The More Things Change
By Yoshidoki
Kaex Gift Exchange Prompt: Introspective Allura considers all she has lost, family, friends and nearly her whole world and how being Blue Lion's pilot has helped fill that void
Chapter 1: The Start of the End
Three Years Ago
Nodding cordially at well-wishers, Keith slowly made his way to the edges of the ball room. For once, it wasn't very difficult to escape the festivities. The Farewell Ball that Nanny had insisted on holding to honor the Force was still going on. The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra was playing and all the guests were still busy celebrating.
Force of habit had him doing one final check on his team.
Lance, who would be travelling with him back to Terra, was busy with the women who flocked around the Force. Keith had no doubt that his former second officer was on the lookout for a companion willing to offer him… consolation.
Pidge and Hunk - the dynamic duo, as he had come to think of them - had taken a position by the refreshment tables and were busy talking. It would be quite an adjustment for the young space explorer. A teenager when they arrived, he had grown up on Arus. Perhaps that was why he had decided to spread his wings and take advantage of the peace to take up further studies before returning to the planet that had become his home.
Hunk had resigned his commission and would be the only Space Explorer left on Arus. He had never been happy as a cog in the machine of Garrison bureaucracy. The position Allura had offered him - Captain of the Guard - suited him to a T. He very much prefered providing support on-planet and working directly with people.
It wasn't difficult to find Sven. As usual, the quiet Space Explorer was dancing with Princess Romelle. There had been no question about his interest in ever returning to Terra. He had none. For Sven, home was Romelle was.
Keith's eyes narrowed as he realized that there was only one blonde princess in the ballroom. Doom had been defeated and there was nothing more to fear from Lotor, but he could not help but worry about his Princess.
Keith found Allura on the balcony of her quarters, staring out into the night sky. She was still dressed in her ballgown and while Keith appreciated how beautiful she looked in it, he knew that the thin material would not keep her warm in the biting cold of the fall night.
She jumped as he draped his jacket over her shoulders. "I thought we agreed, you shouldn't be here. Not anymore," she said, furtively wiping away tears.
"Force of habit," he said, forcing cheer into his voice. "You weren't in the ballroom so I worried."
"I didn't feel very festive," she said quietly, looking down at the Lion key she held in her hand. "There were so many people there. I didn't want to have to pretend."
"I wish I didn't have to go," Keith said, confessing what was he had realized a long time ago. "I wish things could have been different."
"They are what they are," Allura said pragmatically, raising her eyes to his. "You have your duty and I have mine." Her fingers traced the raised edges of her Lion key. "I wish I could say to hell with it, and forget what I am… who I am, but I can't. I need to stay here on Arus. My people need me." Her voice broke and tears began to fall, "I only wish they didn't."
With aching gentleness, Keith gathered Allura into his arms. Without a word, she turned her face into his chest and wept. Keith had seen her cry many times before- far too many for his liking- but never like this.
He picked her up and carried her inside. He started to head for her bedroom, but the shadowy refuge held too many dangerous memories. Quiet laughter, whispered dreams, shared secrets, unspeakable pleasures. Things that had been and could never be again.
He opted for a settee in her sitting room instead. He lay back against the cushions, cradling his Princess against him and felt the force of her sobs. They shook her slender body with such violence that Keith thought they would surely tear her apart. He stroked the rumpled silk of her hair, while he punished himself with her tears. None of the physical punishments he had ever experienced - and there had been many! - had been as painful as this.
He was a top flight pilot, a master of unarmed combat and a military strategist renowned for his vision and creativity and he was powerless. He closed his eyes, realizing that while he had been able to pull the fat out of the fire more than once over the course of his career, now, when it really mattered, his hands were tied.
"I'm so sorry, Princess," he said, whispering a kiss onto the top of her head as she fell into an exhausted slumber. He stared at the ceiling. He saw her as she had been when they first met, a fairy-tale princess in the ruins of a deserted castle. He remembered her determination to fly the blue lion, the joy she found in the simplest things, and the dazed dreaminess that only he had seen.
