energy but she was one. He felt sorry for her but at least she got over it. She made a group of friends on the girls basketball team and met people who loved her for her. She was the only one out of his siblings that he regularly talked too.
Murasaki didn't get over it though. He didn't know how. People berated him for acting childish, wondered how a lazy person like him was given basketball scholarships to well known schools, how he managed to ace to the top ten at number one in his culinary school. People did not view him in good self esteem. They viewed him as childish. Though, people had a habit of speaking with out knowing the whole truth.
"Atsushi, aren't you going trick-or-treating?"
"No, I don't wanna!"
"Come now Atsushi, your never going to make any friends if you don't go out and interact. Here! I even bought you a costume!" The lavender haired woman threw the bear kigurumi over the boy and fitted him into it. "It's a perfect fit! Here's your basket. There's a group of kids across the street. Go join them okay~?" she gave him a gentle push out of the house and closed the door behind him.
"Aren't you a bit big to be trick-or-treating?"
"Yeah! Are you a sixth grader?" a girl asked with a witch costume.
"Even now their annoying." "I'm only in third grade." he responded.
"EH?!" the kids eyes grew wide in shock. "No way! Your huge!"
"Yeah! So big!"
Yes, those comments were nothing new. They were repeated since his being. He wanted to crush every single one of them with his bare hands till their nothing but a pile of jumbled meaningless crap that weren't constantly spam to his ears.
"Atsushi, aren't you going to eat anymore?"
His plate was barely touched. Vegetables and meat were spread all over the dinner plate to appear as though he ate something. Or much of anything. "No, I'm full."
"Atsushi, you barely touched your plate."
"I'm fine. Thank you."
"Are you sick?"
"No."
"Do you not like mommy's cooking?" she couldn't help but be worried.
He couldn't tell her the truth."No, I just don't want to get any bigger than this." It took all the willpower he had to hold back the salty and bitter tasting tears forming on the corners of his eyes.
School was suppose to be a place where he could escape. A place where he sat in the back of the class and could avoid the curious but annoying eyes of the population of his class. If his class was heaven, then recess was hell.
Most, were too intimidated by his size to mess with him. But there was always those who just wanted to prove themselves. Those who deserved to be crushed. Atsushi fell to the ground after something hard hit him in the head. A rock.
"Well, if it isn't the monster."
He hated that voice. The same little boy who wouldn't shut up. Him and his group of cronies. He turned around and glared at him. Keeping his head hidden behind his long purple hair. A few drops of blood making its way down his face.
"What didja do? Stay back?"
Silence.
"Hey! Can't ya speak?"
Silence.
"You think that just because your big you can walk around all tough?" despite him being two years older than Atsushi, Atsushi still towered over him. But he was tall and scrawny. Not weighing much due to his lack of eating. "Whats that?" he glanced down to the small bag he held in his hands that were filled to the brim with snacks. He snatched it away quickly and shoved the taller boy onto the ground earning Atsushi's attention.
"Hey!"
"Mind if I have some?" he grinned. He rummaged through the bag. Throwing away the candy he didn't like.
"That's not yours!"
"Oh? What are you gonna do about it?"
He had enough. He shoved the boy back and managed to do so with a force.
"Why you-!" a group surrounded them as they fought back and forth. The older boy getting ready to punch Atsushi who was pinned down beneath him. Too weak to fight back due to his poor diet. Didn't help that he skipped out on lunch. Not wanting to get any bigger, feeding exclusively on snacks to quill his hunger.
"You two! That's enough!"
The assistant principal came running out and pulled the two boys apart by the collar of their shirts. Atsushi had a bloody nose while the older boy had a bruise on his upper lip.
"I'm calling both of your parents!"
"But he started it first!" Atsushi protested.
"I don't care who started it! You both shouldn't be fighting! Especially you Atsushi! Your way older than he is! Not to mention bigger!"
