Just to make this clear - I don't like DA2, I mildly enjoy it at best, and only at times. As I was dropping sarcastic remarks on the DA Wiki forums, a couple of people prompted me into making it Hawke's diary. I found the idea quite appealing, since making fun of DA2 is the best part of playing, IMHO (almost as good as reading Rhia474's stories of Hawke and Fenris, which are way better than the game itself.) Hopefully, enjoy.


LIV

Carver has a sweetheart! Or maybe, had a sweetheart, since he doesn't seem to be inclined to answer that letter she sent. What a pity it landed on my desk. Brother dear pretended he wasn't interested and didn't even want to read it, so I just shrugged and hinted that it contained some juicy details. I believe this moved our sibling rivalry to totally new levels.

Speaking of sibling rivalry, I still have to wonder why and how it all started, since I'm not aware of any fault on my part – I mean, entering a barn in a most inconvenient moment doesn't count, does it? – Though, with Carver, one never knows. I'm pretty sure that were there a war to start around here, he'd certainly blame it on me.

CMLXXV

I can't even believe it! A couple of remarks here and there, and I ended up inviting Anders for the night! Good that he turned up soon, I'd have hated to leave the door open much longer, with all those weird people roaming the streets. I sometimes wonder how and where they spend their days – given the numbers I'd killed off, whole neighbourhoods must be devoid of residents.

– Anyway, Anders. Quite alright, though a bit static, so I suppose I'll keep him at home; he has those looks of a strayed kitten. However, we'll have to Talk Seriously. Soon. I must make sure that the message gets through: No More Boots On My Satin Sheets.

DCXXI

I paid a visit to the Gallows today and Fenris expressed his fear that I might be recognized as an apostate. It was so darling of him! I assured him everything would be OK, and even told him about my little trick: it's my specific running style. The way I sway my hips while running leisurely makes everyone stare enraptured, Templars included. They never notice that the said hips are encased in my stylish mage robes, not to mention that nicely polished skull that decorates the top of my staff (after all, it's placed in a safe distance from the hips so as not distract). Quite a couple of people have already asked how I do it, since they do not seem able to grasp the knack of running and swaying at the same time, but I'll never tell my secret to anyone (and I'll never tell them that I occasionally dislocate my hip because of that, either).

MCCCIII

What was that Fenris thinking? That oaf virtually pushed me into duelling the Arishok! Apparently, a mage of my slender stature is considered an appropriate opponent for a guy almost twice as tall and five times as muscular. Casting requires some time and distance, you know? Not that I've never been chased by a male with horny looks before, but certainly not before an audience. And none of the guys had such formidable impaling equipment, either.

Oh, now I've seen through it: you did it out of jealousy because I dumped you. – Alright, you dumped me, but I would have, anyway, since you refused to show me your tattoos. You conceited hypocrite! You show off in front of other women what you can do with their hearts, and you play shy against my wall. Tss. Anders at least knows what bed is for.

CCCXIV

The homecoming being disgustingly rich didn't quite turn out the way I expected. Apparently, my absence affected Carver's mental state even more than my presence: the fool decided to join the Templars! I didn't fail to point out that an apostate sister might be a sort of a hindrance for this kind of career, but he took it as an offence. 'Don't I think him able to shut up in family matters?' – Well, I don't. What could he possibly answer to "And tell me, Sir Carver: in those more than eighteen years together, you never noticed that your sister was an apostate?" and not look a complete idiot?

Besides, Mother took it really badly: as if he died or was gone for good, and not just moved a couple of blocks away where she can visit him almost daily.