"Two riders were approaching
And the wind began to howl"
All Along the Watchtower-Bob Dylan
This wasn't what she expected. Nor was it what she signed up for. She wanted to be an actress, she wanted to make people laugh. The WWE job was originally just for a green card and a chance to move on to better things. She never intended to stay. She never planned to be the first full-time female commentator. She never intended to get death threats from obsessed fans or to drive from town to town every week. She never thought it would be normal to watch people fight. And she never envisioned a future with well…him.
She had been so nervous when she first came into their world. For most of the superstars, this was something that they tried to do for years. They all sacrificed and gave their bodies for entertainment. She auditioned (terribly) and got the job because the boss seemed to like how she could sell stuff. He had offered her a job and she packed her bags and entered the world of Wrestling. She knew some people from her days on the Score in Canada, but this was totally different. Everything was colorful, intense and people changed at a moment's notice. Some were kind, some scary and some were just confusing. But one person changed everything.
He was different. He was a complete enigma. And he changed her world.
She remembers the first time she saw him. She had been with the company for a few weeks. She had started at NXT and then been sent up to Raw. She had met a fellow Canadian, a beautiful kind woman named Natalya- "Call me Natti," and two gorgeous twins named Brie and Nikki. They had invited her to sit with them and they were eating at the commissary. They were pointing out the various superstars and filling her in on the gossip about each one. She watched as the 3 men in black, the Shield came in. They quietly got their food, did not say a word to anyone and then started to walk out. One of them, the one with blondish hair paused for a moment and made eye contact with her. It was only for a split second, and she felt like she imagined it. His eyes were so expressive. It looked as if he could see all of her within a moment.
"They're the Shield," Nikki was saying, "They're here to beat everyone up and prove that they're the best."
"A lot of people have problems with them, " Brie added. "They don't respect anyone."
"Roman's the one with tattoos." Natti said, "He's Samoan and from a wrestling family. He's got a huge legacy to live up too."
Brie nodded. "He's polite but doesn't say much. He seems to prefer using his fists."
"Who prefers using his fists," Daniel asked, as he walked up to them and sat down next to Brie. "You know, besides every single person in the company."
"Roman," she offered. "They're telling me about the Shield."
"Yeah, he's aloof." Daniel offered. "He's green as can be. The other two make up for it. Seth Rollins, the one with the bad hair is one of the most talented guys around. He gets it. But Dean Ambrose, that man is a legend."
"Why?" she found herself asking before she could stop herself.
"Every crazy thing, he's done it. Wrestle with blood, chains, and chainsaws, Ambrose will do that without breaking a sweat. But his mouth is what people remember. I bet he could go toe to toe with Cena and win just on being able to point out weaknesses. He's unstable though. It makes him dangerous."
Bryan looked at her, "You should hang out with the girls more. Women tend not to be treated well if they hang around certain groups. Rumors and all that."
She nodded and agreed with Bryan. But that didn't stop her from watching them that night. They moved like a well-oiled machine. They all seem to know exactly what the others were thinking. No opponents stood a chance. She excused herself from the gorilla as they began to walk out of the arena. She didn't want them to know she was watching.
Life moved on. She was kind to everyone. People seemed to like her. She was making friends and making jokes. But the Shield, they stayed away from her, from everyone. But every once and a while she saw Dean Ambrose look at her. And she did not know what she thought of that.
One morning as she walked to the arena, she found herself walking next to him. He wore a leather jacket and cheap sunglasses. It was a contradiction of cool and nerdy.
"Hey," he said as they walked in together. He gave her a charming smile that she wasn't used to seeing. He always seemed so serious, "I think you're interviewing us tonight."
"Is that so?" She found herself smiling back. "Is something going to happen?"
"Something always happens when the Shield go into battle. Don't worry, we'll put on a show for you."
"I'd expect nothing less. I'm Renee, by the way." She introduced herself.
"Oh, I'm aware." She looked at him confused. "Everyone is talking about the gorgeous blonde from Canada. I think you are the one person here that everyone here actually likes. What's your secret?"
"Well, I don't powerbomb my opponents every week."
He laughed at that. "You should try it sometime. Dolling out justice is good for the soul. And the body," he winked at her.
"Not for the body who gets slammed on the ground." She found herself countering.
"We'd never do that to you. You're safe," he said. "We fight for justice, and the only injustice you've committed is not giving me your number."
Renee couldn't help it. She started to laugh. And laugh. And laugh. "Does that line ever actually work?"