The assistant principal didn't know him well as he typically avoided conflict but Atsushi couldn't help be stunned once again at those all too familiar words. Those annoyingly, painful words of the ever present reality that he was an abnormally tall person in a world of shorties. But he had a solution to ease the pain. Ignore them. Crush those in your way and stop to not care. It was better to not care. That was how people got hurt. They care too much. If you don't care, you won't get hurt. That was his logic and it was beautiful.
By the time high school had come around, Atsushi was where he was now. He towered among the other kids but was also big. He had developed an obsession with snacks, seeing it as his way of comfort and relief from the staring eyes of those who thought he was some circus freak. Unaware of his strengthening depression. He remembers, one day he was just minding his own business and than-
"Hey, your tall. Want to play basketball?"
Yes, that was the time he met Himuro. It was annoying how he just approached him standing in the corner by himself. Why was he bothering him? It irritated him but he strangely did not have the heart to tell him off.
"I don't like basketball."
Despite those words, he ended up joining anyway. Becoming Yosen's top player and best defense. Himuro was annoying still though. He always asked where he was. How he was doing. Even coming to his house one day to see if he was alright since he didn't come to school one day. Who the hell gave him his address he didn't know but god forbid shall he find out. But Himuro always bought him treats. That's why he liked Muro-chin. That's the only reason. He was practically glued to his side and the team didn't approve of it. Atsushi found them annoying too. They viewed Himuro's kindness as spoiling him and simply indulging in his childish behavior when he should be helping to break him out of it.
Atsushi had enough of adults nagging him, he didn't need people who were in high school doing the same. If Muro-chin wanted to buy him snacks he could. It wasn't their place to say anything. Now, it was just them. Him and Muro-chin. His friends has long moved on. Akashi is a professional businessman, Midorima is a renown doctor, Aomine is a respected officer, Kuroko is doing well with running a kindergarten and daycare, Kise is a pilot, and Kagami is a respected and honored fireman. Even now they still keep in contact but with little time do so.
Himuro on the other hand had ended up moving to Akita. The same place as Atsushi who opened up a bakery near his home. Atsushi had tried hard to avoid running into him, but it wasn't hard to spot and catch a purple haired giant walking around. As soon as Himuro had noticed him, the motherly side of him held no bounds. He hadn't changed. No, not at all. Annoyingly so in Atsushi's eyes.
Atsushi stopped to look at his phone. No messages from the black haired teen. It was odd. He usually was spammed with messages from the mother figure. He closed it and placed it back into his pants pocket. The city was decorated with New Years ornaments and sentiments. Some of the streets were being cleared for New Years festivities. He glanced down from the corner of his eye. People were staring at him as he waited to cross the street. Once again repeating those same words that he has grown all to familiar on.
The light turned green and he made his way. The people immediately made a clearing for him to walk through. It was typical. The way they distanced themselves from him. Japan was normally crowded but not when he was around. The extra space was welcomed but he felt something clench at his heart.
The door bell rang. "I'm here Muro-chin."
"Ah, Atsushi. Come, sit." Atsushi sat across from him as he adjusted to the seat. It was just big enough to accommodate his size. He immediately dug into his bag of sweets. Himuro let out a chuckle. "I see you haven't changed Atsushi." Atsushi couldn't help but notice the way he was dressed, he was wearing a black sweater that hung over his shoulder. Showing what anyone clueless might mistake for a bra strap. His fine skin peeping through. It looked feminine but elegant and graceful like he was known for. Atsushi noticed that side of him. He was grace both on and off the court.
His features were perfect. No stretch marks were present on his skin. His smiles were annoyingly bright and those eyes. The way they stared at him gently...
"Atsushi? Is there something wrong?"
"No."
"You seem disturbed."
"I'm fine Muro-chin."
"If you say so."
Atsushi was never one to speak about his issues but not wanting to make the giant mad he avoided the issue any further. "Aren't you off Muro-chin? Why are you here?"
"They wanted me in to attend with helping out the flowers. I'm done now but I'm off for sure."
