Coldest Heart
Chapter One::: Saving You
Song::: Endomusia, by Asleep
I wasn't sure where my feet were leading me, certainly away from all sanity, and- of course- my family. My subconscious self tugged at all available edges of my mind and constantly pleaded with me to run back. The closer to this new destination the farther I ventured away from my old life: me, Edward, the despondent vampire who would isolate himself from humanity and immortality alike- that is, after school hours, which were inevitable. Yet I knew by my stilled heart that I wanted nothing more than to change that. So eagerly I approached the familiar two story house, faded yellow in color with grassy green shutters on all the windows.
A week I had spent here, this being Isabella Swan's home- or 'Bella' as she demanded everyone refer to her as. She invited me over to work on our last English project about a month ago and our friendship had only budded from there. And it was from within this human that curiosity and suspense had reentered my existence.
Carlisle theorizes that a vampire takes their most dominate traits with them through the change, resulting in some of our extra abilities. You see, perhaps the most intriguing thing about Bella is her immunity to my mind-reading power; that and her tantalizing aroma. But I would never harm Bella over something as fickle as the smell of her blood. Okay, so her blood wasn't that fickle, however, I wanted to know what she was thinking despite the fact that I would have to ask her first. And many times I did, and her expressions were more filling than any meal I have taken. Sometimes surprise would widen her eyes, at other times frustration while she furrowed her brow. Once there was even sadness followed by a long string of apologies from myself.
Her mother, a divorcee named Renee, was known for being a drunk in this part of town. Although Bella was ashamed to admit it, and admit it she did to me, she was embarrassed by her mother's behavior. She told me about nights of tequila when Bella felt like the adult in the family. She would hold Renee's hair back when she was sick and tuck her into bed while listening to a long line of insults about her father. Charlie Swan had abandoned his wife and child when Bella was just five and starting kindergarten. Divorce papers arrived in the mail not two years after the separation along with an invite for his daughter to the upcoming wedding. Renee forbade her to go though the command wasn't needed. Bella had as much contempt for her father as did her mother.
The Swan family was tight on money and good times, yet this never stopped Bella from being the happy soul I'd always known her to be. At school she was liked and admired by many. She had a good mass of friends and I found myself to be one of the very best of the group. I loved to keep her company when I could although my family disapproved. 'Disapproved' is the wrong word per se. Rosalie 'disapproved', Jasper was incredulous at my self control, Alice ecstatic, my parents both a little too easy going, and Emmett would join me at Bella's house a few times just for the heck of it. But none of them were really that interested in making a connection like I was.
I'll confess making friends with Bella Swan was definitely not my intent. I preferred holing myself up in my room and blasting Debussy over the sound system, or doting myself to composing new compositions on the baby grand in the foyer. Obviously curiosity got the best of me. She would stir awake old emotions I had forgotten subsist. I even had Jasper confused.
And now we were leaving. I felt like I owed her a proper goodbye, even if she would never hear it from my own lips, I needed to her sleeping form one last time and see her smile at a dream I would never be privy to. I needed to know Bella would live and be happy long after I'm gone forever.
I leapt up to her window ledge and in one lithe movement I was standing besides her bedside listening to Bella's shallow breathing of a peaceful sleep. I knelt down noticing a pen resting in one fisted hand while the other hand was sandwiched between the pages of a journal.
I carefully pulled the book from her grasp, making sure not to disturb the page it was opened up to. Her hand rested limply on the cotton sheets unaware of what it was now missing.
Dear Diary,
I graduated high school yesterday! I decided on calling Edward and Angela to go out for pizza as a little celebration but when I got home Renee felt like taking a drink and it ended up an all night bitching fest. There went my plans but my mother was in need so I took care of her without a second thought. I keep telling myself it's because I love her, but loving someone shouldn't make you feel like you're trapped, should it? Some of the kids at school already have plans to leave for college. And where will I go?-. Probably nowhere. I was accepted into the state's community college but I can't leave mom here to fend for her self.
Her new boyfriend Phil has really been helping out a lot. In fact, Renee makes sure to be sober when he comes to visit, so that's an improvement. I like this guy. You can tell he's much different than the others. He told us he plays minor league baseball, which, I guess is cool. I don't know. I've never been very into sports, nor have I had the talent.
If I ask myself to make the decision I know I'll end up rotting away in this town forever. I don't like the feeling of being a damsel in distress but if there's a prince charming out there, here's what I have to say. Come and get me, damn it!
I could always go see Charlie down in Arizona. Carol has been dying to meet me since she married my dad. I think it's because she wants to make sure her own children are prettier than the girl Charlie had with 'that other woman'. It's not much, but still. Plane tickets can't cost that much. I have that college fund that'll go to neglect anyways.
-Bella.
She thought this? I can't believe Bella would think her fate could possibly be to stay here forever. She ought to have to go to college and earn her diploma. She's much too intelligent to simply attend a community college! Hell, if she had the money Bella could go to Dartmouth or Harvard!