Ambrose blushed. "Don't know," He admitted. "I've never used it before."
She should not have been charmed, but she was. "Alright, hand me your phone."
"I don't have it on me."
"What?"
"It's with Roman."
"I don't understand you, Dean Ambrose."
"And isn't that fun? Here," he held out his hand, "Hand me your phone. I'll put my number in."
She handed him her phone. She couldn't help it. She was intrigued.
After that things changed. He'd stop and talk to her. The Shield was always nice to her when she interviewed them. People noticed.
Ambrose doesn't talk to anyone," Nikki said, "But he talks to you. Is there something you're not telling us?"
I think we're friends," she found herself replying.
It became more and more obvious. One evening, she was at the commissary and grabbing and soda, when Dean suddenly walked up to her and said loud enough that everyone could hear, "Hey Renee, what are you doing tonight?"
She felt her face turn red. Everyone was looking at her. "Nothing too exciting."
"Great come out with me tonight." His tone refused an argument. "I'll send you the details."
She didn't know what to expect. Was it a date? Was it not? In the end, she put on a pair of jeans, and a leather jacket. But when she went to the bar, she saw that it wasn't just Dean, but also Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns.
Rollins looked at her very oddly and said, "Hey Canada! What are you doing here?"
"Dean invited her," Roman replied before she could say anything. Ambrose stood so she could sit next to him. "Welcome" Roman continued, "Sorry for them," he said pointing to Seth and Dean. "Neither of them knows how to talk to people. Trust me, their bark is much worse than their bite."
"Speak for yourself Big Dog," Dean said as he handed her a beer. "All you have to do is ask and I'll gladly show you my bite," he finished with a wink.
She took a sip of the beer and replied, "I'm good for right now but I'll keep that in mind." She knew she wasn't ready to fall into something with him. But she enjoyed his company. They spent the rest of that night talking. At about 2 am, Rollins and Reigns left, and they spent the rest of the early morning talking and hanging out.
After that Dean would call her and they would talk all the time. It was weird. Normal people didn't do that. And whenever she interviewed the Shield? It seemed that all 3 were intent on giving her the flirtiest nicknames they could come up with. She was called darling, doll face, babygirl, sweetheart and honey. They were giving her small smiles and Rollins and Reigns kept looking at Dean. She didn't know what she was feeling but she could tell that something was changing. She remembered one time that she had to interview the Shield right after they had won a match. They were still in the arena, but Dean was so hurt he couldn't talk. He couldn't finish the interview. She wanted to check on him, but she had to be professional. She felt her self-faltering. Dean couldn't talk, and he was in pain. For a moment, she forgot about the fans, the Authority, everyone and wanted to just go to him. Seth grabbed her hand and gently squeezed it, so she could regain her bearings. His eyes seemed to tell her that everything was going to be alright. They finished the interview and all of them went backstage. Renee didn't care what people thought. She gently hugged Dean and he hugged her back.
"They're marking their territory," the Bella Twins told her. "You're theirs. No other guys are going to be able to approach you."
"I'm not dating any of them." Renee defended herself.
"Do you want to be?"
And moments like that she would look at Dean. They were talking on the phone and getting to know each other he was letting her see his layers see what kind of man he was when he was not being a lunatic fringe. She felt honored. He had an amazing singing voice and could always make her laugh. He loved to learn and was always on the lookout for an adventure.
"I'm not sure. He keeps asking me to visit him in Las Vegas and said he wanted to see me in New York. I told him no."
"Why," Brie asked.
"If I fall in love with a wrestler, I'll never leave. And it seems hard to watch someone you love get hurt every week."
Nikki put her arm around her shoulder. "It's not easy," she said. "It's hard and there's no guarantee that it'll work. We're crazy and insane but sometimes, just sometimes you find your match."
"Invite him to Florida," Brie suggested. "You're filming something for NXT. It's neutral ground."
And that was what she found herself doing. Dean came to Florida. They were hanging out in his bedroom eating pizza and talking about life. The next thing she knew- they were play wrestling like they were teenagers and one thing led to another and she kissed him. And then he kissed her back. And that was it. They were together.
She was happy. She was totally truly happy.
They kept it quiet though. It wouldn't be right if the Authority or Evolution knew. Dean was worried that she would be used as a way to get to him. He would not allow that. His brothers knew that. They all promised to protect her.
But then the betrayal happened.