"So why don't you just go back home?"
Himuro couldn't help but smile. "I like the peaceful afternoons and being surrounded by the flowers. Its not everyday I get to enjoy the very flowers I help sell."
"Muro-chin is weird."
Himuro chuckled. "Is that so?"
Perhaps he was. That was okay. He would be just as weird along with Atsushi. The big teddy bear he cares about too much to simply leave be. At least he wouldn't be alone.
"Muro-chin."
"Hm~?"
"What do you like about me?"
Himuro blinked. It never occurred to him that Atsushi would be the type to ask such a question. He was a boy, no, a man capable of many things. They were just blind to all the ignorant people. He laced his fingers with Atsushi's and looked down at them gently. What could he say?
"Well, I like Atsushi because he's Atsushi. He doesn't compare himself with others and is kind. Though you may deny it, I like it when you worry about me. When I'm gone or don't respond to your messages, you are the one who won't stop calling. Your gentle, you have a beautiful face and body and-" He felt something wet hit his hands. "Atsushi?"
"Shut up Muro-chin."
"Atsushi, are you-?"
"There's nothing attractive about me."
"That's not true."
He choked on his words. He didn't understand how anyone could like someone like him. Or perhaps care for him the way Himuro did outside of family. To still be with him even after college days were long gone. He had ugly stretch marks across his skin and he was too big. Clashing with every little object. By the time puberty was done with him, he was already 6'4 and even bigger in size. Himuro looked even smaller than before. How could some one like Himuro be so endearing to him? Himuro who was kind and beautiful. Graceful and attracted the attention of multiple fan girls. He would have been better off with one of them than himself.
Himuro reached under his chin and lifted it up with a finger to face him. "Atsushi." he smiled. "I love you."
"What do you mean by that?" Himuro nuzzled his face against his. "I mean that I love you. I want to be by your side."
"Mmm~ okay, but only if Muro-chin promises to be mine and mine only."
"Is that a marriage proposal?" he chuckled.
"Yes. So, Muro-chin, you belong to me and only me from now on."
Murasaki reached down into his bag and dug out a piece of cloth.
"Huh?" Himuro touched the cloth that was placed on his head. It was clear and thin. The edges decorated with a simple lace. It draped lovingly over his shoulders. The veil made Himuro looked even more beautiful than before and Murasaki cloud only press his head against Himuro's as he tried to ignore the blush on his face.
"Muro-chin is mine."
Himuro couldn't help but smile.
"I see."
The moans he elicited from his lover beneath him was pleasant to his ears. The way Himuro blushed and flushed all over his body. It was lovely. Himuro threw his head back and closed his eyes. "Muro-chin does it hurt? I can stop."
"N-no. You can move now." he stated in small gasps. It was painful but he didn't want to stop. He wanted to belong only to Atsushi. For him to claim him as his own. Atsushi grabbed his lovers hands, intertwined his fingers and pinned him down as he begun to move slowly in and out of him. Himuro closed his eyes and flinched from the pain. After awhile however, it begun to be replaced with pleasure. Atsushi was relived that the pain was slowly beginning to go away from his lovers face. It made him too self-conscious of his own size.
"F-faster. Please." Himuro gasped as Atsushi did exactly what he asked. Thrusting into his lover and grinding his hips against his own. Gritting his teeth when he felt Himuro tightly squeeze around him. Himuro doing his best to feel everything. He wanted not a single amount of fluid to escape that may belong him. "At-Atsushi!" he moaned. Atsushi couldn't help but fall for the beauty that was beneath him. He gripped onto the sheets of the futon and pressed his sweaty forehead against Himuro's. And gave him a sloppy kiss to the lips. Hit bit down on Himuro's lower lip, rubbing his tongue against those smooth lips.
He loved everything about him. He started to get annoyed when Himuro didn't catch the hint of granting him entrance. He pulled further out and slammed into him roughly causing him to gasp in both pain and pleasure. Atsushi immediately put his tongue in roughly. Lapping up any saliva in his mouth.