Closing his eyes, he breathed in the elusive scent of her: flowers, vanilla and something unique to Allura and leaned back against the cushions to watch her sleep. Because that he knew that this would be the last time that he would ever hold her, let alone see her again.
"Don't do this. You will break her heart."
Keith's hand went to his blaster at the unexpected sound of Nanny's voice. Unwanted intrusions of the female kind were never pleasant. He honestly could not say if he would have rathered deal with Haggar the Witch, his last unwanted visitor, or Allura's former governess.
Perhaps being out of sorts was a blessing. In his regular frame of mind, with his guard up and all his facilities about him, he would have defaulted to the defensive behavior ingrained into him by training and the caution that came from years of living with a huge bounty on his head. Shoot first and ask later.
But then again, had he done so, if nothing else, he could count on not being able to leave as planned. Stunning a senior member of the Castle Staff would have definitely led to an internal investigation, which would have become a long and protracted ordeal once the media caught wind of it.
He prayed that it wouldn't occur to Nanny to ask where he had been. Although she and the others knew how he and Allura felt about each other, no one knew just how far they had taken their relationship. Their lives were public enough as it was. They guarded what privacy they had fiercely. What they shared together was too personal, too precious to share.
"She loves you. More than you know," the Princess' former governess continued, wringing her hands.
"As I do her," Keith said solemnly. "I'm taking the decision out of her hands. She shouldn't have to choose between me and Arus… I've read all the documents, Nanny. If Allura is to ascend to the throne, she needs to marry someone of equal rank… I'm a pilot, not an aristocrat. My only rank is a military one, I have no title to offer her."
"Give it some time," Nanny urged. She gestured to the open rucksacks on Keith's bed. "Even if she does marry that prince Paulus, after she produces an heir and a spare, the two of you can ..."
"History would not look kindly on that," Keith interrupted. "When they look back on her reign someday, I don't want them to focus on scandals and her personal life. Allura has done so much for Arus already. Her accomplishments deserve to be recognized."
"When she ascends the throne, Allura can issue letters patent and make you a peer. Many titles have reverted to the Crown…"
"It's a Catch-22, situation, Nanny," Keith said. "A prince could do that, but Princesses of Arus cannot ascend the throne without being married… And Allura cannot implement any changes to the rules of succession or name any peers without being crowned, which won't happen until she's married."
Nanny looked at him with sorrow in her eyes. "And that is why you're leaving. You will not be swayed."
Keith nodded. He had analyzed the situation back and forth endlessly over the past months and could find no other solution. "I can't stand by and see her forced to marry someone. Watch her forced to lie with him and bear his children… " Talking about feelings was difficult for him at the best of times, but Nanny had their best interests in mind and she deserved to understand why he was leaving. "I wouldn't be able to bear it. I'd be jealous. And I'm afraid that in time all the hurt would build and the love would turn to hate."
"You're as stubborn as she is," Nanny exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation.
"She is stronger than you give her credit for, Nanny. She will move on. She will survive and she will thrive." Keith picked up the framed pictures on his desk and tucked them into his rucksack before turning to Nanny once more. "I know I don't have to ask this of you, you've been doing it since before she was born, but-"
"So as long as I draw breath, I will take care of her." Nanny murmured, before drawing him close into a warm maternal embrace. Drawing back, she affixed him with an imperial glare, "And so, I will ask you for a favor in return. Promise me that for her sake, you will care for yourself too."
Keith bowed slightly, "as you wish, my lady."
"Impertinent scoundrel," Nanny scolded him. Affectionate tones colored the voice that had once been full of disdain. "I can't believe I will actually miss you." She headed for the door and had almost reached it when she stopped and turned back to him. "Keith… this situation, intolerable as it may be, is only temporary. Allura is your destiny and Arus is your home. You may not think so, but mark my words, you will return."