She watched shocked and in disbelief as Seth took a chair to her man and his brother. She didn't know that her heart could break into one million little pieces as she watched the man of her heart get beaten by his brother in betrayal. It was something she would never forget. She wanted to scream, shout, and tear Rollins apart. She wanted to scratch, kick, bite and punch. How dare he? How dare Rollins try to destroy her love? But she couldn't do any of that. She was a professional. If she did anything, she would be fired. So, she did what she could. She hugged Dean and cared for him. She refused to leave. He tried to push her away but she wouldn't leave him. She turned to Roman, "He seeks to kill your brother."
Roman responded in kind. "We thought as much."
"Do something!"
Dean captured her lips in a kiss. He smelled of sweat but his hands were gentle on her skin. "You are…" he whispered in her ear. "You are beautiful and kind. We will not allow Seth to hurt you. Do not worry about us."
She was so scared though. She was afraid that's Seth what tell Stephanie and Hunter about them. That Kane would find out. They had worked so carefully to keep it quiet.
Dean whispered, "You are innocent and off limits. If Rollins every says anything, they will never find the body."
"Seth does not respect much," Roman told her one night, as they nursed Dean back from another savage beating. "But he will respect you and not pull you into it."
"I hope you're right."
Over the next two years, the relationship grew. She moved in with him in Las Vegas. They got a dog. She celebrated his victories and suffered silently when he lost. She patched him up. He made her want to be more adventurous. They danced, they drank, and they traveled the world together. For a moment she forgot about all her ambitions. She was just happy. She found her guy. A guy who loved her and who made her happy. The proudest moment she had was the moment that Dean won the Money in the Bank contract. She watched as emotion overcame him, as the realization hit him. He would be the next World Champion. All of his hard work, all of his sacrifices all of his pain would be made up. He would become the Champion. Later that night, oh it was sweet revenge, as she watched the man that she loves cash in his Money in the Bank Contract and beat Seth Rollins for the championship. As the crowd began to chant- "You Deserve It," she found herself screaming at it as well. Her man deserved it. Her man deserved everything.
And then the brand split happened. They weren't married, so it wasn't automatically assumed that they would be together. She said if she wasn't on the same brand as him that she would walk. He said the same thing. They were both sent to Smackdown Live. For the first time, it was just the two of them. Roman was at Raw and Rollins was nowhere near them. They were able to focus just on them. And because they were far away from the Authority, they were able to be more open with their affection. They didn't care what others thought. No one made a big deal about it. But then the Miz opened his mouth and announced to the entire WWE universe that she was sleeping with Dean Ambrose. There was only one thing she could do. One way to respond. She slapped him. It felt amazing. But then it was out there. Everyone knew. And suddenly everyone had opinions. People would send death threats. JBL, Shane, Triple H, everyone had an opinion and started to share them. Dean was never on the internet and he didn't let it bother him. But her? She wanted to be more than someone's significant other. She needed her own lane. Any semblance of privacy she had was gone. Everyone knew she was dating one of WWE stop stars. And he was amazing during that time. He comforted her, he held her and he treated her like she was the greatest thing in his life. His kindness and support got her through that rough period.
But after that, it was like nothing could go right. Rumors begin to swirl that he would be traded to Raw. It was the one sure way to get Roman cheers. He had a not so great Wrestlemania match. They began to hear whispers. Daniel told them that he would do his best, but that Raw always got what they wanted. They decided to escape for a week. Runaway to Zion. While they were hiking, they got the phone call. He would be moved to Raw. Back to Roman, back to Seth. He couldn't even escape the Miz as he was also going to Raw. And she was stuck at Smackdown. She wouldn't be able to protect him. He was going into the lion's den. She had no doubt that he would win, but she knew how much it was going to cost him.
They just silently home. She was so angry. For the first time in years, they were hardly going to see each other. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. She was getting ready for bed and had washed the makeup off of her face just wanted a quiet night with the man that she loved when suddenly, he came to bed and pulled out a wedding ring.
"I've had this for a while," he confessed. "Marry me, Renee. You're it for me. And I will love you till the day I die. You're already my life and you hold my heart. But I want everyone to know. You are it for me. I'm not afraid anymore. Fuck everyone else. It's you and me. Us against the world."
She couldn't help herself. She tackled him, kissed him and started crying. The next thing she knew they were finding a pastor who would marry them up on Yelp. She took a quick shower and pulled a dress out of her closet. Two hours later with her in a white embroidered dress and sneakers and her love in a leather jacket and jeans; a pastor named Pete pronounced them wed with one friend and their dog as witnesses. They were married. They were not like Nikki and John, with pomp and circumstance. It was just them. And she couldn't think of a better wedding. The ceremony wasn't the important thing. Spending forever with you the love of your life was.