"Muro-chin taste sweet~."
Himuro wrapped his legs around Atsushi's hips and arms around his neck. "Tatsuya."
His eyes widened at the call of his first name. He looked into Atushi's lavender eyes and could see them filled with both lust, love and passion. The way he looked at him was one of dominance and control. People had regularly wrote him off as a childish giant who was too ignorant and arrogant to know anything. No, Atsushi wasn't stupid. He wanted people to believe that so they would leave him alone. If he knew any better, it was that Atsushi knew how to be a man and the way his colored hair hung low and tickled his face combined with the sultry eyes proved it.
Atsushi looked down at the necklace that was on his neck and touched the ring between his fingers. Even after these years, Himuro still kept the damn thing. Annoying to the point that it was here staring him in the face as he was making love. The black haired teen caught on to what was frustrating him and couldn't help but smile. Immediately catching the attention of the lavender haired teen above him. Unsurprisingly, Atsushi was annoyed.
"What's so funny?"
Himuro chuckled. "You. Getting angry over a necklace."
"Its a ring...from crazy eyebrows."
"That may be so, but it's not his any longer."
"Hm~? Does that mean that Tatsuya doesn't like bakagami anymore~?"
"No, it means that it's yours. It proves that I'm taken." he nuzzled his nose against Atsushi's earning a small blush. "Muro-chin is cute~"
"So."
"Hm~?"
"Are you going to finish what you-Ah!"
Himuro let out a loud moan as Atsushi slammed inside him completely. Thrusting constantly. They both came a short time later with Himuro shuddering and tightening his body around his lover. Feeling the warmth of the man hovering above him pouring into him a wave of whiteness. There will surely be stains in the morning. Atsushi laid on top of his lover. Eyes tightly closed as his chest heaved up and down in a rhythmic motion. Taking in the scent of his lover as his head lied in the crook of his neck. He was still inside of him, however, when he tried to pull out Himuro tightened around him. He moaned when he did.
Himuro knew Atsushi was at his limit but he still wanted to feel his warmth. Not wanting him to go anywhere. Yes, he was being selfish but if it meant that he could, just perhaps, stay with him little longer than it was worth it.
"Tatsuya~, breakfast is ready."
Himuro groaned as the giant teddy bear gently shook him by the shoulder as he laid on his side. His clothes sprawled across the floor. His hair was a mess and he smelled like Atsushi. The ring he had around his neck had long been placed on his finger and he felt...sticky to say the least. Some semen still dripping down his legs as he moved. Atsushi secretly loved the sight of his fluids dripping down from Himuro's opening. He sat up groggy and rubbed his eyes. He doesn't remember putting on a shirt and closer inspection showed that it wasn't his. It reached down to his knees and was baggy. Atsushi must have put it on him.
He wrapped his arms around the tall teen who was bended down next to him and nuzzled his nose. "Muro-chin~, come and eat~" he whined.
"Fine, fine, I'm coming." As Himuro got up and headed for the kitchen he couldn't help but notice the blood stain that was on the futon.
If anything he had to be given credit, it was that Atsushi was a great cook. A western styled breakfast was the luck of today with pancakes. Of course he couldn't help but feel that this was just an excuse for Atsushi to use a whole bottle of sugary syrup on his food. "Atsushi, aren't you going to eat anything?"
"..."
"Atsushi?"
"Are you okay Muro-chin?
"Um, yes. Why you ask?"
"There was blood on the sheets..."
"No, you weren't too rough if that's what your asking. It was just-" he sighed. "Nevermind."
"It was just what? Tell me Muro-chin~."
"It was my first time that's all."
"Eh?" he couldn't contain his grin. "So Muro-chin never had sex before?"
He stuffed his face with pancakes and blushed."N-no."
"So I was your first?" he reached a hand over the table and cupped Himuro's cheek teasingly.