Life is so unfair being a vampire. Supposedly I'm going to Princeton along with my other siblings, when in reality we are relocating to Forks, Washington to another high school. Always the deserving never get the justice. Starring at her peaceful face and the rise and fall of her torso, I wouldn't believe her anything short of royalty.
As if on a whim, for that is what is was, I picked her up and cradled her in my arms, still cocooned in a body heat warmed blanket as I pressed her small figure into my chest. Not even knowing she was nuzzled up to a vampire she pushed herself in closer and rested her head on my arm releasing a content sigh. At this a smile lit my face. No one else I had done this with. No one else I had ever met like Bella. Sweet innocent Bella: full of care and vigor, yet bound by the restrictions of a limited life.
My family would be getting impatient now. The cars were most likely packed full of clothes and other possessions, as I made sure my Volvo was. I had less than the others. A duffel bag of clothes fit snugly in the trunk of the car and my shoes in a pile on the floor in front of the passenger's seat. Then on the side seat sat plastic lidded boxes of all my CDs and a separate container for sheet music. The backseat was empty and a reminder of how lonely life even with a family could sometimes be for me. Because, unlike everyone else, I was a single entity, while my siblings all had a mate to take their side, and Esme and Carlisle sat lovingly in the front of their crowed Mercedes.
It was time for me to leave. I picked myself up and made my way slowly to the window, deliberately stalling my steps to take in these memorable walls. When as I finally situated myself at the window I realized one pivotal thing: in my arms I still held Bella Swan.
"If I ask myself to make the decision I know I'll end up rotting away in this town forever..."
Her written words repeated themselves in my head.
Quickly, I returned to the bed and supported Bella with one arm so I could pick up the tiny journal and stick it in my back pocket. I could tell her one thing, Bella Swan would not wake up in her bedroom tomorrow and she won't be coming back. She will never rot away.
I tried to protect her face from the whipping wind by enfolding her in my zip-up sweater. "Hold tight now, love," I whispered to the sleeping angel. Not even the cool air would wake her. The silence gave me time to think through what I was doing. I was kidnapping her! But I couldn't leave her here. Even with her mother and Phil around she would still be alone, and I knew how that felt. However, this act was based more on selfishness of my part. I didn't want to let her go. Bella was a gift to the human kind. I wanted her as my own.
The pattern of trees broke up ahead revealing a log cabin styled home with several cars pulled out in front of it. Alice and Jasper struggled to push down the door of the trunk on Alice's yellow Porsche. The vehicle was built for speed, not space. Just beyond them is Emmett stuffing all of his wife's designer labels into his monster of a Jeep, whereas Rose was busy tinkering around with the engine on her M3. Perhaps she would never tell anyone but I knew the one thing she loved even more than a shopping trip in Paris was a joyride on her vamped up corvette.
Neither of the vampire couples seemed to notice as I sped by and to my silver Volvo.
Just as I placed Bella delicately down on the plush leather seats a hand clamped down on my shoulder and Carlisle's unmistakable voice whispered. "Son, what are you doing?" What he really meant was- you can't get away with this, Edward.
I pushed a stray lock off of her pale face before turning to my father. "She's my mate, Carlisle. I can't leave her behind. I just know she is. If I left her…, I would never forgive myself."
Out of the corner of my eye I watched Alice leave Jasper to manage by his self, to see what the commotion was about. She took one look into the back seats of my car and let out a loud peeling squeal. I cupped my hand over her mouth as quickly as I could and shot my sister a warning glare. "Shh…" I said, putting a finger to my lips. Bella turned over restlessly in her sleep.
She smiled and muttered, "Edward." I was barely audible but my sensitive ears picked up the name. I whipped my head around to stare. "Mmm…" She hummed and drew in a deep breath. Odd, I didn't know she sleep talked.
"Does she know?" Carlisle asked.
Alice interrupted then, "No, she doesn't, but Edward will tell her soon. She'll demand an explanation when she wakes up in Seattle in the back of his car." A few glimpses of her vision flew through my head. Tomorrow morning would be interesting.
They left me to lead the group out. But as the engine purred to life Bella began to rouse from her slumber, twisting around in her blanket. So I began to hum a lullaby I had learned to play, by Brahms or some dead composer or what not. I could care less about names at the moment. The sound seemed to calm her. Soon after that song finished I began on another. I watched as her lips quivered unintelligible murmurs of her rest and the breath would whoosh out between them. Realizing that a normal man would keep his eyes facing front to the road I fixed the review mirror to reflect her and took in this parallel Bella.
My mind isn't capable of wrapping itself around the idea of sleeping… the feeling. When one can be so at ease that they completely forget about the day and close their eyes… just getting lost for hours in a timeless dreamland; of all things I missed about being human, this is what I longed for most. Listening to the professor drone on in classes I had already taken several times, I spent most of my time envying the students in the back desks that would casually hide their face in their hands. If you knew better they were napping behind their fingers. Then again, if they all knew better the whole lot of them would have fled for their lives. If I knew better Bella wouldn't be dozing away blissfully in my backseats. If I knew better- fortunately, I don't.
Breaking the writer's block. I don't really think this will be continued, but it needed to be done :) Lee