He was hers now. Her protector, and guide, and best friend. Her Dean. She is open. Everyone knows about her. He is quiet and will let his action say the words that he refuses to air on the internet. But his honesty, his willingness to tattoo a symbol on his finger, to sign a document, to show to say that, he has loved her, well, and for as long as they have known one another. His awkward nature, and odd behavior fades with her. He is still clumsy, full of conspiracy theories (as is she) but still is the slightly insane tall man with bright eyes that show emotion and allows her to peer into his soul. He who began in a dungeon of steel and blood and has risen to the top. He is the man who approached her, who charmed and won her with a glint in his eye and a promise that her life would never be boring. It brings a smile to her face.
She hopes she can be enough for him.
And so he went to Raw. The next few months were rough on both. Her show was canceled and HQ didn't even think to tell her. Her love was away from her and most of her friends were busy with their own lives. Dean was busy feuding with Miz and no one was enjoying that.
And then Seth Rollins came back in the picture. He wanted an atonement of his sins. He was no longer the architect who destroyed the Shield, now he was the Kingslayer who sought repentance. Rome had called her and told her that Seth had turned over a leaf that he was looking for redemption. Roman had granted it, but they both knew the one way for Seth to truly be redeemed was if Dean granted that.
She told Roman, "I can't make him do that, this has to be his choice."
"I am not asking you to. I'm simply asking you to be a kind to him now. I need to you know Nee, he needs you now more than ever."
She knew this to be true. And so, she made some calls. HQ owed her that. The next thing she knew she would do both Raw and SmackDown. She would get a few nights a week with her husband. Her heart was excited, but she was nervous. When she got to Raw, she saw how Seth was trying. Dean did not give his love or loyalty lightly. And he was so heartbroken when Seth had turned. She didn't know what she wanted. She knew how much Dean had missed his brother, but his betrayal was so terrible. There are some things that only God could forgive. If Dean did not want to give Seth forgiveness, she wanted to you to tell Seth to leave. Stop pouring salt on the wound. Live and let live. In the end, it wasn't her call. Part of her wanted to send Rollins far away and guard her husband.
But then she watched as they fought the Bar. Seth had once called him and Dean "wrestling soulmates." She knew that she was his soulmate in life, but also knew the wrestling world well enough to know that Seth and Dean-whether they were fighting each other, or they were fighting with each other, they were mastering to watch. With Rome and they were unstoppable. She wanted her husband to be unstoppable again. It was when he was happiest. If that meant that she had to trust Seth Rollins again, so be it. But she would watch and make sure that if she needed to pull Dean out, she would.
The next thing she knew, the three boys are back together ready to show the world what they were the most dominant force in WWE history. They had won championships, laid waste to every opponent, and it was time that they reminded everyone of that.
But fate was against them. Roman got sick and so Kurt angle stepped into a match with tables ladders and chairs. Twice, she watched as Dean was thrown onto tables only to have the tables not break. She watched him cling to his arm as if he was in pain. When she asked afterward-he said it was nothing that a little ice couldn't fix. But over the next couple of weeks, she watched as the pain grew and grew and grew. They were finally able to go on their honeymoon. They went to Hawaii but Dean couldn't do anything. He was so exhausted so tired and he was losing so much weight and muscle definition. She was scared for him She begged him to see a doctor. He finally relented.
The doctors told him it was bad. He had a torn ligament and he would be out for a few months. Her husband had prided himself on being a workhorse of the WWE, the man who worked harder than anyone else is now reduced to staying at home and PT. He who had carried the company on his back was now relegated to hiding at home. Samoa Joe was the final blow that let her husband into surgery. He would spend the next few months mocking her with that knowledge. She really wanted to slap him she wanted to gorge his eyes out she wanted to make rip his skin off with the anger that she felt.
No one knew how bad it was. He asked her not to say anything. And so, she didn't. She did not tell Roman and Seth that Dean called her at 3 in the morning about how he didn't know where he was and blood dripping from his arm. He didn't know what to do and he sounded so scared. She didn't tell anyone about the second surgery or how he nearly died. Corey knew something was wrong as they would drive from Raw to Smackdown together, but he never asked. He respected her privacy. She was thankful for that.
But pretending to be fine was exhausting. She avoided his boys and spent time with the women and Corey. She pretended everything was fine and then would rush to Alabama as soon as she could. She cooked and cleaned and worried.