"Atsushi..."
Atsushi couldn't help but smile. That beautiful face. It was his and he was more than happy to claim it.
Atsushi wouldn't have mind showers if they weren't so small. The tight space made him feel bigger than before and it allowed no room to get comfortable. He would have skipped out today if it wasn't for Himuro threatening to take away his snacks if he didn't get in the damn shower. Seeing Himuro in the shower with him made the situation a little more bearable. He was stunning. He couldn't get over how Himuro could love him back. He was beautiful and the definition of grace. At the same time though, present in his situation, it took all the will power he had to not pin the very person he loved up against the wall and claim him again.
"Ahhh, everybody's out today."
"It's annoying."
"Is that so? I find it quite pleasant. If you wanted too you could have stayed home."
"Ne, I wanted to be with Muro-chin~"
He chuckled. "Of course you did. It's New Years day, of course every one is out."
"Muro-chin only likes the scenery and loud noises."
"That's true but not quite."
"Hm~?"
Himuro laced his fingers tightly in a hold with Atsushi's and leaned his head against his arm.
"I also like being with you. It's not everyday we can be together like this."
A blush spread over his face. "Muro-chin is stupid."
Himuro simply smiled. People stared at them as they walked around the city. Some gawked at how cute they were while most looked at them oddly and even made disgusting remarks. Atsushi didn't even bother giving them his usual glare. He was too content with the fact that Himuro was by his side. They had to go home early due to Himuro feeling sick. His lover blamed it on all the sweets that he let Atsushi feed him. He wasn't feeling bad per se but when he saw Himuro nearly fall over he practically had a heart attack and carried him home.
They laid on the newly freshened futon (courtesy of Himuro who was a bit of a clean freak) with. Himuro dressed in one of his husbands tee's. The fireworks were to be starting soon and from this high in their apartment and lying directly next to wide windows, they had an excellent view of the display. Himuro cuddled up deeper into his lovers embrace. Enjoying the comfort of his large body. Yes, Atushi remembers. He remembers how he was too the same. He enjoyed his elder sisters large body while she despised it. He enjoyed cuddling up against her when he was too afraid of the dark during thunderstorms. Her large body protectively surrounding him. Himuro fit perfectly inside those long limbs. A nest of love but made from flesh.
"Ne, Muro-chin, are you okay~?"
"Yes. A little pain here and there but nothing bad. I didn't expect to feel sick all of sudden that's all."
Yes, he hated how the stretch marks reminded him of puberty being a cruel fate. Yes, he remembers how his childhood was taken with only the obvious comfort being of his family. Yes, he knows how it is to be bullied. But perhaps it wasn't the end. He doesn't understand yet how Himuro loves him the way he does. He comforts him the pass days of New Years as he has been feeling sick in the mornings. No, he doesn't understand but as each night is spent with Himuro wrapped up in arms he feels an arrow piercing his heart. As he brushed back that beautiful, short black silky hair from his lovers sleeping face resting up against his chest he could not help but wonder.
Why a beautiful figure and elegant beauty like him refused to pursue another of the same kind. It wasn't like the story. He didn't hold him hostage and threaten him. No, he came on his own free will, offering himself to be a part of him both physically and emotionally. Atsushi was certain that he was the beast to Himuro's beauty. But perhaps, just perhaps, like the story, he too will find what made him so beautiful in Himuro's eyes.
A/N: Thank you for reading this. I hope it was both entertaining and heart touching. I love dissecting characters in media and developing headcanons. This story takes place years after their graduation. Himuro and Atsushi are in their mid twenties. For those who don't understand, Atsushi suffered from an eating disorder, clinical depression and bullying. Murasaki is so big in the anime is often referred to as a monster and has this depressed atitude as though he never wanted to be this big anyway. Since he's large I'm guessing his family is too. This hit close to home as I had depression and bullying myself. Please do review and tell me your thoughts and opinions. I love to have discussions. Arigato~!