Vince had told Stephanie and Hunter. One day Stephanie cornered her. Stephanie surprised her she was never condescending or mean. She hugged her and told her that she knew how it felt when the love of your life was hurt, and you had to go with business as usual. No one could show weakness and a woman's tears meant that things were bad. Women had to bear the burden of silence. If she ever needed anything, Stephanie had said, you come find me. Stephanie also warned her that Dean would change. She warned her for the mood swings and that when (not if) Dean came back, that he would be different. He would be harsher and have a better perspective on what he wanted. Stephanie said that when that happened, that she needed to be sure that she had her partner's back. Don't trust anyone else, she warned. It is the two of you against the world.
Around that time Hunter came to her and offered her something that she never thought she could have. He told her that they wanted her to be the commentator on Raw. Full time. She would be making history. The company was rewarding her. She couldn't believe it. She had been unhappy since the cancellations of her shows. And with Dean out she thought that she was stagnant she felt that she needed to grow and be better this was an amazing opportunity.
But she found herself saying no. Hunter looked at her strangely. "Why? You want this. You're throwing away of the best opportunities you'll ever have."
"I know," she said. "But I can't do it while my husband is fighting to come back. I won't do that to him. He is my priority. He matters more."
Hunter looked at her and contemplated her answer. He gave her a smile that she thought was reserved for his own family and his kids in NXT. "When an injury happens to a wrestler," he said, "if he is in a relationship that injury will destroy the relationship, or it will make the relationship that much stronger. I've seen it and I've lived it. It's what happened with Steph and me. Your husband is a lucky man. The job will be waiting for you as soon as he is cleared."
She stared at him in shock.
He held out his hand. "You have my word on that."
She took it and then she quietly excused herself from the meeting and went and cried in the back room. Everything was going to change. Everything was going to be alright.
In late July, Dean had gotten a phone call. It was from Seth. Seth had been fighting with Dolph and Drew. He needed back up. He needed a man in this corner. And who better than his friend and brother, the Lunatic Fringe? Are she wasn't sure if she wanted that. Yes. her husband had gotten stronger and had rehabbed but she didn't know if she wanted him to go back to Raw. He could have gone to Smackdown. Raw had nearly killed him. She knew that if he went back, the Shield would become a thing again. It wouldn't be Dean Ambrose fighting his own battles, but Dean Ambrose fighting the battles of Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns. That would be fine as long as his brothers fought with him. She knew how championships changed people and she would not allow her husband to be the sacrificial lamb. So, if it was what he wanted then she would cheer and support him. But it had to be on his terms, not on anyone else.
The first time she was on Raw commentating, she knew that he would come out at the main event. She asked Cole to mute her mike so that no one would hear her. Tears freely left her eye as she watched her husband come out. A huge pop erupted from the crowd. He took a small moment to look at her and they both knew what a huge moment it was. Her husband had come back. He was stronger than ever and everyone knew it. After throwing both Dolph and Drew out of the curtain he showed his elation at being back. He took a small moment to look at her. This was his moment, but it was hers too. Everything that had sacrificed, all the silence, mental and physical anguish, it was worth it. This was worth it. Then Summerslam happened and Dean protected Seth. The next night, he and Seth came out and helped Roman fight the Monster among Men-Braun Stroman. Over the next few weeks, she watched him win and lose and fight and protect brothers. He rarely spoke and that was unusual for him. People noticed that he was different. They noticed that he was laughing less and that he was more serious and more reflective. She knew this better than anyone. Dean had been in the business for over half of his life. He had achieved greatness, he was a grand slam champion. He wasn't going to put his body in the line just because someone ordered him to. He would do it as long as it was with he wanted to do. No one controlled Dean Ambrose. He had gone through hell and he had grown up. When the Dogs of War tried to manipulate her love, she honestly wasn't sure what he would do. If he wanted to go to SmackDown, she would follow him. If he wanted to walk away from the Shield and walk away from the weekly beatings, she would support him. But if he wanted to stay with the men who she knew he loved, she would support that 100% Because in the end, this wasn't the world the fair and this wasn't the life she had imagined as a little girl. But it was better. She was involved with a group of people who loved her. She had met the most amazing, kind, courageous, hardworking mystery of a man and she would stick by him for the rest of her days. She got to watch the man she loved ride into battle on a weekly basis. That was enough, for now. Whatever happened, whatever he decided, he had earned the right to choose. She trusted and loved him. He trusted and loved her. And they would face whatever challenge head-on and together.
